"That's part of it." He handed her the flower, then stepped back as if he'd crossed an invisible line. "I'm going to a meeting with your dad tonight, but the idea of admitting that I'm an alcoholic makes me nervous. I've been hiding from it. Pretending the disease would never affect me again."
"You'll do fine." She knew how important sobriety was to him. He'd gotten through the darkest moment of his life without a drink. He wouldn't falter now.
She brought the daisy to her breast. "I trust you, Adam. And I'm willing to stand beside you, to help you."
"I know. And that's what makes this so difficult." He frowned, turned to study the hills. "You deserve better, Sarah. You deserve the kind of stability I can't give you. A home. Children."
Stunned, she only stared. He no longer wanted children? A house in the country? How could a man change that much? How could he walk away from the woman who loved him?
Because, Sarah told herself a moment later, she didn't fit into his world anymore. She had been part of a dream, a fairy tale that had turned into a harsh reality. Adam was battling an emotional crisis, and she had no right to intrude on the time he needed to spend with his new family. They had become his focus, not a wife and children.
"I understand," she said, blinking back tears. She wouldn't cry, wouldn't beg him to include her in his life.
He stuffed his hands in his pockets, his voice raspy. "So, what are you going to do?"
"Go back to California. My dad is getting along just fine. He doesn't need me fussing over him." She took a deep breath, fought the ache where her heart used to be.
"Have I thanked you?" he asked.
"A few times." She longed to hold him, to stroke his face, his hair, those broad, troubled shoulders. "I know you appreciate what I did." Convincing his mother to see him, she thought. That was the only bond they still shared.
He met her gaze, and she noticed his eyes still seemed vacant. He would win the battle, she reminded herself. He would be whole again someday. His new family would help him heal.
At the sound of shuffling feet behind them, they both turned.
"Hi, Sarah." Dillon Hawk, the fourteen-year-old boy from next door, came forward, holding his little sister's hand. She trotted along, her tiny face smudged with dirt.
"We picked some vegetables for your dad." Dillon handed her a brown paper bag, and his sister squinted into the sun, gazing up at the adults.
"Thank you. My father's at work, but I'll give it to him as soon as he gets home." After taking the bag, she introduced Adam to the kids.
He shook Dillon's hand, then knelt to greet the toddler.
"Hi," he said.
"Hi," she repeated, grinning at him.
"Her name is Rebecca," Dillon announced with pride. "But we call her Becky. She's almost two."
"Two," Becky confirmed.
She was adorable, Sarah thought, with her tanned skin and twin ponytails. A mixed-blood, just like Adam. And they seemed enthralled with each other—the big man and the tiny girl.
Sarah chatted with Dillon, telling herself she would survive this moment, the sight of Adam with a toddler who looked as if she could belong to them.
When the children finally left, Becky rode in her big brother's arms, waving and saying goodbye.
As they disappeared, Adam watched them go. "So they live in the farmhouse across the way?"
"Yes. Their father, Jesse, is a veterinarian. He has a practice behind their house and acreage that leads to the hills."
"It looks like a great old place. Full of country charm."
She nodded, realizing it was the kind of house Adam used to want. "Their mother is pregnant again. I guess they intend to have a passel of kids now that they've found each other again."
"What do you mean?"
"Jesse and his wife were separated before Dillon was born, but they're together now." Happy, she thought. Her father's neighbors were blissfully wed.
"Oh." Adam fell silent as they walked, heading back to the house.
When they reached the front porch, Sarah placed the bag of vegetables on a wooden step. A small breeze blew, stirring scents of an Oklahoma summer. She could smell hay, horses and flowers, like the one in her hand—a tiny yellow bloom from the man she would always love.
"Sarah?"
"Yes?"
"I'm glad you understand why we shouldn't be together, why you should have those babies with someone else."
Sarah's heart lurched, bumping her ribcage with a heavy knock.
Suddenly it all made sense. Every last, lonesome detail. He was letting her go because of Johnny. Adam still thought the blood that flowed through his veins was tainted. Meeting Cindy hadn't eased his greatest fear.
Sarah sat on the porch, and he stood by the rail, with those dark, vacant eyes.
"It's Johnny, isn't it? He's the reason you don't want to get married and have children?"
"He's my father, Sarah."
"He's a biological figure," she countered. "Not a father. There's a difference."
"But I inherited things from him. My height, the way I'm built. I'm not just Cindy's son. He's inside me, too."
"No, he isn't. You're nothing like him. And in truth, you don't know anything about him. Maybe he was hurt or abused himself. Maybe he lashed out at Cindy because of his own insecurities, his own pain."
Adam made a tight face. "How can you excuse what he did so easily?"
"I'm not. By God, I'm not. But just because he was rich doesn't mean he came from a nurturing environment. He ran his car off a cliff, Adam. What does that say? Supposedly he was drag racing and lost control, but how can anyone really know what was going on in his mind at the time? Maybe he hated himself. Maybe deep down he wanted to die."
His expression remained tight. "And maybe he was just a selfish bastard."
"Maybe," she agreed. "But he doesn't matter to me. I'm not judging you by his actions. You're the same man you were before we found out about this. The same kind, honorable man. Your blood is pure, Adam. Pure and good." She stood, came toward him. "And I want to have your children. I want them to be part of me, part of us."
"Do you realize what you're saying?" His voice sounded rough, flooded with emotion.
"Yes, I do. And I should have told you before now, but I was trying to make things right between you and your mother. Once she accepted you, I thought everything would be okay, that you would stop blaming yourself for what Johnny did."
He sat beside her. "How do I forget? How do I block those awful images from my mind?"
"I don't know. But you need to stop punishing yourself." She looked at the flower in her lap. It was so fragile, she thought. Like the human spirit. "If a woman you cared about was raped, and she had a baby, would you hate that child? Would you think it was dirty? That it didn't deserve to be loved?"
"Of course not. I wouldn't blame an innocent life."
Sarah moved closer, touched his shoulder. "But don't you see? That's what you've been doing. Twenty-nine years ago, you were that baby. You were that innocent life."
Stunned into silence, Adam stared at his bandaged hand. Could it be that complicated, yet that simple? Was he destroying himself because he was trying to destroy Johnny? Kill a man who was already dead?
He lifted his gaze to Sarah and felt the sting of tears burn the back of his eyes. "I tried to right a wrong with hatred. I ignored the good my adoptive parents instilled in me."
"It's still there, Adam." She placed her hand over his heart. "Right there."
Blinking, he forced back the threat of tears. He hadn't cried throughout this whole ordeal, and damn it, he wasn't going to embarrass himself with watery eyes now.
He covered her hand with his, and while the sun shone bright in the sky and leaves fluttered on the trees, they felt his heartbeat, letting it flow through both of them.
"You had me fooled," he said, recalling the day they'd met. "You seemed like this confused little angel with a broken wing. But here you are, strong and beautiful and whole."
She smiled. "I don't know about the angel part, but I was confused. And if I'm strong and beautiful, it's because of you. You inspired me to give my dad a chance, to forgive him."
Adam thought about her admission, and then frowned. "I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive Johnny. I don't think I have that much good in me."
"Yes, you do."
How could she believe so strongly in him? Trust so deeply?
"Think about your parents, Adam. They didn't tell you about the adoption because they didn't want you to know about Johnny, to feed on the rage and shame you would feel."
He glanced up at the sky, then met her gaze, looked into her eyes and saw his future shining back at him. "Maybe I'll be able to pray for his redemption someday," he said, his voice breaking a little. "Maybe that will take the anger away."
She leaned into him, brushing his lips. "You're going to be fine. You're going to heal from all of this."
He tasted her kiss, the gentleness and the beauty in it. She was his soul, his heart, everything good inside him. Adam closed his eyes, opened them a moment later. "I love you, sweet Sarah."
"I love you, too. And I want to have a life with you."
His chest warmed. "Me, too."
She stood, held out her hand. "Then come inside. Be with me."
He looked up at her, immortalizing this moment in his mind. He knew what she was offering, what she was asking him to do. Sarah wanted to make a baby, to seal their union with everlasting life.
And he wanted that, too. More than he'd ever wanted anything. Accepting her hand, he let her lead him. It felt right to be needed, he thought. To be loved.
He smiled as she locked the bedroom door. Love gave you power, strength in yourself.
With a feminine touch, she began to undress him, baring his chest, unzipping his jeans.
Together they caressed and held, encouraging silk and sensation. And when they were naked, he took her mouth, long and slow. A kiss of friends, of lovers, of dreams and heart-filled promises. In each other's arms, they were home, safe and loved, where they belonged.
He licked her nipples, tasted and savored. Her hair fanned the pillow as his tongue slid over bare skin. Gold washed over the bed, the color of glitter, of sunshine and light.
He settled between her thighs, waiting to consummate their vow. "Say it, sweet Sarah. Say you'll marry me."
"I will." Lifting her hips, she took him inside, eager for the warmth, the deep, stirring penetration. "I'll marry you."
They linked their fingers, then moved in a dance as fertile and rhythmic as spring. He could feel life pulsing between them, the baby they were sure to create. Anxious and aroused, she gripped his shoulders, urging him to increase the tempo. And when he spilled into her, their worlds joined.
* * *
Afterward, Adam lowered himself into her arms and nuzzled her neck. She smelled like the wind and the grass and everything natural. Her hair felt like the flutter of a raven's wing against his face, her skin sleek and smooth.
"I want to have two ceremonies," he said, thinking about the future they had just sealed. "One in a church and one that represents the old Cherokee way."
Stroking his back, she slid gentle fingers up and down his spine. "There isn't just one Cherokee way. Different regions had different practices."
"Really? Like what?" He rolled onto his side, taking her with him.
"Sometimes it was up to a holy man whether a couple married. If he forbade their union, they would split up."
He frowned. "Forget that. I'm not going to let anyone take you away from me."
"There was also the proposal that was decided on by the maiden's mother. If the mother consented, the young man was allowed to share the maiden's bed."
He gave her a boyish grin. "I'm already sharing your bed."
She traced the shape of his smile. "And you declared your love at my mother's grave site. That meant a lot to me, Adam."
"I wanted her to know." For a moment, they were both silent, wrapped in a cocoon of emotion. He brushed a lock of hair from her cheek, and she moved close enough to increase the rhythm of his heart.
"We could exchange gifts," she said finally. "But it involves our parents. Your mother is supposed to give you something symbolic to offer me, and my mother is supposed to give me something to offer you. But since my mom is gone, my dad could take her place."
"That's perfect." It would be a new beginning for all of them, a way to bridge the gap that had separated them. Adam had found his mother, and Sarah had made peace with her father. And in nine months, he thought, sliding his hand over her tummy, there would be a child to bring their families even closer.
"Thank you." He leaned in to kiss her. "For believing in me." For being there when he fell, when the addiction and the fear nearly destroyed him. "I'd be lost without you."
"Me, too." Her eyes turned misty, but he knew they were tears of joy. From now until forever, Sarah Cloud and Adam Paige would have each other.
He kept his hand on her tummy and smiled. As the Cherokee would say—she walked in his soul, and he walked in hers.
* * *
Epilogue
« ^
Sarah stood in the kitchen with Adam's spirited sister, preparing for an important party. She baked chicken while Rachel put the final touches on a relish tray. The counter was laden with food, from cheese and crackers to a frothy cake decorated with sugared roses.
Sarah took a deep breath. A garden window displayed a variety of potted herbs, enhancing the eclectic aroma.
Oklahoma was home again, and she couldn't imagine being anywhere else. Adam had opened a clinic in Tahlequah, an establishment that offered small-town warmth and holistic medicine. Sarah was also part of the business, adding natural skin-care remedies to the services. Everything she and Adam did, they did together.
Their charming old ranch house was filled with cats, and their yard flourished with plants. Two horses shared a small barn, whinnying every morning to greet the day. It was, she thought, the most beautiful place on earth.
"It smells good in here." Adam came up behind them, his boots sounding on the clay-tiled floor.
Sarah and Rachel shared a smile, then turned to acknowledge him. Sarah's heart bumped lovingly. He stood tall and proud, a boyish grin tilting his lips. She knew how much he enjoyed family gatherings, and today was special. So incredibly special.
"So how are my two favorite women?" he asked.
"We're fine," Rachel said, arranging carrot sticks just so. "Busy doing women stuff."
"So I guess that means a guy can't mooch a snack or anything?"
"Not on your life, buster. This is party food." With a satisfied smirk, the fourteen-year-old returned to her task, her hair swishing across her shoulders.
Adam winked at Sarah, and her heart thumped again. Was it possible to fall in love all over again? To see the sun and the moon in your husband's eyes?
"I invited Jeremy to come by," he said. "And his parents, too."
Sarah nodded. Jeremy was one of the teenage boys from the youth center where Adam volunteered his time. He'd developed a warm relationship with the Cherokee boy, but they shared a common bond. Both were recovering alcoholics, only Jeremy's struggle was more recent. Of course, Adam never forgot his challenge, and he never missed an opportunity to help someone in need.
Sarah's father remained strong and sober as well. He had even begun to date, courting a woman who appreciated his quick wit and easy manner.
Everyone was settled, she thought, happy and whole. Adam's mother would be arriving soon to help with the party, and his brothers were probably buying last-minute gifts. They visited regularly, watching sporting events with Adam and yelling at the TV the way men often did.
Sarah checked on the chicken, and Adam glanced at the clock.
"Do you think the birthday girl is awake yet?" he asked.
"I don't know." She smiled and closed the oven. "Should we go see?" From the anxious expression on her husba
nd's face, she knew he was itching to hold their daughter.
Hand in hand, they exited the kitchen and headed toward the nursery. Slipping quietly inside, they stood near the crib, silently awed. Kaylee Marie Paige napped with her bottom in the air and an empty bottle by her side. A cap of dark hair fell across her forehead, and her cheeks were rosy against golden skin.
Adam moved closer. "I can't believe she's already a year old."
"I know. But it's been an incredible year."
"Yeah." He smiled at his wife. "Being parents suits us."
Just then, Kaylee roused, peeking at them through sleepy eyes. Adam reached out, and their little girl came to her feet, anxious to cuddle in Daddy's arms. He lifted her from the crib and held her close, brushing her cheek with a soft kiss.
Moving to stand beside her husband, Sarah said a silent prayer, thanking the Creator for each and every blessing He had bestowed upon them.
This, she thought, as Adam and Kaylee drew her into a family hug, is what life was all about.
* * * * *
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