Shelby looked at her mother in horror. She knew her mother was not very maternal or caring, but she thought, above all else, she loved her daughter and would take care of her. She never realized until that moment how stupid she had been to believe that. Her final thoughts of that night were when her mother grabbed her by the hair and pulled her over in front of the monster sitting at the kitchen table.
Having her hair pulled back in agony, she remembered watching that same monster who had raped her the night before undo the zipper to his pants. She remembered the screams of her mother bellowing inside her head, telling her she was going to learn how to please a man. That she would be taught again and again until she had it just right. Then, her mother claimed she would be able to go out into this world and find men of her own to take care of her.
For whatever reason, that was all she could ever remember. Every time it got to that point in her therapy sessions, her memory was blocked. Her therapist, Samantha, had tried hypnosis, and still nothing. The next memory she had was of her first day of classes in her freshman year of college. Nearly two months of her life was gone from her memory, and she didn’t know why. It bothered her more than she liked to admit that she had no idea what had happened to her after that point. It bothered her much more to know that until she had gone to therapy she hadn’t even realized she had missing pieces to her memory. Since her mother had died in a drug overdose just days after she began college, it wasn’t like she could confront her. She was just left wondering and worrying over the things she might have done. Over the things she was sure she was forced to do. But she also realized that maybe she didn’t want to know. Those were the times she left those therapy sessions a complete wreck. Those were also the times that Rex would always seem to know he was needed. He would cancel his plans and be there for her at the drop of a hat.
She didn’t know how or why, but she believed deep down that those missing two months of her memory had a lot to do with her obsession over Brent. And that obsession led to horrible things that Shelby knew she was the cause of. The idea that he looked like the perfect man disturbed her. She looked at him like he was the most amazing man in the entire world. Obviously, looks could be quite deceiving.
After she had seduced Brent, Tamara broke up with him. He couldn’t handle the rejection and became increasingly detached from reality. He finally snapped altogether and went on a nearly twenty-four hour rampage that included raping and nearly killing herself and almost raping and killing Tamara.
Brent was definitely not Mr. Perfect. Actually, he wasn’t even Brent. They found out he had changed his identity after killing his lover, who was also his sister, years ago in Arizona. His actual name was Eric Baines, and when he started to lose those final threads of his sanity, his past memories of his sister collided with memories of his relationship with Tamara. It was a mental break that, unfortunately, no one saw coming.
Shelby shuttered. Just remembering all the things they found out about Brent and his incestuous upbringing brought on by his parents almost made her want to feel sorry for him, even though she hated him. Although she had lost count of the number of times he had raped her that night, the brutality of it would always be clear in her mind. Knowing he was locked up and in a jail cell in Arizona eased her mind, but sometimes, when she was alone at night, she would hear a noise or have a sense of fear so strong she would swear Brent was standing in the shadows. Those were, of course, the nights she would call Rex.
He was always there for her. It surprised her, really. As good a guy as Rex was, he was never in short supply of willing and able bed partners. It astonished her that she had never seemed to interrupt any of his dates. Or had she? She grinned and tried to shake the thought off. There was no way Rex could have been that attentive to her all those times if there had been a woman at his place. Some nights, she had kept him on the phone for hours, and other nights, he had come right over just to be with her and to make her feel safer. He was so good to her. She knew how lucky she was to have him in her life.
She sometimes wondered why he was so attentive to her. They had never met before the night Jack and he found her lying unconscious on the floor in a pool of her own blood. The apartment around her had been ablaze by the fire Brent had started. But for whatever reason, he had been there to help her through her recovery in the hospital. Sometimes, he would stay there every day for hours at a time. Even though she didn’t always feel like company, he would pick those times to grab himself a cup of coffee and a newspaper. He would then come back to her room, face away from her bed, put his feet up on the windowsill, and read the paper. He had taken her to her therapist’s appointments and sat silently in the car, never asking a thing from her. He had held her while she cried. Tamara had done those things, too, but when Rex did them, they were different. She often wondered if it was just because he was a man.
Her therapist told her that after what she had been through, she wouldn’t want to be touched by a man in any way for quite some time. And for the most part, that was true. But for some reason it was different with Rex. He never made her feel threatened. She always felt safe when she was with him. Rex almost always knew what she needed and when she needed it, even before she knew herself. Sometimes it was peace and quiet, jokes and laughs, or insistent encouragement to force her to fight to get stronger.
Beep, Beep. She shook her head and cleared her thoughts, bringing herself back to present time. She had just thoroughly zoned out at a traffic light. Obviously, the man behind her, showing off his finger in a rather zealous manner, was not too happy about her daydream.
Chapter Two
Thirty minutes later, Shelby walked into the gym and found a very flustered Johnny with a look of terror in his face. “Shelby, thank God!” Pulling her hand, he pulled her behind the counter. “Just stay here, smile, and ask anyone who comes up to please wait a moment.” He was yelling the last several words as he took off around the corner.
Shelby stood there, stunned. What on earth? She had never seen Johnny look so agitated before. She had no idea what she was supposed to do up here at the desk. Where was Jack? Heck, where was Tamara? Even she knew what to do up here. Just when Shelby was about to pick up the phone to try to reach Jack, Johnny came barreling around the corner with a huge grin on his face, looking much more relaxed.
“Shelby, you just saved my life! Thank you.” Johnny looked like all of the tension had rolled off him, not at all the look she’d seen only minutes before.
“Sure, by the way, since I seem to have missed something, just how exactly did I save your life again?”
“I have had to pee for over an hour, and Jack keeps telling me he is going to come up and relieve me, no pun intended.” He laughed. “Anyway, Anna is out sick today, so I’m all by myself up here. And then Tamara walks in while I’m talking to a member and heads back to his office. Needless to say, the door has been closed, and he isn’t answering his office phone.” Rolling his eyes, he continued. “I can only imagine what’s going on back there. I swear, if I hear any more talk of how hard they are ‘trying’ to have a baby, I think I’m gonna throw up.” Taking a deep breath, Johnny nodded his head, indicating for Shelby to look behind her. “Here come the two lovebirds now.”
Slapping Johnny on the shoulder, Jack asked, “Hey, bud, didn’t you say you needed a break or something?”
Tamara walked over to hug Shelby. There was no mistaking it. With the lazy, contented expression on Jack’s face and Tamara’s flushed cheeks and tousled hair, it was more than obvious they had just finished some more “trying.”
“Hi, guys,” Shelby said as she leaned in to hug Tamara. “I would ask if you want to work out with me, but it looks like you’re more ready for a nap.”
Tamara’s face turned six shades of pink. “What–I–we were only–oh, fine. Do you really have to be so observant? It can be embarrassing sometimes.”
“It’s only embarrassing because you guys mate like wild animals, and you know it,” Shelby teased.
“Come on, let’s go work out,” Tamara said as she and Shelby walked out to the cardio equipment.
“So, do you still want that break?” Jack asked Johnny.
“No, luckily, thanks to Shelby, my bladder is still in working order.”
Jack winced. “Oh geez, sorry, man. I didn’t realize. I was kind of distracted.”
“Yeah, well, enjoy it while you can. Because after you guys do start a family, say good-bye to having her whenever and wherever you want. Trust me, I should know!”
“Is that why you’ve been so damn cranky lately? Speaking of, how is my godchild? I haven’t seen ‘lil Jack in a week. I bet he’s grown a foot since the last time I saw him.”
Johnny just glared at him. “Yeah, Jack, you saw him last week, and even though he’s only ten months old, he grew a whole twelve inches. God, I fear for your future child,” he said, still annoyed by the unnecessary strain placed on his bladder.
Jack raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. “Look, I said I was sorry. I should have come out to relieve you.” Jack laughed at the hidden meaning. “Let me make it up to you. Why don’t you and Allison pick a night to go out and Tamara and I will take ‘lil Jack for the whole night. It will be good practice for us.”
Johnny perked up with the idea. But then realized just how unfeasible it would be. “I appreciate it, but it’s easier to get him down in his own crib, and I’m not sure he wouldn’t keep you up all night.” Johnny shrugged.
“Not a problem. You two can get a hotel. Hey, it’ll be my treat. You’ve got a birthday coming up in a couple of weeks anyway. We’ll stay at your place, and you guys stay out all night knowing that LJ is tucked safely away in his own crib.”
“The idea of spending an entire night alone with Allison is something that I’ve been craving for months. If you are screwing with me, I’m gonna kick your ass!”
Laughing, Jack replied, “No, I’m serious. You guys deserve it. Besides, it’s the least I could do for your bladder since I caused you major discomfort.”
“Okay, thanks, man. I’ll talk to…Hey, how’d you know it was my birthday.”
Looking at each other, they both nodded and answered in unison, “Tamara.”
“So, you’re looking great. Is that a new outfit?” Tamara questioned.
“No, it just actually fits now. I haven’t worn it since I bought it a couple of months ago. But thanks.” Looking around the gym for anything else to discuss because Shelby hated talking about her body, she quickly changed the subject. “So, I see the honeymoon still isn’t over.”
“Nope, and God willing, it never will be. I love Jack more and more every day. I didn’t know it was possible. And to think, we almost didn’t end up together at all.”
“I know, Tam. I can’t tell you enough how sorry –”
Shelby was instantly cut off by Tamara’s quick wave of her hand. “Enough! That is not what I meant. You, and I am getting really tired of reminding you of this, are not, I repeat, you are not responsible for what Brent did to either of us. He was sick and demented.” Calming her nerves, Tamara took a breath and lower her voice. “Look, Shelby, honey, I don’t blame you. None of us do. You can’t keep letting him get the better of you. You have your whole life ahead of you. If you must dwell on what happened, think of the good that came out of what you did.”
Starting to get really angry, Shelby all but gritted her teeth as she bit out her words. “What good could have possibly come from you almost being raped and killed, not to mention what he did to me? Look, I know I deserved it, but it still hurts, damn it.” Shelby’s eyes were beginning to water. God, she didn’t want to cry.
Stepping off of the treadmill, Tamara turned to her friend and hit stop on hers. She then grabbed Shelby’s hand and walked her toward the offices.
“Tamara, what are you doing? Where are we going?”
Without saying a word, Tamara escorted Shelby into Jack’s office and closed the door. Jack was finishing up a phone call and looked up to see the grim look on both of the women’s faces. After placing the phone back on the receiver, he looked over at Tamara. “What’s wrong?”
Without even responding to her husband, Tamara turned to Shelby and all but screamed the words. “Look at him, Shelby. This is the man of my dreams. I love him more than anything in this world. I hate what Brent was and what he caused, but you didn’t cause those things. I understand you’re sorry, but the truth is that, all else aside, if you hadn’t seduced Brent, I never would have met Jack that night. The thought of that makes me sadder than anything else I might have gone through. Everyone makes mistakes, Shelby. But sooner or later, you’re going to have to forgive yourself. I can’t stand it when you do this to yourself. Brent was sick, he wasn’t right in the head, but don’t let him continue to own you. Do you want to know what scares me the most?” Not waiting for a response, Tamara continued on. “I’ll tell you. I’m scared that because of one stupid mistake you will continue to blame yourself for the rest of your life. I’m scared you will not put your energy into healing and you will never find for yourself what I have found with Jack. Because above all else, Shelby, I want that for you, even if you don’t think you deserve it. I know that you do.”
Silence filled the room. Jack just sat there and smiled at his wife. When she got going on a tangent, she didn’t stop, even to breathe.
Shelby burst into tears and sat in the chair directly across from Jack’s desk. “I’m sorry.” She held her hands up to stop Tamara from interrupting. “I know you’re tired of hearing it. Sometimes I just–I don’t know. It’s like my emotions are hidden just barely beneath the surface. I keep going, and I tell myself I’m doing fine, but then I–I guess you could say I snap. I never know what’s going to cause it, either. I even snapped at Rex earlier today at lunch.” Shaking her head, Shelby continued. “Whenever I feel like I’m making major headway, it’s like I get this feeling of self-loathing that I can’t seem to shake.”
Jack leaned closer to Shelby, reached across the desk in an attempt to hold her hand. “Shelby, you have to stop this. You have to stop letting Brent and what he did to you have power over your life. You deserve so much better than that. Whether you see it or not, you do! Let me call Rex?”
“No!” Shelby felt mortified at even the thought of Jack calling Rex. He was always so good to her, but she leaned on him too much. She knew they were friends, even best friends, but she was becoming more and more dependent on him. She didn’t want to feel like she had to lean on him every time she got upset. She already knew she spent too much time with him anyway. He hadn’t been having as many dates as he used to. And she was sure that his “love life” was suffering because of it.
Tamara started to speak, but Jack quickly cut her off. “Shelby, you know how much you mean to him. He would want to be here for you. He can’t stand it when you’re upset, and he hates it when you cry. Let me call him, and he can take you home.”
Looking up, Shelby wiped her tears away. Staring at Jack and then glancing at Tamara, she gave a brave attempt at laughter. “God, am I a mess or what? I haven’t cried about what happened in weeks. I thought I was doing so much better. I’m sorry to unload on you guys like this.”
Tamara came up behind her friend and wrapped her arms around her, giving her a big bear hug. “Don’t worry about it. It’s probably just PMS,” she teased as she laughed in Shelby’s ear.
“Oh, great, my favorite subject in the entire world. I’m definitely calling Rex now. There’s too much estrogen and not nearly enough testosterone floating around in here,” Jack said jokingly as he winked at Shelby. He picked up the phone and started to dial.
Without even saying hello, Rex answered the phone. “Hey, man, what’s up?”
“Can you come to the club? Shelby’s–well, she’s sort of having a bad time.” Jack was still smiling at Shelby and watching her wipe her tears with a tissue that Tamara had
gotten for her. He truly felt bad for Shelby. He knew that as much as Tamara had gone through at the hands of that madman, Shelby had had it much worse. He wasn’t nearly as close with Shelby as Rex was, but he knew they had formed a bond months ago in her hospital room. He was grateful, though, for the few times Shelby had allowed Jack to give her words of encouragement. He really cared about her.
“What happened? She was fine when I walked her back to work today after lunch. Did somebody do something to her again, say something to her? Just tell me who it was, and I’ll kill them myself.”
Jack, Rex, and Tamara were all aware of how the local reporters had given away too many details of Shelby’s attack by Brent. Unfortunately, some mean-spirited people would make rude comments about how she was damaged merchandise since the rape. It always made Jack and Tamara angry for her, but it infuriated Rex.
Jack hadn’t quite figured out the connection between his best friend and Shelby yet. But he knew that one thing was for certain. Rex would sooner die than have Shelby hurt ever again. “Just come over, okay.” Speaking quietly into the phone, Jack said, “She needs you, man. I haven’t seen her quite this upset in a very long time.”
“I’m already driving. I’ll be there in a few minutes. Make sure you tell her that. Tell her I’m on my way.” With that, Rex hung up the phone.
Placing the receiver delicately back on its cradle, Jack stood up to walk around the side of the desk. “Shelby, Rex is on his way. He’ll be here in a few minutes. Can I get you anything?”
Morgan, Nicole - Sweet Salvation [Sweet Awakenings 2] (Siren Publishing Allure) Page 3
