The waitress breaks the tension between us by setting our plates on the table.
Ben raises his head. “Eat up,” he says, choking the words out.
We eat in silence. I pick up a fry, nibbling on the end. I don’t even taste it. I try to think of something to start up a conversation, but epically fail. Glancing his way a few times doesn’t do anything—his eyes never meet mine. He just focuses on his food until he’s finished eating.
The waitress is back in no time to take our plates and slip Ben the check. He never acknowledges that she comes by, nor does he acknowledge the fact that we can leave.
“I can’t tell you why everything’s the way it is,” he says, measuring every word. His fingers roam to the bridge of his nose and squeeze. “Maybe some other time, when I know for sure,” he says, laying a twenty on top of the check.
I slide out of the booth. He walks ahead of me, and doesn’t wait for me to catch up. When we reach the parking lot, he abruptly turns and grabs me by both arms, lifting me onto the back of the BMW. He catches me by surprise.
His hands clutch my face—one on each side—and he says, “What I’m doing is for your own good. I’m so sorry. Sorry I couldn’t be there for you like I should’ve. Sorry that none of this can work out. It’s tragic that our families can’t live in peace. I never wanted any of this to end. Ever.”
I cock my head.
He brushes my cheek with his thumb. Then I feel it again—the spark, the miniature lightning. If he feels it, too, then he doesn’t do anything to show it.
His eyes aren’t the same black holes. They’re gentle this time.
His lips separate. He hesitates, and then meets me the rest of the way. The electricity is there, even stronger now. My mouth parts and I taste him for the first time. My mind reels with longing, the need to be his. It’s like the first memory I have of walking into English class and our eyes meeting—nothing in the world mattered then, like it doesn’t right now.
Our hands are slow at first, fumbling to grab hold of something. His hands run up my sides and stop short of my breasts, just as his tongue finds mine. I clutch the back of his hair and a moan escapes my lips.
I pull away. His mouth is on mine, our breath intermingling.
“Ben…” My voice is husky. I don’t recognize it.
“Candra.” His eyebrows furrow, and he plants a gentle kiss on my forehead. “I need to take you home.” His eyes betray themselves, seemingly tortured with emotions.
He lifts me to solid ground. I sway and he catches me. My cheek burrows into his cotton shirt. The muscles underneath are toned and rock solid. I have the sudden urge to run my hand over them, but restrain myself.
Carefully, he lifts my chin with one finger and says, “Let’s go.”
“I don’t want to go,” I whisper.
His mouth twitches and he stares at me for a couple of heartbeats. “I don’t want to either,” he finally says.
Reluctantly, I pull away and walk to the passenger side.
Ben lets out a long sigh as we pull out of the parking lot. Neither of us says anything on the way to my house. We’ve said enough through our actions.
“Listen, I…”
I lean over and place my index finger on his lips. “Don’t say anything. It’s all right. I understand everything.”
He shakes his head. “It’s not that easy, Candra. There are plenty of things I want to tell you, but whether you would believe me or not is a different story. I want to be with you. You already know that. But what I’m trying to say is that…I…just…can’t be with you.”
I fall back against my seat. “What kind of things?”
“We can’t be together. It’s as simple as that.” His voice is lower, softer. He looks right through me while he spews his excuses. Why can’t he tell me?
“But you—” I begin, but don’t have a clue what I’m trying to say.
“Kissed you?” he finishes.
“Yes.” My voice is hoarse.
“Think of it as a first and last kiss.” His voice is quiet, calm, like he’s talking to himself.
My brain can’t wrap around what he tells me. I mean, I know he’s breaking up with me, but—
“You meant more to me than a stupid kiss, just so you know. It’s sad, really, that we can’t work this out. We could be the only people to stop this stupid war, and you choose their side. Everyone was right about you.” Tears well, threatening to spill down my cheeks at any second.
He turns his head and stares out the window. “Candra, we can’t do this anymore. We can’t pretend our families don’t hate each other. I’d love to put an end to this, but it’s not going to happen. Deep down, I think you know I’m right.”
I don’t know what to say. Didn’t Jana and Blake warn me about him? And I took up for him. Sometime between the last date and now, I’ve let my guard down, failing myself.
His head falls back against his seat, like he’s frustrated with me. With me. Like I’m the cause of all this. “You need to go.”
“But—”
“Get out, Candra,” he says through clenched teeth.
Somehow I make it out of his car and into the house, even though my legs are a sloppy mess. Everything spins. He was like a light to me at the end of the tunnel—bright and full of hope.
Now, nothing matters. We don’t matter. What I’ve hoped for all along is swept away like dirt under a rug. We’ll continue this war, unable to stop what happens next. I’m just another girl. Nobody special. What would I know about a war he’s been living far longer than me?
~*~
Later, I call Jana. I kind of dread what she might tell me. I mean, I’ve already been through enough today. And I have no clue as to what she’s talking about when she says “top secret”.
“Spill. Dish. Whatever it is you need to tell me, just get it off your chest,” I say, closing my bedroom door and collapsing on my bed.
“You don’t sound too thrilled,” she replies, her voice flat.
I pick at a couple of loose strings on my comforter. “I’m not, really. I’ve had a hell of a day.”
“Does that mean your little date with Ben didn’t go so well?” She doesn’t sound surprised.
“He basically said he doesn’t want to see me anymore. I mean, it’s whatever, right? We weren’t actually dating. He never asked me to be his girlfriend.” Am I trying to convince myself that we’re nothing? Didn’t he tell me we were just friends?
“Well, that’s sort of what I wanted to talk to you about. I wish I could’ve warned you prior to him calling things off, so you’d have a heads-up,” she says. I can almost hear the cringe in her voice.
I silently wait. A million ideas run through my mind: Did his family find out about us? Did he and Lily get back together? Does he want to kill me?
She takes my silence as confirmation to continue. “I honed in on a conversation between Cameron, Ethan and Ben. They didn’t know I could hear.”
“Where was this?” I ask.
“Near the shop. I was outside talking to Blake on my cell phone, and I heard their voices. I stood in the crook of the door. Hopefully they didn’t see me through the display window.”
“What’d they say?” My heart thumped loudly against my ribcage; its rhythm pulsing through my head and fingertips.
“They were arguing. Ben wanted to take you out, and Cameron and Ethan warned him. They said they’d go to their parents if Ben tried taking you out again. Then they mentioned something about how your relationship had been going on for too long, that it was almost time for the reckoning to begin.”
I stare at the brown carpet. “Reckoning? What does that mean?”
“I have no idea, but it doesn’t sound good.” Jana’s voice trembles.
“So, they’re the ones keeping us from being together. You know, Ben acted like something bothered him tonight at dinner. He told me he wanted to be with me, but he couldn’t. I think it’s because of his family.”
Hope dives back int
o my heart.
“They’re beyond crazy. They’d probably kill him if he stayed with you, unless he was up to something. I hate to say it, but if he starts acting all lovey-dovey again, be leery,” she says.
“You mean, like, he’s spying for them?”
She hesitates before saying, “That’s exactly what I mean.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
The hours crawl. No amount of wishing and hoping will bring him back.
I curl up under a throw on the sofa; its warmth leaving me tired. Nothing even remotely entertaining is on TV. I settle for an action flick about a woman avenging the death of her family.
The phone rings, startling me out of my distant thoughts.
“Hello?” I answer.
Heavy breathing follows on the opposite end.
“Hello? Who is this?”
Nobody answers. They simply hang up.
“Stupid people,” I murmur, placing the phone on its receiver. Before I can sit down, the doorbell chimes. I peep through the hole in the center. It’s Jana.
“Ready to go?” Jana asks after I open the door. Her face lights up.
“Where are you guys going?” I ask.
Her expression changes to hurt. “Hartford, remember? I told you about this last week. Besides, you have to get out and get some fresh air every now and then.”
I groan. “I’m sorry. I totally forgot. Yeah, let me leave Beth a note or something.” I rush to scribble something down on the magnetic pad on the fridge.
This is one of the many reasons why I’m glad to have Jana as a friend. I haven’t budged since moving here, contained within the city limits.
“Blake’s waiting in the car.” She skips to the passenger door.
Jana’s Altima has tinted windows, much like Ben’s BMW. Funny how I never noticed before. Maybe I’m being paranoid, but everything reminds me of him. Even the air I breathe leaves traces of his earthy cologne.
I grab my purse from upstairs, leave a note for Beth and pull on a jacket.
“Hurry up!” Jana yells from the car.
Locking the front door behind me, I make a dash for them.
Jana entertains us with a new band’s album. She cranks up the volume, and I let the music drown out any thoughts. I press my forehead against the window. Puffy, white clouds are scattered across their blue backdrop. Seeing them triggers memories of my childhood—soft grass, warm breezes and playgrounds. I close my eyes and smile for the first time in days.
Hartford is only ten minutes away, not nearly enough time for me to enjoy the ride. Traffic isn’t too horrific, either. We manage to lose our way only a few times—thanks to Jana. Blake’s face reddens like metal after it’s been laid out to be molded, except it’s getting brighter by the second. He pulls onto the shoulder and grabs the directions out of Jana’s hand.
“What is wrong with you?!” Jana yells.
“What is wrong with you? You can’t even get the right directions. How hard is that?”
Their bickering doesn’t stop for at least five more minutes. I try to think of other things, pretend I’m invisible.
Blake calls his mom to get directions, while Jana leans as far away from him as possible.
The lot where we park is almost full. Outside, Eddie’s doesn’t look very large, with its square, brick frame and neon pizza sign hanging in the window. But inside, the atmosphere is loud. Music belts from speakers on the walls. There are so many people, so many conversations. Orders are called from the front of the line to the cooks in the back area.
The noise fades into the background. I zone out, thinking about what it might be like if Ben was here. He’ll never know the fun we could’ve had together, never realize my heart’s capacity. My insides are slowly withering now. I’m preparing to wake up one day and grasp that there’s nothing left of me.
“Are you okay?”
Jana’s voice snaps me back into reality.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lie.
We place our order at the counter. I’m suddenly not as hungry as I thought, so I just buy a soda. Jana and Blake give each other a look.
“Candra, you can have some of our pizza, if you’re short on cash,” Jana says.
“I’m not hungry,” I say, feeling like a total party pooper.
We grab a seat by one of the large windows in the front.
“Jana tells me you two have been slow at the store lately,” Blake says, attempting to start a conversation.
“Yeah, you could say that, I guess.”
“That sucks.”
I nod.
“I think she’s doing a fantastic job,” Jana gushes. “She’s a fast learner.”
A waitress brings their order out. The pizza is piled high with meat, and steam billows up a good five inches.
“You sure you don’t want some of this?” Jana taunts. She reaches for a slice.
“I’m sure,” I reply.
“Okay.”
“So, what are we doing after this?” I ask.
They look at each other and shrug.
“Don’t know. Do you have something in mind?” Blake asks.
“I figured with Halloween being tomorrow, there’s got to be some haunted attraction around here,” I say.
Blake nods. “You’re probably right. We could always ask someone.”
“Haunted stuff scares me,” Jana says through a mouth full of pizza.
I giggle. “It’s not real.”
“I know, but still.”
“I promise I won’t let anything happen to you, babe,” Blake says, leaning over and planting a kiss on Jana’s cheek. “Tell you what—I need to stop and get some gas before we head back, so I’ll just ask the cashier in the gas station.”
“Sounds good.” I smile.
When they finish off the last of the pizza, we get up to leave. Blake throws a fifty down on the table.
Since when is Blake loaded?
I pretend not to notice.
The gas station is only a couple of blocks up. Blake runs inside to pre-pay, and Jana stays in the car with me. He comes back with drinks and candy for all of us, quickly handing them to Jana so he can pump gas.
Jana gets out and speaks to him for a minute. She’s giddy when she gets back in the car. “The cashier told Blake that the nearest haunted attraction is some corn field maze down the road. It’s already getting dark now. I bet it’s even creepier in the dark. Reminds me of Children of the Corn or something,” she says, completely thrilled.
“I thought you were scared of haunted stuff?”
“Oh, I am. But Blake’s here, so it makes it that much better.” She winks.
“I didn’t want to go back to Charleston so soon,” I confess.
“I don’t blame you. Look, I’m really sorry about what happened. Blake is too,” she says, making a slight gesture toward Blake outside. “But Ben’s a Conway, so it’s expected.”
I snort. “Yeah, he is.” Inhaling a deep breath, I say, “But hopefully things will look up so I can go back home.”
“I hope you don’t leave us. I’ll miss you a lot.”
“I’ll miss you guys too.” I shake my head and stare at my hands in my lap. “Never thought I’d say that about anybody here.”
“You still hate it?”
“Not as much.”
Jana giggles.
Blake comes around the front of the car and gets in. “Wasn’t too bad. Only thirty bucks to fill this thing up.”
“Seriously, Blake, this is not a thing. Treat this thing with more respect, since it gets you and me everywhere we need to go,” Jana scorns.
“It’s a damn car.” Blake huffs.
“It’s my damn car. If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have anything to drive.”
“Well, maybe I’ll go find someone else, so I can drive her car.”
“Maybe you should…bum.”
Blake slyly grins. “At least I’m your bum.” He leans over and grabs Jana by the neck, pulling her toward him. She giggles when he
kisses her.
“Okay, hi, um…I’m still back here,” I say.
They break apart.
“Sorry, we forget sometimes.” Jana blushes.
Neon green and pink signs with arrows mark the direction to the haunted maze. Parking is in a field. A mud-covered tractor pulling a hay wagon carries customers to the front gates. We decide to walk.
I see the maze up ahead. Corn stalks form walls at least eight feet high and I can’t see anything between them. The organizers must’ve placed something against the stems to keep us from seeing what’s ahead.
Staff members stand in a white booth at the front, taking money and tearing off ticket stubs. The place reminds me of a carnival, with the concessions and the glowing lights surrounding the area. Minus the rides and creepy carnies.
Blake pays for our tickets, and Jana and I grab a spot in line. The corn stalks stand nearly two feet taller than me. I can’t see how far back the maze actually goes, but I know it’s big enough to get lost in.
“This should be interesting,” Jana says.
“Why’s that?” I ask.
“Have you ever been in a corn field maze, let alone a haunted one?”
“Um, no. Not in reality, anyway.”
Jana’s eyebrows form a V. “Me either.”
I try to block out my dream—the one involving the corn field. Icy chills creep up my spine and run down my arms. I hate feeling this way. I know it’s just a nightmare—nothing like that can happen in reality. The back of my mind tells me otherwise; it warns me to leave. The stranger may have appeared outside my window, but there’s been no proof of him since then. So it could easily have been my half-asleep imagination playing tricks on my eyes.
“I don’t know if I can do this,” I murmur.
Jana and Blake gawk at me.
“What? Why?” Jana asks.
“I feel sick.”
“Don’t get the heebie jeebies now, Candra. We haven’t even gone inside yet.”
“You two go on. I’m going to take a walk.”
“Oh, don’t be silly,” Jana says, grabbing my arm.
My stomach twists and flips. Will this be like my dreams? Are my dreams somehow predicting my future?
Silver Moon (Silver Moon, #1) Page 15
