Punctured, Bruised, and Barely Tattooed

by Jamison, Jade C.

  “You’re safe with me.” She knew he meant more than just physically. She knew she could tell him anything. “If you want to talk, I can listen.”

  She knew that, and she felt safe and warm with him, as though nothing could touch her as long as she was in his arms. Part of her didn’t want to think about that night so long ago, but she knew part of the reason why she couldn’t let it go, why it was bothering her so much now was because she continued to stuff it down. Natalie had said as much at Kory’s last visit. She knew she needed to begin telling the tale so she could start healing. Natalie had told her that reliving it and telling the story, as horrible as it sounded, would help her begin to find a way out of the abyss the memories threatened to pull her into.

  She swallowed and rubbed her hand on his pec. It seemed like such a comforting gesture, as though she needed to make him instead of herself feel better, but it really did help her feel more in control. Somehow, it was soothing. She allowed her mind to begin its slow circling focus around an event that for years she had refused to picture in her mind willingly.

  It was dark in the room, but she still closed her eyes, letting her mind rush back to that day. Her mother was home from work that afternoon. Kory couldn’t remember the specifics, but she believed it must have been her mom’s day off. Art wasn’t around, but Kory could recall he’d been particularly rough on her the day before. She might have been young, but she understood that sex didn’t have to be abrasive and mean. She knew what he was doing to her wasn’t just sex for Art. There was more to it than that, and the man had begun raping her several times a week. The summer was almost over, and Kory was grateful, because she’d have to go back to school. She knew then that she’d likely miss one or two Art “visits” a week and maybe then he’d lose interest. That was her prayer.

  She and her mother were in the kitchen that fateful day. She couldn’t see it in her mind’s eye clearly if her mom was cutting vegetables at the counter or washing dishes, but Kory could see the woman’s back in her head as though it were yesterday. Her mother was standing at the counter, her hands busy, and she’d been asking Kory questions. Kory had been answering her as usual, but suddenly her mom whipped around and asked Kory to repeat herself. Today, she couldn’t remember quite what she’d said, and she didn’t know if it was what she’d said or how she’d said it, but she could see the revelation in her mother’s eyes before she said the words.

  “Oh, my God. It’s true.”

  Kory was almost afraid to answer it, because her mother hadn’t believed her so many times, and what was her mother referring to? Maybe she thought it was true that Kory was a bad kid, just like Art had said at least once a day over the past year. Or maybe it was something else entirely. Still, she found her voice. “What?”

  Her mother walked the few steps to her daughter. “That Art touched you.”

  Kory felt her chin quiver and a warm tremor crawl up her back, through her spine, and up over her skull cap as it washed over her. Her mother believed her. The tears began pouring down her cheeks then. She’d been able to handle Art’s abuse but what had been killing her was her mother’s lack of belief, as though her daughter had been making it all up. Just those words mended the gap that had been growing between them all summer long, and Kory couldn’t contain the raw emotion rushing out of her through her eyes. She wanted to say, Oh, mama, he did more than touch me, but the words wouldn’t find their way out. Kory’s mom took her into her arms and held her to her breast while the child’s chest heaved with sobs.

  She had no idea how long they stood in the kitchen that way, Kory unable to move, to talk, to do anything other than let her violent emotions work their way out. Her mother’s comfort almost made the past few months bearable. When Kory was able to look up at the woman, she could tell her eyes were puffy from the tears, but her mother’s eyes were gentle. She asked, “Did he take your flower?”

  It took Kory a few seconds to realize her mom was asking if Art had taken her virginity. Kory could only manage a nod.

  Her mother’s face grew angry and dark and Kory felt hope for the first time in a long time.

  That afternoon, her mom made a pot of her special vegetable soup and then she sat Kory at the kitchen table and braided her daughter’s hair. She was quiet and had muttered once or twice something about calling the cops. Kory knew her mom was afraid of the law, because she’d had a few dealings with them and she wasn’t exactly an innocent type. The girl began to suspect that her mom would do the right thing now that she believed her daughter, but she was going to do it in her own way—and that might not involve the police.

  After eating soup, the two of them curled up on the couch to watch movies, and Art came home later that night.

  Her mom didn’t pussyfoot around. She didn’t come right out and accuse him immediately, but she did tell Art she was pissed at him and he had explaining to do. He tried getting around her to point a finger at Kory, because he somehow knew the girl had been the catalyst for her mother’s anger. But then her mom got totally in his face and that was when he hit her in her mouth hard. Once, twice, three times, and Kory’s mom hadn’t been ready for it. Kory was frozen at first and then decided to grab a skillet or something to beat him back. But her mom yelled, “Kory, go to your room. Lock the door.”

  Kory still couldn’t move, so her mom turned and took the child in her arms and they began running to the back of the house. She felt her mom’s arms loosen, though, and she turned to see her mother’s hair in Art’s grip. He dragged the woman, as she screamed and pulled at his hands, to the kitchen, and Kory followed, trying to figure out how to get him off her.

  She didn’t know how it happened, but it happened quickly. Art pulled a chef’s knife out of the rack on the counter and had thrown her mother on the table in one fell swoop. The knife plunged into her chest, and Kory was frozen again in horror. She would have imagined that a sharp knife would penetrate the flesh smoothly, but it didn’t. Art got it in but it took some effort, and that seemed to make him all the angrier. Her mother was screaming, pleading with Kory to run, her words turning into gurgles, and something inside the girl’s head snapped. She began backing away. Art said something but continued gouging the knife over and over into her mother. He looked at Kory, bellowing something meant to strike fear into her, but she couldn’t hear anymore. Only her mother’s last scream rang ran in her ears as she found her feet fully and turned to the front door, running outside into the warm night. She didn’t know where she was going. She only knew she had to find someone—anyone—and beg them for help.

  Up until that point in her story, it had been as though she was reliving it. She could see it with sharp clarity in her mind from moment to moment. What struck her the most was how she had refused to remember that, at the end, her mom had been a true mother. She’d tried to protect Kory…finally…and maybe she wasn’t the world’s worst mother after all.

  She must have been quiet for a long time, pondering the implications, because Stone asked, “Are you okay? Can I get you anything?”

  She shook her head. “No.” She didn’t know how to explain to him that she was more at peace than she had been for a long time. “I’ve never told anyone that before.” She inhaled deeply and rested her head against his chest once again, and he leaned back against the headboard so they lay together. She managed to wrap her tongue around some words that were struggling to get out. “For so long, I’ve refused to let those images in my head, but they forced themselves inside anyway. Actually, they were always there, and I never let them out. I think they needed out.”

  Stone’s voice was soft. “Is he in prison now?”

  “He was. I’d heard a rumor that he died, but I didn’t want to find out for sure. There were several counts against him, so he had a long sentence, but I don’t want to know. I don’t want to think about that man.”

  “You know he can’t hurt you anymore.”

  She sucked in another deep breath and closed her eyes. She couldn’t explain t
o Stone how his listening to her had helped her more than he could ever know, and she didn’t know if he’d even understand that the pain Art had caused her over the past few years had been mental and emotional scars that Kory hadn’t been able to let go, and tonight had been more healing than anything she’d ever done before…so she simply said, “Yeah. Not anymore.”

  Chapter Twenty-one

  THE SUN WAS shining on Kory’s shoulder. If she’d been outside, it still would have been hot and too much to tolerate, but she, Tina, and Lacey were eating inside the café this particular Wednesday to escape the heat. Kory was next to the window and the sun on her shoulder felt nice.

  Once they’d placed their order, Tina asked, “So how are you and Stone doing?”

  Kory felt her face light up. She’d been dying to tell them her news. “You’re not going to believe this.”

  Lacey raised her eyebrows as if to say, “Yeah, I’m sure I won’t, but try anyway.” Both she and Tina focused on their friend, though, waiting for the girl to say what was on her mind.

  Kory took a breath and then said, “So…this is unbelievable, but Stone used to be in the band Spawn. Have you heard of them before?”

  Tina scoffed. “Well, yeah. I might not listen to the music you do, but I’d have to be living under a rock to not have heard of Spawn. They’re local boys, after all.”

  “Yeah. I listen to alternate, and I know who they are, but the question is why the hell didn’t you? You’re the big fan, Kory, and you didn’t know who he was?”

  Kory smiled and hung her head. “I asked myself the same question. I mean…when he told me who he was, then I couldn’t unsee it. It was like a veil was removed from my eyes. But he used to wear a shitload of makeup onstage…and he was younger and skinnier.” She took a sip of her tea and realized her friends still looked disbelieving. “And his hair was longer too.”

  “Still, Kory…”

  Tina said, “I think I remember hearing something about a hard rock drummer giving up the touring life and moving back home. We were in middle school then. Yeah…I remember the paper making a huge deal about him coming home and buying half a tattoo studio.”

  Lacey nodded. “The Iron Maiden.”

  “You could have told me.”

  “I didn’t remember that till you said something.” Lacey half-frowned, half-smiled. “You should have known!”

  Kory looked them in the eyes, her voice soft. “He said he came back to Winchester about seven years ago. You know what was happening back then, don’t you?” Tina’s face paled but Lacey, who hadn’t known Kory back then, shook her head. Kory took in a deep breath. “I told you about my mom’s boyfriend and all that shit that happened way back when, right?” Lacey nodded and Kory could see the realization flood over her face. “Seven years ago, I was in some pretty intensive therapy and the child protective people were having a hell of a time finding a good home for me. They’d tried reaching out to relatives, and that didn’t work…so they were trying to find other places for me.”

  Tina grinned. “But you hadn’t heard anything since? I mean, seriously, girl. You’re a huge metal fan and you didn’t know? Not all the fucking times you stalked him?”

  Kory shrugged, a smile plastered on her face. “Maybe that’s why I liked him so much. Maybe my subconscious knew it when I met him two years ago.” The waitress came by with food, but Kory kept talking. “In all fairness, how was I to know? I mean…his tattoos, for one thing. Malevolent Disorder didn’t have finger tattoos. I swear…he looks totally different. Like I said, I see him now and I can totally see it…but I had no idea before. And people talk all the time about when Riley or J.C. come home, but you never hear about any of the other guys.” She laughed. “Cut me some slack.”

  Lacey smirked. “We’ll give you a pass this time, girl, but the next one’ll cost ya.”

  Kory grinned. If she had any say in the matter, there wouldn’t be a next time.

  * * *

  Stone came by Kory’s apartment early evening. She stepped out the door and started walking with him to his truck. “I thought you were coming by after work.”

  “I made arrangements to get out of there early.” She looked over at him before getting in the cab. “You think I forgot today was your birthday?”

  She couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face. Kory hadn’t celebrated a birthday since leaving her foster parents’ home. Well, no, that wasn’t entirely true. Tina and Lacey made her acknowledge it, and they usually took her out for ice cream, but none of them could afford gifts and didn’t exchange them. It was typically a low-key reminder that she was one year older, farther away from her past, and now she felt like she was learning to handle it rather than run away from it. Stone had helped with that. When he was in the truck too, she said, “No, I just hadn’t thought about it.”

  “So you almost forgot your own birthday?”

  “No.” She smiled. “I just don’t celebrate it.”

  “Well, sorry, but this year you’re going to.”

  As he turned the ignition, she said, “Bossy.”

  “Damn straight.” He began driving toward the downtown area and said, “Since you’re twenty-one today, I’m going to take you to a bar. We’re not going to get lousy drunk, but—”

  She interrupted. “Just because I wasn’t twenty-one doesn’t mean I’ve never had a drink.”

  “I know that. Been there myself. But have you ever had a drink in a bar?”

  “You got me there.”

  “Thought so.”

  He parked across the street from The Iron Maiden and walked into the bar next to the pizza place where they’d had their first date. Kory smiled, because tonight still didn’t feel like a date to her, nor did it feel like they were dating. No, instead, Stone felt like a permanent fixture in her life—he felt like more than a date. He was much more important than that.

  As they walked inside the door, he said, “You have your ID on you, right?”

  “Yep.” It was tucked inside her phone case, and her phone was in her back pocket. It turned out that, even though the staff at the bar should have, they never carded her. Maybe it was because Stone was with her and he definitely did not look too young to drink. Kory had never seen him carded, and she knew it was because of his perceived age. Yes, he was in his late twenties, but it showed. His facial hair alone made him look more than old enough. But Kory thought it was the look in his eyes that gave away his age.

  Maybe that was why she wasn’t carded, either. Her eyes said more than her mouth ever could.

  But today was a day Stone wanted to celebrate, so she wasn’t going to let her past drag at her. She’d felt freer than ever, having told him everything, and it had made her feel more connected to the man than she had to anyone else in her entire life. For him, she was going to try to have a good time.

  They walked straight up to the bar and Stone asked what she wanted. “I have no idea,” she said.

  “Then how about a shot of something?”

  “Like what?”

  The bartender stood at the ready. “How about tequila?”

  Stone grinned and nodded. “Yeah.”

  “Neat?”

  “No.” Kory frowned. Stone said, “Just trust me.” She searched his eyes. Yes, she trusted him with all that she was. She couldn’t help but smile back. When she looked over to the bartender, she saw that he had two shot glasses lined with salt, and he filled each one almost to the rim with the amber liquid. He placed two lime wedges in front of the glasses and Stone gave him several bills. Then he told Kory, “Hold the lime in your left hand between your finger and thumb. Down your shot and then suck on the lime.” She grinned and nodded. “Ready?”

  “Yep.”

  “Go.”

  Almost in unison, they slammed the shots and Kory saw Stone sucking on his lime wedge just as she was bringing hers to her mouth. As she began tasting the citrus juice, she realized that the liquor left a hot, burning sensation in its wake that almost took her
breath away. Somehow, the lime helped fight the effect and made it taste better than she knew it had a right to.

  “Again?”

  Her brain was thinking no, but she said, “Yeah.”

  They had one more shot and it hit Kory that she was, in every way, a full-fledged adult. There was nothing she couldn’t do that any other adult could do, and she wasn’t sure if that made her happy or not. One thing about her adulthood that she appreciated was that other adults could no longer fuck with her…but they hadn’t been able to in a very long time.

  “One more time?”

  “Nah. I think I’m good.”

  “Yeah. Me, too, birthday girl.” He draped his arm around her shoulders and he nodded to the bartender before guiding Kory toward the door. “Besides, we have so much more to do.”

  “Like what?”

  “I have a couple of surprises for you.” She frowned and almost stopped walking, but his motion kept her going. “Just relax and enjoy the ride.” She nodded her head, realizing she was feeling a little floaty—an effect of the tequila, she had no doubt. She was glad they’d stopped at two, because she wanted to enjoy and remember the evening.

  She was a little amused when she realized Stone was driving home, because he’d made it sound like he’d had huge plans. But he had a giant grin on his face as they got out of his truck and walked toward the back door that led to the kitchen. Kory noticed the cleaning lady’s car still parked in the back in her usual spot. She’d only ever met the woman twice because she cleaned three times a week midday, times when Kory wasn’t around often. It was early evening, so what was she doing there now?

  She knew Stone understood the unspoken question, because he continued smiling as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, guiding her toward the house. When they walked in, the first thing Kory noticed was the candles on the table. It wasn’t dark outside yet, but with the lights in the kitchen turned off, the candles seemed bright and cheery—and almost romantic…if she’d been into that sort of thing.