by Helen Lacey
Men and women think about sex differently. Isn’t that what Nate had said? And logically it was a no-brainer, Perhaps emotional intimacy would come from physical intimacy. Maybe not love. But something else. Something which would grow and develop strength over time. Perhaps that would be enough.
Feeling the need to rid herself of some of the tension cramping her neck and back, Joley headed inside and quickly changed into her swimsuit, grabbed a towel and then returned to the pool. It was dark but she didn’t bother with the lights. The water was deliciously warm and she did a few easy laps before she rolled onto her back and floated by the end near the shallow end. She held on the edge with her fingertips and closed her eyes, relishing in the weightlessness. And thought about how she’d fallen for a man who didn’t believe in love.
Nate stayed in the kitchen for precisely ten seconds after she left. Dinner was forgotten, the botched muster also forgotten. He headed for the games room and made for the bar where he poured a shot of bourbon.
He’d antagonized her, for sure. But her parting shot about Allyson cut deep.
He was so damned frustrated he felt like taking a cold shower for the rest of his life. He’d had a few sexual encounters since his divorce, but no woman had the effect on him that Joley did. He wanted her so fiercely he ached.
She’d irritated him with her digs about wanting to be in control—no doubt because it was a truth he didn’t want to hear. Probably some left over self-protection mechanism from his ex-wife’s departure? Whatever his reasons, it wasn’t doing him any favors with Joley. His plans for a family seemed about as unreachable as the moon. He wanted a wife and kids, the whole package. Nate wanted to wake up beside a woman he trusted—who wouldn’t lie and deceive him. He wanted Joley. He could easily imagine her in his bed every night, picture her belly rounded with his child.
Nate groaned and tossed the bourbon into the small sink. Alcohol wouldn’t numb what he was feeling. The idea of eating alone didn’t appeal either. The cold shower option was on the cards. Or a dip in the pool. He flicked off the light on his way past the pool table and left the room. Nate went to his bedroom and changed into swimming shorts and headed out back.
It was cooler outside and the night air took the edge of the heat covering his skin. Since Joley’s bedroom overlooked the pool and patio area, he left the lights off so he wouldn’t disturb her.
Nate dropped the towel, dived directly into the water and swam a length.
And almost collided with Joley at the other end of the pool.
He pulled up and moved back a little. In the dim light, her skin looked almost luminescent. “Hey, I didn’t see you there.”
She shrugged her glistening shoulders, bare except for the thin straps of her swimsuit. “Sorry. I should have put the light on.”
“No need to be sorry. The pool is here to be used.” He moved to the edge and backed up against it. “I’ll leave you alone if you—”
“No,” she said quickly. “I mean, it’s your pool.” He waited as she drew in a deep breath. “And it gives me a chance to apologize for what I said earlier. I’m not usually snippy and mean. I shouldn’t have made that comment about your wife.”
“Ex-wife,” he corrected. “Forget about it.”
She stood up in the shallows and Nate sucked in a breath as the water cascaded down her collarbone and between her breasts. She looked like some kind of ancient goddess with her radiant skin and luscious curves. His palms tingled with a sudden urge to touch her. But he wouldn’t. Not until she came to him without doubt or reticence.
“Things have changed between us. And I know that was the reason you asked me to come to Gwendonna.”
“You mean bribed?”
She smiled a little. “I didn’t exactly put up a whole lot of protest. But I came because I wanted the business back and was determined that I wouldn’t get involved with you.”
“You’ve been free to leave any time.”
“I know that. And part of me…part of me wants to.”
His insides crunched. “And the other part?”
Her eyes shone brightly. “The other part wants what you want…a solid relationship…family. I’m thirty-three years old, Nate; it’s natural that I would want to settle down with someone.”
“You’re just not sure if you want that someone to be me?”
“I’m not sure about anything,” she admitted in a husky whisper that carried across the water. “Why I came here. Why I’m still here. Why I keep forgetting the reason I came in the first place. That reason is blurred now and I’m more confused than ever.”
“You think it doesn’t cut both ways?”
“I think…I think you’ve been honest about what you wanted from the outset.”
Nate stilled. “And you haven’t?”
“I thought I had,” she said softly. “I thought I knew what I wanted. I thought I could come here and not be tempted by everything you offered me. But I was wrong. I am tempted,” she admitted on a shallow breath. “I want more. I want…you.”
Nate’s whole body turned rigid. It was exactly what he wanted to hear from her. But he had to be sure. He had to be certain they were on the same page. He wanted her and liked her—but he wasn’t about to admit to anymore than that. “Without the violins and roses?” he asked. “Without the false promise of everlasting love?”
She looked directly at him, hesitated and drew in a long, shuddering breath. “I think so.”
Nate gripped the edge of the pool and quickly hauled himself out. “That’s not enough, Joley. When you’re sure…when you’re really sure…then I’ll make love to you. But not before.”
He returned to his room, dressed and then headed out to the stables. The lights were still on which meant Sticks was awake. Shadow swung his head over the stall and he rubbed a hand over the gelding’s face.
Damn.
The days were dwindling and soon she’d be gone. Once she went home, what chance did he have of making her his own? Nate let out an exasperated breath and headed back to the house. As he walked through the door of his bedroom, he stopped in his tracks.
Joley sat on the recliner in the corner, her beautiful hair tumbling around her bare shoulders. She wore a silky pale blue negligee that did powerful things to his libido.
“I want to try.”
He drew in a deep breath. “Try what?”
She bit her bottom lip and it made her look young and vulnerable. “Try to make sense of what’s happening between us.”
As much as he wanted her, Nate wasn’t sure that was a good enough reason. “With sex? We’ll still be the same people in the morning.”
She drew in a breath and stood. Looking at her in the gown, seeing the way it dipped over the lush curves of her body made every ounce of blood in his veins rocket to boiling point.
Her head dropped fractionally. “You don’t want me?”
Nate’s stomach clenched as the uncertainty in her voice reached deep inside. She couldn’t possibly believe that. “Want you?” he echoed rawly and held up both hands. “Look at me…I’m shaking.”
Her lovely smile had incredible power. “So you do want me?” she whispered.
Nate took a couple of steps towards her. “Wanting you is all I can think about.”
“I’m glad,” she said softly. “Because I want heat, just like you do.” She met him across the floor. “You say you want me…then have me.” Joley had said that to him once before…the night of the wedding. But tonight was different. She wanted him. And he wanted her. The desire in his eyes was riveting. He wasn’t shaking now, he was in complete control. His touch mesmerized her, his fingertips gentle against her throat. His hand moved down her back and he urged her closer, silky nightgown against denim, breasts against chest. Joley gave herself up and kissed him back with every ounce of feeling she possessed. He groaned low in his throat, as though sensing her change, her complete surrender.
Her arms moved to his shoulders and she clung on. He was strong and safe…
everything she wanted. When the kissing stopped, he stared down into her face, breathing labored, eyes dark with desire. No man had ever looked at her in such a way; no man had ever kissed her in such a way. Her body had its own will. She wound her arms around his neck and as though she were a feather, Nate took hold of her hips and lifted her against him.
The huge bed creaked and moaned when he set her down. She lay perfectly still, watching him as he loomed above her. There was no rush about Nate, no haste. He was all masculine confidence and watched her as though he had all the time in the world. He wanted her, she knew from the way the tiny pulse in his cheek beat like a freight train. His gray eyes regarded her with blistering, powerful intensity. His gaze shifted from her face, down her throat, lingering where her breasts pushed against the lace bodice. Her nipples responded instantly and tightened, clearly visible through the thin fabric. So many times in her life she’d wished she been blessed with a smaller chest…but not now…not when Nate looked at her with such singular desire.
“You’re so incredibly beautiful,” he said, almost in a whisper as he touched her face, trailed his knuckles down her throat and then between her breasts.
Joley arched her back. His touch drove her wild. And she felt beautiful. His admiration was evident as he lay beside her and began stroking her skin through the silky fabric. The caress was incredibly arousing across her hips, her belly, her thighs and the curve of her spine. She rested her hands on his chest, felt the rapid beat of his heart and heat of his skin through the T-shirt he wore. He kissed her again and again, softly, gently, then more deeply, more passionately.
Joley traced her hands downwards and tugged at the hem of his shirt. “Take this off,” she pleaded and pushed the garment up.
Nate released her for a microsecond and pulled the shirt over his head. Then he was against her once more, side by side he trailed his hands over her, driving her into a sexual spin so intense Joley thought she might faint. He pushed the nightgown up and trailed his fingertips along her thigh. The heat of his hand, the taste of his kiss made her wild with wanting and she touched his chest freely, scorched by the heat of his skin as her palms slid over hard muscles.
With her nightgown bunched around her waist, Nate took his time as the throbbing between her legs turned into an all out ache. She couldn’t recall ever feeling so alive, so desired. Every touch drove her higher, every stroke of his fingertips made her want more. He kissed her mouth hungrily and trailed lower, past her jaw and her throat. Her breasts begged for him and she made a little groaning sound, almost jumping from her skin when he pushed the fabric aside and kissed her there. His mouth was hot against her nipple, when he teased the tender flesh between his lips, Joley thrust her hands in his hair and pulled him closer.
He made a sudden impatient sound and somehow stripped the nightgown from her body in one easy sweep. Naked and vulnerable, Joley knew the desire in his eyes was real and any lingering inhibitions she had about her body disappeared. He kissed her again, deep and hot. She wrapped her tongue erotically around his. The kissing, the gentle caressing lasted a long time, each one more intense than the last.
“You’re wearing too many clothes,” she whispered when she couldn’t bear it any longer and simply had to feel all of him. She fumbled with his fly, felt him hard and aroused as she unclipped the button. She rested her fingers on the zipper. “I want you naked.”
He smiled against her lips, had his jeans and briefs off within seconds. When he rolled her over, she went with him, skin against skin, heart to heart. He was so strong and took her weight easily. It made her glory in her womanhood, knowing how much he desired her. He anchored her face with one hand and they kissed over and over. Then when Nate drew his other hand up between them and touched her where she screamed to be touched, Joley felt herself falling. It came to her quickly, rushing like the wildest ride at a theme park, and she let herself go with it.
Taking had its own rewards she discovered and hour or so later when he’d wrung every ounce of pleasure from her body again and again and rolled her over. Nate took his weight on his forearms as he moved over her and Joley held on as they continued their wild ride. When they were one, when she wasn’t sure where he ended and she began, the steady rhythm he created sent her body soaring again. She looped her arms around his waist and drifted into some hazy place where only Nate existed—his touch, his skin, his quiet moans of pleasure as they moved together. So in sync it was as though they had been lovers before, in another life. She felt the tension gathering in him and gripped him tighter, loving the way he filled her so completely. When the pleasure came again it took them both upwards, spiraling, exploding like white hot stars with an intensity that shook Joley to the very core of her soul.
Nate was breathing so hard he felt as though his heart was going to burst through his chest. Mind blowing. Was there any other way to describe what had just happened between them?
He rolled over and snapped his head back onto the pillow. Joley moved beside him and began pushing the quilt down with her feet. “What are you doing?” he asked grasping her hand.
“Trying to get under the covers.”
“Why?”
She shrugged and kept grappling for the sheet. “Habit, I guess.”
Nate urged her closer and manoeuvred her onto her side so that she was curved against him. “Don’t cover up. I like looking at you.”
“Can you turn out the light?”
She obviously meant the lamp on the bedside table. “That kinda defeats the purpose of being able to see you.”
Her breath sharpened. “Nate…”
“Okay,” he said and reached up to flick off the lamp. “It’s dark. Want to tell me what that’s about?”
“Not particularly.”
She was so soft and lush beside him. Nate curved an arm around her shoulders and drew her close. “You’re body is beautiful and sexy, don’t ever doubt it.”
“Thank you,” she said and traced her short fingernails over his shoulder.
She drove him wild. From the lightest touch to being buried within her, everything about Joley rocked his logic and made Nate think about feelings. Deep feelings. Making love to her had magnified it one hundredth fold. What he wanted had never seemed clearer. The home, the wife, the family…and at that precise moment, he realized they’d just played a reckless round of roulette.
Nate pulled himself up. “We didn’t use birth control.”
She touched his chest. “It’s fine.”
Her assurance didn’t help much. He wanted kids with Joley, but not yet. “You’re positive?” he asked and tilted her chin. A bright sliver of moonlight peeked through the curtain and created enough light to see her perfectly lovely mouth smile.
“Yes. I know my cycle.”
Cycles could be unreliable. An old panic set in. “You’d tell me, right? If you were pregnant you’d—”
“I’d tell you,” she said, firmer now as she cut him off and pulled herself up beside him. “Of course I would.”
Her promise should have been enough. But lingering memory of lies and betrayal got stuck in his head. The idea of enduring that pain again carved through him like a knife. He’d believed he could trust Allyson and she’d betrayed him in the worst possible way. He wanted to believe Joley was different.
“You can trust me, Nate,” she said, as though reading his thoughts, her blue eyes not straying from his face. “I would never do that to you.”
He believed her. There was something essentially good about Joley. A deep-rooted honesty to her spirit which he’d recognized from the first. “I know. It’s just that sometimes those old feelings hang on.”
“I understand,” she said and tucked herself in the crook of his arm.
Nate pulled her close and kissed the top of her head. “Yeah, I think you do,” he said and had the sudden urge to tell her everything about that awful time, things he hadn’t told anyone, not even Marshall. “She laughed,” he said and hardly believed the words were leavin
g his mouth.
“Laughed?”
“When I found her. It had been over a week since she’d left Gwendonna. I tracked her down at her sister’s place. She told me she was pregnant in one breath—” Nate stalled for a moment, remembering, “—and that she wasn’t any more in the next.”
“But you didn’t believe her?”
He shook his head. “No. In my heart I knew…I knew what she’d done.”
“I’m sorry.”
He sighed. “Me too. I would have raised the baby, you know…even if she didn’t want to be married any more. I would have stayed in the city and waited until the birth. If I’d arrived just a couple of days earlier…” He shrugged. “Who knows, I suppose, what might have happened.”
“Why do you think she did it?”
Joley’s voice sounded faintly echoic and Nate gripped her tighter. “After she laughed she said she was glad. She said she didn’t want to have a baby. Not my baby. Not any baby.”
“But you did?”
“Yes,” he replied. “I did. I would have liked the chance to know my son or daughter.” Nate took a deep breath. “You know, I’m really hungry,” he said, changing the subject. He didn’t want old hurt to tarnish the mood between them.
Joley turned and lay against him, all soft nakedness and lovely curves. Her breasts pressed into his belly and he traced their outline with his fingertips.
“Hungry?” Her eyes widened when his body stirred. “For what?”
Nate gripped her shoulders and pulled her higher. “Well, I was thinking the lasagne still warming in the oven…but come to think of it, this is much better sustenance.”
She wriggled against him. “Yes, much better.”
They made love again, hotter, harder, this time using the protection Nate quickly retrieved from the bedside drawer. She made love as she lived, honest and sincere, going with him all the way. Unafraid, like a goddess, she matched each movement, each stroke and every kiss. When they were spent, when the pleasure had lifted them up and beyond, exhausted and wrung out, Nate collapsed beside her. Once his lungs settled down and he could take a breath, he gathered her into his arms. They slept for a while, legs twisted together. For the first time since forever, he knew what it was to be content.
