by West, Shay
“Great.” Alex sat back in the booth, appetite gone.
“You’ve already proven you’re more than a match for him,” Sean said.
“For how long? How do I know that the next time he won’t succeed in killing me?”
Gavin looked at her with eyes that oozed sympathy. “You don’t. All you can do is keep fighting.”
“I have an idea.”
Alex looked at Jenn who had been furiously writing in her time travel journal. She sat with the journal hugged tightly to her chest, face pale and drawn.
“What about trying to do what you did with Sean when you traveled back to see him as a teenager? Only do it with this evil Traveler instead.”
Alex opened and closed her mouth, her thoughts scattering so fast that she couldn’t hang on to one of them long enough to form a sentence. She looked to Gavin who sat with his brow furrowed, staring at Sean.
“It may be the only way,” Gavin said.
Alex shook her head and waved her hands in front of her. “No way in Hell am I doing this.”
“Alex—”
She turned to Jenn. “Seriously? You really think I have it in me to inhabit the body of some girl and what, kill him? I can’t do it.”
“Would you rather spend the rest of your life being hunted by this guy?” Jenn asked quietly.
“Of course not. There has to be some other way. Why can’t you guys do it?” She looked at Sean and Gavin hopefully.
“I can’t do what you do, Alex.”
She stared at the faces around her, wanting a giant hole to open up and swallow her whole. I can’t do this! Her throat sealed and tears threatened to fall. Rather than lose it in front of everyone, Alex excused herself, hoping a trip to the restroom would give her time to get it together.
Alex locked herself in a stall and sat down, breath hitching in a chest that felt much too tight. She wondered if this was what people with asthma dealt with on a daily basis.
Get a grip, Alex!
Her usual mantra had the desired effect. Her heart rate slowed and she felt strength rather than fear flowing through her veins. She wiped her eyes and left the stall. As she stared at her reflection in the mirror, she replayed each visit back in time, the faces of the women her spirit had inhabited flashing through her mind, each of their faces as real as her own. They all had such strength and character. Alex closed her eyes and prayed that their spirits would help her now.
She didn’t know what to do. Part of her knew the others were probably right and yet the thought of actually killing someone seemed repugnant to her. Alex thought she might be capable of it if she was fighting for her life but to simply walk up to someone and kill them made her want to puke up all her lunch.
And yet she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life traveling at someone else’s whim, never knowing if that would be the trip that would end her life. What kind of a life would that be? How could she ever have a husband, a career, even children, if she was under the cloud of this secret?
Alex walked back to the table and slid in next to Jenn. She tried to smile but could barely manage to make her lips twitch.
Gavin patted her hand. “Nothing has to be decided today. Sean and I will be in touch. Besides, you need to be back off to school.”
Panic closed Alex’s throat and her muscles wouldn’t obey her brain’s command to stand. She glanced back and forth between Sean and Gavin, unwilling to leave their comforting presence. Scotland was too far away. She needed them here.
“Do you have to go back home?” she asked quietly.
Gavin smiled sadly. “I’m afraid we do. Our agent has us booked solid for the next year and we have to finish a book in the next few months. But you know where to find us. We can email or Skype if we have to. In this modern age, technology can bring us together in seconds.”
Alex felt a little better but she hesitated saying her good-byes. Only Jenn’s frantic gesturing to the door forced her hand. She hugged both men, feeling a bit awkward but still playing up the relative bit for the waitress.
“If you see this woman again, let us know. We can help you do some research, try to figure out what time period she lives in. And give Jenn’s idea some thought. If you do decide to go after this guy, we’ll be right there with you.” Sean blinked a few times then stammered. “Well, we won’t be able to be with you when you go back in time of course, but we can be with you while you’re here...” He shrugged and gave Alex a lopsided grin.
Alex watched as they drove away, eyes burning with tears. For once, Jenn didn’t start chattering and she even left the radio off. Alex wasn’t sure that the silence was any better than the usual noise.
The afternoon passed just as slowly as the morning. Alex wanted to seek refuge somewhere and think about Jenn’s idea, to formulate some sort of plan in case she decided to take a man’s life. She stared at her desk surrounded by a sea of washed out voices. When her biology professor wrote the five questions on the board, she stared without blinking, feeling as though she wasn’t even really sitting in the classroom doing something as ordinary as taking a quiz.
The words written on the chalkboard didn’t make sense. They ran together and reformed into a shape that was vaguely human, perhaps even a man. The white chalk man ducked and dodged a variety of white chalk weapons: a sword, gun, a bottle of poison.
Her breath came in gasps and her stomach roiled. The chalk man bled red, mixing with the white chalk and black board. He raised his hands to fend off the invisible attacker. Alex screamed at him to run, knowing that the invisible attacker was her and that she was actually considering the idea of going back in time to kill someone just to save herself.
Alex stood, grabbed her bag and ran from the room, ignoring the startled gasps from the students and the shouting of the teacher. She ran into the nearest bathroom and locked herself in a stall. Her knees buckled and she sat heavily, reaching for the metal bar to steady herself.
Her phone buzzed in her back pocket. Jenn sent ten text messages so quickly Alex couldn’t keep track of them. She sent one back saying that she was fine and would meet her at the car.
“What the heck happened back there?” Jenn asked when Alex climbed in the car.
“Don’t know. Freaked out, I guess.”
“That’s an understatement. Half the class thinks you’re on drugs.”
Alex groaned. “Great.”
“Just play off like you had to puke or something. No big.”
“That’s not a bad idea. Not like I can tell anyone what’s really happening.”
“You have me, and you have Sean and Gavin now. That’s gotta count for something, right?”
“Damn right. Now I just have to figure out how to live long enough to figure out if I have it in me to kill someone in cold blood.”
“I know it’s not the best solution but it sort of seems like the only one, ya know?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Hey, isn’t your mom supposed to be taking you driving today?” Jenn asked as she pulled into the empty driveway.
Alex frowned. “I thought we were supposed to. Maybe she isn’t home yet.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow. Happy driving!” Jenn shouted as she backed out of the driveway.
Alex unlocked the door, checking her phone to see if her mom had left a message about being late for their practice driving. She tossed her bag on the couch, headed into the kitchen for a snack, and noticed the note on the table.
Out for a walk with Bruce. Back after dinner.
Alex crumpled the note and threw it in the trash, body shaking with rage. How dare her mom blow her off for some dumb guy? They had planned her driving practice around theater and work. She couldn’t get her license without having at least fifty hours practice behind the wheel with her mom. She wasn’t allowed to practice with anyone else.
Alex considered texting her mom but figured it would be a waste of time. I’ll confront her when she gets back. She grabbed her bag off the couch and headed to her room, g
iving the door a good slam even though there was no one around to hear it but her. She had a little homework to do but couldn’t concentrate. Alex read and re-read the assignment, her mind unable to focus long enough to come up with the answers to the questions. The only thing she seemed capable of thinking about was trying Jenn’s idea to find the evil Traveler and get him out of her life once and for all.
CHAPTER 14
THE MORE ALEX THOUGHT about it, the queasier she became. Even remembering the time she had been inside the body of Agy and the evil Traveler had killed the old black woman didn’t strengthen her resolve. Alex was terrified of actually seeing the Traveler face-to-face, like some Wild West show-down. And there was a distinct possibility that it might actually involve guns.
I don’t even know how to shoot a gun!
Alex imagined their confrontation being a bloody hand-to-hand affair, with the pair of them trying to get a chokehold on one another or perhaps doing the eye gouge. He would be bigger and stronger and there was no way she could win in a fight. Unless she could get her hands on a gun, figure out how to shoot it, and aim from far away. Maybe an airplane.
I probably couldn’t make the mirror change anyway.
As her anxiety grew to unbearable levels, Alex jumped off the bed and grabbed her hand mirror out of her bathroom. She stared at her reflection in the large wall mirror, putting off what she knew deep down she needed to do. Her phone vibrated, causing her to squeal out loud.
-Eating out. You’re on your own
Alex stared at the text from her mom and resisted the urge to throw her phone against the wall. She couldn’t believe her mom was doing this to her again. Blowing her off for a guy.
She called Jenn and spent the next hour crying and slamming her mom for leaving her alone again to go out with Bruce. Alex ignored Jenn’s attempts to smooth things over and ranted about the unfairness of it all, how she couldn’t wait to turn eighteen so she could move out on her own.
“It just sucks! I mean, what mother leaves her daughter home alone to hang out with some guy? And not even a cool guy. He’s totally lame,” Alex said.
“She’s single now, Alex. She just wants to have some fun. It’s not like they’re getting married next week.”
“At the rate they’re going, they just might.”
“Hey, mom’s calling me to dinner. Chat on Facebook later?”
“Sure.”
Alex hung up and wandered into the kitchen to find something to eat. There were some left-overs, but that didn’t sound appealing. She randomly opened and closed cupboards and finally settled on a can of soup. She microwaved it and brought the hot bowl into the living room hoping that the television would distract her for a few hours.
As she watched TV, she rehearsed the speech she would give to her mom when she returned from her date. Alex refused to sit by and be treated like this. The more she thought about what she was going to say, the angrier she became until her hands were shaking too badly to hold the bowl of soup without sloshing it on herself.
Several hours passed and rather than calming down, Alex became more and more agitated as she pictured her mom out having the time of her life. She turned off the TV and stormed into her room, pacing back and forth, hoping she would hear the Blazer pulling into the driveway. Alex felt like she was going to explode if she had to bottle up these feelings much longer.
Her hand mirror lay on the bed, calling to her. Alex walked slowly to the bed and picked up the mirror, handling it like she would a venomous snake. She was terrified to look at the reflective surface. What if the evil Traveler was staring back at her?
I don’t have to travel back in time just yet. Maybe just see if I can make the mirror change when I think about him.
Just knowing that she had control of whether she went back in time helped her decide to at least try to make the reflection change to someone close to the evil Traveler. She wished it wasn’t so late. She wanted Jenn here but Alex knew Jenn’s mom would never let her come over at this time of night.
Alex grabbed her computer, hoping she had a message from Sean and Gavin. She checked her Facebook and Twitter, knowing she was putting off the task. If she went that far, she had to admit that she might be willing to go further and actually travel back in time, and if she was willing to admit that, then she had to admit to herself that she may be capable of murdering someone.
Is it still considered murder if I kill a bad guy?
Alex was fairly certain that it would be. Even though Alex herself wouldn’t be caught for the crime, the woman whose body she inhabited would and Alex wasn’t sure she could live with that. Not even if it meant saving the world from someone trying to alter the past.
What if I just hurt him? Scare him?
That idea sounded a lot more appealing. She had no idea how she could scare someone as ruthless as this Traveler but she would rather try that than attempt to take his life. Alex pondered what would happen to history if he wasn’t around any longer. Would it be as devastating as altering the path of someone with more influence? Then again, Alex didn’t know who this guy was so she couldn’t say how much influence he had. Maybe he was a ruler of a country, or maybe his son would stop world hunger.
There was another possibility that Alex didn’t want to contemplate. That by going back in time and alerting the evil Traveler that she could hone in on him and find him would start a war that she wasn’t sure she could win. If I can find him that way, maybe he can find me! Alex didn’t know if she wanted to tip her hand.
She stared at the back of the mirror, her mind whirling so quickly she feared she would get sick, much like she did when on the Tilt-a-Whirl at the local fun park. Tears streamed down her face as she felt the overwhelming urge to call her mom and tell her everything that had happened since that fateful day in the bathroom at Burger King. While she was grateful for Jenn, Sean, and Gavin, she wanted her mom to tell her everything was going to be fine.
Her father’s face flashed across her mind. Alex tried to shove it to the side like she usually did but it persisted. This face was from younger years when she had been happy and unaware of the hammer that would fall and change her life. She wanted to go back to that time. Maybe if her dad hadn’t left them, they wouldn’t have been forced to come live with her aunt, and she never would have seen that girl from Ireland and she would be living the life of a normal teenager.
Maybe she could stop her dad from running off with that blond floozy. If she was a better daughter, he would tell Blondie to take a hike, spend more time at home, and show interest in what she was doing. Alex knew her thinking was terribly flawed and that she wasn’t to blame for her dad leaving. He had made that choice and nothing she or her mom could have done would have changed his mind.
Alex wished her dad was in the room so she could shout and scream and curse and tell him exactly how he had ruined her life. If he had been around, her mom wouldn’t be out dating some loser. They would be a family, like they were supposed to be. It wasn’t fair that she didn’t have a father to turn to when things got rough.
She buried her face in her pillow and cried until the tears finally dried up. She made her way to her bathroom, wiping her face. Her eyes were hot and heavy, like they got when she spent too much time underwater at the pool. Alex blew her nose and stared at her face in the mirror. What should be a teenager’s best friend was something that spurned mixed feelings in her. Every time she gazed at her reflection to comb her hair or put on make-up, her heart would race as she waited with bated breath for her reflection to change to that of a stranger. Gavin’s voice echoed in her head, telling her that killing the Traveler was the only way to ever live a normal life.
How does he know that?
What’s to stop another one from taking his place? Gavin assumed that her duty was to stop this one man since he was the only one she ever encountered in the past. What if Gavin was wrong? That thought scared Alex. She could go back in time, kill the evil Traveler, and still not be free of this curse; she wou
ld never be able to call it a gift.
She went back to her bed. With shaking hands, Alex turned the mirror, light from the ceiling fan overhead reflected in the shiny surface, nearly blinding her. The face in the mirror could almost be that of a stranger. Her hazel eyes were puffy and bloodshot, like those of someone who was much older than seventeen.
With a silent prayer, Alex took deep breaths to slow her heart rate. She focused on the times she had met the evil Traveler and the feelings she experienced when he was near: revulsion, terror, wrongness emanating like the stench off a corpse. Just remembering her previous encounters shattered her concentration as her mind fled from the emotions.
Get a grip, Alex!
She closed her eyes and flexed her muscles to hold the mirror steady. Rather than let the emotions cause her to break her focus, she faced them head-on, refusing to back down.
The image shifted for a brief moment and Alex caught a glimpse of a woman with dark skin before it flickered back to her own familiar face. Alex placed the mirror on the bed next to her and stared at the wall. She couldn’t say how much time passed. She had heard the expression of someone’s mind going blank and for the first time, she knew exactly what they meant. There was literally nothing that she could remember thinking for that period of time.
Alex heard the slam of a car door. She jumped off the bed, heart racing as she remembered her previous desire to hash it out with her mom about blowing off their driving lesson. Her mom was talking and laughing. Is he here this late at night? When she didn’t hear any other voice, she figured her mom was talking on the phone.
She waited until her mom had moved down the hallway and into her own room before she opened the door. She considered foregoing the impending fight she knew was about to occur until the next morning, but anger fueled her steps toward her mother’s bedroom.
Her mom was in her own bathroom. Alex could hear water running through the closed door. She sat on the edge of the bed, trying to remember the speech she had rehearsed hours earlier but the words were tangled with the image of the African-American woman she had seen in the mirror.
