Tash gasped. Dizzy with weightlessness, he struggled to remain upright.
Emeraliss laughed, the singsong girlishness offset by the hoarse cackle of a crone. The worries in your minds are echoed in your hearts, but it is the soul that knows best. Your love needs your faith, not the shadows of what was and what isn't. Release the burdens of your doubts and fall into absolute trust. The bindings will catch you. She reached out once more. Her fingers wound around an invisible thread that slowly became visible, flowing like water. You need not worry about Arieve, either. She offers love you may take into your binding—love that neither diminishes nor taints your connection, but forges the links tighter. Allow your feelings to live, and they will fill you with a light so warm you shall never be lost. You will always have a way home. Your bond is your guiding star, your life. Never fear to follow it.
In a whisper, Emeraliss was gone. Nothingness spun into radiant colours and loud noise. The heaviness of skin wrapped around bone, weighting Tash in consciousness.
On his lips, Mayr's lips, hard and bruising.
In his hands, Mayr's throat, soft and real.
Around him, Mayr's arms, tight as they trembled.
The veil lifted between debilitating, otherworldly awareness and stark mental clarity. Tash slid his hands around Mayr's neck to clutch him tighter. Tears dampened their cheeks. They shared the same breath, needing to hold on. Pressed together, bodies slicked in sweat, they were more than flesh: they were pure emotion, entangled inside and out.
Mayr pushed away. Just as quickly, he groaned and hauled Tash into him again. "Feel you," he mumbled, his face buried in Tash's neck. His shaking fists settled in Tash's hair. "In me. You…" Voice hitching on a sob, Mayr dug his nails into Tash's shoulders. "All of you, in here. She said… She told me… It's you and me, together."
Once more, Mayr drew back, his eyes red and swollen. He held Tash's face in his hands. "Never leaving you, ever." Mayr flattened Tash's palm over his chest. A swell of emotion coursed through Tash, overpowering his own feelings. "You feel that? I'm always with you. Always."
"I know," Tash murmured. He peered at their bracelets. Gone was the white metal. In its stead were coloured bands: Mayr's was black with thin silver and blue markings, while Tash's was red with black and gold markings.
"Guess these really do belong to us," Mayr muttered. In a fit of sniffles, he wiped his face and turned towards the box. "That wasn't there…" He turned back to Tash, a second piece of parchment in his hand. "Apparently our messenger isn't finished."
"Emeraliss tends to have many things to say," Tash joked, followed by a grimace. "What does it say?" He stepped around Mayr to read over his shoulder.
Written in ink resembling liquid amber, the words were easy to decipher:
Tell him, Mayr.
An addition appeared, inscribed in a trail of golden light:
Tell him what terror feels like.
Fear washed over Tash, flowing beneath his confusion. Shame and guilt rode the wave, bumping into his curiosity.
The emotional deluge was Mayr's, not his.
"I don't understand," Tash said. "What…?"
"It feels like you dying," Mayr said softly. "That's what terror feels like." His eyes were glassy as he glanced at Tash. "I've been lying to you, and Emeraliss is calling me out." He tossed the note aside. "Nightmares—that's what I haven't been telling you. Worst ones I've ever had. You die every. Single. Time. That's why I've been sick, why I've been in a mood. It's also the reason I yelled at you, and I'm sorry. I should've told you, but I couldn't take you there with me. I wanted to give you better." His shoulders sagged as he looked away. "I'm just sorry I failed at it. Failed you."
"Nightmares?" Tash stared at him, pushing past the regret that crept between their fears. "That's it? That's what you've been holding back? Mayr…" He pulled Mayr into a hug. "You didn't fail me, or us," he whispered, surrendering to an onslaught of tears. Whatever doubts he'd had crawled back into the painful holes in his judgment. Armamae was right: he had no cause to worry.
He only hoped the strength of his forgiveness made it through the bracelets. Words would never be enough to say it all.
Chapter Thirteen
Two months rolled by in a blur as Mayr counted down the days and battled his worsening jitters. The next thing he knew, the wedding was upon them, along with his sister's fussing.
"Would you quit fidgeting?" Estara slapped Mayr's shoulder then gently tugged on his hair. "You're worse than my children."
Mayr stuck out his tongue at her reflection in the mirror standing before him. The mirror was as tall as him, with a thick black frame and spotless glass. Simple and pristine, it matched the rest of the room provided by the temple for his pre-ceremony preparation. "If you wouldn't take forever to do something, maybe we'd behave."
Estara pulled his hair, yanking his head back as he yelped. "Yeah, that's right," she chided, her white lace cuffs sweeping across his shoulder. "You're at my mercy. Or perhaps you'd like me to rearrange your face and not just your pretty locks?"
"Ha!" Pellon snickered and leaned against the wall to Mayr's left, peering out the window into the sunny spring afternoon. Dressed completely in white from his embroidered tunic and thigh-length vest to his fitted pants and shin-high boots, Pellon's red hair seemed to blaze like fire. "You might want to save the fight for later, Mayr. Tara looks fit to make the worst happen."
"Fine," Mayr grumbled. He sat straight in his high-backed chair and tugged on his shirt, the dark red fabric pulling taut over his chest and stomach. How he missed his black attire. "I'll try not to move while you make a mess back there."
Lira crossed the room to stand behind him, laughing lightly. Her white gown fell around her in a cascade of silk and lace layers beneath a soft bodice with white and silver ribbons. "Actually, it looks beautiful." She drew her hand over the plaits that hung down Mayr's back. "I admire your talent, Estara."
I'll give you that. Mayr eyed Estara's hands as she continued to braid and twist his hair. Despite his teasing, he appreciated her help in making him presentable. She had practically jumped out of her skin when she accepted his request. He could still feel the tightness of her hug.
Then again, he had denied her the chance when he married Betta. The secret ceremony in the woods had robbed their family of the joys from the event.
Not this time. This time everyone's here and we're really doing this… Letting out a slow breath, Mayr glanced around the room. Like most of the private chambers in the temple, the room was small, no different than the room Tash still kept. Every wall was of the same bright, pure white marble that formed the rest of the temple, the smooth surfaces gleaming in the light. The room was furnished with modest pieces, limited to a dark wood bed against the furthest wall, a bedside table, an armoire in the corner opposite him, and a writing desk near the window. Thin white curtains billowed around the window that opened out onto a garden. Mild floral incense filled the room, offering a calm he needed.
I'm actually getting married again. Mayr flicked his gaze upwards, wondering if Emeraliss read his every thought. Please let this one stick. I can't take any more heartbreak. But that's the whole point, isn't it? To move forward instead of always looking back, because that's all Tash and I do. Get stuck. Fall back. Dance around what we need.
Not anymore.
He had promised Tash no more avoidance, no more clinging to the past. The bracelets from Emeraliss had revealed the truth of their partnership: there was no escape, no easy way to split their connection. If one gave up, the other would follow. What they had lost with past loves was nothing compared to what could destroy them.
Mayr rubbed his right wrist, envisioning the magical black band where it would have been had he put it on. The silver and blue markings burned in his mind, thin and mysterious ribbons of what he supposed were the emotional roads of Tash's soul mapped onto his. Since the first time he had worn the bracelet and heard Emeraliss speak, Mayr had surrendered completely. He was blissf
ully and hopelessly lost in Tash. No more secrets. Tash knew everything, including Mayr's fears of the Shar-denn. Their marriage would be the cleanest of slates.
Assuming I stop being nervous. Mayr stared into the mirror. The why of his anxiety was difficult to pinpoint. Tash wanted the marriage as much as he did. The bracelets made sure we know exactly how much we want it, and when we're touching, coming…
A blush spread across his cheeks. There was a reason they were eschewing the bracelets for the wedding. In the quietest moments, wearing the bracelets meant existing as a single entity formed from twice as many emotions. Their effect was overwhelming, even when Mayr and Tash were asleep. Those nights, their dreams were overcome with ethereal beauty.
But when they wore the bracelets in their most intimate moments, magic overrode reason and reality. Sex became an otherworldly experience. Coming was cataclysmic, addictive like a drug. The result was an ecstatic nightmare, a rush of life and death spun together in a sticky ball. Mayr likened it to his body imploding while the force of a collapsing mountain slammed through his cock. The consequence was devastation and bewilderment while they lay paralyzed, their bodies too shocked to function beyond strangled breaths. Given how elated Mayr and Tash both were over the wedding, the bracelets would remain in their box and sit on the altar during the ceremony.
Later, when it's just us… Mayr grinned at his reflection. He had plans, which included enticing Tash to have him every way he wanted from that night to the next. Although he appreciated his wedding attire—all red as custom dictated—the clothes would look better scattered across their bedroom. His long-sleeved shirt, blood-red with embroidered vine patterns of darker red around the hems and cuffs, would pool well in the centre of the room. His well-fitted pants, so dark they were almost black, would drape perfectly over the chest of blankets at the end of the bed. His blood-red, knee-high boots would fly well in all directions, keeping him from being anywhere else but in Tash's arms. The yarn bracelet from Tash would be the only thing he kept.
"Hey," Aeley called from across the room, "stop thinking about getting off."
Startled, Mayr blinked as Aeley's reflection approached his. "Why? It's what I intend to do with my husband. Don't know what you do with your wife."
Aeley punched his shoulder. "Don't even think about it. I'd hate to chop your brain into teensy little bits." She gazed lovingly at Lira before smacking Mayr's arm. "You've got enough to play with. Keep your mind out of my love life."
Mayr rubbed where she had hit. "You're certainly excited today. At this rate, I'll lose limbs."
"Hey, I'm allowed to be happy." Aeley scrunched her face at the mirror and straightened her clothes. As was custom for wedding attendants, she wore only white. A leather bodice cinched her bell-sleeved tunic at the waist, and her loose pants were tucked into her boots just under the knee. Only years earlier, Aeley had been a bride and Mayr her attendant. Prior to that, Mayr had been attendant at both Estara and Loftin's weddings.
How time toyed with them.
Without turning his head too far, Mayr watched the others make last preparations. Tradition required the marrying parties to have at least two attendants each to help them and assist in the ceremony. Often those attendants were siblings, other family, or close friends.
Mayr and Tash had five attendants each. Neither could play favourites. For most of his life, Mayr's siblings had consisted of Estara, Loftin, and Aeley. Since his adolescence, he had taken to Pellon as another brother. Now, Lira was like another sister. He could not choose one over another.
Tash faced a similar impossible choice. Allaysia was his sister and Ress the closest thing to a brother. He had grown up with Covran and Bremary, his family latched to theirs. They were cousins more than friends.
Then there was Arieve, the one who most needed to be present. Her place was by Tash's side, next to the altar. Nothing less was acceptable.
"Here," Lira said, stealing Mayr's attention. She made her way through the room to Aeley, Estara, and Pellon, offering each a traditional floral crown. Bright, iridescent blue flowers the size of Mayr's palm formed the crown with small, deep blue flowers bunched in chains between them. White and silver ribbons trailed from the back of the crowns, several curled while others hung straight amidst strands of white crystals on white gold chains.
"Thanks," Estara muttered around the hairpins between her lips. She paused to put on her crown and sneered at the ribbons caught in her curled hair. "One last bit…" Her fingers sifted through Mayr's hair once more, plaiting quickly as her crown slipped to one side.
Lira's voice drowned Estara's quiet curses. "I'm going to take this to Loftin," Lira announced, holding up the last crown. "I'll be back. Don't kill each other." The next moment, she was out the door and closing it behind her.
"I'll just kill this," Estara hissed, pushing her crown back into place. "Don't mind me if I toss it at someone mid-ceremony."
"Throw it at my guy and I'll toss you." Mayr met Estara's gaze in the mirror. "You can take out your husband, though. He likes you rough."
"Ha! Bet you think you're funny." Estara snorted as she tied and pinned the braid in her hand. "You're not, by the way. We just let you think you are." With both hands, she smoothed his hair and brushed loose strands forward over his shoulders. "Almost there." She motioned to Aeley.
Several steps from where Mayr sat, something clicked. When Estara's hands neared him again, a strong fragrance followed—a floral scent not part of the crowns.
"Oh, no you don't." Mayr pushed Estara's hand away. "I don't do flowers or fluffy things. That's always been your thing, not mine."
"Stop being a jerk," Estara snapped. She thrust her hand in his face. "Take a look at it. Really look."
In her palm sat a single flower the size of her hand. White starburst petals formed three tiers around the golden centre. Each petal bore bright purple and gold streaks.
Tash's favourite. Mayr sagged in the chair.
Estara drew back the flower. "It's supposed to be romantic."
Yeah, it is. Mayr peered at the yarn bracelet on his left wrist. There was nothing he would not do for Tash.
"Go ahead," he told her quietly. "But if you put in ribbons or strands of those awful tiny jewels that get all tangled up and yank things out, I'll find someone to curse you with three more children, none of whom will grow up. They'll stay toddlers and the only word they'll say is no."
Tsking at him, Estara worked the flower into his hair. "Fine, I'll just cut all your hair off. Won't have to worry about a thing after that."
Mayr snorted back a laugh. "Do that and Tash will unleash all the wrath of his inner priest. He'll curse you until the end of days. At least my threat was temporary."
Pellon's deep laugh rumbled through the room. "You two are hilarious." He stepped up to Mayr's side, arms folded. The ribbons of his crown dangled down his chest to his waist. "Neither of you has the guts to do a damn thing, but I'll give you points for entertainment."
"We'll give you pillows and you can bash this thing out," Aeley said from her place next to Estara, her glossy lips turned up in a grin. "Round one: the wedding takedown."
One brow arched, Mayr glimpsed Estara's exasperated expression. "And you accuse me of not being funny?"
"Poor Tash," Estara said as she took something from Pellon. "Someone ought to tell the poor boy to run. We're all cracked." She shoved a silver mirror with a handle into Mayr's hand. "Here, look at your vain self."
Mayr obeyed quietly, standing and turning around so he could use the smaller mirror to see the reflection in the larger. Half of his hair hung straight past his middle back. The rest was up, more elegant than he had ever attempted to appear. Strands were twisted and pulled away from his face. Exquisitely draped over a wide, flat braid, the strands were pinned to an intricate cascade of narrow plaits in a mirrored pattern. The flower sat in the centre where plaits and twists met.
It was more than he deserved. Never had he wanted to appear delicate or hide behind
fashion and glamour. His hands were dirty, his roughness a shifting layer beneath his skin.
Tash saw past it all, regardless of any veneer. He insisted Mayr was beautiful, even in the worst moments. Mayr's polished appearance would no doubt capture Tash's attention, especially where Tash's hands were concerned.
"Thanks, Tara." Mayr passed the mirror to Aeley and hugged Estara. "I know I'm a pain, but you're a really good sister. You can throw your crown at anyone you want."
Estara laughed and gave him a tight squeeze. "I'll hold you to that."
Taps sounded on the door before it crept open. "Knock, knock," a quiet voice said. "Can I come in?"
Mayr's heart skipped beats. Arieve slipped into the room, a radiant vision of white and brilliant blue. Her dark hair was curled tighter than usual, tumbling around her shoulders and down her back, the white-blonde streaks brightened by her floral crown. When she moved closer, the vivid green in her hazel eyes shone in the light. Lush, deep pink paint on her lips complemented the faint pink powder colouring her cheeks. Beneath it all, she appeared to glow.
He flushed, recognizing her gown from the first night she had slept with him and Tash. The gown flowed as it did that night, though she wore a white sash instead of a corset. Formed from long, loosely plaited lengths of white lace, the sash clung to her waist. Its unbraided ends trailed behind her along the floor.
Mayr was certain he looked foolish, red-faced and stuck on staring.
"This is where we step out." Pellon offered his arms to Aeley and Estara. "Shall we? Don't really need to see this next bit."
"Don't I know it," Estara agreed, looping her arm around Pellon's. "I saw enough of things last night at dinner. I'm surprised the three of them came up for air."
Aeley cast Mayr a pointed glance. "We'll be back. Try and keep your clothes on?"
"Thanks for the advice." Mayr shooed them from the room and threw the door shut.
Arieve was in his arms an instant later, melting into his embrace. Tilting her head back, he cradled her neck in his palms. Her lips met his with a kiss, its solemn essence wrapped around restrained passion. For what felt like forever, he had wondered how it would be to marry her and be happy together. He had never expected to find the answer, and never like this. His heart was whole, the fragments welded together by Tash and Arieve's relationship. Despite the fewer nights she had spent with them in the last two months, she was a part of them.
Soulbound Page 29
