“Ryan,” I complain.
“Avery,” he mocks me, glancing over his shoulder.
“Wait, what about our clothes?” I ask, pointing at the pile of muddy clothes.
“Forget about them. We can replace clothes, but I can’t replace you.”
I don’t know how, but he always manages to make feel like I’m worth more than a thousand diamonds. “That’s littering,” I say, not responding to his last comment.
“Think of it this way, the goats will have clothes to keep them warm during the night.”
“Goats? Really” I’m pretty sure there aren’t any goats around here.
“Hey, goats need love, too,” he says, seriously.
I roll my eyes and awkwardly hop onto his back. I securely wrap my arms around his neck, and Ryan firmly grips my legs. Trying not to slip, he cautiously walks up the slop back to the car.
“Do you need anything out of your car?” he asks.
“My purse.”
“Hang on tight.”
I grip my arms and legs around him as much as I can. He slightly bends over to grab my purse, and I'm surprised we don’t tip over with me on his back. He throws my purse and a sweatshirt over his shoulder for me to take. When he stands, I tie his sweatshirt around my neck like a cape and shoulder my purse before securing myself to him.
“Are you sure you can carry me?” I question.
“Of course.” There’s that confidence again. Or is it pride? Either way, I love it.
“I can try to walk.”
“I’m carrying you, babe, end of story.”
I can’t stop the smile that slips on my face, and I’m grateful he can’t see me.
I know Ryan's exhausted. He has been carrying me on his back for the last thirty minutes. We haven’t passed a single store, and my phone is officially dead. We’ve walked by plenty of houses, but it screams trouble to me for us to knock on a stranger’s door.
I see a sign in the distance although I can’t read it. “Ryan, look.” I point.
“Oh, thank God,” he says, breathing heavily.
“You rethinking letting me walk?” I tease.
“No way in hell.”
“You’re so stubborn.”
As we get closer, I make out the sign. It’s a hotel. While it may not be what we were looking for, it’s something.
By the time we make it to the front of the hotel, its dark outside. I’m not sure what we’re going to do, but I know Ryan can’t carry me any further. No way in hell can he carry me all the way back to the car.
“We can at least call a tow and meet them at your car,” he says.
“Ryan, you’re exhausted, and it’s dark. Let’s stay here tonight. We can call a tow and tell them where my car is, but we are not going to meet them.”
“Don’t you have to work tomorrow?”
“Don’t worry about it. We’re staying here,” I say firmly, so he knows I’m not budging.
He walks through the sliding glass doors and heads to the front desk. The lady behind the desk appears to be in her sixties with short curly gray hair. She looks at us as if we're crazy because I’m still latched onto Ryan’s back, covered in dried specks of mud.
“Can I help you?” she asks pushing her glasses back up her face.
“We’d like a room,” Ryan says while adjusting me on his back.
“How many beds?” she questions, staring at me over his shoulder.
“Two.”
She pounds on her keyboard and clicks away until she brings her attention back to us. “All I have available is a room with one bed.”
“We’ll take it,” I answer before Ryan can say anything.
I cautiously grab my debit card from my purse and slightly throw it at the older lady. It slides to the floor, and I cringe.
“Sorry.” I wanted to beat Ryan before he could pay. It’s the least I can do since he carried me all the way here.
“Nice.” He gently squeezes my leg and chuckles under his breath.
The lady slides my card through for payment and hands it and the room key to me. I grab them both because if Ryan let me go I would be on the floor.
We take the elevator to the third floor and walk down the hall to our room. Ryan turns, so I can open the door. Once we're inside, he heads straight for the bed. He places me on the edge and collapses on his back next to me.
Looking around the room, I see a small chair sitting in the corner, and a television and dresser across from the queen bed we are situated on.
“I’m not sure if I’m more tired or hungry.” He places his hand under his head and closes his eyes.
At the mention of food, my stomach grumbles. We haven’t eaten since lunch which was eight hours ago.
Smiling, Ryan looks over at me. “Food it is. I’ll be back.”
After he leaves, I quickly call a tow truck and tell them where they can find my heap of a car. At least it won’t be sitting on the side of the road for someone to raid what’s left of it.
I cautiously stand from the bed to make my way to the bathroom. I wobble and use the wall for support the whole way. I use the bathroom and take a quick shower to wash the sweat and mud from my body, already feeling ten times better. As I’m hopping back to the bed, Ryan strolls through the door.
“Why are you up?”
“I had to shower,” I say defensively, frozen in place on one leg while leaning on the wall.
Ryan sets two plastic bags on the floor and throws me over his shoulder like I weigh nothing.
“Ryan!” I say laughing. “Put me down. I can walk.”
I land on the bed with a thump, and his gorgeous face stops mere inches above mine. I stop laughing and study the planes of his face. A light stubble covers his jaw and bags are under his eyes from exhaustion. I gently sweep my thumb under his eye and down his jawline.
Ryan places a kiss on my forehead and quickly slips off the bed. I sit up disappointed and scoot to the back on the bed until my back hits the mountain of pillows leaning against the headboard.
“There was a gift shop downstairs, so I got us some food that might as well be from a vending machine.” He tosses chips, donuts, water, candy, and beef jerky on the bed. “I also got something for your ankle.”
I grab a bag of chips as Ryan opens the pressure bandage for my ankle. He gently places my foot on his lap and begins to wrap it.
“Thank you,” I say around a mouthful of chips.
“It’s no problem.”
It is, though. He carried me all the way here, and he’s taking care of me. It’s more than some people would ever do. I’ll find a way to thank him for everything he’s done for me one day.
When he’s done wrapping my ankle, it feels ten times better with the pressure on it. He slides up on the bed next to me and snags the bag of beef jerky. We flip on the television and silently eat while watching a mind-numbing show. I rest my head on his shoulder, as my eyes grow heavy. Before I know it, I’m sucked into dreamland.
THIRTEEN
My eyes open to darkness. My forehead is sweaty from my dream. Am I the only one who has such vivid dreams constantly?
It wasn’t a bad one. I was dreaming about Ryan. We were back at the accident and things went a lot further than a make-out session. The thought alone is enough to drive me crazy.
I pull my mind out of the gutter long enough to realize that Ryan’s body is flush against my back. His hand is under my shirt and is almost in the same spot I put it earlier today. If only I could get some relief, I could unwind. I clearly feel him against my ass. I slightly move my hips and hear a groan escape his lips. My mind is officially back in the gutter. Okay, it was never out of the gutter.
“Avery,” Ryan rasps, “what are you doing?”
I roll my hips again. “What does it feel like?”
I push his hand up, so it is now on my breast. He moans and nibbles on my neck. My hair falls to the side as he continues his assault, and I grind into him at a slow rhythm. Ryan takes control by rollin
g me onto my back. He kisses me with abandonment and pushes himself against me forcefully.
Seconds later, his body is no longer on me. He’s sitting above me, running a hand over his face.
“I can’t do this,” he says with regret.
“Why?”
“It’s not right. I’m your sponsor.”
“Ryan, I want this. I want you.”
He closes his eyes and lets out a deep breath. His body sags, and his lips are back on my neck. “I won’t sleep with you,” he says between kisses, “but there are plenty of other things I can think of that I’d love to do to you.”
He lifts me off the bed to rip my shirt over my head and is back on me in five seconds flat. His hand runs down my neck and chest until he reaches my breast. He massages me until I’m writhing under him, begging him for more. He peels my shorts and underwear from my body and throws them on the floor. His hand doesn’t miss an inch of my body as he tortures me. He pushes my legs apart as his hand trails up the inside of my thighs, stopping an inch short of where I need him the most. He breaks our kiss and looks into my eyes. He holds my gaze until his fingers enter me. My eyes close, and I let out a loud moan. He quickly brings me to the point of no return as my body moves with his every touch. His thumb applies pressure to just the right spot, and I fall apart under him. I ride out wave after wave absorbing the aftershocks of my orgasm.
I lazily open my eyes to see Ryan hovering above me. He places a tender kiss to my lips and forehead.
“You’re so beautiful.”
I don’t say anything as he collapses on the bed next to me. Resting his arms above his head, breathing heavily with his eyes closed. I can clearly see him straining against his shorts. If he doesn’t want to sleep with me, I will at least return the favor. I roll over and straddle his lap. His eyes snap open as I grind into him.
He does the same a few time before flipping me to my back. “You can’t touch me.”
“Why?”
“I want you, Avery. As more than this. I want everything with you. Unless you're ready for that, you can’t touch me, and I know you’re not ready.” His hand leaves a trail of heat as it wanders down my body and squeezes my breast as he kisses me. “I need to take a shower. A very cold shower.” With one last kiss, he’s off the bed and in the bathroom.
Grabbing his sweatshirt off the floor, I yank it over my head and settle into bed. The smell of Ryan engulfs me and I smile, despite being rejected, as I snuggle under the covers.
Even though he didn't want to take things further, I respect him for his actions. It's not every day a guy will turn down sex.
Ryan emerges from the bathroom in his underwear and plops on the bed next to me. He hauls my body next to him and spoons me while entwining our hands. The last thing I remember is a light kiss on my temple.
I wake up from the best sleep I’ve had in a while. I squint my eyes to see 8:00 on the clock. I roll myself out of bed and call work to tell them I won’t be in today. I quietly gather my clothes and swiftly take off Ryan’s sweater.
“Not a bad way to wake up,” Ryan mumbles with sleep in his voice.
My cheeks heat in embarrassment. I should have taken my clothes to the bathroom and changed. I know he saw me naked last night, but that’s when the room was dark. He can see every inch of me as the sun shines through the window. I turn my backside to him, giving him a view of my ass, which doesn't seem much different than him seeing the front of me, but this way I won't see the look on his face.
“You’re trying to kill me this morning.”
I hear him moving around on the bed and suddenly his hand is enclosed around my wrist, turning me around to face him. I look at the ground as he pulls me toward him until I’m on my back in bed, yet again.
I’m not usually one to be embarrassed, but he said a lot of things last night that I’m not ready to acknowledge. I close my eyes as he brushes my hair out of my face.
“Avery.” He kisses my lips and runs his hand down the side of my body. “Look at me.”
I do as he says and open my eyes to see him right in front of me. He looks at me with admiration and respect. Two things I didn’t expect.
“Do you regret last night?” he questions.
I shake my head, not able to speak from the intensity of his stare.
“Me neither. Don’t be embarrassed.”
He rolls to his back and situates me on top of him where I can feel the bulge in his underwear. I attempt to cover my chest with my long hair and arms, but Ryan stops me. He moves my hair behind my shoulders and holds both of my hands at my sides in his grasp. He shamelessly looks me up and down as I’m fully exposed to him.
“You’re gorgeous. Inside and out. Don’t hide it. Own it.”
His hand moves down the front of my body. He plays with my breast for a minute before his assault moves down the rest of my body stopping just inside my thighs. I whimper slightly as my head falls back.
“Remember what I said last night. You hold all the power.” He rolls me under him and kisses me. “My beautiful Avery, you have everything I need.” He places one last kiss on my lips before standing from the bed and ripping the covers away. “Now, get your gorgeous ass out of bed before I never want to leave. We’ve got to get our stuff from your car.”
A cab drops us off at the lot my car was left at last night. After grabbing our belongings from my beat up car at the collision center, we make the thirty-minute drive back home in a tiny rental car.
My ankle has been wrapped all morning. I don’t want to go to the hospital, but I know I need to get it looked at soon. It’s even more swollen and bruised than yesterday. As if Ryan can read my thoughts, we pull into the parking lot of a hospital. Grand.
He hops out of the car and wanders around to my door, throwing it open. “You know the drill.”
I roll my eyes at his choice of words. “Yeah, yeah.” I feign disinterest, but I’m going to miss this.
I slowly stand while keeping all of my weight on my good foot and wrap my arms around his neck. I awkwardly jump on his back, and he takes my weight with ease.
Walking through the bright white hospital, I’m taken back to the last time I was here. Every inch of this place brings a flashback to the forefront of my mind from that God-awful night. I see myself barreling through the sliding glass doors frantically with Emily. I’m crying in the middle of the hallway floor, waiting for someone to put me out of my misery. Finally, I’m at the edge of the sliding glass doors that lead outside, hoping he will emerge from the hallway as we walk out together. Instead, my shoulders slump, and I bury my face in Bryan’s shoulder as he walks us out of the hospital without a single soul trailing us.
Thoughts of that night, bring my true craving to the forefront. I’ve been able to keep myself busy the last several days, but with the pain of my ankle and the reminder of that night staring me in the face, it’s the only thing I can think about. It’s been three days since I’ve been to a meeting, and now, I completely understand why they have them four times a week. Even if you think you’re doing fine on your own, you still need help. I still need help.
Shaking my gloomy mood, I plop on the cold waiting room chair while Ryan grabs my admission paperwork. I watch the people in the waiting room hoping they don’t have to suffer the way I did. I pray they can walk out with the person they love.
I’m wheeled into an exam room while Ryan turns in my paperwork to admissions. I hop on the bed with sheets that have been used by a million other patients, and I inwardly cringe. They're clean, but it’s weird.
“Good afternoon,” a bubbly nurse says, closing the curtain behind her.
I glance at her from behind the paperwork hiding her face, and I’m shocked. It’s her. She’s the woman who took care of Grayson. She’s the one who heard his last words. She spoke to him before he slipped into unconsciousness, and I’m jealous. She had his last few minutes on this earth, and while I’m grateful for all she did for him, I also hate that it was her and not me.
“Oh,” she says, staring at me in surprise. She studies me for a minute appearing unsure of what to say. “You’re…you’re Avery. I remember you from that night. I remember everything from that night.” Her mood is sullen, and her voice fades away as if she was as affected by his death as I was.
I stare at my hands in my lap and simply nod my head.
“I’m sorry that we couldn’t save him.” She takes a step toward me and stops when I see her feet before me. “Grayson was a fighter. He should have died on impact, but he didn’t. He made it all the way to the hospital. He stayed conscious for five minutes before we lost him. I wanted to talk to you that night, but you were so distraught. I didn’t want to cause you any more pain.”
I stare up at her and study her face. She appears to be around my age with brown hair pulled into a ponytail. Her blue eyes shine from unshed tears, and her cheeks are a light shade of pink probably from running around the hospital all day. Her scrubs are stained with what I can only assume are bodily fluids. She stands in front of me distraught over a patient who was here almost two months ago, yet she remembers everything. This woman takes on the responsibility of other patients’ lives and is probably only ever on the receiving end of families lashing out at her. She saves lives every day, and though she couldn’t help Grayson, I know she deserves all the appreciation in the world.
I slide to the edge of the bed and reach out to her. I grab her in a hug and hold her as tightly as I can. I hope she can feel enough appreciation from me to get her through at least the rest of her shift. I let go and several tears slip out of her eyes. She smiles at me weakly as she wipes them away.
“He said something to me that night. I wanted to tell you or his parents, but I couldn’t. I was barely holding myself together then.” She hugs my chart to her chest and looks down at me. He said, ‘Tell her she’s stronger than this. I love her and have faith in her.’ I don’t know who the message was for, but at least, you can pass it along.”
A few tears slip from my eyes as the words she said sink in. I was jealous of this woman when she walked in, but now I’m grateful. She shared a gift with me no one else ever could. He believed in me. And, I know he’s surrounding me everywhere I go. He’s always with me no matter where I am.
Escaping the Edge Page 10
