“Shelby, sweetie. Don’t cry. It’s okay, I’ll always be here for you. You know that, don’t you?”
She sniffled and nodded. “Yes, I do. I do know that. It’s just, I guess I feel guilty. I feel like–I can’t explain it.” She hung on to him tighter.
Was this it? Was she going to tell him that she had feelings for Mitch? “Listen, Shelby, look at me. You can tell me anything.” He cupped her chin with his hand, forcing her to meet his gaze. “Is there something going on with you and Mitch? I’m sorry for asking, but when I heard voices and looked out the peephole to see Mitch lean in to kiss you –.” His voice trailed off and he didn’t finish.
“No, nothing, he took me to the museum, and we had a quick dinner. He’s really very sweet, but it’s not –” She leaned back into the hug again, snuggling against the warmth of his solid chest and hiding in the comfort because she wasn’t able to form the words of what she needed to say. It felt so good just being held in his arms. She wasn’t sure how she had never realized that before.
“Do you like him?”
“Sure, he’s an okay guy, nice enough anyway.” She shrugged, not really understanding the underlying question.
“I meant, are you attracted to him? Do you want to go out with him again? Do you–do you want to kiss him?”
Startled, she looked up at him. She could see the look in his eyes. It was a new look. She only saw it for the first time just the other night. “No, Rex, I don’t want to kiss him. That’s part of why I feel guilty. I went out with him to–oh, this is horrible.” Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes, and then slowly, she opened them and stared up into his. “I thought when he asked me–I thought that if I went out with him that it would help me forget. But it didn’t, and I’ve tried, but I can’t. I don’t want to kiss him. I want to–Oh, God, Rex, can’t you tell, couldn’t you tell the other night when I kissed you back? I want to kiss you. I want things from you I’ve never wanted before, and I don’t understand any of it, it’s all so new. I just–I just want you to kiss me like you did the other night.” There, she had said it. She might be a fool, but at least she would be an honest fool.
He closed his eyes and rested his chin on top of her head. He whispered the words, “Thank God.” Taking both of his hands to frame her face, he lowered his mouth to hers.
The sensation was overwhelming, even more so than it had been before. When he was trying to drink the memory of that kiss away, he had told himself that if he had just one more kiss he could walk away and he wouldn’t do it again. Just one more taste and he would leave her be and go back to being just her friend. Just once more, he had told himself over and over again, but now, now as he was kissing her with a tenderness that he wasn’t aware he had, he knew that once wouldn’t have been enough. Never would he be able to get enough of the sweetness of her taste as their tongues met each other in a sensual, sweet dance.
She was like an aphrodisiac. He was semi-hard just holding her, but their tongues meeting was shooting an urgent demand straight to his cock. He wanted her so bad. He wanted to bury himself inside of her. Staying there for all of eternity, so that no man dare ever come near her.
Shelby didn’t seem as surprised this time. She showed him a fire that smoldered beneath the surface of his kiss. He was trying to be gentle, and trying to take care, but he could feel that passion simmering just below her exterior. The question of whether it would boil over both excited and scared him. The feeling of his tongue meeting with hers sent off wonderful warm sensations inside his body.
Rex couldn’t have pulled himself away from her if his life depended on it. As good as their first kiss was, this was different. He didn’t have to encourage her to meet him. She did so willingly. Her mouth opened for him, and he could taste the seductive heat and sweetness of her kiss. She seemed as hungry as he was. He turned his head, trying to get closer, trying to explore every delicious part of her. He had been kissing her for only moments and he was already hard as stone. He knew he had to stop. He was sure Shelby could feel it pressed against her. He knew how delicate she was. He should stop and get a hold of himself. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her, hurt her. She was too important to take for granted. Using every amount of strength inside him, he pulled away from her.
A whimper came from Shelby’s throat, protesting his retreat. Kissing her felt so damn good. Better than any kiss he had ever experienced or ever could have imagined.
She slowly opened her eyes and looked up at him. He could see his own desire reflecting in her eyes, but a part of her also looked upset. What had he done wrong?
Her mouth was swollen from the onslaught on what they had just shared. “Shelby, I’m sorry. We need to slow down. We’ll take things slow, I promise.” He started to pull away, but she held on to him, reaching up, she pulled his face back, forcing him to look at her.
“What did I do wrong, Rex? Tell me, please.”
She looked so beautiful staring up at him like that. He could see the uncertainty in her eyes, and he hated it. Was she afraid of what he would expect from her? Fear, it was the one emotion that he swore he never wanted her to feel again. What was he doing? She wasn’t ready for this. It had only been six months since her rape. How could she think that she had done something wrong when he was the one obviously pushing too hard too fast?
“Shelby, honey, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me. I just can’t seem to get these feelings for you under control. That’s why I went away. When I look at you, it’s so hard not to –”
Shelby interrupted him. “Feelings?”
Damn, she was going to make this harder on him than it already was. Couldn’t she see it? Couldn’t she tell how much he cared for her?
“Shelby, I love you. You’ve been my best friend, my best buddy, for months now. But, the past few weeks–hell, I don’t know what happened, but lately, I have started to feel like you were more, much more than my buddy.” Holding his hand up and placing a finger over her lips to silence her before she could interrupt him, he then continued.
“I know this has come out of left field. And I know I’m probably putting you through emotions that you aren’t ready for. I swear I’m not trying to take advantage of you. This isn’t just about wanting you, though God knows that I do. But, damn it, I–I can’t explain it. I think maybe this has been building up for a while and I just didn’t even realize it. But now that I do I–”
He stopped a moment and looked up, as if someone from above would somehow manage to give him the words that he needed to explain the way he was feeling. “None of this is coming out right. I should go. Yeah, I’m gonna leave.”
He headed for the door. She was quicker than he gave her credit for. She managed to step in front of him right as he reached for the handle and stop him. “Rex, I don’t want you to go. Stay here. Please? We’ll watch some TV or just talk. We don’t have to touch.” Her gaze swept down as she tried to hide her embarrassment. “Or kiss, we don’t have to do anything. Just be together.” She looked back up at him with liquid building in her eyes.
God, what had he done? She was on the verge of tears. He swore to himself six months ago in her hospital room that he would protect her. That he would do everything in his power to make sure that she was never hurt or unhappy ever again. How the hell was he supposed to kick his own ass? Closing his eyes, he leaned down and placed a gentle almost whisper of a kiss to her forehead.
“Shelby, if I don’t leave, if I don’t walk out that door right now, I will touch you. I will kiss you. I don’t know how I know, but I know as sure as I’m standing here that I won’t have any choice in the matter. It’s best if I leave. Please move out of my way.”
The look in her eyes was breaking his heart. Who was this woman? This was not the Shelby who he spent all of his time with. She was vibrant, beautiful and so damn sexy, and he was just a man. Being near her was torture. Having to be near her without touching her made him feel alone, and sad. The fact that she didn’t want him to go made it ev
en harder.
She wanted to be there for him, just like he was always there for her, but he wasn’t sure what she was ready for. He knew that if he left they would both be miserable, but knew his will was being tested. As happy as he had been spending time with her and being her friend, he couldn’t deny how her kiss had made him feel. It was like waking up from the longest sleep.
He wondered to himself how he could have gone so many months without every truly seeing her. She was such a bewitching woman. The beauty she held was immense. The person that she was, though, was a paradox. As her outer layer was utter perfection, he knew that, beneath, she was a woman who would never see it. Who would always doubt the strength of her beauty.
“Shelby please.” He asked her again.
Reluctantly, she stepped away from the door. “I won’t beg you to stay, Rex. I won’t ask you for more than you’re willing to give me right now. But I want you to stay. I –” She reached up to place her hand on the side of his face. “Rex?”
Staring at her while she spoke to him so sweetly, touched him so gently, he let the sight of her soak into every pour of his soul. He reached for her. He couldn’t help himself. She had never looked as alluring as she did when she stood there and asked him not to leave. The emotions that were swirling around inside him were so new and bewitching that it was as if his actions were out of his control. He was merely a pawn in a hypnotic game of seduction. There was nothing she could have asked for that he would not have done.
“Shelby, I won’t push you. But I have to taste your kiss. I can’t get enough of it, and I’m afraid that I’ll take too much. That I’ll want too much.” He was gliding gentle kisses down her neck and across her jawline. “Promise me something, sweetheart. Can you promise me something?”
“Anything, Rex, I promise, whatever it is, anything.” She answered him breathlessly.
Her skin tasted like the sweetest sugar, and her scent was intoxicating him like no alcohol ever could. His desire was beyond control, beyond reason. It was the most amazing sensation of turmoil. Knowing what he wanted, knowing he couldn’t take it, but not being able to rationalize the force driving his hands and his mouth. He pulled her shirt just slightly to the side of her neck and rained kisses along her shoulder and back up to her neck again.
“Promise me that if I take too much, that if I go too far, promise me you’ll stop me. I won’t be angry. Please, just promise me. I couldn’t stand it if I did anything to push you too far. Say you promise that, Shelby.”
“Yes, I promise. Please, Rex, just kiss me again.” Her request came out in a whispering moan.
He did not need to be asked twice. He took her mouth and made it his all over again. Rex felt his body heat and his blood pulse race. Could he keep this up and still hold back? There was no question. He knew he had to. There was no way he would push her. But damn it, there was no way he could stop kissing her and holding her either.
Slowly, he started to move her to the couch. When the couch met the back of her knees and she started to ease backward, she stopped him. She placed her hands on his chest and gently pushed him away. “No, Rex, not here. Take me back there.” She tried to look down and hide her nervousness as she motioned toward the bedroom.
“Shelby, are you sure?” God, he was dying.
“Yes, I–I can’t promise anything, Rex. But I want you to hold me and–” She looked down again. Her hesitance in expressing what she felt was causing the words to linger just below the surface.
Rex couldn’t stand to see her so shy and questioning herself. He reached down and scooped her up in his arms as he carried her down the hallway to her bedroom. Just before he placed her on the bed, he leaned down until his lips were all but touching hers. “Remember what you promised, sweetheart? I’ll stop, I will, and I won’t be angry. I promise you that.”
She nodded her head. He could feel her heart was pounding so fast. He thought it would jump of her chest with every breath she took.
Looking down at her, Rex’s heart caught in his throat. If he had ever doubted before, there was no doubt about it now. He was in love with her. He never knew that the emotion could be so consuming, so overpowering. He reached over to plant a gentle kiss to her mouth. “I’ll be right back, sweetheart. Would you like something to drink? Are you thirsty?”
He hated to walk away from her. But he needed an excuse, a reason to give himself a few moments. If he didn’t, he wasn’t sure he would be able to control the pounding desire building inside of him. In the past, with any other woman, he would have stripped her clothes off and fucked her without hesitation. He would have pounded her until she screamed his name and they both came in a sea of relief. Then he would have called a cab for whoever his nameless, faceless partner for that night would have been and slept alone. Not with Shelby, though. She was more than casual sex. She was his soul.
When she didn’t answer, he asked again, “Sweetheart, are you thirsty?”
“Maybe a glass of wine?” Her voice was but a whisper.
He smiled at her. “Sure, honey. I’ll be right back.” He walked down the hall to the kitchen and realized he was scared. The wine would calm her nerves, but what about his? He was pouring the wine and noticed that his hands were shaking. Was this happening? Was he holding and kissing Shelby? The woman who he was in love with. God, the feeling was surreal. He was in love, and as good as it felt to be with her, he was scared. He couldn’t be sure how far things would go, but he knew that he had never truly made love to a woman before. He had screwed many women, many different ways, but they had never mattered to him. She did though, Shelby mattered. Shelby mattered more than anything in this entire world. She was his world.
Deciding he needed something to calm his own nerves, he poured a glass for himself. Picking up the glasses, he headed back to the bedroom. He almost dropped the wineglasses as he stood in the doorway. He was staring at her, awestruck by what he was seeing. She had changed. She was wearing a very sexy and tantalizing luxurious blue satin and lace teddy. She was standing in front of the mirror, and her reflection was staring back at him. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t move. He was utterly mesmerized.
Shelby stared at him in the mirror’s reflection. She knew she was taking a chance. A huge step that even she knew she might not be ready to take, but she also knew what she felt. It was marvelous and scary all at the same time. Yet the fear didn’t bother her. Not with Rex. With Rex she knew she could handle anything. It was more the fear of the unknown.
When Rex held her and kissed her, warm sensations coursed through her body. A liquid heat rushed from her womb down to her sex. The experience and sensations were unnerving at first, leaving her a bit fearful. She knew it was only because she had never felt such an overwhelming sense of–what to call it, she wasn’t sure–but one thing was for certain. She knew it was a yearning unlike anything she had ever felt before.
She wanted him. She hadn’t remembered ever wanting a man like this before. She never thought she could or would want a man with such eagerness. Not until the other night when he had kissed her, when he had opened doors to her soul that she hadn’t even known existed.
She turned slowly to look at him, her gaze never leaving his as she stared back at him in the mirror. Finally, coming face to face with him, she promised herself she would try to remain strong. She would be whatever it was that he wanted and needed. She wanted to make him happy.
“Rex?” Her voice was a low, seductive whisper, and it posed as much of a question as one word could.
He continued to stare at her. He slowly walked over to her. Reaching both hands behind her to place the glasses on her dresser, he brought his hands back to rest on the sides of her arms. His touch was barely felt. It was the gentlest meeting of flesh.
“My God, could there ever be anything more magnificent? You are so beautiful, Shelby.” He gently caressed his hands up and down her arms to soothe his own nerves as much as hers.
“Your skin is like silk,” he said as his eyes left
hers.
“Rex–oh, Rex, I –” She could barely think. She knew she should say something. But what? The sensation his gentle caresses were causing was making her feel dizzy.
He placed a finger to her lips and gently rested his forehead against hers. “You don’t have to say anything, Shelby. You don’t have to say anything or do anything. Just being here with you like this is more than I could ever dream of asking for.”
She was about to say something when Rex showered her with gentle kisses, sweeping from her temple to her neck to the sides of her mouth. She had never known such a feeling of passion and contentment all at once. She heard herself whimper but was unable to control it, as incredible sensations were flowing through her body.
Rex stopped kissing her and framed her face with his strong hands. He was trying to be so gentle. He had always been so rough with women from his past. But Shelby was so special to him, and so delicate, that he was afraid of hurting her.
“I still can’t believe I am holding you like this. My God, Shelby, do you have any idea how much you mean to me?” As he gently brushed his thumbs back and forth across her smooth-as-porcelain skin, he continued, “There is no one in my life, there has never been anyone in my life as important to me or as special to me as you, you do know that, don’t you?”
Shelby bit down on her bottom lip and nodded up at him. Her eyes were wide with longing and indecision. He could sense by the look in them that she was as nervous as he was.
“Don’t be scared, honey. I promise you that I won’t hurt you. I swear I couldn’t. I would die before I let you feel any amount of –”
It was Shelby’s turn to interrupt Rex. She placed a hand to his mouth and whispered, “I know. If there is one thing I am sure of, it is of how much I trust you. I feel safe with you, Rex. Your strength and your tenderness overwhelm me sometimes, but I am certain that there is no place I would rather be right now.” She smiled up at him.
Rex reached behind her and grabbed the glasses of wine. He handed one to her as he sipped his own. The desire flowing though him had formed a furnace inside his body. He had wanted other women before. Other women had always just been a means to an end with him, but he had never known an ache like this.
Morgan, Nicole - Sweet Salvation [Sweet Awakenings 2] (Siren Publishing Allure) Page 11
