Although she had arrived in Falcor late the night before, too exhausted from making a day and a half journey in one to talk to anyone, she had found herself awake and tossing before dawn. A hot bath had only made her more alert-and restless. Her eyes went to the rectangle etched in black on the stones of the outside wall. Elizabetta. She could send a scroll to her daughter, and she would, but what more could she say-or do? Her daughter was growing up a world away. How do you tell her that you love her without it sounding trite? How can you tell her what you're really doing? Can. you say that you're killing people to create a little more fairness for women-and generally privileged women at that? Or to keep a land together that might be better falling apart? Or that you're tired of fighting the same battles in Liedwahr that you fought on Earth- except that you can force people to listen now?
Awake as she was, she was too emotionally tired to write and send Elizabetta a message, and her daughter still wouldn't get it any sooner.
Finally, Anna looked at the scrolls beside her and the rough paper before her.
Lord Hulber of Silberfels and the gold issue... more grain for the grasslands riders of the north... and whom to name as the next Lord of Mossbach. Should she seek thoughts from the Thirty-three as a political move? Or have Jecks feel people out? Or name Falar? But if Falar's interest in Herene is real...?
After a time, she sharpened the quill and dipped it into the ink, slowly writing out the list... name after name... Arkad, Sargol, Dencer, Hryding and Anientta, Gatrune, Dannel, Ustal, Jearle, Tybel, Beltyr... and Brill. Don't forget Brill. Almost a third of the Thirty-three--dead in the two years since she'd come to Defalk.
Lord... even the Reign of Terror wasn't that sweeping, was it?
Thrap! She jumped at the single sharp knock on her chamber door.
"Lord Jecks... if you will see him."
'I'll be happy to see him." She watched the door open.
"Lady Anna." Jecks bowed. His eyes sparkled as he looked at the sorceress. "I was not sure you would be up this early after so long a ride, but Lejun said you had been moving around for some glasses. "I took the liberty..." He gestured to the serving girl bearing a large tray filled with two small loaves of steaming bread, eggs scrambled with cheese, white cheese wedges, and a large red apple. Jecks carried a pitcher. "This is hot cider."
"Thank you." Anna didn't have to force the smile as she cleared a space and moved some of the scrolls to the bench-chest at the foot of the bed. The girl set the tray on the table-desk and bowed. Anna directed a second "Thank you" to the server as the girl left.
After filling Anna's goblet with the hot cider, Jecks pulled up the straight-backed chair and sat across from the sorceress as she broke off a chunk of bread.
Anna stopped eating after bolting two bites of bread. "Aren't you going to eat anything? There's plenty here."
"I had one of the loaves out of the oven," Jecks admitted. "I was up early, and Dalila was baking."
Dalila-onother indirect casualty of your sorcery. "If you're still hungry, please have some." She smiled. "Please."
Jecks smiled, the smile she enjoyed so much. After a moment, he took his belt knife and sliced off a small section of the hard white cheese. "Perhaps a little cheese." Then he sliced several more sections. "And for you."
"Thank you. I'm sorry I didn't want to talk last night," Anna apologized. "I was exhausted."
"You rode two days in one."
"A day and a half, I think, but it felt longer." She took a sip of the cider-better than water, but what she wouldn't have given for coffee. "I couldn't even think by the time I unsaddled and groomed Farinelli."
"You looked tired-and worried."
"I'll always be worried." She forced a laugh. "That seems to go with being Regent." After a pause, Anna asked, "You got the scrolls from Synfal?" She took another mouthful of cheese and bread.
"There were two."
"I sent just two before we left for Arien." She swallowed more of the bread, then took another sip of cider, conscious- very conscious-of Jecks' eyes resting upon her. "So much happened."
Jecks waited-with far more patience than she would have shown-for her to tell him what had happened.
"Lord Tybel. . . somehow he'd raised nearly thirtyscore armsmen. He staged a phony parley and was going to attack..." In between bites, Anna began to fill Jecks in on the details of her efforts since leaving Falcor, first what had happened at Arien and then at Flossbend and Pamr, and finally the bits that hadn't been in her scroll from Synfal.
"So. . . young Zybar is now Lord of Arien, and your little Secca is truly the Lady of Flossbend?"
Anna nodded. "I left Lejun and half a score armsmen with one of Himar's older captains there. It was the best I could do. And Herene seems to be rebuilding both her hold and the town. Falar begged my leave to stay there for a time. I told her she was free to accept him as a consort, and equally free to reject him." She laughed. "He can be very charming, but she's stubborn."
"Some men are charming." Jecks nodded. "Others are not."
Anna sensed the meaning behind the words, and could feel the closest thing she would ever hear to a plea from the white-haired lord. Lord.. . I'm not ready for this. "What do you think about Kinor as Lord of Denguic?" Anna glanced up after swallowing another mouthful of bread and cheese, not quite looking at her lord high counselor. "He has a lot to learn, and we'll have to keep a rein on him... but I wanted someone .young, and someone who would stand up to Jimbob."
"He will do both. I like Lord Kinor." Jecks laughed. "So long as he is not made Lord of the Western Marches, or not for many, many years."
"No. Lord Nelmor has earned that. He fought when no other lord did, and because he thought it necessary." Anna grinned. "He did fight most cautiously, but I didn't mention that. Anyway, we need cautious fighters."
"The others of the Thirty-three cannot fault that you made him Lord of the Western Marches."
'There's plenty that they can fault. They can fault the dreadful sorceress." Anna shook her head, recalling other words, other times, and how those words had a different meaning. Be not proud, for though some have called you mighty and dreadfid, you are nor so... Donne hadn't meant the words that way but you certainly have no reason to be proud... not after this season.
'Too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart," Jecks said quietly. His eyes were warm and deep-and fixed on her.
"What?" With the intensity of Jecks' words, Anna looked closely at her lord high counselor.
"You said that... you spoke of. . . but that was before you went to Arien. The words are yours, but you do not take them to your heart."
The words belonged to a true poet, one she'd sometimes wished had seen more of his work put to the music she'd once sung. "We all make sacrifices ... and sometimes they go on. You've left Elheld to come to Falcor for Jimbob."
"I did not come to Falcor just for him, my Lady."
Anna knew that, somehow welcomed and dreaded the words at the same time. "I know that. I've known it for a long time. I'm glad you did." You said it... you are glad.
"Lady. . . would you return to the mist world. . . if you could?" Jecks' voice was soft, deep, concerned.
Would you return if you could... would you...The words seemed to spin through Anna's mind... over and over. Would she return? Her mouth was dry, and her hands trembled. She clasped them together tightly. "That's an impossible question. I can't. I can barely send a message once a season, and I risk my life doing that."
"You know you cannot," Jecks persisted. "But would you if you could?"
Anna swallowed. To see Elizabetta and Mario again... A colder, harder voice appeared. And then what? And then what? Do you want to go back to struggling as an untenured professor? How would you even get a job... or explain two years' absence? And what would you do when Elizabetta graduates and starts living her own life?
Would you if you could? The words rattled through her Iikc an ice-edged blade.
Jecks sat, patiently, a man of ac
tion, yet one who had stood by her, helped her, reined in his nature, even changed who he had been. His eyes were bright.
Anna swallowed. "... and we are here, as on a darkling plain.. ." Another poet, another set of words. But our armies aren't that ignorant... "They don't have to be..."
Jecks raised his eyebrows at her murmured words.
The softest of unheard chords echoed through her mind, and she rose and stepped around the table-desk. As he stood, she took his hands.
Those strong weathered hands and muscular arms slipped around her, and Anna's arms went around Jecks, the lord who had always been there.. . and who always would be, through the seasons.. . through Darksong and Clearsong.
The End.
Darksong Rising Page 53
