by Jamie Grey
The room spun, and I squeezed my eyes shut. Everything went fuzzy around me until I could only feel my jagged breathing, hear the blood pounding in my ears.
This was not happening.
My own parents have been drugging me to make me stupid.
Nausea roiled in my stomach, and I tried not to puke as I shoved my chair away from the table. The legs screamed against the ceramic tile of the floor as I jumped to my feet. It was almost as loud as the scream that came out of my mouth. “Drugging me? You drugged me to keep me normal? I’ve been on those meds since I was five!”
I wrapped my arms around my waist, trying to hold myself together. Trying to stop my heart from clawing through my chest.
“Honey, I’m so sorry.” Mom’s voice broke, and she swallowed. “There was no other way.”
Mom took a step toward me, looking like she wanted to hug me, but I threw up a hand to stop her.
“Don’t you lay a finger on me,” I snarled. If she touched me right now, I’d break. “You’re going to stand there and tell me there was no other way besides messing with my brain? That’s bullshit!” I slammed my hand down on the table, too furious to even feel the fire that shot through my palm.
“Watch your language!”
I glared at her. “Don’t ‘language’ me! You’ve lied to me my entire life! I don’t even know what to say to you right now.”
Fury. Betrayal. Disappointment. They all swirled through me, forming a ball in my chest so big I could barely catch my breath.
What could I have done — what could I have been — if I’d never been given those drugs? Everything in my life belonged to some other girl. Some other Lexie with a different brain.
No wonder I’d never felt like I’d fit in at school, like my mind had never functioned quite right. All the fogginess, all the strange flashes of knowledge. Things I never should have known.
It was all their fault.
“Why are you telling me this now?” My raspy voice sounded like it was coming from someone else. Somewhere else.
Mom met my gaze, her lips thinning before she spoke. “We don’t think the pills are working any more. Those headaches you’re getting? We think your brain is resetting itself.”
“So what?” I willed myself to stand still instead of running to my room and slamming the door. I needed them to tell me the truth, to tell me what was so horrible about me that they felt the need to literally change who I was.
Dad shifted in his chair and wouldn’t meet my eyes. “Now that the medication isn’t working, we want to make this right. You’re moving here to Tennessee. You’re going to live with me and go to Quantum High where you can be accepted for your intelligence.”
I blinked at him, shock pushing away the hurt and betrayal for a moment. “There’s no way in hell that’s happening. I am not moving here to live with you. My friends, my school, my life is in Ohio. You can’t do this to me!” My voice rose to a screech.
Mom twisted the towel even tighter but shook her head. “I’m sorry, honey. I know you’re feeling angry right now, and you have every right to be. But you have to know we’re doing this because we love you and want to protect you.”
“And you couldn’t have found another way to protect me besides drugging me into stupidity? Yanking me from my home? Lying to me?” I could barely stand to look at either of them, all remorseful and weepy. I turned and stared down the hallway, trying to stop my body from trembling. I was such a messed up mix of emotions I didn’t even know how to feel.
Screw this. I did know how to feel. Pissed off.
I whirled on my heel and glared at both of them. “I hate you. I hate what you’ve done. I hate that you lied to me. I don’t care what your reasons were or what lies you’re still telling, but I am done. I’m not living with people who’d lie to me or a father who’d rather spend time with a microscope than his own family.”
“Lexie!”
Mom’s shocked gasp almost made me feel guilty, but I shook it off. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought we were all being honest in this caring-and-sharing session.”
Dad put his hand on Mom’s arm. “It’s fine, Maria. She has every right to hate us.”
Rage surged through me again at the patient tone of his voice. Of course, he was calm. His parents hadn’t just messed with his entire life. “Wow, it’s like you’re a rocket scientist or something! Yes. I do have every right to hate you. And trust me, I do.”
Mom’s breath hitched, and she turned away to stare out the window over the sink. Her shoulders trembled, but I gritted my teeth. Her betrayal hurt even worse than Dad’s. We’d been a team. I’d trusted her.
She’d lied to me about everything.
The shock of it made the room spin again, and I threw out a hand to steady myself against the wall. Dad stood helplessly in the middle of the kitchen, glancing between the two of us. His face was as pale as marble, and the lines around his eyes looked like they were carved into his skin.
And then suddenly, I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t be there in the same room as them. I couldn’t breathe in the air, polluted with their lies and regrets. I couldn’t listen to their excuses.
There was no apology they could give that would make this right.
Tears burned behind my eyes, and I gulped for air. “You wanted to protect me from something that might have been a threat, but instead, you destroyed any trust between us. You’ve lied to me my entire life about who I really am. I can’t forgive you for that.”
My voice broke, and the tears streamed down my face as I fled down the hall to my bedroom.
Mom rapped softly on the door two hours later. “I need to leave, sweetie. Please come out and say goodbye.”
I lifted my head from the pillow. My tears had made everything blurry, and I rubbed at my eyes for a moment before answering. “Where are you going?”
“Please come out and talk to us.”
I sighed and swung my feet over the edge of the bed. I was going to have to face them some time. I’d just hoped it would be when I was sixty. I smoothed my hair back, tugged it into a ponytail, and yanked open the door. “Fine. What is it?”
Mom had her purse slung over one shoulder and her sunglasses on her head. Well. Evidently she wasn’t wasting any time getting rid of me. My stomach twisted, and I swallowed back bile. Had that been the plan all along?
“Sweetie, I have to leave, but I need for us to be all right first. Can we talk? Please?”
I folded my arms over my chest. “Where are you going?”
Mom reached out and tucked an escaping strand of my hair behind my ear. Her hand trembled as she pulled away. “I have…some things I need to do. I wouldn’t go if it wasn’t absolutely necessary.”
“That’s not an answer. And there’s no way I’m staying here. With him.”
She frowned. “You father loves you very much, honey. He left because it was safest for you. Please try to understand that.”
“Only if you please try not to talk to me like I’m a six-year-old. According to you, I’m smart enough to figure out advanced quantum equations. Might as well start acting like it.”
Her lips tightened, but she nodded. “I know you’re mad. You have every right to be. But it’s going to be all right. I promise.”
I pushed past her into the living room. “I don’t believe your promises anymore.”
Dad stood at the front window, staring out, his shoulders tense. He turned as Mom followed me into the room. “I’m sorry, Lexie.”
I shrugged. “I’m done talking about it. I want to know why Mom’s leaving.”
She shifted her weight and looked away. “I need to take care of some business. I’ll only be gone a few weeks, and I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“Where are you going?”
Mom shook her head. “I can’t tell you that. But please, trust me. Everything will get back to normal soon.”
I gaped at her. “Maybe for you, but what about me? I don’t even know who I am any more. Maybe
I never did.” My voice broke on the last word, but instead of crying, I got angry again. “There must be other kids out there like me. What did they do? Did their parents drug them, too?”
The sharp sarcasm in my voice echoed around the room, and Dad shoved his hands into his pockets and hunched his shoulders before answering. “Some of them are at Quantum Technologies. My company has created a special school system for the most gifted children in the country. You’ll be welcomed there.”
“But Mom has to leave?”
He nodded. “Just for a few weeks. A month at the most.” He swallowed, and I could see his next words were difficult for him. “I’m sorry for not being around more. I wish things had been different. But I’d like to try to make up for it now. Think of this as our chance to start over, to get to know each other again. Please?”
I hated the hope shining in his eyes. Hated him for lying to me. Hated myself for wanting to believe him.
I crossed my arms. “I don’t exactly have much choice, do I?”
The silence in the room stretched until it felt like a sticky web against my skin. Finally, Mom shifted on her feet again. “I really need to get going. I have another few hours ahead of me before I can stop for the night.”
I rocked back and forth on my heels at the thought of her out there alone, even if she was still carrying her gun. I still hated her for what she’d done, but she was my mom…
My parents made their way to the door. I shuffled along behind them, arms still crossed. On the porch, the heat made my skin instantly sweat, and I could feel my hair starting to frizz.
Mom stared at me for a moment before pulling me into a tight hug. I stiffened at the feel of her arms around me.
“I’ll miss you, sweetie,” she whispered in my ear. She smelled of laundry soap and the lotion she always wore. My eyes burned, and I pulled away from her. I couldn’t do this right now.
“Try not to be too hard on your dad,” she said with a half-hearted smile. “I’ll try to check in as much as I can. Once things are settled at QT, you should be safe.”
“Safe from what? What aren’t you guys telling me?”
She turned to Dad and glanced up at him like she wanted to say something else.
He nodded. “You need to get on the road. I’ll talk to Lexie after you’re gone.” Dad cupped her cheek, running a finger along her jaw. “We’ll be fine. You need to take care of yourself.” He lowered his head, and I thought for a moment he was going to kiss her, but he cleared his throat and stepped away with a sideways glance at me.
Mom smiled at both of us. “Be good to each other. Please?”
I tried not to roll my eyes.
Dad raised a hand as Mom pulled away and then moved to stand beside me. My eyes burned with the tears I held back. As furious as I was with her, I didn’t want her to go. I didn’t want her to leave me here with this stranger who was supposed to be my dad.
“I know this hasn’t been the best day, but I’m really happy you’re here with me. I’ve missed you.” He raised an arm, and I knew he was going to drape it over my shoulder.
I slid away from his grasp and shrugged. “Wish I could say the same thing.”
I tried to ignore the way Dad’s tentative smile slid off his face, the way the words felt sour in my mouth.
He sighed and shook his head, staring down the street as Mom’s car turned the corner. As the one person I’d always trusted and relied on disappeared, I clenched my fists and tried not to scream with hurt and betrayal and rage.
“I know you’re upset, and I’m sorry. How about we get out of here for a while? Do something different? Start over?”
Of course, he was trying to distract me again. Well I wasn’t going to fall for that. I shook my head. “You promised to tell me who you’re keeping me safe from. I want the truth.”
“I’ll tell you everything after we go to Quantum Technologies and get your security clearance taken care of before you start on Monday.”
Oh my god. He was serious. He actually expected me to go to school here. I shook my head. “No way. I told you. I’m not staying. And I’m not going to let you lie to me any more.” I ignored the fact that I didn’t exactly have any place else to go.
“How about you give it a chance? Just one visit? I know you’ll love it.” He gave me one of those cajoling smiles, and I frowned at him. “Remember going to COSI — the Center of Science and Industry in Columbus — when you were younger? Quantum Technologies is like that. Only better than you can ever imagine.”
Despite my anger, my heart gave a little thump. COSI had been my happy place, the place Dad always took me when he came to visit. I loved the hands-on experiments. I loved feeling like anything was possible.
“Fine. Whatever. Let’s just get it over with.” I hated that I’d let him slide out of giving me real answers, but I was just so tired of fighting.
He opened the door to his shiny new hybrid, and I slid into the passenger seat. The air conditioning came on with a gust of cold air, and my skin burst into goosebumps. Dad glanced over at me and switched it off. “I forget you’re not used to the Tennessee weather yet. If you thought Ohio was bad, just wait. Though I think you’ve missed the worst of it with the summer being almost over.”
“Glad I brought some tank tops with me.” I grimaced out the window. Great. The only thing we had to talk about was the weather.
The car sped smoothly through Dad’s neighborhood and out onto the highway. The mountains pressed down on us, making me feel like I’d never be able to escape.
Slowly, the traffic disappeared, the forest thickened, and Dad nodded to the scrabble of trees outside the window. “Quantum Technologies owns almost a thousand acres. They’ve left most of it wild. It helps with privacy, and of course, it’s good for the environment. They could have used some of the old Manhattan Project buildings the government abandoned — there’s still a large tech park on the other side of town — but they wanted to start fresh to make sure their work wasn’t tainted by association. There are a lot of people still out there upset by how it was all handled.”
“The Manhattan Project was like fifty years ago, right? I mean, yeah, they created the atomic bomb, but really? People are still upset?”
“It’s not so long ago if you lived through it, Lex.”
The road curved through the trees, and I caught a glimpse of a tall, chain-link fence. We had to be getting close. Dad slowed the car in front of a small gatehouse, and a man in uniform stepped out to stop us even though there was no way we were getting through the story-tall, steel gate blocking our way.
“Afternoon, Dr. Kepler.”
“Stevens.” Dad nodded at the man, then stared into a black box Stevens held up at eye level. There was a flash of light and a sharp beep.
The man peered into the car. “And who’s your passenger?”
“My daughter, Alexa.” Dad nodded at me. “She’s got general clearance, but we’re going to take care of the rest this afternoon. She’ll be attending Quantum High.”
“Welcome to QT, Alexa. Can you roll down your window please?” He walked around to my side of the car and fiddled with some buttons on the back of the black box. “The bright light may sting a bit. Just hold still and keep your eyes open during the scan.”
The size of the box, the flash of light — everything connected at once. “An iris scanner? Are you using a Shark-Hartmann wavefront sensor array to record the images?”
I stared at him in dismay. Not again.
But Stevens nodded and smiled. “Just routine security. Everyone has one on file at QT.”
He pressed the box to my eye, and I tried not to flinch at the searing green light that flashed into my eyeball for a split-second. When he pulled the box away, my whole face tingled.
The machine gave a low, warning tone, and Stevens frowned at it, tapping at a few buttons. “That’s strange. It looks like Alexa already has a scan on record.”
Dad tugged at his collar. “Right. Well, I guess we’re all
set then.”
Stevens nodded and stepped aside to press a button inside the little house. The steel gate rolled back, and Dad drove through with a wave to Stevens.
I stared at him. “What just happened?”
“I forgot you’d already have a scan on file. Nothing to worry about.”
“And why do I have a scan on file at QT?” As far as I knew, I’d never been here before.
“Just a routine scan when you were young.” Dad kept his eyes on the road and didn’t look at me.
My gut clenched. More lies. What else wasn’t he telling me?
Before I could ask, we rounded a curve in the road. A large, brick manor house sprawled before us, and I quirked an eyebrow. That definitely wasn’t what I’d been expecting. It was three stories with tall, white pillars, the warm red brick glowing in the sun. It looked like something that belonged on a plantation in the south, not a high-tech campus. Not exactly what I’d consider cutting-edge.
“That’s QT?”
But Dad just smiled. “Wait and see.”
He pulled around to a large parking lot, and I spotted a dozen tall, thin antennas poking up into the sky from behind the building. In the distance, there was some sort of bunker, its roof half-retracted to let a massive telescope view the sky. Now that was a little more like it.
Dad parked the car, and I studied the house as we approached. It all looked so…homey, with the warm brick and glinting white trim. Even the shrubs that framed the front were neat and tidy. And perfectly normal. Not like a place where some of the most brilliant scientists in the world created the fantastical and life-changing tech QT was reportedly known for. Dad pushed open the thick oak door and gestured for me to step inside.
I froze on the doorstep.
The lobby looked like something out of a sci-fi movie, all glass and metal and granite. The chrome-beamed ceiling soared over a space that felt like the size of a gymnasium. Was the size of a gymnasium.
I stared at the space, then glanced out at the old-fashioned building.
