by Jilian Rouge
In exasperated impatience, Rue stamped her foot right on top of his, an effective maneuver at getting him to release her in more shock than hurt. Without his arms around her, Rue was able to dispel the confusing feelings his body close to hers generated.
Scrambling at her pocket, Rue produced the folded notes she had brought with her and waved them in his face. “I received these notes along with yours this morning. Let me tell you that our little interlude had not gone unnoticed by someone.”
Sobering from his previous gaiety and teasing, Alex solemnly accepted the notes and read each one. He looked up once he had finished his quick read-through and frowned, “How did you come by these?”
“They were sent along with the breakfast tray I had ordered up to my room. I’ll have to ask the chambermaid if she had seen the sender.”
“Whomever had sent those notes must have deposited them on your tray shortly after I had snuck my note on there. Our unknown sender must have slipped you those notes sometime between the maid bringing up your tray and arriving at your room.”
“What makes you think it hadn’t happened prior?”
“Simply because I watched the maid’s ascent up the stairs on her way to you after I had given her my note to deliver to you. Don’t think I didn’t anticipate or miss your absence at the breakfast room this morning. I had already penned my note before I went down to join everyone to breakfast.”
“How insufferably arrogant of you,” Rue grumbled, put out that he could be so highhanded.
“Not at all,” he brushed off casually. “Despite our years apart, I still know you, Rue. Just like how I know when you’re angry or distressed, two little lines appear between your brows, and how I also know that you will be quick to deny you feel any such thing.”
Rue pursed her lips, begrudgingly knowing that he had her there. While she had never observed what she looked like when angry, she couldn’t gainsay him about these supposed lines between her eyes. But she could try her best to ignore the suggestive intimations with which Alex kept interjecting between the points she was trying to convey.
“Will you please stop making this discussion about me?” she cried, at her wit’s end with his antics. “I need you to take this seriously! Someone had seen us coming out of the library and is not above using such knowledge over our heads. I came here for the express purpose of telling you of my intention to stay away from you as the note says. We can’t keep meeting like this, and this will be the final time.”
Rue turned to leave, but Alex caught her at the wrist.
Alex had planned to press the issue of their match when they met today, and after their unparalleled encounter yesterday, he had thought he had proved that she was his and his alone. He didn’t count on Rue’s stubborn refusal to see how good they were together, but he had years of dogged determination as proof that he was relentless in achieving his goals. And he was single-mindedly intent on having her by his side as his wife.
“You’re serious, aren’t you?” he asked, eyes narrowing. “You’re going to let whoever authored these notes bully you into keeping your distance from me.”
Just as quickly, Alex’s air of teasing and amusement vanished only to be replaced with an air of quiet menace. He gently drew her into him once again, but this time Rue felt every bit like trapped prey caught within the paws of a sinuous jungle cat. The way he looked at her now—gone was the tender suitor, seducing her with his wiles. In his place was an Alex she didn’t recognize, he was angry, but she could never be truly afraid of him. Instead, she shivered at the hunger she also saw in his eyes, a hunger that spoke of his craving for her. Only, she could no longer predict what this new Alex would do now that she had said her piece.
She didn’t answer, not when Alex did it for her. Between clenched teeth, he gritted out, “Rue, do you not know of my earnestness to have you as mine, once and for all?” Shaking his head and sighing, he continued, “I asked you here, not just because it was someplace we won’t be discovered. But because this place is a reminder of our days together, a secret only the two of us share. I thought that by bringing you here, I could finally confess what it is I feel for you.”
With bated breath, Rue kept silent, eager to hear more while at the same time dreading whatever it was he had to confess.
“You have to know that I’ve always admired you, Rue. Your sense of adventure, your loyalty to those in your circle, and your zest for life had always kept me in thrall.”
“If that’s what you felt for me, then it wasn’t enough to keep you here.”
“No, Rue. I knew what you felt for me, but I was unable to fully grasp then what it was you were offering me. I like to think that if I had known and appreciated your feelings, I would have found a way to keep you with me, but you were so young, and I still had the responsibility of my duties as an earl to tend to.”
“I know. You left to amass riches for the Merrick estate,” Rue said quietly.
“I did, but don’t think that I had forgotten you in all of the time I was away.”
Rue scoffed, “And don’t think I haven’t heard of your exploits in London! Your reputation preceded you enough that I had to have it thrown in my face everywhere I went during the Season.”
Contrite, he admitted, “I don’t claim to be a saint, then or now. My—ahem—conquests were only vain efforts to exorcise you.” At her skeptical look, he explained, “I could never completely forget you, not when every woman I had taken to bed, I pretended they were you.”
Rue gasped, but he continued on, a note of desperation flooding his voice. “Please understand! You were my talisman in the nine long, lonely years I stayed away. By the time I had enough to buy my own ship, I sailed and captained it myself to and from the West Indies. Three years I spent on that ship, and I had made a fortune in trade on it! It was only in the past year that I came back to London, thinking I could settle there, not daring to hope that you would still be unmarried and available.
“And so, I existed, not truly living while in London, visiting the beds of countless women whose names I don’t remember. None of them were as unforgettable as you, Rue. Even when I thought I could try to forget you, I couldn’t, not when the thought of you helped me through some of my darkest times. Not long before I decided to come back home, I was already at my worst, thinking that none of those women I’ve bedded truly knew me as the man behind the rake. I had grown tired of the cloying hands and being used only for the pleasure I could provide. I had been so lonely, so empty until I came back home and found you here.”
Rue glimpsed the crushing pain on Alex’s face, and she saddened at the thought of her dearest friend knowing such overwhelming loneliness. His head bowed low over hers, and she stood on tiptoe to touch her forehead to his, closing her eyes at the contact.
“How does my being here help?” she asked quietly.
“You chase away the insanity in me, making me feel whole and clean again. You will always remind me of a simpler time when all we had was each other for companionship. You make me forget myself and want only to have you with me always,” he whispered back as the warmth of his breath on her face felt like a caress from his own fingers. As he spoke, he punctuated each sentence with a soft, barely-there-kiss, on her forehead and on each closed lid.
Opening her eyes, she let her gaze drift over his face until she was arrested by his eyes. There, she saw in his eyes a vulnerable plea, one that her heart already knew what he was asking. And yet, she felt the weight of his loneliness, his anguish in his words, and she was palpably drawn in, wanting only to provide him the comfort that would cure him of such pain.
She understood his loneliness because she suffered just as much as he did while they were apart, and there was no point pretending that she didn’t love him the entire time she tried to forget him. Now that he was declaring himself, she could readily admit that her heart soared at the words if anyone asked, but based on his scandalous reputation as a rake, she could not readily accept that his interest would la
st forever. She needed an assurance from him that was solid and would last forever; she needed to know he wouldn’t leave her behind again.
But that look in his eyes, one that bespoke of immeasurable pain, induced her to cast aside her insecurities, and she wanted nothing more than to show him he was no longer alone. Angered on his behalf, Rue imagined all the faceless people of the ton subjecting him to such agony and wished them all to the same hell they put Alex through. They had no right to treat her Alex to such a friendless existence, damning him to physical encounters empty of any meaningful exchange. How dare they treat him as just a soulless body when she knew how extensive his warmth and generosity could be when readily accepted!
But for his sake, she could put all to rights; she had so much love for him, enough to make up for the years he had been gone. She knew intuitively what he needed, and she was prepared to give him what he had been earnestly seeking: a promise of a warm and loving future. Only, did he realize what it was he was looking for? Did he know that it was love that he was instinctively searching for?
Boldly, tenderly, she touched her lips to his, pouring all of what she felt into the kiss, hoping she was conveying all the love and reassurance he desperately needed.
Pulling back to search his gaze and in a voice blocked with emotion, she softly said, “Perhaps the situation is this: we need each other, you and I. Not once had I thought you were hurting as much as I was during those nine long years, and it angers me that you were refused any kind of warmth.”
Looking incredulous down at her, Alex surprised her by saying, “And that is one of the reasons I love you, Rue.” Gazing intently into her eyes, he continued, “You always had my best interests at heart and I knew that you thought my marrying someone else was what was good for me. But how could that be, when all I want, all I think of is wanting you, needing you so much?”
Her heart caught in her throat at the words I love you. Was it entirely possible that her lifelong dream had finally come true?
He went on, “When we were apart, even when I was with others, building my reputation in scandal, I knew I was seeking the same sort of special moment that you and I shared during our first encounter. I had wasted too many years trying to find that same kind of connection only to realize recently that I can only find it with you.
“You see, I knew I had hurt you when I left, but I was frightened by the feelings you arose in me. Like a coward, I ran from you, and too late, I realized my mistake. I never realized or could even fathom that you loved me at such a young age, and by not recognizing your feelings I hurt you in the worst way. I never meant to hurt you then, and I would never willingly hurt you again.”
At the reminder of his unintentional slight, tears welled on her lower lashes. Tears that he brushed away with a gentle finger.
“Rue, I love you and need you. I always will. Those years of bitter loneliness almost broke me, knowing I loved you through it all. Please don’t condemn me to a life without you, because I promised myself it’s you—or no one for me. Please say you’ll marry me,” he pleaded earnestly.
Rue knew her answer and her heart sang at finally gaining what she had always wanted: Alex’s love. Seeing the truth in his eyes, in his voice, she smiled at him with her heart in her eyes. Holding his gaze, she saw the brightening of his eyes, his face relaxing from the tension that gripped him earlier as he saw her answer glowing in her eyes.
In a teasing note, she asked him, “When?”
“Soon,” he said simply and caught her to him in a scorching kiss.
16
Lost in his kiss, Rue clung to Alex, helpless against the fury of it, against the sweetness of finally having Alex in truth. After so many years of despairing that he would ever be hers, the fulfillment of such an almost far-fetched dream was that much sweeter.
He held her fast, squeezing her tight against him as if, through the pressure alone, he was telling her he would never let her go. Within such a steel grip, Rue felt the strength in the arms about her, knowing how hard-won such power must have been while muscling his way on his own trade ship.
As passionate as the kiss was, it dragged on and on, by no means gentle in its delivery on either side. Instead, it seared them both, heavy in its intensity, stirring the both of them to greater heights of desire. Moans uttered from the depths of their throats soon littered the close air within the little cave; the both of them mindless of what noise they made as long as they could gladly express how much they wanted each other.
Alex’s lips trailed lower, brushing hot, gentle kisses against the line of her throat. Small kisses that drove her mad, causing her to squirm within his grip, hoping for the relief only he could provide against the growing ache inside her.
He chuckled against her throat and said, “Patience, Rue. What is the use of being mine if you aren’t allowed the benefit of my honed skills?”
“I don’t want your skills,” she breathed stubbornly. “I just want you.”
Rue tore at his shirt, desperate to expose and feel any inch of Alex’s skin for her hands to touch and caress. Alex marveled at her brashness, smiling down at her as her small palms grazed the flesh of his stomach, then higher up to stroke the skin of his chest. This was the Rue he remembered, so eager, so driven by her own sexual impulses that he wondered how she had managed to escape the bonds of marriage for this long. Any red-blooded male would have been grateful to have such a woman as responsive as his Rue.
He groaned at the feel of her delicate hands smoothing across his heated flesh, and he delivered each caress she gave him in kind. He, too, hungered to feel her soft skin and he quickly undid the row of buttons down her spencer, ripping it down her arms as soon as the lapels separated.
Belatedly remembering that they were in a tiny cavern and not his bedchamber, he left off trying to rid Rue of any more items of clothing and opted to bare just those parts he was eager to touch and taste. When he finally pried a breast free from its moorings of stays and chemise, he bent lower to take one bud into his mouth and suckled hard.
She gasped at the rough treatment, the sharp inhalation which soon diminished into soft moans as he teased at the abused nipple with the flat of his tongue. In answer, she clutched at his head with acute strength, determined to keep him where he was as she arched, enjoying immensely the attention he paid each breast. Alex looked up briefly to see her with head thrown back in languorous ecstasy, eyes closed, her lips rosy red from his earlier kisses. In wonder at this siren before him, he watched as she responded so freely to his touch.
Rue pressed herself closer to him, feeling the evidence of how much he wanted her against her belly. Shifting one hand between them, she reached down to caress up and down the length of his cock, making him groan against the softness of her breast.
Straightening, he looked down at her with passion-laden eyes, then down at her errant, wandering hand, and said, “Rue, if you continue your caresses, I’m afraid I might not last long enough to bring you properly to your own pleasure.”
Smiling coquettishly up at him, she answered, “What if doing this brings me much pleasure?” And she doubled her efforts as she teasingly nipped at his lower lip.
Blowing out a breath in an effort to better maintain his wits, but could not manage such a herculean task, not when his cock was taking a primary role in this interlude. His blood positively boiled as he barely restrained himself from taking her in the feral way he wished, but the gentleman bred within him stayed his hand.
His eyes nearly popped out of his head as he watched Rue slither down the length of his body until she came to rest on her knees before him. With a look he questioned her, and she only smiled up at him with that sensual glint in her eye. She freed his throbbing, aching cock from his breeches, his eyes crossing as she popped the ruby head past her plump, rosy lips.
“Rue,” he croaked with some effort. “You don’t have to.”
Releasing him, she said simply, “I want to. Besides, that book had me eager to know what this was li
ke.”
With his brain so befuddled, he at first had no idea what book she meant until he remembered his secret book of erotic pictures. She must have perused the entire volume if she found the one portraying fellatio near its end.
With one hand, he cupped at the back of her neck, but left it there. Through the lack of pressure from his hand, she took his meaning to be that he would let her decide when she would continue. Eager to try something as naughty as this, Rue resumed the act with gusto.
She placed one hand at the base as she directed the length of him to the level of her mouth. Leaning forward, she slid him past her lips and used her tongue to lap at the underside of his cock. At Alex’s direction, she was guided as to how to properly please him this way, until soon, she caught onto the rhythm of teasing him slowly with her mouth. Groaning at her ministrations, Alex loved that she naturally came by the way he liked to be licked and sucked, her instincts bringing her to bob her way up and down his length.
