by Abby Wood
She really needed no one else in her life, or any more information. For fuck's sake, she had no curiosity about her mother's secret life any longer.
Nathan walked around the car and opened her door. "Ready?"
She put her hand in his and let him pull her out of the seat. "Yeah. Let's get this over with."
"Addy…" He stopped her. "Watch your attitude. Don't anger him. All I want you to do is listen to him with an open mind."
"I'd rather get a root canal." She rolled her eyes and leaned into him. "You know, I'm perfectly fine with you having a relationship with him, and leaving me at home. I don't know what he can tell me that I don't already know. I don't need to know how he treated my mother."
"You're trying my patience," he muttered, leading her up to the one-story flat.
She snorted. "Good."
He pulled her along the walkway. At the enclave, she pulled up short. She knew she was being a bitch.
"Why do you care what I think about the guy?" She tilted her head. "I get why you look up to him, but what has he done for you that makes you bow to him. He ordered you to bring me, and then he called to tell us to hurry over and you jumped. What does he hold over you that makes you lose the scary Nathan face I love?"
"I could beat you for asking," he said, his voice low and threatening.
"But you won't." She lifted her chin.
The muscle in his jaw tensed. "Try me."
"Whatever." She motioned toward the door. "Take me to the all mighty Professor Frank."
Chapter Thirty-Four
Inside Professor Frank's house, Addison stood in front of the windows in the room. She glanced behind her, taking in the room in an attempt to put off introductions. She could feel Professor Frank's eyes on her.
Despite it being late afternoon, the drapes were fully closed and two table lamps lit the sparsely decorated living room. Nathan put his hand on her lower back. She jumped and stepped closer, reaching for his hand. Even though she was trying to play it cool, she latched on to him tightly, not letting him leave her side.
"Addison." Nathan kissed the top of her head. "This is Professor Frank Carmetti—he looked at the Professor—this is Addison Flint."
"Please, call me Professor…everyone does." Professor motioned to the couch. "Please sit."
She swallowed and waited for Nathan to cross the room with her, but he nudged her forward. She hesitated and gazed up into his face, pleading with him silently to go with her.
"It'll be okay," he whispered. "Soon as he's done, I'll take you home."
Gathering the last bit of strength she had left, she walked over and perched on the edge of the couch, farthest away from the professor, and willed herself not to hug the arm of the cushion. She stared back at Nathan, but he sucked at reading her mind. If he had any idea how she was plotting how she'd make him pay for forcing her to come here and face her mother's old lover, he'd be scared. Very scared.
"Thank you for coming." Professor crossed his legs and stretched his arm along the back of the couch. "I know this has been difficult for you."
"Do you?" she asked.
The corner of his mouth lifted. "Let's say, I can imagine it was a surprise to learn that your mother was a woman just like you with wants and needs."
She laughed. "Are you serious? I’m nothing like my mother."
Professor remained silent, studying her. She looked away, embarrassed for her outburst. No one would understand, and it wasn't any of his business what kind of family dynamics she lived through.
"I know you probably mean well, but maybe I should go." She picked at the seam on the couch.
"Please stay." Professor leaned forward. "I asked Nathan to bring you here, because I would like to tell you about your mother."
"She's dead," she said.
Professor's chin met his chest. "Yes, I'm aware of her passing away. I'm sorry."
Something about his quiet admittance flowed right through her. She swallowed the emotions her mother's death always brought up for her. Whether it was guilt or disappointment, she couldn't tell. She only knew, she hated talking about her mother.
She cleared her throat. "There's no reason to be—"
"Quiet." Professor's soft order came fast.
Nathan stepped toward her. Professor raised his hand and Nathan instantly stopped. The silence in the room freaked her out. Her reaction scared her more.
In his one word command, she'd taken notice. Nathan warned her Professor Frank was a dominating man. The pictures she found of her mother proved he could be as cruel and wonderful as Nathan. But, she hated how her mind shut down and her body paid attention when he spoke.
It was as if he'd reprimanded her for talking in class or being a smartass in a serious situation. There was nothing sexual about her reaction. Instead, she felt scolded, and it wasn't a good feeling. She'd had a lifetime of disappointing others.
Then Nathan's hand was on her shoulder. She reached up and latched on to him. Painful as the visit was for her, she only wanted to go home. Home with Nathan, and forget about everything.
"Thirty years ago, I was thirty-one years old, fresh to teaching at the university and eager to enlighten the world…at least the students in my classes." Professor's gaze stayed on her. "Your mother was a student of mine."
Oh, my God. She closed her eyes briefly and when she reopened her eyes, she stared at the coffee table to avoid showing her reaction.
"As you know, I'm a Dom. I realized—he waved his hand, and the flippant action belied the significance—at a young age that I was wired differently than my own mother and father, my friends. An odd duck, if you will. I stayed away from having relationships for fear that what I wanted to do was wrong. Then I went to college and decided to spread my wings like many others do, and will continue to do as the next generation reaches adulthood."
She too took leaving home and attending college as a right to live life the way she wanted, but it never involved doing anything crazy. A few drunken moments, a couple one-night stands, and way too many bad dates.
"When your mother came around, I was firmly planted in learning about myself. I knew what I wanted and needed. At the time, others like me who were experiencing an alternative lifestyle either kept our activities private or formed groups. Maybe it was because I'm a teacher, I found myself hanging out with like-minded individuals and one thing led to another, and we started gathering in one of the rentals on campus. Your mother came with one of her girlfriends to the house. That's how I met her."
Addison leaned her head back onto Nathan who stood at the end of the couch, holding her hand. She hung on Professor's every word. The scene he recreated similar to hers, except she'd never met anyone like him or Nathan. It was all about keg parties and juvenile behavior.
Professor chuckled and his eyes softened. "Carly was full of attitude, much like you are today. The others worried about her being with us at the house. She kept herself at arm's length, and shot down anyone's offer to explore her…sexual side. Quite simply, her refusal to loosen up along with her attempt at pushing me away fascinated me. I gave her time, and told myself if she came back to the house, I'd approach her. And, she did come back. Not once, but three times. She never hooked up with anyone, but would stand there, sipping her drink, and pretending she wanted to be somewhere else. But, I watched her. I could see through her defenses."
"That's enough," Addison muttered.
Professor ignored her wishes, and continued, "Your mother was the first woman I dated. Before her, I only saw women for sex. It took me two months to get her into my bed and when I did, I unleashed a woman who wanted to submit. Needed to submit even more than I wanted to dominate her."
She turned on the couch and faced Nathan. "I want to go home."
"Soon, doll. Listen," Nathan said.
"From that point on, it was only her and I. I stopped hanging out with the others. I had no desire, because your mother was everything to me. She more than filled my need for contentment, and I believed
she returned the feelings." Professor tightened his lips over his teeth and paused. "We were together three years. She was my life, and I was hers."
She shook her head. If that were true, they would've stayed together. She saw no purpose of hearing more.
"Considering I already guessed about my mother's past and what you had with her was before my time. There's really nothing more for you to tell me." She stood. "I appreciate you trying to explain my mother to me, but if you really knew her the way I did, you'd know that her behavior in no way excused her treatment of me. I'd prefer to bury my childhood with her."
"We were together for three years," Professor repeated.
She glanced over her shoulder at him. "Yes, you've said that."
Nathan hardened and he held her shoulders, keeping her from walking away. "Addy, listen."
She shook her head wildly. What couldn't they understand? She had no desire to hear anymore.
Nathan framed her face with his hands. "Three years, baby. You're twenty seven, and Professor met your mother—"
"No." She slapped at Nathan's arms. "I want to go home."
"Carly couldn't handle our relationship and carry our baby too. She left, and I gave her time to figure out how we'd go about forming a lifetime together. You have to understand, twenty-seven years ago, who we are and what drove us together, was never talked about…ever. There were no books or internet forums for someone to work through and learn about what drives their psychological need to submit or dominate," Professor said.
The room compacted on her. She clung to Nathan, shaking him by the shirt. "Make him stop," she begged.
"I should never have given her time alone to figure out what she wanted to do. That remains my biggest mistake and my nightmare." Professor's voice dimmed. "If I would've demanded that she stay with me, she would've. She had no control over disobeying me."
She whirled. "You beat her. Don't tell me she was anything more to you than a fuck."
"Addison," Nathan said sharply.
"No." she pushed away from them.
She wanted nothing to do with either one of them. They were both the same. Self-indulgent over their own needs, they never thought of what she went through. What her mother went through.
She gasped, searching both their faces. Her mother.
Bile burned her throat. She covered her mouth. Her legs collapsed, and Nathan caught her before she hit the floor. Oh, God.
She stared up into Professor Frank's face until the lines around his eyes and forehead blurred. He refused to look away. She was looking at the truth.
From the square shoulders, the firm chin, and the green eyes. Eyes the same color as hers that she thought came from her mother.
"No," she sobbed. "No, no, no."
Nathan swept her into his arms. She buried her face in his neck, wanting to escape the room. She'd ignore what she heard and forget about ever coming to visit. Curt Stewart was her father. That's what her mother drilled into her. Not this man, who—who…
"Your mother contacted me right before you were born. She was big with child…with you. She came to tell me she reported me to the police for my transgressions while teaching. She informed them of the names of everyone who met on campus." Professor paused. "Then she told me she could get the charges dropped if I agree to never see my baby or her."
Her face hot from her own breath, Addison squeezed her eyes closed. Not only was she not wanted, but he'd chosen his career over her.
"I know what you're thinking, and it's untrue. I told Carly to go ahead and report me to the authorities. Having a child with the woman I loved meant more to me than teaching, and I'd gladly walk away from everything I loved. She wasn't expecting my answer," Professor said.
Addison stilled and held her breath. He wanted her?
"Carly stormed away from me, and followed through with her threat. The police contacted me, and later dropped the case, because everyone involved were over the age of eighteen years old. The school, on the other hand, had a big problem with me associating privately with students. I broke away from everyone, because the last thing I needed was a child coming into the world and not being able to see him or her because I was barred from teaching. No court system around would allow someone like me, however misinformed, to have joint custody of a child if details about my private life and allegations got out. Plus, I needed to have a way to support you. You were my main concern, even if I couldn't have Carly in my life."
She squeezed her eyes closed. He was lying. He didn't want her. He wasn't there.
A hand landed on her back. "But, the trust between your mother and I was broken when she kept me from you. She led me to believe she'd give you away or run to keep me away from you. So, I did the only thing I knew. I stayed away, so you could have a home, a mother. Instead, I sent her money to help raise you, and prayed you'd someday forgive me."
A heavy sigh escaped him. "My heart breaks right now, because from your reaction, I'm guessing your childhood wasn't as wonderful as I had hoped. That Carly never came to accept who she was when she was with me."
Several minutes passed. Addison braved removing her face from Nathan's neck and looked up into his eyes. The hurt reflected back at her confused her even more. She wanted to look away, but she wanted escape more. She needed time to think.
"Please, take me home," she whispered.
Nathan nodded. "I promised you that I would, doll."
She hid again, ignoring the cry inside her soul escaping when Professor's hand left her back. His touch. So different than Nathan's, numbed her to feeling.
Nothing was real. Words meant nothing. Her mother's secrets could no longer touch her. She was finally free.
Or, she would be. Right now, she couldn't feel anything.
Chapter Thirty Five
Addison opened her eyes when Nathan called her name from another part of the house. She dared not move a muscle. Two days of constant attention from Nathan had worn her out.
She couldn't take any more.
Every cell in her body pulsed.
Every muscle ached.
Even breathing reminded her of what had transpired between them. Most of all, the previously empty spot inside of her was too preoccupied by the awareness of being fully loved, allowing her to lay in pure contentment for the first time in days, weeks, hell…years.
After arriving home from Professor Frank's house a few days ago, she'd panicked. She tried to run, and Nathan brought her home. She tried to fight, and he fought back even tougher. When nothing else worked to escape all the new fears putting doubts in her head, she talked. She talked until her voice grew hoarse and it became painful to swallow.
Somewhere along the way, she'd stopped thinking. She took everything Nathan gave her and basked in the gift of having him supporting her. She accepted that Curt Stewart was only a pawn in her mother's cruel game. A decoy to keep her from searching for answers.
Whether her mother plotted how to devastate an innocent man's life for her own good or she lived with insurmountable guilt that she was desperate to hide so she could feel normal, Addison would never know. She didn't need to know.
She'd let her mother go, because her mother could no longer wound her and she refused to follow her example by hurting those she cared about. It would be easier to push Nathan away and run from the conflicting thoughts in her head. But, she fought her way through life being tough and stubborn, and didn't plan to stop now.
"Addy," Nathan called.
She lifted her head off the mattress, groaned in discomfort, and quickly laid back down. There was no freaking way she'd be moving around anytime soon.
Nathan's feet walked across the bedroom floor. Even having him in the same room wasn't enough incentive to get her to lift her gaze any higher than the floor.
"Hey…" He leaned down and brushed her hair off her face. "Didn't you hear the doorbell?"
"No," she mumbled.
He chuckled and sat down on the bed beside her. His hand rubbed her bare bottom, an
d she sighed in pleasure.
"Nice," she whispered, letting her body relax under the pleasure.
Nathan's caress stopped and a sharp slap came down on her ass. She yelped and jumped. Her muscles screamed in protest.
She kneeled on the mattress and glared. "Shit. Why did you do that?"
His jaw twitched. "Time to get dressed. Your father is here?"
"I don't—" She clamped her mouth shut.
Her father? God, would she ever get used to thinking of Professor Frank as her dad?
She hadn't talked to him since Nathan carried her out of his house after learning the truth. In fact, she refused to talk with Professor Frank when he called Nathan's cell to check up on her. Then Nathan punished her for not obeying his request to discuss how she was feeling about the new turn of events over finding her real father.
Nathan slid his hands under her armpits, in one move picked her up, and set her on her feet. She cringed. Knowing Professor was as stubborn, strong, and domineering as Nathan, she knew she couldn't refuse to go downstairs. With her luck, her father—God, would she ever get used to saying that?—would walk right into the bedroom.
"Go take a warm shower, and then come downstairs." He kissed her gently. "I'll give you a massage when Professor Frank leaves."
She wrinkled her nose, despite how wonderful having his hands on her again sounded. "Whatever," she muttered.
Nathan growled. "Watch your mouth."
She gingerly walked toward the bathroom, taking each step carefully and slowly. Her life had changed, but she was still full of misgivings.
The lifestyle she and Nathan were living still confused her and she second-guessed herself constantly, but she was willing to learn. If she was honest with herself, she wanted to get to know the man downstairs who claimed he always wanted her. Who gave up everything to make sure she lived a happy life.
So, living happily is what she planned to do.
# # #
Nathan walked into the living room alone. He sat down in the chair beside the opened window. Deep down, he knew he'd done the right thing letting Professor inside the house to see Addison.
