I stare at the closed door, then I lay down and stare at the ceiling. I let Lisandro’s words, along with Paxton’s from earlier today, roll around in my head. It’s true. I have zero self-esteem.
I don’t see this woman he’s described in the mirror when I look at myself. I see me—redheaded Cleo. Nobody special or even extremely pretty. I’m average, in all ways, including body shape.
I don’t think I’m dog ugly or anything, but I don’t feel extra-spectacular, either. I let out a breath and roll to my side to stare at the wall. At this rate, with the way my head is spinning, I’m never going to get to sleep.
After I go to bed, sleep, and sober up a bit, I decide to head downstairs. It’s early in the evening but I’m not drinking anymore today. I could use some food and water, though. Showered and dressed in clean clothes, I run my hand through my damp hair as I walk into the kitchen.
Soar is standing with his ass leaning against the counter as I walk into the room. I see red just looking at his smug ass face, but I refuse to say anything to him. I choose to walk over to the fridge to grab a water, instead.
“She’s not coming back,” he announces. My head shoots up from inside the open fridge.
“The fuck’s that supposed to mean?” I bark.
“Cleo, she’s not coming back. She’s staying in Redding with her friends,” he shrugs.
“No, she’s not,” I grind out.
“Yeah, she fuckin’ is,” MadDog says as he walks into the room. I slam the fridge closed and turn to look at him, surprised that he even knows any of this shit. “You let her go to work, an hour away, with zero protection. You didn’t even fucking drive her because you were drunk off your ass hanging around some whore. Soar called me, and I drove all the way there to talk to her. I set up prospects to keep an eye on her, twenty-four seven, using resources I don’t really have to cover your woman.”
I slept all day long while this was going on. When Cleo should be on her way back here to me, she’s at her friends. Fuck. I don’t have anything to say, mainly because he’s right. I let her walk out of the clubhouse without a second thought, except that I was pissed she went off with Soar. I let my personal shit with her outweigh the whole reason I even had her here—for protection.
“You need to get your shit in order, brother. I allowed you to come here because you said you needed to be near her. You aren’t showing me you give much of a shit. She’s your wife on paper, but do you really give a fuck what happens to her? I’ll keep protecting her because she has your last name and she seems like a sweet girl, but you gotta get your head outta your ass,” he barks before he turns and walks away, leaving me alone with Soar.
Stepping back, I let my head hit the wall behind me and close my eyes. Goddammit, I’m a fuck up. I thought I was finally ready for more, for Cleo, and to slay the demons inside of me instead of drowning them in booze and pussy.
“She has fire, your little redheaded beauty. Better grab ahold of her and hold on tight before someone else see’s that fire and wants a piece of her,” Soar warns.
I lift my head, my eyes connecting with his and narrowing. I know exactly what he’s saying because I made the same kind of threats to Sniper when he was being an ass to his wife Brentlee. Except, I was in a position to have an Old Lady; Soar is not.
“Is that a threat?” I ask
“More of an observation,” he shrugs before he walks away.
“You make any more observations like that and, brother or not, we’re goin’ fisticuffs out in the parking lot,” I growl.
“Better get your shit handled then, brother,” he states.
“Fuck,” I shout.
The weather is shit today. Winter is quickly approaching. I can’t get on my bike, so I jog toward my Rachero and shove my key in the ignition, pissed off at myself because it’s so late in the evening. I slept all fucking day, and now Cleo’s had hours to think. Obviously, she doesn’t want to come back. Who could fucking blame her?
I was a dick.
I said some shit that wasn’t nice. It was true, but it wasn’t nice. She frustrates the absolute fucking shit out of me. Cleo has always been soft and sweet, willing to do whatever it takes to make someone happy. She doesn’t know just how much light radiates off of her, how much fucking purity and happiness just oozes from her. Her vulnerability does things to me, I yearn to protect her, to watch over her. In a different world, I might not ever want to hurt her, but it seems like that’s all I do.
Now that she’s a woman? It’s frustrating that she has no fucking confidence. It’s even more frustrating because I know that I’m the major cause of that shit. She should be able to hold her head up high, knowing that she’s definitely not average, because she isn’t. But she’s had a shit life, and most of that is because of me. I shouldn’t be surprised that after the way I’ve treated her, she doesn’t see all that beauty in herself.
Patience has never been something I’ve had in abundance. It seems as though I’ll have to dig as deep as I can to practice what little patience I have with her.
I see the prospect hanging around the front of the house as soon as I pull up. He lifts his chin and I signal to him that he can leave. With a nod, he turns and walks over to his bike, promptly starting it and taking off. It’s late, later than I realized, so I hope I don’t piss off her little friends as I ring the bell.
“Wondered when you’d show up,” a man announces as he opens the door. I realize that it must be her best friend, Lisandro.
“She here?” I ask lamely.
“Of course she is, but she’s asleep,” he says, standing right in front of the door.
I’m about two seconds from bowling his fucking ass over when Theo steps up behind him and narrows his eyes on me. Good god, these men truly love her. If she didn’t love them back, I’d grab the gun from my side holster and shoot them because they’re in my fucking way.
“I’m here to get her,” I say, trying not to growl.
“Then what? She comes back to me tomorrow in tears? I don’t think so,” the man in front says.
“What’s your name again?” I ask, knowing the answer before he even speaks.
“Lisandro,” he says with a shake of his head, lifting his chin slightly.
“Well, Lisandro, I don’t plan on her ever comin’ back to you, tears or otherwise. She’s my wife and she’ll be with me,” I announce.
“You’re telling me that you’re suddenly ready to be a husband?” he asks, arching his brow.
“Not your business,” I grunt.
“Cleo is my business. I’ve been friends with her since the beginning. I saw the broken girl she was all those years ago—how she’s lived an empty life, always waiting for you to make an appearance; waiting for you to suddenly realize how wrong you’d been; wondering what she ever did to make you abandon her. So, yeah, it’s absolutely my fucking business,” he shouts, his face turning red with anger. I watch as Theo wraps his hand around Lisandro’s shoulder and gives him a comforting squeeze.
“I was no good to her all those years. Fuck, I’m no good to her now. But I can’t walk away from her,” I admit.
“We let you walk in this house, what does the future look like?” Theo asks, his voice deep and almost booming.
“I can’t predict the future,” I shrug.
“Try.”
I lift my eyes and allow them to go from Theo to Lisandro and back again before I let out a curse under my breath. Opening up, about anything, is not my thing. I keep everything that’s happened in my life buried deep.
If it were up to me, I’d tell nobody about my past, my childhood, my time in the military—none of it. But these men, they love my Cleo, and I understand that they only want what’s best for her. So I give them what they want.
The unfiltered truth.
“Been fucked up for a long time. PTSD. I saw some shit in the desert, and instead of getting the help I should have, instead of leaning on my wife, I pushed her away. I’m on and off meds, but nothing t
akes the nightmares away. Nothing makes me the man I was when I met her. Thinking she could be in danger forced me to seek her out. I’d imagined her life was probably pretty good, all these years. I hoped she’d found a good man to love her. Seeing her, seeing how beautiful she is but how obviously lonely she is, and the fact that she’s not moved on,” I lift my hand and place it behind my neck as I shake my head. “Want her back, and I’ll work for it—but goddamn it, she is not making this shit easy.”
“The other women?” Lisandro asks.
Lifting my eyes, I look up to him. He’s got unshed tears filling his eyes, and I know that I’m almost in—almost back to where I not only want to be, but need to be, back with Cleo.
“Right now, the only woman I’m concerned with is Cleo,” I murmur.
“But what does tomorrow look like?”
“Not sure. But whatever happens between me and Cleo is exactly that—between me and Cleo,” I say, starting to lose my cool.
“Let him in, Lis. If Cleo wants him in her life, we’re her friends and we’re here to support her,” Theo murmurs.
“You hurt her, and I don’t care how big and hot you are, I’ll cut you,” Lis announces as he takes a step to the side.
“First door on the right,” Theo calls out as I walk past them and start down the hallway of their single-story ranch home.
I open the first door on the right and gently close it behind me, thankful that it has a lock on it. The moon shines in, and I see Cleo’s sleeping form in the center of the bed. I strip my clothes completely off, boxers and all, before I pull back the bedding and climb in behind her. Once I’m next to her warmth, I wrap my arms around her.
My lips skim the back of her neck and shoulder as I lift my hand and wrap it around her full breast. Fuck, her tits, they’re one of my favorite parts of her body. All her curves are pretty fantastic, but goddamn, her tits are phenomenal. I pinch her nipple gently, and she moans as she presses her ass against my hardening dick.
“Sweetheart,” I whisper against her ear before I suck the lobe into my mouth.
I know the second she wakes because her body stiffens in my hold. I don’t release her, not when I have her in my arms, so warm and so alone.
“Why are you here?” she asks.
“Don’t want to make a habit out of sleeping without my wife.”
It takes my mind a minute for his words to fully register.
Don’t want to make a habit out of sleeping without my wife.
“You didn’t have a problem with that when you were cuddled up with that girl earlier,” I snap, trying to roll over in his arms.
“Nothing happened,” he murmurs as his fingers continue to play with my nipple, tugging and pinching me.
“What?” I whisper, unable to stop myself from further arching my breast into his hand, loving the way he makes me feel.
“Honey, nothing happened with her. No other woman exists when I have you, Cleo,” he whispers. I love his words, but I’m not sure if I trust them.
“Paxton,” I sigh.
“I won’t lie to you, Cleo. I’ll be brutally honest with you. Anytime you need the truth from me, you fuckin’ got it. I didn’t touch her, and I sure as hell didn’t fuck her,” he growls.
His hand leaves my breast and travels down beneath my panties to touch my center. I’m only wearing one of Theo’s old t-shirts and a pair of panties. I shake slightly when his finger slides through my wet center. His touch, it feels spectacular every single time.
“Brutally honest?” I breathe as my hips shift and his finger fills me.
“Yeah, sweetheart. I’ll try not to be a big fuckin’ dick, but baby, I’ll always tell you the truth,” he murmurs as he starts to pump in and out of me.
“What about the past?” I ask on a moan when he curls his finger inside of my core.
“Not gonna lie, there’s shit I want to shield you from. I want to keep it all from you, sweetheart. But I’m willing to try and tell you what you want to know. The only things I can’t tell you are club business, and that’s for your safety as well as mine,” he mutters.
I suck in a breath as he pulls his hand out from between my legs and rolls me onto my back. He crawls over me as he wrenches down my panties. I feel the fabric scrape my legs, and I wonder how on earth my skin became so sensitive all of a sudden. Then the head of his cock presses against me, and his eyes, though I can only see them illuminated by the moonlight, I swear, they glimmer.
“Pax,” I whisper.
“You want it all from me, Cleo? You fuckin’ got it, but you gotta take the good shit with the really fuckin’ horrible shit,” he breathes as he slowly sinks inside of me. I’m rendered completely speechless as he fills my body, stretching me in a way that nobody else ever could.
“I’ve always been prepared for you, all of you, Paxton. I’ve always been willing to take what you’d give me,” I shamelessly admit.
I watch as something works behind his eyes. Then it’s gone, and he’s fully seated inside of me. His nose comes down and runs alongside mine before his lips travel to my ear.
“Some of that shit you gotta take from me will be in bed, sweetheart,” he whispers as he pulls out and then slams back inside of me with a moan.
I widen my legs and lift them to press against his ribcage, enjoying how he feels at this angle. He lifts his head and looks at me, taking in the slight smile and my face, relaxed and turned on all at the same time. He does this to me. He makes me feel so good that I can’t help but smile and enjoy what he gives me.
Without a word, I feel his hand wrap around the front of my throat as he gently squeezes. His hips continue to move, his cock filling me over and over again. I lift my hands and wrap them around his biceps, holding on to him.
“Relax your body, Clee,” he murmurs. “Be real still for me, sweetheart.”
I look up at him and nod, forcing my body to relax and freeze for him. He continues to fill me, stretch me, and choke me. His eyes are focused on mine, never wavering as he slides up to his knees for more leverage, his thrusting hips, pounding harder with each down stroke.
My thighs start to shake as I climb closer toward my release, and I start to panic, knowing that he’s asked me to stay still. I press my lips together and breathe when I can through my nose. He tips his head down and then looks back at me as he squeezes his fingers around my throat a tad harder with a grin.
“Come all over me, Cleo,” he whispers.
I can’t hold back, not even a little bit, as my entire body starts to shake. I do come all over him, my pussy squeezing and my legs shaking uncontrollably.
My eyes roll in the back of my head as I let out a gargled moan. Paxton doesn’t stop thrusting; in fact, he fucks me harder, releasing my throat only to move his hand to the back of my hair and fist it, holding me tightly.
“Take my cock, sweetheart,” he whispers as he lowers down and presses his chest against me, his lips against my ear as he drives inside of me repeatedly. “Widen your legs and take me.”
I don’t know how he can keep going, and I’m so sensitive, I feel like crying. Nonetheless, I widen my legs and accept him inside of me, every bruising hard thrust he gives me. His lips skim my sweat soaked neck, sending goosebumps over my body, along with a shiver, which makes his fingers tighten in my hair.
“Your pussy only takes what I give it, what I allow,” he whispers. I shiver again as I wrap my arms around his back.
“Pax,” I gasp as he grinds his pelvis against my sensitive clit.
“We’re gonna be okay, sweetheart,” he promises.
I feel his muscles shake beneath my fingertips, and I wonder if he’s going to come, but he doesn’t. He growls and wrenches his body up and away from mine. I gasp when his thumb presses against my clit as he continues to fuck me, unstopping and unwavering in strength.
“Pax,” I sob quietly.
“Take it,” he grunts.
I sink my teeth into my bottom lip as he brings me to the brink of my orgasm, an
d when I feel like I’m going to cry from the sensitivity, when it all feels like it’s too much, I come.
My eyes widen, and I lift my head in surprise, looking right into Paxton’s face. He grins as he moves his hands to wrap around my waist, and he holds my shaking body still as he thrusts inside of me a few more times before I hear him groan as he fills me with his release.
“This is what we have, and we’ll work on the rest,” he murmurs.
He slips from between my legs and lies down on top of me, his arm braced next to my head to take his weight, while his other hand moves from the back of my hair to trace my sweaty face.
“We can’t base a relationship solely on sex, let alone a marriage,” I whisper.
“Know that, sweetheart. I also know that without you, I don’t breathe,” he murmurs.
I look at him, unsure of his meaning. It seems like he’s been breathing just fine for the past eleven years, but I don’t verbalize my thoughts. He may have been breathing just fine, but I wasn’t, not even a little bit.
“I wasn’t ready for you when I had you. I did something so fucking stupid when I walked away from you, and I regretted it every second of every single day. I didn’t know how to fix it. I thought I’d lost you forever and that there was no way to get you back,” he explains.
“So, you didn’t even try? You didn’t even check?”
“I was in such a bad place for so fuckin’ long that I was completely useless—a useless excuse of a man. By the time I was in a place to find you again, it’d been so fucking long that it was easier to pretend you were happier without me in your life.”
“About what you said, about me, earlier today,” I start. He shuts me up by pressing his lips to mine in a hard, closed mouth kiss.
“Don’t,” he murmurs.
“I do have low self-esteem; but honestly, Paxton, I’m not anything special,” I continue, looking into his stormy blue eyes. “I’m nowhere near as handsome or as sexy as you are. I’m average, on a good day. Every other day, I’m just Cleo.”
“Then I got some fuckin’ work to do with you, sweetheart,” he says, shaking his head. “But first, we sleep, then I’m gonna wake you up with my mouth between your sexy thighs, tasting that sweet as fuck pussy. Then I’m taking you back with me,” he rasps as his lips press against mine and his tongue fills my mouth. I sigh when his hand gently tugs up the shirt I’m still wearing and he breaks the kiss to pull it over my head. “Never wear another man’s shirt, ever again.”
Rough & Ready (Notorious Devils Book 5) Page 12
