‘I just don’t get it, Izzi.’
‘You don’t need to. None of this really matters to you, you don’t need to know who I used to be or even how I got to be this person I am now…’
‘Maybe not. But I want to.’ He comes over to me and takes the glass from my hand, placing it down on the countertop, and his fingers slide between mine as he kisses me, but I’m staying focused here. I know what he’s trying to do and it won’t work. He’ll see that, eventually. But what he’s trying to do, it won’t work. ‘I want to know who you are, baby.’
‘Why?’
‘Jesus, you’re fucking hard work.’
I pull myself up onto the countertop and cross my legs underneath myself. ‘Like I said, Mack, I don’t know who I am myself. And I won’t really know until all of this is over.’
He leans back against the counter beside me and folds his arms, staring straight ahead. ‘So, he taught you how to be one kick-ass biker bitch, huh?’
‘Don’t cheapen this, Mack. This happened, this was real. What Sam taught me…’ I stop talking. I still don’t think he needs to know any of this. Not all of it, anyway. ‘What Sam taught me, it was necessary.’
‘And where does Zeb come into all of this? What did he teach you?’
‘Something you’ve had the benefit of.’
He looks at me, and I smile, but he’s still confused. So I slide down from the countertop and press myself against him, running my fingers lightly over his rough chin.
‘He taught me how to get a dirty mouth. Then he taught me what to do with that dirty mouth; how to fuck like a whore. He taught me how to go down on a man in a way that would make his world stop turning.’
He frowns, and I laugh, kissing him quickly.
‘You think I always knew how to do those things? I’d only ever slept with one man my entire life, Mack. Aiden was the only man I’d ever kissed, ever held hands with; ever had sex with. But we’d never fucked. We made love. We were just ordinary people who loved each other, it was as simple as that. And the sex – it was always calm and gentle and beautiful but that was never gonna cut it in this world. In your world. I needed to be able to step it up a few levels. Sam taught me the attitude, he taught me to fight. But Zeb, he taught me to fuck.’
He shakes his head but he doesn’t let go of me. ‘This is crazy, Izzi.’ He runs a hand over his hair, back and forth, he’s agitated. Frustrated. I think I may have unnerved him slightly, I don’t know. ‘He taught you to fuck?’
‘He taught me to fuck. And I like what I learned.’
He’s hard, I can feel his cock digging into my thigh and I kiss him again, a little longer and a little deeper.
‘And this morning, what was that, huh? You needed reminding? You forget something?’
I laugh again, and I slide my fingers up under his T-shirt, his hand resting firmly in the small of my back. ‘Zeb’s very important to me, Mack.’
‘Evidently.’
‘I owe a lot to him and Sam.’
‘None if it makes any sense, Izzi. None of it. They actually condone what you want to do? They’re OK with you going out there and killing someone? I mean, who the hell are these people?’
‘People who understand what I went through. What I’m going through now. People who were there to help…’
He tucks a finger under my chin and tilts up my face so I have no choice but to look into his eyes. ‘Viper’s backing off, baby. Do you understand that? I managed to do that, I got him to back off, and I thought…’
I step away from him. He’s broken the mood, and I don’t want to have this conversation. ‘You thought you’d come here and make me see that leaving this alone is the best thing to do, right?’
‘Yes, Izzi, that’s exactly what I came here to do. Baby, you don’t have to do this, we can work something out…’
‘Work something out?’
‘I’ve killed people, Izzi. I’ve done that, and it ain’t something I’m always proud of, believe me, sweetheart, you don’t do that kinda shit lightly…’
‘I’m not doing this lightly, Mack. I need to do this…’
‘No, baby, you don’t. You don’t.’
I look at him, and I don’t know when he suddenly changed from the tough, take-no-shit biker I needed him to be; the man Sam told me he was, that’s why he sent me to him. I don’t know when he changed, but he isn’t what I need anymore. I can’t have him, like this. He’s no use to me.
‘I do. Believe me, Mack, I do. I need to do this. And you never were going to help me, were you? Not in the way I needed you to. Oh, you might have led me to believe you were, but you were never going to be there to see it through to the end, were you?’
He shakes his head and I feel that anger I try so hard to keep down every day start to rise yet again. It’s making its presence felt more and more these days, and maybe it’s time I harnessed that. Maybe it’s time I stopped thinking about shit and started doing something. Maybe it’s fate Zeb was sent here. Sam always knew when I needed help. He always knew what to do; how to give me that kick-start I needed to figure things out for myself. Mack Slayer is becoming a problem. He’s holding me back, and for a while I allowed him to do that, because I thought I might be starting to feel something for him. I wasn’t. I don’t. I feel nothing. I’m numb, and that’s how I need things to be. It’s how I need to stay.
‘I can’t do this, Mack.’
He breathes a sigh of relief, but he’s got this wrong. What he thinks I mean, I don’t mean that. ‘I knew you’d…’
‘No, I can’t do this.’
He frowns, but I’m staying strong now.
‘You and me, Mack. I can’t do this.’
‘Izzi, baby, come on…’
‘I can’t stay here. I can’t let you talk me out of doing what I came here to do.’
‘So, what’re you gonna do, huh? Run to him? Run to Zeb, your fuck-buddy guru…?’
‘Yeah, you see, this is how it’s gonna be. Too much shit getting in the way of everything I need to concentrate on. All of this means nothing, Mack. Nothing. Ending their lives so I can finally start mine – that means everything. And Zeb, he’ll make sure I get what I want. So, yeah, he’s got your job. And all the perks that go with it.’
‘Don’t fucking do this, Izzi…’
Too late. It’s done. I’ve made up my mind. It’s happening.
I need to stay numb. And Zeb knows how to handle me.
I need to stay numb. And he’ll give me everything I need to ensure I stay that way. Dead inside.
And only once I’ve achieved what I came here to do will I start to think about living again.
Chapter Twenty-One
Mack
‘You fucking let her go?’
‘What the hell was I supposed to do? And besides, why couldn’t you stop her? You were with her at the safe house, and you just watched her walk away?’
‘She wasn’t giving me much choice, Odi. She’s a fucking woman. They go off on one and you kinda take a step back for a second, wait and see if the shit dies down.’
‘But it didn’t, huh? And you let her get on her bike and leave? And then you come here, full of hell, yelling at us because we didn’t stop her?’
‘It wasn’t just her we had to stop though, was it?’ Gator pipes up from behind the bar. ‘That Zeb dude, he’s one crazy son-of-a-bitch. Ain’t no one messing with his shit.’
I look at Gator. ‘You wanna tell me exactly when you turned pussy?’
He just shrugs. ‘He was threatening all kinds, Mack.’
‘For Christ’s sake…’ I’m fucking losing it here. Yeah, I let her leave, and I don’t know why the fuck I let that happen, but I did. I don’t think I believed she’d go, but she’s got fucking blinkers on and she’s one stubborn bitch. She’s made it clear she ain’t stopping ‘til she’s got what she wants, and I should’ve seen that. But then again, if Zeb hadn’t shown up, would things have been different? Would I have been able to talk her round, stop he
r from getting herself killed, because that’s what’s gonna happen if Viper gets wind of what’s going down. And I can’t fucking lose her. I can’t. I can’t see her dead because of something she don’t need to do. ‘Did she say where they were going?’ Stupidest question of all time. But I’m clutching at fucking straws here. And Odi raises an eyebrow to let me know he knows that. ‘Shit!’
‘Want us to look for them?’ Gator asks. ‘I mean, they can’t have gone far. They only left about twenty minutes ago. And if she means what she says and she’s really gonna go through with whatever the hell it is she’s planning, she ain’t gonna go far from here, is she?’
‘I don’t know what the fuck she’s gonna do.’ I sit down and drop my head into my hands. I’m exhausted. I’m pissed. I’m so freakin’ angry I could hurt someone real bad.
‘She ain’t our problem no more, Mack.’
I look up slowly. Odi’s right. But I don’t appreciate the fucking truth right now.
‘Let her psycho friend look after her. Let him deal with her shit.’
That’s what I’m afraid of. That he’s gonna deal with her shit and help her do something that could kick off crap this town don’t need; crap she don’t need.
‘Look, why don’t we get everyone together, have ourselves a club party. Take your mind off things.’
I throw Odi a look that tells him I’m not really in the mood for partying. Or maybe that’s exactly what I need. ‘By things I’m guessing you mean her?’
‘Let’s face it, Mack, since she came on the scene you gotta admit you been distracted.’
Maybe I was. And maybe I liked it.
‘So, we doing this?’
Yeah. Maybe some familiar faces and fresh pussy is just what I need. ‘Yeah. We’re doing this.’
‘Good man.’ Odi grins and scales the bar to check what alcohol we need to stock up on. Soldiers of Darkness parties never run dry. And they never finish early.
‘I’m gonna go make a few calls.’ I stand up and make my way towards the chapel. ‘You know where I am if you need me.’
‘Mack?’
I turn around to face Odi. ‘What?’
‘It’s good, that she’s gone. It’s good, for the club. For you. We can get things back on an even keel now, huh?’
‘You think? And what if she carries out her threat, huh? You think Viper’s just gonna let that go without thinking we still had something to do with it?’
‘So tell him the fucking truth, Mack.’
‘After lying to him?’
‘Tell him the truth. If she thinks she’s tough enough to kill a man then let her take the consequences. But don’t put us in the firing line too, not when we don’t need to be there. Things were going good for us, for the club. We can’t risk losing what we’ve built up with Viper’s men. And she was a risk.’
‘You want me to deliberately put her in danger?’
‘What other choice do we have?’
‘She don’t know what she’s fucking doing, Odi. She needs saving, I’m not throwing her to the fucking wolves.’
‘You need to forget her.’
The look in his eyes tells me he’s about to say something he knows I ain’t gonna like.
‘Forget her, or lose that President’s patch. Your choice, Mack.’
‘You’re giving me a fucking ultimatum?’
‘Like I said, your choice.’
Izzi
Zeb can make loading a gun the hottest thing to watch. I used to focus on his arms all the time, back then, not really taking all that much notice of anything else he was doing even though, at the time, there wasn’t any real attraction there between us. Zeb is a bit of a lone wolf – a nomad. He doesn’t get involved with people, as a rule, so I was lucky, when he took me under his wing. But there was no attraction. And now? I’m numb, remember? I feel nothing.
‘You did the right thing, Izzi.’
I lean back against his Harley and take a drag on the joint he’s just rolled. ‘Which was?’
His eyes lock on mine. ‘Walking away from him.’ He tucks the gun into his belt and crouches down in front of me. ‘He was turning your head, girl.’ He takes the joint from me and helps himself to a drag. ‘Undoing all my hard work.’
‘Just yours, huh?’ I smirk, and reclaim the joint.
He laughs and sits down beside me. ‘Sure, Sam had something to do with it. But I had the tougher job.’
I turn my head to look at him. ‘You did?’
He grins at me. ‘Turning you into a bitch was easy. Turning you into the kinda girl who can make a man come just by looking at him, that was tough.’
‘I didn’t hear you complaining.’
‘You were a good pupil.’
I laugh quietly, and then I drop my head and close my eyes because I know I made mistakes. I took what he and Sam taught me and I ignored too much of it. ‘I messed up, Zeb.’
‘Yeah. You did. You let him get under your skin, Izzi. You were supposed to get under his, it was never meant to work both ways.’
‘He didn’t get to me, Zeb. I’m still grieving Aiden, I’m not even close to having those kind of feelings again…’
He looks at me, takes the joint from me and draws deep, but he says nothing. He doesn’t need to. He knows I’m not being entirely truthful. I know I’m not being entirely truthful. I was starting to feel something for Mack Slayer. I just don’t know what the hell it was.
‘Are you ever gonna tell him?’
Still Zeb stays silent, and when I look into his eyes I know I shouldn’t have asked that. I shouldn’t have even brought it up. ‘That’s not what we’re here to do. All of that – that’s up to Sam.’
‘But he sent me to Mack, and I still don’t understand…’ I can’t stop myself. I know I should just shut up but it’s like my mouth’s working on auto-pilot and I can’t shut it down.
‘He didn’t send you to him for that reason, Izzi. All that other stuff, that’s Sam’s business.’
‘So why get me involved?’
‘You know why.’
His eyes burn into mine and I’m grateful my mouth’s finally engaged with my brain. You don’t upset Zeb. I’ve seen it happen, and it isn’t pleasant. I don’t ever want to be on the receiving end of his temper. ‘But I thought Sam wanted…’ Oh, Jesus, come on! I thought I was thinking before I spoke now.
‘I know what Sam wanted. But things changed. The game shifted. The circumstances, they’re different now. Because you let him get to you.’
I turn away and drop my gaze again. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘I thought I taught you well, Izzi.’
‘You did.’ I look back up, and his eyes are still on me. ‘You did.’
‘I taught you how to detach yourself from everything, how to stay focused. And you were there, Izzi. You had it. You’d done it. He was starting to become distracted, to think with his dick because you are one crazy-beautiful bitch, darlin’. You turned his head and you had him. He would’ve done anything for you, because that was the plan, wasn’t it? But you pushed it too far, took too many risks, and you let him get under your skin. You hesitated. You gonna tell me that ain’t true?’
I stare at him, because he’s right. I messed up, I went off-plan. All of this could have been done, finished, if I’d just been stronger. ‘I guess I wasn’t completely ready, huh?’
‘Oh, you were ready, baby. You were more than ready.’ He sighs and drops his head briefly before he raises his gaze to meet mine. ‘Maybe we didn’t know Mack Slayer as well as we thought we did.’
‘What do we do now, Zeb?’
The corner of his mouth twists up into a smirk, and I feel a tiny frisson of excitement shoot through me. ‘We get you ready to go again, darlin’. We put a gun in your hand and we get you where you need to be.’
‘That’s Sam’s job. Where do you come into this?’
‘Sam’s letting me take the reins this time, princess.’
‘When can I see him?’
‘So
on. He wants to talk to you. He wants to make sure…’ He bows his head again and pushes a hand through his dark hair, ‘make sure you’re good.’
I watch him for a second or two, and then he lifts up his head and his eyes meet mine and a world of confusion sweeps through me.
‘Don’t do it, Izzi. Don’t think about him, don’t let him get in the way. Mack was never your future, you know that. You were never supposed to go there.’
‘This is my world now, Zeb. I can’t go back to what I knew before, that isn’t my reality, not anymore. This is.’
‘He isn’t. He can’t be. Because when he finds out…’ He stops talking, and he knows that one word – when, not if. He’s said too much. But I’m not going to push it. We’ve all got an endgame here. All of us. That’s why it was fate we all came together in the way that we did. I guess my game’s just being played out first. ‘You know what’s got to happen once it’s done, Izzi. Don’t you?’
I nod slowly. Yeah. I know.
‘C’mere.’
He jerks his head back and I smile.
‘You wearing panties?’
‘I rode over here on a bike, Zeb, what do you think?’
‘Take ‘em off.’
‘You giving me orders now?’
‘You wanna do this the hard way?’
‘I don’t play nicely.’
He grins, and the game is on. He’s bringing me back to where I need to be, and this time I’m staying there.
‘Take the panties off, princess.’
We lock eyes, and that confusion is still lingering but I push it aside. I have to.
‘Get over here, darlin’. Come on.’
I reach up underneath my skirt and yank off my panties, tucking them into my back pocket. Then he takes my hand and pulls me over so I straddle him and I reach around to pull his gun from his belt.
‘Feel good?’ he asks, sliding his hands up under my T-shirt, his thumbs flicking over my nipples, turning them instantly hard.
I look down, my eyes following my fingers as they run over the gun and that, combined with the touch of his hands on my skin, is turning me on, which makes me feel slightly sick, but it’s all part of the lesson I’m obviously still learning. ‘Yeah.’ I look up into his eyes, and he’s smirking, and his thumbs are still playing with my nipples and my fingers are still stroking the gun and I’m so wet it’s crazy! ‘It feels good.’
Broken (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 1) Page 18
