Bella gets up, “I’m going to check on Mum. I will talk to you later.”
She leaves us alone. Raven gives me the stare down and there is fire in those violets. Right now, I know I’m so fucked. Her hands are on her hips, her face is flushed, and—Lord, help me—all I can think about is how desperate I am to sink my cock deep inside her. “Jax, just so we are clear here. You will not be going anywhere without me.” I’m about to object but she holds her hand up to stop me. I freeze, my eyes gazing up and down her beautiful body.
“We are a family, all of us. Max needs us to keep him from doing something that he will regret. We leave in four days; my mom will be taking care of Antonia. I’ve stocked enough food for her in the freezer. We will only be gone two days—no more. It’s time to put all of this to bed so our family can move forward. The past is just that—the past. We can’t change it. That past is what made Max who and what he is today, and we love him just the same. I will not let him make the mistake of a lifetime. It’s not your job or Max’s to carry the weight of this family. We are a team and we work together. Well, do you have a problem with this?”
“Am I allowed to speak, now?”
“Actually, no.”
What the fuck?—she turns and walks out! “Raven, wait! Where the hell are you going?” I’m frozen in place, mesmerized by the sway of her beautiful arse. When she’s halfway up the stairs, she turns, gives me a look that cuts to my soul. “Now, Jax.”
As she turns to go up stairs, it hits me like a hammer right between the eyes. It’s finally time, and I can’t get there fast enough. I race upstairs and when I get into our bedroom, she is standing there in absolutely nothing. My heart skips a beat. “Raven, can we? I mean, I know it’s only been six weeks—trust me I have counted every day—but are you okay? Did the doctor say it’s okay?”
She smiles, pointing toward the chair. “Sit. Now.”
I don’t know what happened to my wife but this is so surreal. I’m not an idiot. At this point, I’m not saying anything for once in my life; I’m doing what I’m told. She puts on the music, one of my new favorite songs by James Morrison, “You Make it Real,” and I’m thinking how appropriate it is. She walks over to my chair and straddles my lap. My jaw is clenched it’s been over six long weeks since I’ve gone to the happy place, and I’m praying I can last. She begins to slowly undress me. Every button of my shirt is sheer torture. She opens it, pulling it down my shoulders.
“Jax, you have the most beautiful neck. I love running my lips up and down it, nice and slowly. You’re very tense—relax.”
“Sweetheart, it’s easy for you to say. I’m trying to maintain some sort of presence of mind here.”
“I want to take you past euphoria, past that presence of mind.” Oh dear God, she’s pulling my nipple between her teeth.
She stands up and bends down, pressing her lips against mine. “Take your jeans off, Jax, now.”
I find my scrambled brain, stand up, and, in one swift yank, I unbutton my jeans. “I’m all yours, sweetheart.”
She lightly pushes me to sit again and then straddles me, slowly lowering herself onto my cock. “I want to own every one of your moans, your growls. I want to feel every inch of you. Every pleasure you experience, I want to come from me.”
She puts her hands on my knees and arches her chest; those beautiful, full breast right in my face as she rolls her hips.
“Oh, Jax, fare l’amore con me lento e facile.”
“Oh, dear God, sweetheart, what the fuck are you saying to me?” She knows I can’t take the dirty talk.
“Italian; make love to me slowly.” She takes my hand and starts working it up and down her clitoris. She takes my other hand and glides it up her body to her lips. “Jax, prendere me e fammi tuo.”
I’m frozen like I’m in a dream.
“Jax, take me and make me yours!” She does the one thing that she knows will be my undoing, the one thing that will send me over the edge . . . Clench.
“Fuck all that’s holy, Raven, please tell me I can move . . . that I won’t hurt you.”
“Now!”
I stand up and feel my legs wobble as I take her to the bed. I don’t want to hurt her; I need to be gentle. “Fuck . . .” I begin to move slowly at first, trying for some sort of control. Oh, who am I kidding? I lost control the day I met her. I pull back and slowly glide in and out of her warmth; it’s so wet. Every time I pull out, she clenches, making it snugger for my cock. My body begins to shake and I know this is going to be of epic proportions. “Dear God, please let me go longer, please. Raven, oh, sweetheart, I can’t hold it.”
She digs her nails into my arse and I’m growling endlessly. I don’t care who hears. I can’t stop—it’s endless and mindless—it’s euphoria. I look down and Raven opens her eyes and kisses me so tenderly. “Jax, I need more.” It’s just a whisper, but I know I what I heard.
“Really? How much more, sweetheart? Well, you know I’m not a one shot guy.”
“It’s been too long for me too, Jax.”
“Well, you had a lot of fun teasing me earlier, I think turnaround is fair play. Will you let me bound your hands, like you did to me?”
She bites her bottom lip and pulls that ear. “I trust you, Jax.”
“Okay, we will use your stockings, since they worked so well on me.” I go to her drawer and get two sets, making a show of everything I’m doing. “Get on your knees, Raven.” I bound her arms together and then tie them to the headboard above her head. I keep her spread wide for me. Now, I blindfold her. I take a moment to bask in my handy work, what a beautiful site. “Are you okay?” I ask her.
“Yes,” she whispers.
I crawl on the bed behind her while on my knees, and rest my cock right between those glorious arse cheeks. Oh Jesus, it’s like going home. Leaning down, I kiss my way up her spine. As much as I would love to reach around and play with her nipples right now I know they are too sensitive. I work my way down her back and nip at that beautiful arse. I swirl my tongue down further until I reach my goal and she lets out a low long moan. I take her clitoris tenderly between my teeth, tugging gently, followed by a kiss and a lick. I work my tongue deep inside her. She’s fighting her restraints. “Raven, you still okay?”
“More than okay; please don’t stop.”
I spread her wetness, front to back, and slowly work my finger into her, while I unleash my tongue, quick and hard. She’s right on the edge. I stop.
“Noooo! Please, you can’t leave me like this.”
“I would never leave you on the edge.” I get back on my knees and rub my cock up and down, stroking her softly. I enter her very slowly, one hard inch at a time. When I’m all the way in, I smack her arse hard enough to only tease.
“Oh, Jax, more please.”
She’s pushing herself back, trying to get me in deeper, harder. As much as I know she wants to, I know we still need to be careful. Instead, I reach around and run my fingers over her clitoris, applying more pressure.
“Yes!”
I smack her arse again and she is begging for more. Over and over again, right then left. “Sweetheart, are you there yet?” I don’t need to wait for her answer, she is screaming and shaking. I explode endlessly within her. As I slowly bring her down, I untie her, gently massaging her wrists. She reaches up and pulls off the blindfold. I pull out of her and she turns over. She crawls into my arms and pulls me tightly. I’m holding her and trailing my fingers up and down her back. My mind flips back to why the argument started, and I need to make her understand that she should stay home. I’m about to say something when the baby monitor goes off.
“I need to feed Antonia.” She gets up, puts on a robe, and goes to feed our baby. I watch her leave and I have no idea as to what I’m going to do.
I CHANGE ANTONIA AND begin to feed her. Tonight with Jax was wonderful. We finally went to our special place. I know what’s coming and I will fight him on it. I can’t let him go without me. I know he needs me there, e
ven if he doesn’t know it. I have to keep this family together, and I have to stop Max from making the mistake of a lifetime. I need to make Max understand that going after James will cost him Jackie. He’ll never survive another loss.
I can sense that Jax is behind me, I always know when he’s near. “Jax, if you think you’re going to try and talk me out of going, you won’t. I need to make Max understand what he will lose by doing this. We all go together or not at all. Don’t think about pulling the Antonia card cause that won’t work either. She needs to grow up with all her family around her. I’m making sure that’s possible.”
“Can I ask a question now?” he inquires as he walks around my chair so that we can see each other.
“Of course, I just wanted to make sure you’re clear on where I stand.”
“What happened? You’ve never been aggressive or domineering, yet today, I’ve seen a whole new side to you. Even when we were making love, you were different.”
“Honestly, I don’t know. What I do know is life can change on a dime. When I saw your mom go down, I panicked. I watched my mom come alive and yet, I felt myself shutting down. I won’t be that vulnerable little girl ever again. You’ve carried all the weight of our family for so long. When your dad walked away, there was never time for you to be a little boy. You have been everything to everyone for so long. Now it’s time for you to share the load.” Suddenly, I realize the depth of his question and can’t help but wonder if my new and improved confidence in the bedroom bothers him. I jerk my head up quickly. “Are you upset with me?”
“Well, I have to say it was hot seeing you take charge while making love to you. I love all the dynamics that make up who you are. I’m upset with the fact that you won’t stay home. I’m also no fool, Raven; I know when there is no changing your mind. Tomorrow we will talk to Max, but tonight, I need my wife.” He grazes my cheek with the back of his hand before helping me to get up. I put Antonia back in her crib, asleep and content. As we head toward our room, I mentally prepare myself for what I have to tell him next.
SHE HAS BEEN TUGGING on her ear—always a sure sign for something being on her mind. We sit on the bed, and I pull her hand from her ear. “Are you ready to tell me what’s wrong?”
“I’m not on birth control. I was going to tell you to pull out but then I got caught up in the heat of the moment. My mind lost all reason.”
“I thought you wanted to wait, why are you not on your pill?”
“While forms of birth control are discussed before having the baby, nothing is set in motion until after my six week postpartum visit. I can’t take the pill until after I have my first cycle. The fact that I am breastfeeding might work to our advantage for birth control.”
“Why were you afraid I would be upset about this? You know I want lots of babies.”
“I know you do, I just didn’t think it had to be right now . . . not that I think anything is going to happen, but I want you to know everything. After all, Antonia was a surprise. I want all cards on the table.”
“Sweetheart, you know I don’t want Antonia to be an only child. If it happens, then so be it. I’m glad you’re not taking anything that would cause any problems. Please, don’t ask me to wear a condom. If you want, I will attempt to pull out, but I can’t guarantee I will have the presence of mind at the time.” I lift her hand and kiss the inside of her wrist. I can feel her shudder as the jolt of excitement shoots right to her core. “Are we good now, sweetheart?”
“Yes, Jax, we’re good.”
I pull her into my lap and kiss her tender lips. “As much as I would love to go to the happy place, I know that we can’t over do it. How about I hold you in my arms all night long?”
“I know you’re right and before we know it, Antonia will be up again.” She tries to stifle her yawn. I roll us on our side and pull the comforter over us. “Let’s get some sleep, tomorrow is going to be another long day”
I look down and she is fast asleep. I kiss her gently, “There will be plenty of time for babies.” I whisper.
I DON’T WANT TO go anywhere near my office. I want to shut off everything that went down. “Why don’t we go in the living room and sit by the fire for a bit?” I suggest to Jackie.
“Of course. Would you like some tea?”
“That sounds wonderful, thank you.”
While she is puttering around the kitchen, I stare into the fire. I don’t know what I’m going to do. My mind is on a complete overload. Jackie comes back and sets the tray down. I smile . . . she even has Jammie Dodgers.
“Max, can I ask you a question?”
“Babe, you know you can ask me anything.”
“What is the story with these cookies? I mean, when Jax found out that An was getting them for you, he went crazy. I don’t understand.”
“My grams always gave them to me with my tea. It’s comforting to me, like in some small way my grams is with me. Jax loves them and when they were featured in that show he watches, it made him love them more. When we were living in the states, we couldn’t get them. So, An had them shipped in. When he found out, he went a little nuts . . . probably just to give me a hard time.”
“Are you still going to confront James?” She shifts gears.
“Would I lose you if I did?” I watch her face for all the signs that she will leave me. I see nothing.
“Max, I want you safe, and I want you healed. That’s really all I’ve ever wanted.”
“Babe, What are your thoughts on the whole situation?”
“Tell me everything you know. Sometimes having an outsider’s perspective can make all the difference.”
“Are you sure you want to hear it all?”
“Yes. I know you’ve held back, but I figured that when you were ready to share with me, you would.”
I give her a small nod of agreement, and then take in a deep breath before I let it all pour out of me. “After everything happened, I fell into a dark place, filled with nothing but hate and revenge. I was out for blood, and I left no stone unturned. When I found the gunmen, I did what needed to be done. I vowed I would never let them see the light of day.” Her eyes are fixed on me, and I know this is hard to hear—hell, it’s hard for me to relive it. “The thing is, I didn’t feel good like I thought I would. I have to live with that for the rest of my life. I know I’m probably going to hell and all the redemption in the world won’t help me. I knew who the men worked for; Miguel Dominguez, Columbian drug lord. I thought about going after him, but in the end, I knew revenge was not the way. It would make me no different from him. When I saw that picture, I knew the face looked familiar but I couldn’t place it because he was very young. When I aged it, I realized who he was. The shock was seeing my father with his arm around the man, laughing. Does he know the man was responsible for the death of his grandson and daughter-in-law? Does he even care? Was he a part of it?” I’ve got a grip on her hand; twirling her ring around her finger. “Jackie, I need to confront him, but I’m scared.”
“Scared of what?”
“Babe, I don’t know if I can keep it together. It’s not just me anymore. I have to think about the rest of the family. I can’t lose them, especially over him. I can’t lose you, you’re my world.”
“What makes you think you would lose your family or me? Max, at the end of the day, you know what the repercussions will be if you take matters into your own hands. He’s not worth it. I can understand you wanting to confront him and call him out for whatever part he might have been responsible for. What you can’t do is make him turn you into someone you don’t want to be.”
“How, baby? How do I do that?”
“You do what you do best, Max: gather information and facts, slowly build a case against him. Leave him to rot in jail, just like Vincent will.”
“I don’t know that I can do that? In my head, he is dead to me, but in my heart, he’s my father. I’m so tired of all of this. I just want it over already.”
“Max, you need to stop looking at
him like a loving, caring father. He is nothing more than a sperm donor. He didn’t make you the man you are today. Your real family is who shaped and loved you, no matter what.” She kisses me and holds me tight. I know she’s right.
“Max, when I was young, I had a friend that I trusted completely. She was one of my only friends. One day, she betrayed me really bad. Of course, it was nothing like this, but at that time, I was so upset and wanted to hurt her like she hurt me. My mom sat me down and told me I needed to forgive the girl. Well, I can tell you, I thought she was crazy. I told my mom she was absolutely nuts if she thought I would ever forgive her. My mom asked me if I thought I was better than Buddha. I told her, ‘Of course not, what would make you think that?’ She said, ‘Buddha can forgive, so why can’t you?’ I really couldn’t answer her. She gave me the best advice that day, Max. She said forgive the girl and move on. She doesn’t have to be in your circle. She has to look in the mirror every day. And in the end, she has to answer to her God for what she has done. My point is, Max, if you reduce yourself down to his level, then you’re no better than he is. Let him live with what he has done and let him answer for it. The more you hold onto the grudge, the more bitter you will become.”
“Wow, what did the girl do?” I ask and she widens her eyes. “Don’t look at me like that, you had to know I would ask.”
“She slept with my boyfriend right before he came to pick me up for our date.”
“So, what did you do?”
“I told the boy that I knew what he did, and I forgive him. I told him he could have her, and that he would never have me. I then went to see her, and told her that I hope they are very happy together. I wished her luck and walked out. I never spoke to either of them again. I knew if I didn’t do that, I would become a very bitter person. Max, don’t let James make you into a bitter person. Don’t give him the power to take away what you have found here. Only you can stop this.” She pulls me into her arms, wrapping those wonderful legs around me. I’m resting my head on her chest and I can feel her heart beating. It’s what keeps me alive.
Shattered Lies Page 8
