by Deb Julienne
Kat stopped frowning, the scowl left her face, she looked down.
“My turn,” Sabrina said. “You’re so busy pointing at my faults let’s see if it feels the same when yours are pointed to you. What’s your truth? Why are you taking the hard way out? You should be out of college like Jill and I. Yet you’ve changed your major three times. You have degrees in Business, Political Science, and Music. You’d have your Master’s, yet you keep changing your major in the middle of last semester. The moment you get close to graduation you come up with another excuse to stay in school. Now you want to study the stock market.”
“You don’t understand”
“You’re right, I don’t. Your Uncle Jack owns a firm. Why not get a job with him? But no–you insist on taking the long road. At the rate you’re going, you’ll be the world’s oldest professional student.”
“I won’t do that this time.”
“And yet, you spend every spare moment at the clubs dancing with men, never the same guy twice. Your truth question is what do you want to be when you finally grow up? Your dare is quit clubbing, settle down and graduate, once and for all. Seems like I’m not the only one who hides behind a mask.” Sabrina stood, hyper-alert, and at the same time she wanted to crawl in a hole and die.
Kat scowled, huffed, drank her shot, and turned the glass over, allowing the last traces to run onto the table. Kat’s brand of retaliation. She knew full well Sabrina hated glass rings. “Since you’re so smart I’m surprised you don’t know the truth already. I can’t believe you’d say that. When have I ever looked down on you or lorded over you how much money my family has?”
Kat had to be equally stressed by the whole magazine situation. Never had either of them been spiteful to the other. Although Sabrina had to admit she’d been pretty hard on Kat. Then again Kat had been hard on her as well.
“I’ll tell the truth. Let’s hope you can take it. What makes you so sure my life is a piece of cake, topped with hot fudge, whipped cream, and a fucking cherry on top? Do you have any idea what it’s like not to have men take you seriously?”
“Please, you’re talking to the original wallflower.” Sabrina crossed her arms as if that were any kind of protection from Kat’s vicious words.
“Well let me tell you, you have it easy. If you don’t put yourself out there, you can’t get hurt.” Kat stabbed the air slicing right to Sabrina’s heart. It’s different for me. You don’t know if a guy recognizes your name or if they only want your body, never convinced they’re seriously interested in you. Do you think it’s fun to go out with a guy who spends the evening staring at your tits? He never makes eye contact because he’s too busy undressing you. God knows he already has the story lined up for his buddies in case you say no. And while all this is going on, you know full well no one will believe you didn’t have sex with them regardless of the truth.” Kat straightened her shoulders and cleared her throat.
“Oh and let’s not forget the backlash when those juicy tidbits get back to your family.” Kat shook a finger at Sabrina making her twitch like a child in the throes of punishment. “And make no mistake it always gets back to your folks because the media is a rabid dog on the prowl set to rip out your throat for fun of it. For the record, I want to find a job on my own. I don’t want people kissing my ass because I’m the boss’s niece.”
“I’m sorry—” She deserved Kat’s menacing words. How could she have turned on her best friend?
“I’m not like you. I didn’t always know what I wanted to be. I want a job where people take me seriously. I’m tired of being treated like a dumb blonde. Hell, I’m ready to dye my hair brown and change my wardrobe to that of a mousy librarian in order to be treated with respect and dignity.”
“A gorgeous head of hair, beautiful ocean blue eyes, the most perfect figure God ever bestowed on a woman, and wealthier than Bill Gates. Don’t forget that.” Sabrina joked hoping to lighten her friend’s mood. This was all her fault.
Kat turned on her. “See? That’s what I’m talking about. I pour out my heart and you make light of what I’ve told you.”
Sabrina almost choked. She was thoroughly and completely ashamed of herself. She’d been put in her place and she’d never felt so low. “Kat, I’m sorry, I was out of line. Will you forgive me?”
“I’m sorry, too. We’re quite a pair, huh? Here I’m envious of you and the fact you know what you want in life and you’re jealous and think because I’ve got money it fixes everything. Guess we both learned a lesson.”
Sabrina dropped onto the couch exhausted. “I know you think I’m unreasonable to search for the perfect man, but I can’t and shouldn’t have to settle for just anyone.”
“Sweetie, who said you have to settle? Sure I go out to dinner and the club. That doesn’t mean I bump fuzzies with every man I date.” Even angry Kat maintained her sense of humor.
“Kat, I didn’t mean it that way.”
“I know you didn’t. I also don’t believe there is one perfect person for everyone. I doubt there will ever be a man alive who can rock my world the way you seem to think love will. All I want to point out is you have two options here. There are plenty of other jobs available at other magazines or papers. If you truly want Trent, why settle for Travis? I’ll even set you up a date. If you choose Travis, quit and see where it goes.”
“It won’t happen on my hopes and whims alone. I’ve only spent an hour during a volleyball game with Trent. It wasn’t exactly round one of a speed date. My gosh, it’s been over three years. I doubt he’s given me another thought.”
“That’s what you think,” Kat muttered and spun away.
“What?”
“Forget it.”
“Kat, I’m not you. I don’t have a cotton-picking idea how to seduce Travis or Trent. There’s more to it.”
“So you’ve made up your mind then. Who? And why?”
“I think what I have with Travis is real. What I feel for Trent is a bad case of the hots or maybe an unhealthy case of all-consuming lust. Besides, how do I make it happen?”
“Honey, that’s the easy part. To actually find the right man worthy to seduce is another thing entirely. You’ve already done the hard part. Now tell me why you find Travis so appealing. One thing you need to know. Men are like bad drama queens, they don’t know the difference between Ophelia and fellatio until you’re doing it. Yes, they’re that stupid. Their idea of romance is to bullshit their way through life with the sincere hope you’re so in love with them you’ll be blinded to their flaws. If you want someone don’t lose him because you’re afraid.”
“You’re jaded. Men can’t all be that bad.”
Kat snickered. “I can always let you go out on a date with my long time, fiercely loyal, boyfriend Bob. Oh, and now I have Ed and Bugs.”
“I know all about your battery-operated boyfriend, but who are Ed and Bugs?”
“Ed is my electric dick and Bugs, well he’s self-explanatory.”
“God help me. The last thing I want to do is diddle myself.” She chuckled. “Although the odds of me having sex this century greatly improve if I consider it. Damn it, Kat, see what you’re doing to me?” She berated herself as heat raced up her face.
“Are you sure you don’t want to try? Its guaranteed stress relief and no emotional involvement.”
“Keep your boyfriends for yourself. I want the real thing my first time around. Thank you.”
Sabrina shared with Kat every minute of her time with Travis. They downed one more tequila shooter to celebrate Sabrina’s new focus. At least it was a start.
Pleading a bad headache, Kat went off to bed.
Sabrina on the other hand, afraid she’d chicken out, poured herself a shot then sucked it down before she dialed Travis.
She was grateful he answered the cell on the second ring because she really wanted to hang up. She rushed to get it all out before she lost her nerve. “Travis, it’s Sabrina. I wanted to know if I can see you tomorrow evening. I’ve been thinki
ng maybe I was a bit too hasty this morning when I stopped our kiss. If you’re still okay with it I’d like to spend s’more time with you.”
Her head was spinning, anxiety filled her, worried she’d let her one chance get away from her.
A heartbeat passed and he took a deep breath. “Sabrina, of course I’d love to see you. Are you sure? I don’t want you to have regrets. You know I don’t have any idea how long I’ll be here.”
How she managed to spit out her words and not sound like a total nincompoop or a lousy whore was beyond her. Sabrina bit back the bile pushing up her throat. “I’m sure Travis. I’d rather take this chance with you now than to regret never taking a risk at all. If you want to, we can always discuss it after work tomorrow and figure out how to spend the evening. Since you’re the visitor here is there anything you’d like to do?”
“As long as I’m with you, it’s all that matters.” His voice dropped and got sexy.
She looked at the receiver. Tears prickled her eyes.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow. Good night.” She put the receiver down slowly, as if in a wonderful dream, her heart fluttered, drunk on Travis’ comment more than on the liquor.
“As long as I’m with you.”
Glorious words.
Sabrina reclined on the couch and reveled in the pure joy of knowing she might soon discover the pleasures of love and maybe even have sex. She closed her eyes and fantasized.
8
The next day Sabrina dressed in her favorite cream colored Chanel blouse and black Dior wool slacks. She stepped into her black Ferregamo flats as Kat’s words about using her clothes as a mask came back to haunt her, sending shivers down her spine. She had to grow a backbone if she expected to get through her date. Her job and her love life were both in desperate need of help. She needed a plan. She needed courage. She needed imagination. She needed a shot of gumption to jumpstart the entire escapade.
When she got to her office, she started with her article.
She didn’t know how to define love, so she grabbed her dictionary from the bookshelf behind her desk and searched. Merriam-Webster’s definition left her more than depressed.
An attraction based on sexual desire, affection and tenderness felt by lovers, unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.
Ugh. How can an explanation about love be so cold? Surely someone had a better description.
The online Urban Dictionary made more sense.
Wanting to be together, and when you’re not, that person is all you can think about. Trusting someone with your life, your secrets, your every breath. To have someone accept you, as you are. To place the other person’s needs before your own. To feel the inexplicable need to show affection and devotion to each other.
The description was lovely. This interpretation made her feel warm all over, anxious to experience those emotions first hand. A good start, but they were still just words. For greater understanding, she asked each staff member to give her one instance of how they showed love to someone and how it had been reciprocated.
At first each person laughed and skirted her questions.
She reassured them she only wanted their stories as examples. Simply the essence of what made them experience their idea of love. Their examples surprised her.
An impromptu weekend away, to a coveted basketball game, to a proposal on the Jumbo Tron, which made her laugh and her heart sing with delight. Travis had surprised her with flowers. It had been wonderful. Surely there had to be more to it. Time for some people watching. She grabbed a ten from her wallet, picked up lunch from a vending cart and headed to the park.
* * * *
Sabrina returned to her office to make notes. Satisfied she’d accomplished a great deal in a mere hour, excited about her achievements, she raced to Travis’ office to ask for a bit of direction on the depth of information he wanted in the love column.
She went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth, checked her make-up, added a touch of concealer to her scar, and touched up her lipstick.
His door was open, and he had his head down, deep in concentration.
She knocked lightly and waited.
He lifted his gaze and smiled. “Sabrina, come in and close the door.”
She did as he asked. Her body filled with a naughtiness she’d never encountered before. Did anyone suspect something between them? Why did she feel so exposed? She had to stop this nonsense and rein in her paranoia. Relax and enjoy a good thing. She took a seat and waited for him to finish.
Her mind began to wander. She’d wanted to discuss her article with him, except now, alone in his office, with the door closed her mind ambled off in the direction of their soon-to-be date. Where did he plan to take her? What would they do? Did he plan to kiss her again and sweep her off her feet? She hoped he’d forgotten the mask fiasco. Knock it off and concentrate on the work at hand for Pete’s sake, she told herself.
Travis cleared his throat.
“Sorry, lost in thought,” she shrugged.
He chuckled then removed his glasses as he sat up straight and stared at her. A pleasant smile lit his face. “I hope you were thinking about our date tonight.”
“Uh—sort of—but it’s more than that. I got a good start on my article on love and wanted to run a few things past you and get your advice. Can you spare the time?”
“Sure, let’s hear it.” He leaned forward.
“Well, here’s the hard part. How do I get started? You know I’m limited here. I mean I can’t add my personal take on things, so I have to figure out what spin to put on the article.” Dang, why did she always end up blushing around him?
“Quit beating around the bush here. Let’s hear it.”
His smile relaxed her, eased the tension in her shoulders. “Okay, so I started my quest to discover the right definition and let me tell you, Merriam-Webster might be the be-all-end-all of words and information, but for a graphic description, they suck.”
Travis’ chuckle warmed her for a second then sent a shiver and an unknown sensation deep inside her. The hairs on her arms stood on end. “So then I interviewed the staff for examples of what they did for a loved one and vice versa. You know, to give the reader ideas on how to treat someone special.”
“Nice, I like it.”
“Yeah, but now what? Do I make a list of places to go? Top restaurants a spouse is anxious to try? A stage production she’d give her eyeteeth to attend. Or do I take it even deeper. It will be our first issue with the new spin and of course I want it to be perfect. I’m still not sure I know what exactly the magazine needs of me. Does that make sense?”
“Sure it does and that’s a great idea. Most people wait until the last minute to figure out what to do for Valentine’s Day. Women want to prove their love. While guys torment themselves on what won’t look stupid and will get them lai—lucky. Sorry. And unfortunately, most men haven’t got a clue what’s considered romantic enough, will score them extra points for when they screw up, and still allow them to maintain their manhood.”
“Seriously, do people take it that much to heart? I’ve never gone on a date for Valentine’s Day except with girlfriends and it was dinner and drinks. I can’t imagine it’s as difficult as you’re making it out to be.”
“Oh yeah, I remember the panic. It drove me to find the perfect gift or be screwed. You don’t want to get a serious gift if you’re not completely interested in the girl. This limits your possible choices. Candy and flowers are too cliché. Jewelry is out. They read all sorts of things into it. Perfume is even too personal if you’re not into her. Me, personally, if I’m not dating someone at Christmas, I avoid women until after Valentine’s Day.” He shrugged.
“Are you serious?”
“You know what I mean?”
“No. Sorry. I don’t.” She didn’t suppress her grin as he struggled to explain.
“You’re enjoying this aren’t you? You actually like watching me squirm. Wheed
ling out the misery I’ve had to suffer through.”
“By all means, go on.” She leaned back in her chair, crossed her legs at her ankles, and folded her hands. “This should be entertaining.”
“Okay, so, I’ve only had two girlfriends on Valentine’s Day. The first one was right out of college. I made reservations for dinner, got her the candy and flowers and her response was, ‘That’s it?’”
“You’re kidding.”
“Nope. And it was imported truffles from Belgium as well as a rare orchid from the South Pacific. It cost me a fortune to have them shipped in. Needless to say that’s the last time we went out.”
“How rude.”
“Yeah, I thought so too. The second time—” He stilled.
“Travis?”
“Sorry, let me say this one was far worse. We’d been dating for six months. It was nice but I knew it wasn’t going to last much longer. The chemistry wasn’t right. I knew she wanted me for my money, name, and family connections. My family loved her but was oblivious to her faults. She was self-centered, rude, and constantly put my friends down. She liked to make fun of them to their faces, and no it wasn’t friendly play. I’d had enough of her bull sh—BS and decided to end it.”
“Why didn’t you just break it off if it was that bad?”
“It wasn’t that easy.” He blew out a breath and leaned his forearms on the desk. “I should have been paying more attention. Somehow we ended up with reservations at this five star restaurant. I kind of suspected something was up, but I had no idea what.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair. “The night comes, we’re at the restaurant and suddenly she gets down on one knee and proposes. She throws herself in my arms as flashbulbs go off, blinding me. When I finally managed to get her off me and I can see again, I told her no, it wasn’t happening. Well, she made a scene and tore out in a snit.”
Her hands flew to cover her mouth. “I am so sorry. That had to be embarrassing.”
