by J D Jacobs
“First off, Ricky Ricardo, she’s not yours and she’s not a Ribbon,” I correct him, my blood instantly boiling from his voice. “Secondly, if you have a problem with me, then come one room down and say it to me face-to-face. Why bring Sabrina into this?”
“You always want to fight. Why the constant violent nature?” he asks me. “You should be thanking me right now instead of threatening me.”
“You killed our pilot, tried to kill my friend, you trapped our mayor and two more of my friends in your research lab, and you forced Jasmine and Jordan into being kids they’re not. What reason do I have to thank you?”
“Take a deep breath, Zorro Feo.” He pauses, but I refuse to do anything he tells me to. “Feel that in your chest? The air you just inhaled? That’s what you should thank me for. You should be dead right now, but I’m gracious enough to give you one more night of life. You should thank me for giving you a chance to get all your goodbyes and prayers in, to go ahead and confess your love to Ribbon #12, if you feel so.”
“Then what? You’re going to kill me?”
“Atone you, would be a better phrase.”
“You’re pathetic,” I reiterate. “You’ve done nothing but cause pain to everyone around you. Gabriela, the actual Camila, and the actual Isaac would be ashamed to be a part of your family if they saw you today.”
He snickers. “Go ahead and get all your shots in. I’m not going to let you affect me if you’ll be dead in a few hours. I don’t want to give you that satisfaction. But I must ask you something: how did you know? The wheelchair girl must have told you about my Camila and Isaac. But I never mentioned Gabriela’s name to anyone, not even 12. How did you find out about her?”
I return his snicker back to him. “Why should I tell you? I don’t want to give you that satisfaction.”
“Hehe, I like you, Zorro Feo, but I’m going to love watching you die tomorrow!” He stands up from the chair and remains still for a moment. “I’m going to give you a going away present,” he informs me. “The present is special, though: you can only hear it. And oh, you’ll hear it.” I hear his lips smack against Sabrina’s body. “I want to make sure it’s etched in your brain for the remainder of your short, pathetic life. I want it to pound your eardrums and be the last thing that runs through your mind as you bleed out tomorrow.”
“Don’t you touch her,” I demand him through my gritted teeth.
“Or what, exactly? I’ll do more than touch her!” He walks back into the room, his voice trailing him. I hear him grunt, and feet scuffle inside. I’m guessing he’s holding on to Sabrina and just threw her in the bedroom.
“No, Miguel!” I hear Sabrina sternly tell him from inside. Her voice maintains a composure that she hasn’t been able to hold when talking to him.
“Excuse me?” Ricardo exclaims, trying to scare her into changing her mind. “I didn’t give you a choice! You’re my Ribbon and you’ll do what I say!”
“I’m not your Ribbon.” I’m glad she’s sticking up for herself, but this hasn’t ended well for her in the past. I don’t feel like it will here, either.
“You’ll listen to me!” Ricardo yells at her. I hear a loud smack, but it’s not from Ricardo’s brawny hand. It came from a skinnier, smaller hand.
“No, I won’t.”
I feel the tension leaking through the wall. “Keep it up,” he growls at her. “I’ll throw you in that arena and not think twice about it. Cut you into pieces just like I did to your little boyfriend from Colorado. You’re nothing to me, just another repulsive, insignificant whore. Get the hell out of my sight.” I hear him shove Sabrina to the ground and yank the radio off the shelf as it, too, gets tossed across the floor. He makes his way to the door and slams it shut behind him. I pause, not knowing if he’ll come to my room next. I flip the folded butterfly knife out and hide it behind my back, just in case. He never does.
“Sabrina, are you alright?” I ask into the wall.
“I’m fine,” she calls out.
“Good… That was very brave.”
“That wasn’t brave. What you did was brave, Jaden. You came back into this city to save me; you gave up your safety for me. And now Miguel’s going to kill you for it…” Her voice falls weaker, sorrow replacing the composure in it. “I’m so sorry, Jaden. This is my fault. You shouldn’t have come back for me.”
“I’d come back for you a million times if I had to. Even if I knew I was going to die, I would still do it if it meant there was a chance you could get out of that room. You deserve happiness, to live your life, and you can’t have that if you’re trapped here. I’m going to find a way to win my Atonement tomorrow, I’m going to find a way to get you out of this room, and I will find a way to get us to Tryton.”
“What’re you going to do to win your Atonement, then?” She doesn’t sound too convinced that I’m going to keep my promise.
“Just give me a second…” I step away from the wall and sit on my bed. I have a plan, but for it to work, I need to get in touch with Grant. I call out into the room. “Xander, I want to see where Grant is an hour ago.”
I wait to be sent into a flashback, but it doesn’t happen. I call out again. “Let me see Grant an hour ago.” I wonder if Grant was surrounded by people at that time. If so, that would be why Xander wouldn’t send me in that specific flashback. “Xander, I want to see Grant at any time today where he is alone and I can talk to him.” I again wait for a few seconds, but nothing happens. Am I being too vague? I’m not sure what it is I’m doing wrong.
Is Xander ignoring me? Is he even here with me anymore? Maybe he doesn’t want me to see Grant because I can’t handle it. In other words, Grant may already be dead. “Xander, show me where Grant was yesterday.” I wait, but again, nothing. “Xander, for God’s sake, show me something! Let me at least talk to you. You can help us get out of here!”
I sit in silence, anticipating the Grim to casually appear in front of me. Why is he ignoring me now? Out of all the inconvenient visits he’s given me, now, when I need him the most, he doesn’t show up?
Maybe he’s ignoring me because this is my destined path. Maybe I’m supposed to die in the Arena. And he doesn’t want me to veer.
“Jaden?” I hear Sabrina softly call to me. “Are you okay? This Xander fellow, is he okay?” I know she must think I’m crazy. She might’ve been thinking that this entire time. How could someone that I’ve seen only once believe me when I say that I talk to faceless spirits? She must know how doubtful her getting out of that room is. She finally found someone to come back and save her, but too bad he’s lost his mind and is talking to himself.
“I don’t know how I’m gonna do it,” I admit to her.
“Do what?”
“Save you.” I walk outside on the balcony and plop down in the chair. Maybe it was stupid of me to stay here. I should’ve left Avvil when I had the chance. I could’ve devised a plan to come back to Avvil and rescue Sabrina. But no, I had to act the hero. Now it’ll get us both killed.
But I know that if I wouldn’t have stayed, Jasmine may be in a worse situation than I’m currently in.
“Quit worrying about me,” she says, following me to our balconies. “You’re the one who’ll be in that arena tomorrow. You have to find a way to survive your Atonement, simple as that. Quit worrying about me. Put yourself first.”
Her last three words carve their way into my brain. I then look at the knife in my hand. I walk into the bedroom and knock on the wall between our rooms until I find a spot that doesn’t have a stud underneath it. I then jab the knife into the drywall and pull it down toward the floor, slowly ripping a slit in the wall.
“What are you doing?” Sabrina asks me. I ignore her and continue cutting open the wall. The butterfly knife isn’t very sturdy, and even though the wall is thin and made of drywall, it’s still hard to carve through it. I’m finally able to cut out a large enough chunk for me to rip pieces of my side of the wall out with my hands. After I make a big enough hole, I t
hen carefully tear the thin insulation out and throw it behind me.
“You might want to back away from the wall,” I warn her.
“Jaden, what are you doing?”
“Putting myself first.” After waiting for her to back up, I jam the knife into her side of the wall and force the knife down it. I’m eventually able to punch through, leaving an opening in the wall between our rooms.
I see her face again, just as beautiful as I remember it from earlier today. Her eyes look at me in confusion, but I can see a smile sneak up on her face. She’s happy to see me, too. “Not really sure what your plan is,” she tells me, trying to hide her curiosity.
I give a stupid grin as I think of how to respond. “I, uhh… here.” I throw the butterfly knife onto the floor in front of her.
She bends over and picks up the dusty knife, studying it like it has an answer hidden on it somewhere. “Where exactly did you get this? And why are you giving it to me?”
“It’s my friend’s. He used it to kill the guard in the hall.” Telling her that the knife is a murder weapon causes her to flinch with it in her hands. “You need it. I’m sure Ricardo will confiscate it from me before my Atonement, so it does me no good.”
“Now you sound stupid,” she says as she continues studying the knife. I go back to the wall, ripping off fragments of her side of the wall until there’s a human-sized hole in it. “Use this to protect yourself tomorrow. If Miguel didn’t check your friend before his Atonement, he probably won’t check you, either.”
“But he will,” I assure her as I begin kicking in the drywall. “Ricardo is going to make sure there’s no possible way for me to win tomorrow. He’s going to take this knife away and probably give it to one of his goons. I’m giving it to you so you can protect yourself. If Ricardo ever tries to rape you again, kill him. Don’t think twice about it. If you can kill him, then you’ll never be harmed again. Avvil is begging for somebody to do it.”
Her hazel eyes look up from the knife and at me as she watches me destroy the wall that had separated us. I finally get enough of the wall tore down to step through. As I stick my leg through the hole, the door to my room opens.
The same woman who sliced my cheeks earlier today barges in. She stands in the doorway; sent to investigate the noise I’m making but caught trying to comprehend what it is I’m doing. I’m left paralyzed, caught in the middle of sneaking to Sabrina’s room. No hiding or getting my way out of it.
The woman looks at me for the longest time without saying anything. We stare at each other for a few clueless seconds. Her eyes eventually lose the puzzled look and instead give off a sense of pity for me. I don’t know if it’s because it’s my last night before my Atonement or if it’s because she already knows the death that Ricardo has lined up for me tomorrow. Either way, she slowly and quietly closes the door behind her without saying a word.
“Jaden?” Sabrina whispers to me, noticing my sudden pause. I quickly turn back to her and try to squeeze through the wall. “You just told me that you were going to put yourself first. Why give me this knife, then?”
I’m finally able to make it through the wall, covering myself in dust. “That wasn’t what I was talking about. This is.”
My hands rush up from my waist and caress her cheeks as I pull her in, my lips gently meeting hers. I catch her by surprise, at first, but I softly feel her smile under our kiss. She places her arms on my shoulders and pushes her lips into mine. My fingers smoothly grace through her hair; the alluring feel of her long, black hair so delicate on my fingertips.
We slowly pull away from each other. I open my eyes to see Sabrina’s still closed, the smile on her lips still present with no sign of ever leaving. This is the moment I’ve longed to feel my entire life.
“Jaden…” she whispers, her face blushed. “You shouldn’t be here.”
I place my finger against her lips. “Yes, I should.”
She opens her beautiful eyes and looks at me. “Then I’m glad you are.”
32.
I held her in my arms nearly the entire night. We didn’t take it further than that; I didn’t want to take that step with her so quickly, especially in a room and city that has forced her to do so. Me being with Sabrina wasn’t about sex. It was about talking to this girl face-to-face, touching her skin, feeling her warmth, watching her smile, hearing her sing, with no wall between us. It was about, for once in my life, not being alone.
We turned the radio back on and went back to listening to that Fleetwood Mac CD. Sabrina softly sang every song; even the ones that Stevie Nicks wasn’t singing. She sounded so elegant. Feeling her chest vibrate after every graceful note she quietly sang made me fall for her even more after each song. Our fingers stayed locked together and never left. The only time they did was when she peeled off the duct tape on the back of my head. Even though it was extremely painful and brought tears to my eyes, I still couldn’t help but laugh during it. Even in pain, I can’t get over the happiness I feel when I’m in the same room as she is.
We talked about what we wanted to see, where we wanted to go, and what we wanted to do once we get out of Avvil. She wanted to see a sunrise, one that doesn’t have an amber filter to it. She wanted to visit the beach again, to smell the fresh, salty air as the waves crash against one another. She wanted to feel wind gliding through her hair as goosebumps pervade her skin.
I just wanted to do whatever she wanted to do and go wherever she wanted to go.
In the back of her mind, she probably knew that none of this is possible. She knew that the Cozmin has prevented anybody from living in the natural world without fatal consequences. She knew that this was probably my last night alive. She knew that all this talk of the future is all for naught. But why not still talk about it? It’s fun. It makes me happy. And out of all the things on this planet that I could be doing, there’s nothing I’d rather do.
She fell asleep in my arms an hour before me. The best feeling that I’ve ever had was holding her while she slept. I embraced her as long as my eyes could stay open, then I drifted off, too…
…
I wake up to empty arms. Sabrina stands across the room, her large, orange shirt reflecting well with the amber sunlight shining in. Her arms are crossed, her mind deep in thought, her body leaning against the wall and looking out into the Arena. Her face dazzling.
“You okay?” I ask her, my voice hoarse from the drowsiness that floods it.
“Yeah…” she softly answers. “One of the guards brought food, if you’re hungry.”
I sit up in the bed. “Thanks, but I’m fine. Did the guard say anything?”
“She didn’t seem too surprised when she walked in,” Sabrina says, turning her eyes from the Arena to me. “For some reason, she actually seemed happy to see us together.”
I grin as I walk over to her and lean in to kiss her. She smiles while she embraces my kiss, but the smile slowly fades and her hazel eyes become refilled with anxiety. “Are you okay?”
“I can’t handle it, Jaden. You don’t deserve this.” She opens her palm, showing the folded butterfly knife I gave her last night. “Please take this with you. You’ll need it.”
I hold the back of her hand in my palm. “This isn’t about me anymore. This is about you. If I can’t protect you now, then at least that knife will give you a better chance to protect yourself in the future.” I close her fingers to cover up the knife again. “I won’t take no for an answer.”
Sabrina thinks on whether she should argue against me, but instead places the knife on her nightstand and walks to her bathroom. “At least take this,” she tells me, holding out a razor blade. “It’s not much, but it’s literally all I have. You need something.”
I grab the blade out of her hand and place it in my back pocket. A tear sneaks out from the corner of her eye, but she tries to hold it back in. She gives off one last soft smile, then tilts her forehead into my chest. I brush her hair behind her ears and out of her face.
“Ri
se and shine!” I hear Ricardo burst into my room, but stops when he sees it’s empty. He gives off a loud, thunderous laugh, then heads to Sabrina’s room. “I give you a night to confess your love to my Ribbon, and you kick down the wall and sleep with her instead! Haha, that’s one way to do it!”
“Let’s get this over with,” I groan at him, having accepted my fate a long time ago. I see two more men rush in behind Ricardo to come escort me by my arms. I do so without causing any trouble.
“That’s what I like to see: a man that’s ready to serve his punishment! This’ll be a good one! Make sure your TV is on, 12! You won’t want to miss this one. This one might even be better than the one with your other boyfriend!”
“Jaden!” she cries out to me as I’m escorted out of the room.
I look back right before I leave. “Thank you.” The last glimpse I get is of her standing next to the bed, her face troubled but valiant. She’s a strong girl. She shouldn’t linger on my death. She can do anything she sets her mind to, as long as she forgets about me. Maybe my purpose for staying in Avvil wasn’t for me to rescue her; maybe it was to give her the strength to rescue herself.
I walk down the hall of the thirteenth floor. I’ve seen this treacherous hall far too many times, so I’m glad this will be my last time down it. “This’ll be fun!” Ricardo pats me on the back. “Are you ready, Zorro Feo?”
I don’t answer him but instead stare at the crimson floor in front of us. We make it to the perpendicular corridor that’s halfway down the thirteenth floor, heading toward the set of double doors at the end of it. Ricardo leads the way and thrusts the doors open, sending both of them flying out of our way.
It’s a large office. Mahogany furniture spread out across the room; two neatly cushioned chairs and an exquisite desk are directly in front of us. “This is my office!” he tells me, stretching his arms out. “It’s lovely, isn’t it? I used to slave for people with offices like this. Now I own one! There’s power in the office alone.” The two men and I follow Ricardo around the furniture and toward the glass door that’s on the opposite end of the room.
