Gently turning Tash's face towards his, Mayr rolled Tash against him. "I'll do anything to keep you safe. Anything. If I could take the Shar down myself, I would. I'll give Council whatever I can to protect you."
Whatever reply Tash wanted to give drowned in an ardent kiss. They parted only when shallow breaths became a struggle.
"I'm sorry," Mayr rasped. "Go to the Sanctum, and of course you'll take Pellon—him and eight other guards. I can't expect you to give up your life when you've fought to have one." His lips roved over Tash's temple. "We wouldn't have us if you weren't you. You survived, endured. Now you have to live. I don't have the right to steal that away, no matter how frustrated I am."
"It doesn't mean you don't hate what I do." Tash cringed, berating himself for arguing. "It doesn't mean you don't hate Ress and Adren or the priests."
"No, Halataldris. I don't hate them." Mayr cupped Tash's cheek. "I don't trust them to keep your safety in mind. I worry they'll sacrifice you if it's between their lives or yours." He let out a shaky breath. "Truth is, I'm uncomfortable with the things you do, putting yourself out there. We can't predict what'll happen, and I can't always be by your side. I'm afraid I won't be good enough, that you'll come to harm anyway. These are what I feel but not hate." His eyes shone with unshed tears. "Don't think for one moment that I hate you, because that's so far from the truth, it's not even possible."
Grief flitted over Mayr's face as he closed his eyes. Tash brushed a kiss over his eyelids, catching the rogue tear that clung to his lashes.
"I believe you," Tash whispered. "You needn't apologize anymore."
Arieve coughed, jolting Tash and Mayr. "Guess that means I can turn over now," she said hoarsely. "Right?"
"Dammit," Mayr muttered. "Sorry."
"It's fine." Arieve rolled over and propped up on one elbow, her eyes heavy with sleep. "You had things to discuss. Breaks my heart to see you so sad," she mumbled, sweeping Tash's hair over his shoulder.
"How much did you hear?" Mayr winced. "How much explanation do you want?"
"Most of it, but you don't need to explain. Not right now." Arieve reached over Tash and stroked Mayr's cheek. "You look like death kicked in your face and took your horse. Explanations can wait until breakfast, though I may have to apologize…" Her thumb hesitated on his lips.
Mayr kissed her fingertips. "For what?"
"Being here without you," she answered quietly. "Maybe I overstepped the boundaries, but I knew something was off. Neither of you should be left alone when you're upset. After I found Aeley and Pellon keeping you busy, I figured he needed me."
Tash held his breath and watched Mayr's expression down to the tiniest nuance, waiting for signs of a jealousy he prayed they could avoid.
Confusion burst across Mayr's face, followed by sadness. "If you're looking for permission, you don't need it. Neither of you," he said, prodding Tash's ribs. "Quit looking at me like I'm supposed to be angry. I don't need your apologies. You did nothing wrong."
With a languid kiss, Mayr claimed Tash's lips before offering Arieve the same. "I'm happy you're here, taking care of him." Mayr cupped the back of Arieve's head while she steadied herself on Tash's chest. "I messed up. I'm mad at myself for putting you in this position, for making you think you have to feel guilty. You don't have to be. We said we were in this together—I still mean it."
Mayr's attention swung towards Tash. "She's got such a good heart, one I want you to feel the way I do. This is the family I want—open, honest, loving. No hate or shame. Just this."
A slew of emotions threatened to do Tash in, tears and all. He choked on words that fell apart on his tongue. The best he could do was nod.
When Arieve hugged him and tucked her head beneath his chin, Tash almost lost what little composure he had left.
"I can do that," Tash whispered, his arms curled around Mayr and Arieve. How easily they worked, filling the voids in the silence with what their hearts knew. Like perfect pieces in a puzzle, they fit snugly together. No jagged edges, no frayed corners, no pieces missing in between. The frame of their relationship was solid and the picture clearer each day.
"Now I have to confess something," Mayr said. He groaned and dropped his face into his palm. "I did something on this side of stupid. Coye…"
Arieve lifted from Tash's chest, her leg slipping between both of his. "What about her?"
Mayr grimaced. "I ripped into her." His face reddened. "She came to break us up. I wasn't having it, so I made it clear… with an extra helping of you'll-get-my-foot-up-your-ass."
"Mayr!" Arieve sat up, elbows and knees jabbing Tash.
"I know!" Mayr grabbed her hand. "When I go ass-bastard, I go the whole way. I needed her to understand what we have is more than fooling around. That if she wanted in, she has to be just as serious."
Arieve eyed him warily. "Possessive much?"
"Not possessive," Mayr whispered. "Protective. They're not the same thing." Sorrow clouded his gaze as she withdrew her hand. "I don't want to own you, or Tash, or anyone. I don't even own myself, but I'll lose my mind just to keep you safe. Anything less hurts."
Lips pursed and arms folded, Arieve regarded Mayr for a long moment. The tension passed over Tash with an icy chill.
"Fine." Arieve sighed. "You win—for now." She scrambled off the bed and dressed quickly.
"Wait—" Mayr fumbled over Tash towards the end of the bed. "I'm sorry. I'll grovel if it helps."
"I'm sure it would. I've always loved the idea of you on your knees, usually with something else involved…" Arieve snorted and yanked on her boots. "Relax. I'll be back." She combed her fingers through her tangled hair. "I'm going downstairs to make us some of the strongest steeped herbs I can find and see about helping Cook with breakfast. I won't have either of you starving." Fists on her hips, she scowled. "Then I need to check on Coye before she leaves for the lumberyard. I have to make sure she's all right. Kiss the bruises."
The moment she turned, Tash sat up. "Wait," he said, crawling down the bed to kneel at the edge. Once she accepted the hand he offered, he pulled her against him. Leaning into her, he pressed his lips to her ear. "Will you take care of him while I'm gone? Be here for him like you were for me? Please?"
Warmth spread across his chest where Arieve rested her flattened palms. A smile greeted him, followed by a kiss, her lips teasing his with reassurance. "Without a second thought."
She was gone the next moment, slipping into the hallway. The door closed quietly behind her.
"Lovely." Mayr huffed and fell back onto the bed. "Just call me the Steward of Really Stupid Ways to Wake Up, outranked only by my other title, Councilman of All the Bad Ideas."
Tash straddled Mayr's thighs. "No matter the title, you're mine and hers. Ours."
"Yeah, I am."
"So you're not bothered by finding us together? You're truly not upset?"
"Bothered? A little, yeah," Mayr admitted, sitting up, "but not for the reasons you think." His hands glided down Tash's spine and settled in the small of his back. "I'm bothered because I wasted time sulking. I'm bothered because Arieve and I could've both been here, taking care of you. Instead, I was alone and selfish, freezing in my office with a headache gnawing holes in my head." Mayr toyed with the ends of Tash's hair, curling strands and releasing them. "But I'm not bothered by you being together. We wanted this. We hoped for this. The closeness, the trust—all of it. We didn't lay down a hundred rules for a reason, and I don't need a hundred rules to tell us what we can and can't have. She looked perfect lying in your arms," he murmured, his lips on Tash's, "and you looked perfect holding her."
Their kiss came and went like a summer breeze, its warmth lingering as Mayr drew back.
"It feels good, doesn't it, this thing with Arieve?" Mayr whispered, grasping Tash's hips. "I know Coye makes it complicated, but we're still in it together, still with each other? You’ll still marry me even though I’m a complete jerk?"
The vulnerability in Mayr's eyes stole Tash'
s breath. From the waver in his voice to the faint tremble in his fingers, he was a stunning image of fearful uncertainty and wishful dream.
Tash cupped Mayr's face with both hands. "You're so beautiful, but you don't have any idea how much, do you?" He pressed his forehead to Mayr's. "I'm not giving you up that easily."
They gazed at each other, their lips close but not meeting. A wealth of words descended on Tash, none of them finding their way to his voice. They were in the language of feeling rather than syllables, whispers gleaned from memory and passion. He knew what blossomed between Mayr and Arieve. More than that, he felt their connection. Being with them softened the sharp edges of life, as inviting as the thought of dancing beneath a clear blue sky, caught in a silken cascade of feathers and pink petals. The power in their generosity was almost addictive.
Yet sharing Mayr meant more than reveling in the enticement of love. To let Arieve in meant risking the loss of Mayr altogether.
Or finding the part of him he fears to reveal, bringing us even closer. Kissing Mayr as soft as he could, Tash willed his silence to say what words could not. He pressed closer, needing to follow the rise and fall of Mayr's chest with his. The kiss deepened, tongues entwined in a slow dance, hypnotic and seductive. Every moan sent waves through him, ripples of want that crested at the crown of his hardened cock.
Just as he loved Mayr, Tash treasured what their relationship with Arieve did to him. Imperfect and frightening as vulnerability and uncertainty were, they were perfect and captivating when Mayr surrendered to them, especially when he gave Tash his complete trust—
Mayr bit his neck, teeth scraping with intent.
A groan tore out of Tash as he rocked against Mayr's hips, rolling with his tempo. He tilted his head back and bared his throat. The next assault was wet and hot: Mayr's mouth took to the flesh above the hollow, sucking without mercy.
Desperate for more, Tash clasped both hands around Mayr's neck and quickened his rhythm. His throbbing cock slid along Mayr's, a reminder of everything he had missed the previous night. With Mayr and Arieve, he fell blissfully into the arms of need, craving the bond between touch and safety at their hands. Unlike the other times he had offered his body to the play among three people, he sensed a dark, delicious depth he wanted to experience. None of the other times had given him reason to want romantic attachment from more than one person at once, only sexual desire. Even then, he had wondered where love could factor into it—how it would feel to share that much without compromising himself or them.
The answers were making themselves known, even as Mayr's low moans against Tash's throat set his lust on fire. In giving Mayr and Arieve a chance, Tash had unleashed possibility.
His reward was a new side of Mayr, a new depth of love. From the perspective of three came a new meaning of what it meant to be selfless. There was more to it than feeling secure in a committed relationship: there was freedom, found only from giving in and giving over.
Until his doubts screamed, reminding him that nothing good lasted.
Grinding his teeth, his body aching for release, Tash gripped Mayr's flushed cock and dragged his fist up its length. Mayr moaned and writhed, clawing Tash's back as his warm pre-release flowed over Tash's fingers. They rocked hard, their bodies colliding with every tortuous twist of Tash's wrist.
This was how he needed Mayr, always: in his arms, rasping his need, and screaming no other name but Tash's. No matter what Mayr felt for Arieve, no matter how much Tash cared for her, he could not lose Mayr. He would not.
Still, insecurity taunted him. What about being soulbound? What if he lost Mayr like his other loves? What if he was not enough?
I've been fooled before. Tash yanked Mayr's head back by his hair and flicked his thumb over the tip of Mayr's cock. Mayr roared his approval, bucking into Tash.
Without warning, Mayr's mouth attacked his, tongue and lips finding whatever angle they could. Focused on their moans, Tash squeezed his eyes against the noise of excuses in his head. He rose into Mayr's fist, wishing he could escape the past. Mayr's fingers jerked his cock in alternating bursts of hard and soft clutches.
He loved watching Mayr thrash and come when they were with Arieve. In truth, he loved seeing them together—their touches, tenderness, and the fluid movement of their bodies were enough to lead him to climax.
But soulbound. Soul… bound.
Tash came with a cry, come spattering across Mayr's chest and spilling over their hands. Body clenched tight, he ground against Mayr to wrench out the rest of his release, every spurt accompanied by the panting of Mayr's name. He loosened his grip on Mayr only to clasp Mayr's sac and roll its heaviness in his palm.
Mayr's nails dug into Tash's shoulders as he embraced Tash, his yell muffled in Tash's neck. Liquid heat painted Tash's chest, streaming down his stomach to pool between his legs. Coated in Mayr's musky scent and his own, he wanted to believe they could stay together forever, bound by soul, sex, and surety.
On his life, he swore he had spent a dozen lives waiting for Mayr.
"You're the piece of me that's always been missing," Tash whispered. Slicking back Mayr's hair, he plundered Mayr's mouth for a kiss deep enough to lose himself. Would he never stop being terrified to make mistakes? Could they survive the relationship with Arieve?
"Like you're mine, always mine," Mayr muttered.
The metallic bite of a ring thrust Tash into his right mind. As Mayr's marriage ring raked over the feathers tattooed into his back, reason chastised Tash for entertaining paranoia. Emotions could not bury the truth: their wedding would bind them, and Arieve would float through their oaths, drawing them to her while ensuring they never parted. Arieve was comfort. She was promise. They were in it together, wherever the end waited.
Mayr leaned his forehead against Tash's chin. "We need to get up. Washed. Dressed. Food."
"And Pellon."
"Nnnn." Mayr nipped Tash's throat. "That oaf will probably knock down the door any moment because he's cruel."
"And doing what you requested him to."
"I guess there's that," Mayr grumbled, shuffling out from under Tash to crawl off the bed.
Tash let him cross the room towards the washing bowl, unable to look away while Mayr stretched his arms and back. Mayr's black and red tattoos flexed with every motion of his toned body, enhancing his nakedness and funneling Tash's gaze to his taut buttocks. Things seemed to be right between them again—except for the bit that was still wrong.
He's holding back.
Perhaps it was Tash's paranoia. Perhaps he was reading too far into nothing.
Or maybe he really is keeping secrets.
He still evaded Tash's questions about his health. There was also how quickly he had thrown Ress and Adren in Tash's face. Everything he had yelled came from somewhere. Trust was one thing; spiteful insults and fury were another. If this was the state of things before Tash visited the Sanctum, what would he find when he returned?
Chapter Eleven
The day-long journey to the Sanctum of the Mortal Divine had been tiring and cold, but the walk from the dining hall to the library the next morning was worse. The ardent glances of the Sanctum's priests almost burned holes through Tash.
Too much attention, none of which Adren wants or needs. Tash gritted his teeth behind his forced smile, his steps steady as he led Adren, Ress, Armamae, and their entourage of guards down the wide corridor. Sunlight streamed in from the high glass ceiling, catching on the silver and gold specks in the pristine white marble floors and walls. From the spiraled columns to the finely detailed glass statues of the Goddesses in each corner, everything glimmered as if built from the ethereal dust of stars. The vestments of the priests took on their own glow, a stilled sea of vibrant red and pure white.
Although the priests were calm and quiet, their unwavering gazes betrayed their awe as they backed towards the walls on Adren's approach. Each priest bowed their head and clasped their hands, frozen in place until Adren passed.
A
wareness crept down Tash's spine, anticipation slithering between his bones. Familiarity awoke the guard he once was, his reflexes at the ready. He sensed the weight of the blades he used to carry, his fingers flexing as though ready to wield a knife. Too many eyes, too many unspoken words. Ce should be in the shadows, not the light. We're the ones who watch from the darkness, not the other way around.
On instinct, he slid his hand over Adren's back, the black leather of cir long coat cool on his palm. Adren jolted but continued walking down the middle of the corridor.
With Tash to cir right, Ress to cir left, and Armamae shuffling along behind, Adren appeared collected and in control, cir back rigid and chin raised. Dressed in black and channeling cir quieter, masculine air, Adren offered a starkness the Sanctum rarely encountered. Adren looked the part of a faction boss's child, arrogance and scrutiny presented in the polish of a high-collared shirt with stylish cuffs, shin-high boots and woven leather belt over tailored pants, and the generous hood pooled around cir neck beneath cir coiled red hair. On each finger, Adren wore a ring of sentimental value, and black paint ringed cir eyes. What softness Adren frequently displayed had been usurped, yielding to the part of cir that resembled cir father and brothers.
Adren's confidence was another matter: ce was uncertain and nervous, no different than Tash or Ress.
At least we know who our blood families are, and our allies. Tash glanced over his shoulder to Pellon, who remained close behind him. Adren doesn't have much to go on except for a growing list of enemies. I'm not even sure ce trusts me completely.
Anxious like the first time they met, he feared he would make a mess of Adren's situation, ending in cir death or his. We're walking a fine line between imprisonment and guarded freedom. I'll do everything to keep the one from becoming the other, but it doesn't change what we are. I can't afford to fail in any way, not when Mayr, Arieve, and I are trying so hard to…
Panic coursed through him, sharp and biting. If Adren ever went back to the Shar or turned me in… if our family got hurt, even just by accident…
Soulbound Page 23
