I pull away from Zeb and turn to face Sam.
‘Now, Izzi.’
I look at Zeb and he nods, letting go of me. And I follow Sam back up the stairs and into the kitchen.
‘Are you ready, kiddo?’
I know he doesn’t mean am I ready to kill, he knows I’m ready for that. He means something else. ‘I don’t know, Sam.’
He moves closer, and once again I ache to reach out and hug him and for a fleeting second I feel the pain of missing my dad so much it hurts like hell. Tears actually prick the back of my eyes and I’m shocked, because I haven’t cried since the day I came here. The day Sam and Zeb began changing me was the day I stopped crying and started seeking revenge. Why am I crying now?
He reaches out and gently wipes a tear away from my cheek, and I have to take the deepest of breaths to stop any more from escaping. I’m not doing this. I’m not, I can’t.
‘I miss them so much, Sam.’
But it’s too late. It’s almost like a year’s worth of pent-up pain is finally rising to the surface. I let the anger and the frustration out, but I don’t think I ever gave myself time to grieve. I don’t think I ever did that. I don’t think I ever really grieved.
And then he takes me in his arms and he holds me so tight, rocking me like a baby as I let it all out. I can’t control the tears, I can’t stop the howls of grief and pain from spilling out of me and he says nothing, he just holds me until I’m done; until it’s out and I can let the anger back in. Because it’s coming back, it’s rising, it’s filling the pit of my stomach with a new kind of darkness I don’t think I’ve ever felt before.
I stay in Sam’s arms for a few minutes more as a peace descends, and then I hear Zeb come into the room; I hear Sam whisper something to him that I don’t catch, and I close my eyes as he lets go of me and Zeb’s arms replace his and I fall against him, curling up into a ball as he holds me tight.
‘We’re gonna be OK, princess. You and me. We’re gonna be just fine.’
And we are.
I believe him.
We’re gonna be OK.
Tomorrow, I can finally free myself of all this hate and anger.
Tomorrow, I make those who shattered my world pay in the only way they understand.
Tomorrow, I start again.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Mack
I didn’t want today to come. I lay awake all night wishing things were different, that I didn’t have to do this. But it’s a goddamn, shit-filled world we live in and if I want this club to survive; if I want to stay President, I have to do all I can to make sure that happens.
I loved her. I did, I loved her. Or I was getting there, anyway. It was happening, because I have no fucking clue what love feels like, in reality. What the fuck did I know about love growing up? I was dumped like a bag of rubbish outside this clubhouse. My real parents, they couldn’t have loved me. This club dragged me up, and the kinda love I was used to, that ain’t anything ordinary people would understand. But it’s all I know. And Izzi – she just might’ve been able to show me something different because she came from a world where love was real and normal and maybe I need that. And maybe I don’t. I just know I can’t have her. She’s bad news, and this – tonight; when I told Odi to stay on his guard, I meant that, ‘cause I ain’t sure what’s going down here. This job – something just don’t feel right, and when I get that feeling in my gut I act on it. I’ve survived many a war because of that instinct.
‘You ain’t backing out of this, are you?’
I turn to see Viper walk into the chapel, all cocky swagger and dark arrogance. But I had to tell him, Odi was right. I had to tell him the truth, and I’m lucky this guy trusts me the way he does; lucky we’ve been through enough shit together to enable him to give me the benefit of the doubt because working together is the only way we can do this.
‘No. I ain’t backing out.’
He pulls out a chair and sits down in Odi’s place at the meeting table, leaning forward, his fingers steepling together as he looks straight at me. ‘She has to go, Mack. You know that, don’t you?’
I drop my gaze, my fingers tightening around the gavel I didn’t even realize I was holding.
‘She’s a threat that has to be taken out, because she’s unpredictable. And I can’t find a damn thing out about that crazy bastard she’s hooked up with. Or this Sam guy she told you about. I can’t find anything, and I ain’t living with that lack of control. She ain’t gonna come in here like some pistol-wielding amateur who seems to think I owe her…’
‘You murdered her daddy; her fiancé…’
‘That was an accident, Mack. You know we do everything we can to avoid innocents getting hurt but sometimes shit happens. There’s collateral damage. She got unlucky.’
I can’t help the slightly cynical laugh from escaping, and Viper’s expression hardens.
‘You still with us on this one, Mack?’
I don’t say anything. He knows my answer. And he knows better than to question me. This club, our livelihood, that comes first. Before anything. I don’t need unnecessary mess, none of us do. Before Izzi turned up things were running just fine, we had a good thing going with Viper and his crew and I don’t want that changing. She was a beautiful distraction, but she was also a dangerous one.
Viper stands up and kicks the chair back under the table, and I watch as he swaggers over to the door, lighting up a joint as he walks. ‘See you tonight, Mack.’
I wait until he’s gone before I drop my head into my hands and sigh heavily, dragging my fingers back and forth across my hair.
Izzi. I still don’t know her last name. And I don’t need to. Not now.
After tonight it won’t matter.
After tonight she won’t exist no more.
After tonight I go back to living my life the only way I know how.
I’m the Soldiers of Darkness’ President.
Men need to fear me. Women need to want me. That’s how my life works. That’s how it’s worked for decades now. That’s how I survive.
Mack Slayer doesn’t love anything except himself, and this club. That’s all that matters. That’s all that ever will matter…
Izzi
I look in the mirror and try to remember the woman I once was. I can barely recall anything about her; the way she used to look, the way she used to act. I wanted as many traces of her removed as I could and Sam and Zeb, they’ve certainly done their best to rid me of that woman I used to be. I’m someone completely different now, and I can’t go back. I don’t want to. I don’t think I ever can, not after tonight. Going home, going back to the UK, it’s not even an option anymore.
I turn away from the mirror and look at the holdall all packed and ready to go as it sits there on the bed I’ve shared with Zeb for the past few nights; a man twenty years older than me and yet he’s anything but a father figure. That’s Sam’s role. Zeb is my guardian angel, my protector. My guide in all things dark and twisted. Zeb is my future. Once we’ve done what we – what I need to do tonight, we’ll be moving on to start that future. And I don’t know what it’s going to hold, or what’s going to happen. Everything is so uncertain, but whatever it entails, it’s going to be better than what I walked away from back home. I don’t ever want to feel that pain and emptiness ever again. That was destroying me far more than anything else. And I’m not going back there.
‘Everything OK, princess?’
I turn to face the man who made me who I am, and I smile, because the kind of love he can give me – it’s the kind I need now; cold and hard and unpredictable.
He comes over to me and slides an arm around my waist, pushing me against him, and he kisses me with a force that pulls the breath right out of me.
‘You ready?’
I look up into his dark, almost black eyes and I nod. I’ve never been more ready for anything.
He runs a hand down over my hip, up and across my ass and he smiles as he finds the gun Sam gave me tu
cked into my belt.
‘My beautiful, baby assassin, all ready to do damage in killer heels and a short skirt. Man, did I do a great fucking job…’
He lifts me up and pushes me back against the wall, but my legs only stay wrapped around him for a matter of seconds before I regain control and let go of him, and he grins. I’m resisting the distraction, just as he taught me. I need my energy focused elsewhere, not on him.
He takes my hand and pulls me to him, his fingers winding in my hair and his mouth rests against mine, I can feel him breathing into me. He’s giving me the strength I need, that extra push. He’s tipping me over the edge, but he’ll be there to catch me. I’m not afraid. Not anymore.
I wrap my fingers tight around his, closing my eyes as he kisses me, and I slide a hand around the back of his neck and push him down harder against me. I’m devouring him, soaking up all the power and poison he’s giving me.
‘Let’s go.’ He reaches out and picks the holdall up from the bed, tossing it over his shoulder. ‘You’re ready now.’
‘Zeb?’
He stops and turns to face me.
‘Does the pain ever go away?’
He takes a step towards me, and he cups my cheek and his eyes bore into mine with an intensity that feels like a physical punch to the stomach. ‘I can make it go away, Izzi. If you want me to.’
I rest my hand over his and smile a small smile, but his stare remains hard; impassive, almost.
‘Come on. We need to go.’
I watch him walk to the door, and for a couple of beats it’s like my feet are glued to the floor, I can’t move. But when he turns around and looks at me it’s like he’s flicked a switch, and I reach around to lightly finger the gun tucked away behind me.
I’m ready.
For whatever.
For everything.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Izzi
We leave the bike at a bar about two blocks from the Soldiers of Darkness clubhouse. And that’s when Zeb and I become just another biker couple out for a few late night drinks. We down a beer and a couple of tequila shots in another bar a little closer to the clubhouse, and from there we can actually see the Soldiers’ compound. Zeb’s been staking it out for most of the day, because both he and Sam had a feeling Mack and Viper were aware that something might be happening. He knows where Mack’s got men watching and he knows how to deal with them. All I know is I’ve got a nervous excitement burning its way through my soul and I’m pumped. I’m ready. I’ve fucking got this.
‘It’s time to go,’ Zeb says, taking my hand and pulling me off my stool.
I cling onto him as we head out of the bar, out into the street, and even though it’s almost midnight there are still plenty of people milling around, sitting outside the late-night fast-food restaurant, chilling and chatting and laughing, while I prepare to kill a man. It sounds so far-fetched, so out there, but that’s what I’m about to do. And my heart is beating hard and fast, my stomach tied up in a mess of knots but the adrenaline is coursing through my veins, veins that are flooded with that power and poison Zeb kissed into me.
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a joint, lighting it up and taking a drag before he hands it to me. ‘Here. It’ll take the edge off.’
‘What if I don’t want the edge taken off?’
‘Take it, Izzi.’
He looks at me, and I take it from him, dragging deep, feeling the smoke unfurl in my lungs as I inhale, the heady feeling already hurtling towards my brain.
I hand the joint back to him and watch as he takes another draw, and his fingers tighten around mine, a quick squeeze of encouragement, it’s all he needs to give me.
‘We’re going in round the back.’ He takes one last drag on the joint and stubs it out against a wall, dropping the butt onto the pavement. ‘They’ve got two guys out front but only one out in the yard. So you’ll go in through the back door.’
I feel the tiniest flicker of something – I don’t know if it was fear, but it was something – the second he lets go of my hand, but I kick it away, I get rid of it. I can’t afford even the slightest hesitation. So I suck whatever it was up and follow him around the back of the clubhouse, but all I can see is a high fence and I don’t feel much like scaling it.
Zeb turns to look at me, and he grins, and I stare at him, cocking my head slightly.
‘I ain’t gonna make you climb that, princess. Your man here, he’s already prepared your entrance.’
I’m not asking any questions, I don’t really care how we get in there, I just need to do this now.
Zeb starts kicking away at a mound of earth and grass at the foot of the fence, at the same time reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out a small pair of wire cutters. And I watch as the earth and grass is removed to reveal the beginnings of a small hole.
‘You can crawl through there, princess.’
It isn’t a question. So he doesn’t get an answer.
‘You can’t.’ I point out, because even as he crouches down and extends the hole with the wire cutters there isn’t any way in hell I can see of him getting through there. ‘So how are you getting inside?’
He stands up and smirks, tucking the wire cutters back into his pocket. ‘The easy way.’
I laugh out loud as he scales the fence with the speed and skill only someone who’s done this many a time before can display. And then he drops to the ground and flashes me another grin from the other side of the fence.
‘We really need to have a word with your boyfriend about his lack of alarmed security.’
I give him the finger before I kneel down, not caring that my legs and arms are being splashed with dirt as I slide through the hole, I just want to get inside the compound.
Pulling myself to my feet I begin to kick more dirt and mud into the hole I’ve just crawled through, and then I turn to look at Zeb, who raises an eyebrow and gives me a sideways smirk. ‘Dirty in every sense of the word, huh?’
I move towards him and he catches my waist, pulling me against him, his mouth crashing down onto mine in another hot, heavy kiss and I bury my fingers in his hair as he releases more of his strength into me, another dose of whatever it is he gives me that makes me feel the way I do now.
‘When this is over, baby, I am gonna play with you so hard you ain’t gonna be able to move for days.’
‘Promises, huh?’ I smile and lightly run my fingers over his beard, touching his mouth with its almost perfect, symmetrical lips – why am I just noticing these things about him now? Because it’s time. We always knew it was coming, deep down, and I smile again because I’m not afraid of what I signed up for. Zeb is giving me my life back – he’s giving me a life. A new life. And it’s all I ever wanted. After losing Aiden and my dad I never thought I’d be able to live again. I was wrong. I can live. It just has to be a very different life to the one I knew before.
‘Promises,’ he murmurs, his hand dropping to my bottom, pushing me harder against him.
He kisses me again, and I feel him pull the gun out from my belt and place it in my hand.
‘Once, Izzi. Remember what I told you, and you only have to do this once. Then it’ll all be over, and we can get out of here.’
I look at the gun resting in my palm before I raise my gaze, my eyes meeting his.
‘Resurrect that anger, princess. Bring that hate to the forefront and fire like your fucking life depends on it.’ He leans in to me, his mouth touching my ear as he speaks. ‘Because it just might.’
I feel a shiver wrack my body as he rests a hand against my hip, and I close my eyes for a beat or two as I try to compose myself. I need to be completely focused.
‘Let’s go.’
I tuck the gun back into my belt and take the hand he holds out as we head towards the clubhouse.
‘Who the fuck are…?’
Zeb has the prospect in a neck hold before the poor guy can even get his sentence out, but he needs to silence him, albeit temporarily. We’re no
t here for a bloodbath. I’m only here to finish what Viper started. An eye for an eye, I’m not even asking for two anymore, not if I can end the man himself. One will do. One will be more than enough. It won’t bring my dad or Aiden back but it will help me to move on. It’ll leave me able to deal with the hand life’s dealt me. Selfish? Maybe. But right now I don’t fucking care. I’m not sure I ever will. I ceased caring that night. They did that to me. They ruined me. Payback, that’s all this is.
I watch as Zeb presses against the prospect’s neck before dropping his seemingly lifeless body to the floor, but I know he’s only going to be out for a short while. There’s no permanent damage. But Zeb still drags him over to a lamppost and ties him up against it, giving him a slight kick just to make sure he’s still out cold. Better to be safe. Then he turns to look at me, and I shiver, because I’m excited. This is really fucking happening, and I’m on the edge of a dark and dangerous precipice but I can do this.
Zeb heads back over to me, stopping to slide a hand around the back of my neck as he passes. ‘You have no idea how much this shit turns me on,’ he growls, and I grab onto his shirt and kiss him like this is the last kiss I’ll ever give him. But I have every idea. I know, because I’m wet, I can feel it, and this is the reason why. The danger, it’s addictive!
‘I know,’ I whisper, taking his hand and sliding it up under my skirt. His fingers push my panties aside and he touches me, and I groan quietly. ‘It kind of turns me on, too.’
He smiles, and laughs, and he quickly plunges his fingers inside me for a few beautiful, glorious seconds, long enough to set another fire burning within me and I am so fucking ready now.
One more deep and dirty kiss and then he pulls his fingers out of me and wipes them on his jeans. ‘Time to go get ‘em, princess.’
I smile, and he laughs again and takes my hand as we make our way to the back of the clubhouse.
‘OK. Just one more thing to do…’
Broken (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 1) Page 20
