by Carys Jones
18
Amanda’s phone did not buzz with an alert again. The scrape of the CCTV networks she’d set up didn’t make another positive ID. The day was ending as they drove into Scotland, the sun slipping away to reveal a canopy of sparkling stars.
‘Just a few more hours,’ Shane muttered wearily from the driver’s seat. He’d shed his jacket and tie earlier but remained in his shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.
The drive to Scotland was long. When her laptop chirped in her lap, Amanda almost missed the sound. But Shane caught it.
‘Your umm,’ he released one hand from the wheel to wave it at her. ‘Your laptop just made a noise,’ he clicked his fingers and Amanda straightened in her seat. She’d been on the cusp of sleep, drifting away to somewhere blissful, but now she was back on the road, back staring at the rear end of cars as she chased after her missing husband.
‘It did?’ Amanda wondered groggily as she popped open the device and logged in.
A new message. Her stomach churned when she saw that it was for Lambchop. And as she saw who the message was from, her palms grew clammy: Turtle82.
She’d ignored Turtle’s original message, refused to accept that it might contain a thinly veiled threat. Whoever was behind the Turtle82 account they’d been furious when Amanda announced her retirement from the world from hacking. They’d made threats. Threats which her younger self had naively dismissed.
Watching Shane out of the corner of her eye, Amanda opened up the message within her darknet account. If she told him that she was scared, that Turtle had found her again he’d be more than mad, he’d be furious. He’d make her shut down her darknet account completely and without it they were flying blind in their search for Will.
Ignore me all you want but our paths will cross again. It’s fate.
T.
What did that even mean? Amanda frowned at the screen. Was Turtle following her? Did they plan on bursting into her life right in the middle of her searching for Will? It was more than Amanda could handle. She hit delete and slammed her laptop shut.
‘Everything okay?’ Shane wondered as he overtook a car hauling along a beat-up caravan.
Amanda watched the vehicle with suspicion, wondering if Turtle82 was hidden in the shabby caravan, hunched over a laptop and smirking to themselves as they fired off sinister messages to her.
‘You ever worry that in your pursuit of honey you stirred up the bees nest too much?’ she was too tired to pretend everything was fine. Too wrung-out to make up a convincing cover story.
‘This about the darknet?’ Shane’s gaze flickered over the laptop, quickly making the connection. Amanda couldn’t deny that he made a great cop. He was so intuitive and observant. Qualities which she’d ultimately found highly irritating as their relationship entered its death throes.
‘I…’ a pained sigh fluttered up from Amanda’s chest and danced across her lips. ‘An old contact is kind of hounding me.’
‘Hounding you how?’
‘Just some weird messages.’ It sounded so juvenile when Amanda said it aloud. So stupid. She was getting stressed out over some messages.
‘This connected to the stuff you did in college?’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘I can’t protect you from that world, Amanda. You should just shut it all down before anyone can trace you.’
Too late.
Turtle82 was possibly the only hacker Amanda knew who was better than herself. If they wanted to find her they’d always figure out a way. Online no one could stay hidden forever.
‘Just shut it all down,’ Shane repeated, his tone sharp. ‘I mean it, Amanda. We can find Will the old-fashioned way.’
‘No,’ Amanda surprised herself with the certainty in her voice. ‘I mean,’ she smoothed her hands across her closed laptop. Let Turtle82 chase her. Let them send her a thousand sinister messages. She’d delete them all. And then Lambchop. Once she’d found her husband. All that mattered was finding Will. ‘Not yet.’
‘It sounds like it’s getting dangerous, Amanda.’
‘It is,’ she admitted with a nod. ‘But it’s nothing I can’t handle.’
‘Amanda—’
‘He’s worth it,’ she snapped. ‘Any danger I’m putting myself in is worth it if it means I find Will. Jake. Whatever. Just keep driving please.’
‘Fine,’ Shane’s hands tightened against the wheel, ‘you never would listen to me about all that darknet stuff anyway. Not sure why I’d expect you to start now.’
*
Time seemed to have lost all meaning. Beyond the windows of the car, the world changed. Green farmland divided by ancient oak trees was gradually replaced by still hills adorned with tightly packed heather. The motorways had thinned down to winding narrow lanes which twisted through the other worldly landscape. Twice Amanda looked down on the serene surface of a loch which spread towards the horizon like a miniature ocean.
Within the car little changed. Shane connected his iPod to his stereo, letting the songs of their youth blast through their thoughts. Amanda felt reassured by the passionate vocals and frantic drumbeats which helped her heart keep a steady, nervous rhythm in her chest. With each passing mile she potentially got closer to her husband. But oddly the more they travelled, the farther away from him she felt, like it was not the distance that divided them but more the canyon that Will’s lies had opened up. It grew wider with every new piece of information, to the point where it was no almost impassable.
‘You goin’ to get that?’ Shane was glancing at Amanda, his hands tight on the steering wheel.
‘Huh?’ she blinked, pulling herself out of a stupor. She was lingering somewhere between waking and dreaming. With a yawn she wondered how long it had actually been since she’d had a decent night’s sleep.
Shane pointed to Amanda’s pocket where her phone was vibrating angrily like a giant hornet.
‘Crap.’ Rubbing at her eyes, Amanda plucked the device from her pocket and regarded the screen uneasily. Was she that tired she’d failed to notice it pulsating against her thigh? Her mum’s details were flashing on the screen.
‘It’s my mum,’ Amanda groaned as she slid forward in her seat to silence the stereo. For a second all she could hear was the rumble of the engine and the gentle rotation of the four tyres beneath her. She knew better than to ignore the call. If she did Corrine would just keep calling, her mother was persistent like that.
‘Hey, Mum.’
‘Honey, is everything okay?’ Corrine sounded anxious.
‘Mmm, I’m fine.’ Amanda squeezed her eyes shut, wondering how much of the truth she could reveal to her mother.
‘Are you driving?’
‘Umm, no. Not me.’
‘Then who are you with? Are you all right? You’ve not called me all day.’ Corrine was beginning to sound hurt, clearly worried by her daughter’s lack of communication.
Amanda threw Shane a look, needing guidance. If she admitted where she actually was she’d just be met with another barrage of questions. Questions she couldn’t answer. At this point she didn’t even know how long she’d be gone, or what would happen when she found Will. If she found him. The uncertainty of it all caused a leaden lump to settle in Amanda’s stomach, weighing her down and making her feel nauseous.
‘Shane is taking me camping.’
‘Shane?’
Slapping her palm against her forehead, Amanda cringed. It was such a random lie to tell, but sort of half true. She was with Shane. And they were on a road trip. Kind of.
‘He knows how down I’ve been lately, so he’s just trying to cheer me up,’ Amanda was speaking fast, trying to work her way out of the lie as quickly as possible.
‘Well isn’t that nice of him?’ Corrine’s voice was bright with approval. She’d always liked Shane. Her fondness for him was a large part of why she struggled to warm to Will.
‘Yeah, it’s…’ Amanda caught Shane looking at her. When she glanced his way he swiftly returned his attent
ion to the road, a blush creeping up his neck. ‘It’s very nice of him.’
‘When will you be home?’
‘In a few days I guess.’
‘And what about Will?’
Amanda reached for the dashboard to steady herself, wondering how to respond.
Will is on the run in Scotland, Mum. His name isn’t even Will. He’s been lying to me all along. The man that I married isn’t my husband.
‘Shane said the second the police get a lead we’ll come straight home. I just can’t…’ Amanda’s hand was on her heart, she could feel every pained beat. ‘I sit around all day waiting on a call, waiting on him to walk through the front door and tell me that everything is fine, but it hasn’t happened. He hasn’t come home.’
‘But he will, Amanda.’ Corrine must have sensed her daughter’s weakening resolve as she offered the words of support.
I’m not so sure, Mum.
‘I know. I just need a few days to clear my head.’
‘Well make sure you keep calling me, okay? You know how I worry about you.’
‘Yeah, Mum. Sure.’
‘I love you.’
‘Love you too.’ Amanda ended the call and shoved her phone back into her pocket. During their conversation the darkness outside had thickened. There were no street lights, no silvery light of a moon to guide them. It was as if the car had strayed into a black hole.
‘Where the hell are we?’ Amanda peered at the nothingness, hoping that the shadows might briefly part to reveal something to her.
‘Apparently just a few miles outside of Dunbroch,’ Shane glanced at his satnav. ‘We could really do with stopping and getting some petrol.’
‘Stop where?’ Beyond her window Amanda saw only darkness.
‘There should be a service station just up ahead,’ Shane nodded at the digital screen glowing blue on his dashboard. It shone as bright as the Northern Star within the car.
‘This is creepy,’ Amanda sunk down in her seat. She could feel the reality of her situation punching through the cocoon of her fatigue like tiny poisoned darts. They were in another country, seemingly in the middle of nowhere, chasing a ghost. Will Thorn didn’t even exist, not really.
‘There was an old truck following us a few miles back,’ Shane’s eyes glistening mischievously in the light of the satnav.
‘Don’t,’ Amanda warned.
‘You were too busy taking a nap to notice. But when it got up real close I got a look at its licence plate.’
‘Stop it.’
‘It was tough to make out at first, but it kind of looked like it said, Be Eating You. You know, like B ETNG U.’
‘Shane!’
He was laughing heartily to himself, the jovial sound filling up the car. Amanda playfully stretched out her arms and gave him a light punch on the knee.
‘That’s not funny and you know it. That film proper scared me.’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ Shane was still smiling. His hair was rough and unstyled thanks to hours spent running his hands through it. And without his jacket and tie he looked so much like the Shane Amanda had fallen in love with; the guy who was always carefree and full of impossible dreams. ‘I was just telling you about this truck I saw.’
‘You’re just trying to scare me.’
Shane started to sing, taking on a creepy voice, ‘Jeepers, creepers, where’d you get those peepers?’
‘That’s it, stop the car,’ Amanda was reaching for the handle on her door.
‘But then you’re playing right into its hands. It wants us to stop the car. For you to get out. Makes you easy prey.’
‘Shane!’ Amanda squealed his name. She knew he was just winding her up, but out in the middle of nowhere, in the pitch-black, his method for teasing was proving worryingly effective.
‘Ooh,’ Shane was looking ahead, leaning forward to scrutinize the darkness.
‘Seriously, don’t bother. I’m in no mood to be freaked out.’
‘No, look,’ he lifted one hand from the wheel to gesture ahead. Amanda looked. Lights flickered ahead in the distance like tiny fireflies. Only she could tell from their linear layout that there was nothing natural about these lights. They were approaching a town.
‘We must have reached Dunbroch,’ she muttered as she stretched in her seat and ran her fingers through her hair, wondering why she didn’t feel more excited to have reached their destination.
‘And not a moment too soon, I’m dangerously low on petrol.’
It only took ten minutes for Shane to find the service station. All of the petrol pumps were empty, so he slid the car towards the one closest to the twenty-four hour convenience store where he’d have to pay. The bright flood lights burned against Amanda, feeling as strong as the sun after the darkness they’d come from. She rubbed at her eyes as they tried to adjust.
‘I’ll just load her up,’ Shane was climbing out, letting the sticky air of a warm night enter the car as he opened the door.
‘Okay.’ Amanda rubbed at her legs, hating how much they ached. Her entire body felt disjointed, as though she’d been taken apart and then put together incorrectly.
‘Actually,’ Shane was looking back in at her, one hand resting on the roof of his car.
‘If you’re going to tell me that creepy truck has just pulled in then don’t bother,’ Amanda was pouting as she tried to suppress a playful smile. This was classic Shane; to harp on about a story until he’d finally reeled her in.
‘No,’ he shook his head, his expression serious. ‘I was thinking it might be worth asking the guy in the store if he’s seen your husband.’
‘Oh.’ Amanda’s lips twitched down in disappointment. The game was over, they were back to the grim reality of searching for a man who might not even want to be found. ‘Oh,’ she forced herself to make a quick recovery, suddenly sounding overly enthused. ‘Yes, of course. That’s a great idea.’
‘What can I say?’ Shane shrugged with faux modesty, ‘I’m always thinking like a cop.’
Amanda climbed out the car. It felt good to be standing up, to be able to stretch out all her aching muscles. She could feel the fibres in her body singing with release, like a spring that had finally been sprung. Pressing her hands to the base of her spine, she leaned back, savouring the feeling as she worked out some of the knots she’d acquired during the long drive. She watched Shane standing on the other side of the car, his head dipped down in concentration as he filled the vehicle with petrol. His shirt clung to him and his jawline had darkened with the promise of fresh stubble. He looked dangerous yet reliable all at the same time. He’d retained his boyish good looks but was a fine figure of a man. Amanda tucked her hair behind her ear and tried not to stare. It had been a long time since she’d looked at Shane that way; like he was a real guy and not just some boy from her past.
‘Sometime this week would be good,’ Shane looked up, surprising her, as he nodded towards the gaudily lit convenience store.
‘Okay, okay, I’m going.’ Amanda reached for her phone and unlocked the screen. It didn’t take her long to find a decent picture of Will that she had stored. It was the one from their wedding day which she kept on her front room wall; the one where they were both smiling as though they’d never been happier. Pushing back her shoulders, Amanda boldly strode into the store. The glass double doors slowly parted for her as the cool air conditioning swept against her skin, causing it to prickle.
At the far end behind a bright red counter stood a middle-aged man with a thick black beard and soft blue eyes. His hands were resting on his little pot belly, but as Amanda approached he straightened and smiled at her, revealing slightly crooked teeth.
‘Good evening.’ His eyes widened just slightly.
Amanda flashed him a nervous smile. ‘Hi, um, good evening,’ she did her best to mimic his greeting. The stale odour of cigarettes clung to his clothes. ‘I, uh,’ she pressed a hand to her chest, ‘I’m looking for my husband.’ She held up her phone towar
ds the store clerk, pointing at Will’s smiling face. ‘This man is my husband. He’s missing and might be in the area. Have you seen him?’ Amanda was talking slowly, overly pronouncing every word like she used to have to do with her late Grandmother when the old woman started to lose her hearing.
The bearded man looked at the image on the phone and then back at Amanda. He frowned, eyeing her uneasily.
‘My husband,’ Amanda repeated, more insistent. She tapped Will’s face in the picture. ‘Have you seen him?’
Clearing his throat, the bearded man focused on Amanda’s phone with admirable intensity. His eyes narrowed as he scrutinized the image before eventually giving a slow shake of his head.
‘Ach, no, I’ve not seen him.’
His accent was so thick that Amanda had to really listen to catch each of the words.
‘Okay,’ she hid her disappointment behind a gentle smile, ‘well thanks anyway.’
Back in the car Amanda closed her eyes and waited for Shane to finish filling up on petrol. She could feel the ache of her heart in her chest. She was so close to finding Will, but then why did she still feel so far away from him? From the truth of it all? When Shane climbed back in he brought a burst of sharp evening air with him which made Amanda’s skin bristle.
‘God, you took long enough,’ she muttered, not opening her eyes.
‘I’m guessing the guy in there was a dead end?’
‘No, he knew exactly where my husband is,’ Amanda replied sarcastically.
‘I’ll forgive your ratty attitude because you’re tired.’
‘I don’t have a ratty attitude.’
‘Yes, you do,’ Shane nodded knowingly. ‘Whenever you’re sleep-deprived you become a monster. You’re like a gremlin, only instead of not giving you water in order to keep you cute and lovable I need to ensure you’re fully rested at all times.’
‘I’m not—’ Amanda stopped herself. She could sense the ache behind her eyes, the frustration gnawing at her every conscious thought. Shane was right. She was morphing into a monstrous version of herself because she was teetering on the point of exhaustion.
