‘I won’t be a problem?’
Sam turns his head to face me, and I briefly drop my gaze to see his hand pinning Viper’s wrist to the wall before I look back up. And his eyes burn into mine. They’re telling me to leave this alone, he doesn’t have to say anything, I know what he wants me to do. But I ignore him. He took this off-plan, he can deal with the fucking fallout.
I lunge towards Viper but Zeb gets to me first and pulls me back, his arms folding around me, and it’s pointless struggling but I’m so fucking angry. So fucking angry!
‘Calm her down, Zeb.’
Zeb lays a hand against my stomach and I feel something, a warm, soothing feeling but I fight it this time. I know what he can do to me, but that’s only because I’ve been almost conditioned to let it happen. I’m fighting it now. I am fucking done.
I grit my teeth and focus as Zeb’s hand presses harder against me, and he’s whispering in my ear but I’m shutting him down, he’s not doing this, not now.
‘She won’t be a problem anymore.’ I watch as Sam lets go of Viper’s wrist and steps back from him. ‘You have my word on that.’
‘You’re just letting him go?’ How I keep my voice as calm it is I don’t know, because inside I’m screaming. I’m dying and I’m screaming and I don’t understand what the fuck is going on.
Sam turns to me, sliding his hands into his pockets and his calmness is both irritating and confusing. ‘Yes, Izzi, I’m letting him go.’ He turns back to look at Viper, who’s checking out his wrist, and even from where I’m standing I can see deep red welts starting to appear. ‘On condition that he in turn leaves you alone.’
Viper raises his gaze and looks at Sam. But he doesn’t say anything.
‘Do I have your word? Viper?’
Viper narrows his eyes as he looks from Sam to me then back to Sam. ‘One wrong move from that psycho bitch…’
‘Do I have your word?’ Sam’s voice is colder now; harsh. He’s losing patience.
Viper laughs quietly, but it’s a laugh tinged with nerves because he’s as confused by this situation as I am. More so. He doesn’t know anything about Sam; what he represents. What he can do, when pushed. I do. I know. How do you think I got to be the way I am now? ‘Seriously?’
I feel Zeb’s hand press even harder against me as Viper almost sneers the word out, and my stomach pulls itself into a knot so tight my breath catches in my throat, and I watch as Sam takes a step towards him, invading his space. He doesn’t look threatening – Sam. His appearance is very misleading. But you don’t cross him. And that should be something I practice rather than preach, but he’ll never hurt me.
‘Your word, or we go back to where I came in.’
Viper stares at Sam, and the silence is foreboding, the stand-off terrifying.
‘Do I have that?’
Viper continues to stare at Sam, but Sam doesn’t flinch, he never does. He won’t. And then Viper shrugs and steps back from him. ‘She ain’t worth my time, bro. She’s all yours.’
I swear to fucking God…
‘Then we’re done here.’
Viper lets out another short, sharp laugh and reaches down for the gun that was knocked from his hand when Mack pushed him to the ground, but Sam’s quicker than him. He kicks the gun out of his reach towards Zeb, who retrieves it, slipping it into the back of his jeans.
‘Did you hear me? I said, we’re done. Get your men and get out of this clubhouse.’
Mack
‘Hey, whoever the hell you are. You giving orders now? On my territory?’
Who the fuck does this guy think he is?
He slowly turns to look at me, and I don’t know where he gets off throwing this shit around my clubhouse but he ain’t in charge here. Fuck! I gotta get me some control back because I’m losing it, big time.
‘I’m sending everyone home.’
Is he fucking kidding me? What the hell’s going on here?
‘A lot of my guys are still out on a job…’
‘A job I set up. Because I needed this to happen, tonight.’
Huh? What did he just say?
‘One of your prospects is clearing everyone out from the clubhouse and compound and locking up behind him. We’re the only ones left here now.’
I narrow my eyes and laugh nervously, I can’t help it. I’m freakin’ lost, man. ‘Does somebody want to tell me what the fuck is going on?’
‘Good question.’
My head snaps around to see Izzi, still held captive against the much bigger Zeb, and quite obviously against her will but there’s a part of me that still can’t help thinking that if she really wanted to be free of him, she would be. I’ve seen her at work, and that kid got some strength.
Sam looks from me to Izzi, and he smiles a slow smile that doesn’t go anywhere near his eyes; eyes he keeps fixed on her. ‘It’s over, Izzi.’
She shakes her head, and I can see the anger in her face. Her expression is both heartbreaking and terrifying. And then Sam turns to face me, and I still can’t shift that bad feeling. Something’s going on here, and I don’t know what the fuck that is, but somebody better tell me fast before I freakin’ lose it.
‘There’s something you and I need to talk about, Mack.’
‘Really? Like what? I mean, I don’t even know you…’
‘No, you don’t. But I think it’s time you did. You’ve waited long enough.’
I’m even more confused now. This shit is seriously messing with my head, and my shoulder, man, that fucking hurts. I raise my hand and gently touch the spot Izzi grazed with the bullet, and I feel blood on my fingers.
‘I’ll deal with that. Have you got medical supplies?’
I look back over at Sam. ‘Yeah. In the chapel.’
‘We’ll talk in there.’
He looks at Zeb, who still has Izzi in his arms, and I can see she still ain’t happy.
‘Is she going to be OK?’
Sam directs that question at Zeb, who nods and presses his hand harder against Izzi’s stomach and I watch as she visibly flinches. But she could just kick back and hit him in the balls, if she wanted to, and I don’t understand why she doesn’t do that. None of this feels right.
‘Good. I’ll leave her with you. I’ll deal with Mack.’
‘’I’m fucking right here, asshole. Don’t talk to me like I don’t even exist, you’re in my fucking clubhouse so you talk to me. I mean, what the hell are you even doing here?’
The expression on his face is so cold I almost feel a physical chill.
‘I’m here to answer some questions, Mack. I’m here to tell you the truth.’
Izzi
He’s going to tell him? Here? He sacrificed me because he suddenly wants Mack to know the truth? Now?
‘You let him go?’
Sam turns his attention away from Mack, back to me. ‘We’ve already done this, Izzi. It’s over.’
‘Because you say so, huh?’
‘Because I say so.’ He stares at me, and I know I can’t win this one. And that crushing realization almost rips me in two, and it’s only Zeb’s hand on my stomach that prevents me from doubling over as grief consumes me all over again.
‘It’s OK,’ Zeb murmurs, and his other hand slips into mine and squeezes it gently. ‘I’ll make it OK, you got that, baby?’
I don’t react, I don’t nod, I don’t even move. But I believe him. In his own warped and twisted way he’ll make everything feel like it’s OK, even if it isn’t. He’ll do that, because he can. It’s what he does. And I’ll probably let him. I can fight it as much as I like but when I’m with him I allow him to control me, because that’s how I forget what will continue to eat me up inside. He takes away the pain. He makes me strong, and it’s only when I’m away from him that I weaken. He’s the fuel I need to survive. Without him I allow too much of what still hurts me through, and now I fear I’m going to need him even more than I did before. He created me. He made me. I need him to move forward. So, yeah, I believ
e that he’ll try and make it OK.
‘Are we done now, Izzi?’
Sam’s voice is calm and steady as his eyes lock on mine.
‘Why, Sam?’
‘Killing someone wasn’t going to help.’
‘Wasn’t it? So, why did we do all that shit for all those months, huh? Why did you put me through all that…’
‘You’re not a murderer.’
I stare at him. I’m confused, and I feel the anger burning through me once again, a pain in the pit of my stomach so real and so raw it’s taking my breath away.
‘That’s not your decision to make, Sam. You took away the only thing that was enabling me to move on with my life. You took that away, and now I don’t know if I…’
‘Your life will move on just fine, Izzi. You didn’t need to kill a man in order to prove anything…’
‘I wasn’t trying to prove anything to anybody. They ripped my fucking life apart, they turned me into this, and you think I can just carry on like it never happened? You saw me when I came to you; the state I was in. You knew what I needed to do…’ I shake my head, and I let the rage rise to the surface; let the hate and the anger spill out. ‘You think this is over? This is not fucking over. You think I went through all of that for nothing? I erased everything I ever was to get the revenge I needed, and you took that away from me, so this is not over…’
‘Calm her down, Zeb.’
I push back against Zeb as his arm circles my waist, but he isn’t letting go of me, and that just fuels my anger more. ‘I’ll find him, Sam, with or without your help so that promise you made to him about me not being a problem anymore? You just lied. You don’t speak for me, you don’t fucking own me, so I am gonna be his worst fucking nightmare, you hear me…?’
‘Zeb. Calm-her-down.’
‘Come on, Izzi.’
I dig my nails into his hand but he’s one tough bastard, and he just retaliates by raising his hand to my neck, resting it against the side as he pushes me back against him. ‘I fucking hate you,’ I hiss, and his hand presses that little bit harder.
‘Yeah. Sure you do, princess. Right now I’m not exactly in love with you, either.’
‘Get her out of here, Zeb.’
I glare at Sam, but he’s giving me nothing. He isn’t taking my shit but I meant it when I said this wasn’t over. I didn’t do all of this, become who I am now; I didn’t go through fucking hell to just walk away, not when I was this close.
My breathing’s all over the place, and I only just realize that as Zeb loosens his grip on my neck and takes my hand, and I stop struggling. It’s pointless. For now, it’s over. For now.
‘You can let go of me. I’m not gonna go anywhere.’
‘I ain’t taking no chances, darlin’. State you’re in now, you could do anything.’
I laugh, and I know that winds him up slightly, he hates it when I do that, but I don’t fucking care now.
He kicks open the back door and drags me outside, slamming me back against the wall, and I stare at him, and I smile, and that just winds him up even more.
‘What the fuck are you doing, Izzi?’
‘He lied to me, Zeb.’
‘He never made you any promises.’
‘Fuck you!’
It’s his turn to laugh as he slams a hand up against the wall beside my head, moving in closer to me. ‘Y’know, when you talk like that it just gets me hard.’
‘Fuck you!’
He laughs again, and then he kisses me, and I bury my fingers in his hair and push myself against him as he drags my skirt up over my thighs and rips my panties off, he literally tears them away from me, plunging his fingers inside me before I have a chance to protest. But I’m not going to. This is how he calms me down. This is how we work. I kick off, he fucks me. This is how he controls me, and I let him, because I love the way he feels; the pain he causes to tear through my body as he literally pulls that anger out of me and injects me with his own dangerous poison.
‘Everything’s gonna be OK, princess. You’re just gonna have to trust me.’
‘Why should I trust you, huh?’ I feel his fingers slide between mine as his other hand continues to invade me and I widen my stance slightly, an invitation for him to push that little bit deeper. ‘After what just happened in there.’
‘That was on Sam, not me.’
‘I’m still gonna kill him, Zeb. Viper. He’s mine now. And I’m gonna end his sorry fucking life…’
His mouth crashes down onto mine and I let go of his hand and unzip him. He’s hard and ready and he pulls his fingers out of me and lifts me up, lowering me down onto his cock and I wind my legs around his hips as he begins thrusting into me hard and fast. I need this. Hot, heavy, violent sex, I need it. My fingers dig into his flesh, and I’m crying out in pain and pleasure but I need him inside me. He’s calming me down. It’s starting to work, and a part of me hates myself for allowing him to be so much in control of me, but at the same time it’s the only way I can survive now. I need him to rein me in, to hold me back; I need him to help me. I’m a mess. And I need him.
I wind my fingers back into his hair as he thrusts into me harder and faster, each thrust slamming me back into the wall, and then he slows down, and his forehead rests against mine and he smiles. His breathing’s shallow and ragged; mine’s hardly steady itself, and I think we both need this to stop, just for a second.
‘I’ll make it OK, baby,’ he whispers, and his thumb gently brushes over my cheek and I inhale a long, deep breath as he touches me. ‘I promise. Sam wouldn’t have done this to hurt you, Izzi. He’s done it to protect you.’
‘I don’t need protecting,’ I breathe, and he kisses me again, and I press myself against him as his mouth moves on mine, his tongue searching and probing and I feel myself burning up, and I like it.
‘I think you do,’ he murmurs.
I rest my mouth against his and I smile, running my fingers back through his hair as I feel him start to move again inside me. ‘My hero, huh?’
‘Your knight on a Harley fucking Davidson, baby.’
I laugh and lock my legs tighter around him, and it takes just a few more beautiful thrusts before he comes, and I throw back my head and feel his lips on my throat as quick, harsh spasms take over his body. His cries are loud and raw, his fingers digging into me until he’s done, and only then does he loosen his grip; only then do I loosen mine.
He lowers me to the ground and sinks to his haunches, sliding my skirt back up over my thighs and I move my feet further apart and splay my hands out against the wall behind me as he touches me. I close my eyes as his fingers slide across my slit, and I moan quietly as he finds that place within me that makes me forget everything bad that ever happened to me. And that moan grows longer and deeper as I feel his breath on my skin, his mouth touching me, but only briefly. In a heartbeat he’s back up in front of me, but his fingers stay where they were. He’s still touching me, and his eyes burn into mine and I’m beginning to forget about Viper and Mack and Sam…
‘You ready, Izzi?’
‘For what?’ I ask, flinching slightly as he gently slips two fingers inside me.
‘For what’s coming next.’
I look at him, this older, handsome man with the dark, dark soul who I really know nothing about. Yet, I know everything. I know he makes me feel safe in a dangerous world. I know every action I’ve undertaken on this uncertain journey leads back to him. But I don’t know if I’m ready for what’s coming next. I just don’t think I have much of a choice.
‘Izzi?’
‘I’m ready.’
I’m lying.
And he kisses me, and I don’t care. I don’t. I don’t care about anything, not anymore, not after tonight. I thought I could. I thought I did. I’d started to care about Mack Slayer. But now I know I can’t do that. Everything’s still one huge, hot mess and I don’t think that’s ever going to change. So I don’t care.
I belong to Zeb now.
He can
take me and make me whoever he wants me to be, I’m done.
My life as I knew it, that’s over.
A new one’s about to begin…
Chapter Twenty-Five
Mack
‘You wanna tell me what the fuck’s going on now?’
I close the chapel door behind us, although I don’t know why I’m bothering. The place is empty now. Izzi and her asshole bodyguard are outside, and there’s just me and Sam here in the clubhouse.
I keep my eyes on my uninvited guest as he scans the room, and his calm exterior is starting to irritate the fuck outta me.
‘Excuse me… Hey! Over here. Is someone gonna give me some fucking answers?’
His head snaps back to look at me, and there’s no shift in his impassive expression. Nothing. I can’t read this guy, he’s like a wiped-clean slate. Empty. Devoid of any emotion.
‘Do you want to sit down?’
‘No, I don’t wanna sit down, I want fucking answers. I want someone to tell me what the fuck is going on here, that’s what I want.’
‘I’m your father, Mack.’
The kick to my gut is real, man, I felt that like he’d just physically dealt it out himself. ‘You’re fucking what?’ I ain’t buying this crazy shit. And he don’t get to stand here, in my clubhouse, and tell me crap like this.
‘I’m your father.’
I swear to God, I am gonna lay him out if he keeps saying that. ‘Get the fuck outta here, I’m done with this shit. I don’t know who you are…’
‘I’m your father, Mack. I’m the man who left you here on the steps of this clubhouse thirty-eight years ago. I’m the man who hoped you’d have a better future here within the confines of this family than anything I could have offered you.’
Am I actually awake? I mean, is this shit really happening? I lean back against the table, and my eyes stay fixed on his because I need to believe this. If this is true, if this man standing here in my chapel, if he really is who he says he is then I need to believe him. And right now, I just ain’t sure.
Broken (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 1) Page 22
