I shook my head. “Of course not. All the director saw was me throwing the first punch so…” I threw my hands out wide with a humorless smile. “Guess who got all the blame.”
“No,” Tristan groaned.
“That’s so unfair.” Allison looked so worried, I nearly reached out to pat her hand, but Tristan beat me to it. Though, he didn’t just pat her hand. He held it.
And she didn’t pull away.
Huh. My player of a friend had actual feelings for Allison?
At least one of us got the girl.
I shook off the thought. I’d been in a bad mood for the last few hours but trying my best not to think about how this whole mess got started. It was easier to deal with the crappy injustice of getting all the blame and even my father’s anger than it was to face the fact that this was all my fault. I’d brought this all on myself.
I’d broken all my own rules about not getting involved—with teammates, with girls, with complicated relationships. I’d forsaken all my rules…and why? For what?
Not for what…for whom?
The answer to that question walked into the backroom of the pizza shop. I heard the silence fall over our teammates and turned to see her standing there, freshly showered and with a baseball cap holding back her long brown hair. Hannah’s big brown eyes didn’t seem to notice the crowd of teammates staring as she paused in the doorway, her gaze fixed on me as her tall friend appeared behind her and gave the room at large a wave.
The silence seemed to last forever, but the moment was broken as Hannah moved purposefully across the room in my direction, Allison and Tristan scooching over as Hannah’s friend slid into the seat beside them as Hannah sank into the booth beside me.
“I’m so sorry,” she said without preamble.
I nodded. It wasn’t her fault. Logically, I knew that. It was my fault for getting involved in her boyfriend drama. It was my fault for trying to mess with Caleb through her.
It was my fault for falling in love with my rival’s ex-girlfriend.
No, this wasn’t love. It was just an old crush.
Yeah, keep telling yourself that.
She bit her lip and studied my bruised face. “How’d it go with the director?”
I shook my head, and she winced. “You’re not…”
“He threatened suspension, but for now I’m just on probation.” I forced another small, humorless smile. “Lucky me, I’ve got his full attention now. Which was exactly what I wanted, right?”
“Just not like this,” she finished for me.
Exactly. This was exactly the kind of attention I’d been trying so hard to avoid. I already knew the reputation I had just because of the school I went to and the neighborhood I lived in. No one expected anything but trouble out of a Fairmont High student, and it seemed like I’d managed to live down to his expectations.
“I’m so sorry,” she said again.
“Don’t be.” My voice was harsher than intended. “It was my mistake.”
She blinked and I heard her inhale at my cold tone. I was certain she’d heard everything I hadn’t said. It was my mistake for getting involved. My mistake for kissing you.
My mistake for falling for you.
Okay, maybe she hadn’t understood that last bit.
I wasn’t sure I understood it myself. An old crush was one thing, but this? This was everything I didn’t want—it was complicated and consuming and impossible to ignore or compartmentalize.
Whatever it was I felt around Hannah, it was the worst sort of distraction, and it made me lose sight of the only thing I’d ever wanted.
To get out. To play soccer. To have a future of my own making.
My feelings for Hannah would only ever stand in the way of that.
“I just came to say that I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “This got out of hand, and I never meant for you to get hurt by any of this.”
I nodded. I knew that. Of course, I knew that. She wouldn’t be the girl I loved if she was ruthless or thoughtless.
“It’s probably for the best if we end this,” she said. “It was a stupid idea, anyway, and I’m so sorry I drew you into it.”
“It was my idea,” I pointed out.
“Yeah, well, I’m officially letting you out of our agreement.” Her smile was self-deprecating. “No more fake dating just to make me look less pitiful.”
“But what about homecoming?” her friend’s voice from the other side of the table had us both looking over. The black-haired beauty looked distressed. “You can’t go alone. Not when Caleb is taking her.”
Hannah shook her head. “It doesn’t matter, Rose.”
Rose opened her mouth to protest but Hannah widened her eyes and held up a hand. “Drop it.”
Rose clamped her mouth shut and crossed her eyes. There was no doubt this conversation would continue when they were alone. I tried not to think about it because it meant thinking about Hannah either sitting home alone or going to a dance with friends or maybe even another guy.
Disappointment speared through me. Over a stupid dance, no less.
I really was in a bad state over here.
“Anyways…” Hannah turned to me with a sad little smile that made me want to reach out to her.
“It’s not your fault,” I said. Angry as I might’ve been, I couldn’t stand to see her sitting there stewing in guilt. “I told you it was my idea so I’ll take the responsibility.”
Her gaze held mine. “Well, then I’ll take the responsibility to end it before it gets any more out of hand.”
I wanted to protest. I wanted to tell her to stay. Instead I watched her fake a smile as she quit my team and promised to find a female replacement. “I can’t guarantee she’ll be as good as me,” she teased.
I couldn’t bring myself to return her smile. Heck, I couldn’t bring myself to move. I sat there and watched her pulling away from me, knowing it was for the best. Telling myself I was glad.
After she and her friend were gone I sat there staring at the door for what felt like an eternity.
Allison broke the silence, her voice jarring me out of my misery. “Wait, the fake relationship was your idea? Tristan said that she kissed you in her driveway when Caleb was watching.”
I glared at my bigmouth friend but he ignored it to address Allison. “Yeah, but see, he’d never point that out to Hannah. Chivalry is not dead—not for our fearless team leader, at least.”
Allison clapped a hand over her heart. “Aw, that’s so sweet.”
I rolled my eyes. “It was my idea to fake a relationship. And besides…” I stared at the door. “If she hadn’t kissed me first, I would have kissed her.”
I wouldn’t have been able to resist. Just like I couldn’t stop watching the door where she’d left.
She hadn’t just walked out that door…she’d taken my heart with her.
Chapter Fifteen
Hannah
Two days later a knock at my bedroom door roused me out of my half-asleep state, and I stopped pretending to read my geometry textbook long enough to lift my head and shout at the offending party. “Go away!”
“You have a visitor,” Bentley called through the closed door.
“I don’t care.”
I didn’t want to see anyone. Not Rose, who’d only try once again to talk me into going to the homecoming dance on Friday with her. Not my mom who’d ask me for the zillionth time if I wanted to talk. Not my dad who’d want me to watch the game with him so he could assure himself I was fine.
I was fine. Just not in the mood to talk to anyone, that was all.
I hadn’t even been responding to Jordan and Alex’s messages because I didn’t want to tell them that they’d been right.
Again.
Despite my promises that we wouldn’t get hurt, I had been hurt. So had River—and I had no one to blame but myself. He’d been hurt way worse than me, of course—I mean, for all I knew that idiotic little fight may have ruined his chances to be seen by the best recruiters.
So why was I the one moping around in my bed, ready to turn off the lights and call it a night before eight o’clock?
Maybe because I’d lost another team through this whole stupid fight debacle.
Yeah, that’s it. Keep telling yourself that, Crowley.
Bentley didn’t just knock this time, he banged an open hand on the door so it rattled from the force.
“What?”
“He’s here.” His voice was muffled—obviously, Bentley was talking to me through a door. But I caught the ‘he’ and I sat upright so quickly the geometry textbook went flying off the side of the bed.
My heart was thudding painfully, and for the life of me I couldn’t tell if I was elated or terrified or nervous or anxious.
I was definitely freaking out.
He’s here. River was here. I shut down the voice that said he’d probably only come to collect the uniform I could no longer use, or maybe finally ream me out the way he should have the other day for my part in his current troubles. No matter what had brought him here, all that really mattered was…he was here!
I flung open the door so quickly, Bentley stumbled as he went to bang on my door again. “Where is he?” I asked, even as I headed toward the stairs, flying down them and only half caring that I was wearing pajamas.
I didn’t stop until I hit the bottom landing, and then I froze.
He was here.
Not River. My heart sank.
Caleb.
I crossed my arms over my chest as I faced my oldest friend, and the guy who’d seemingly made it his mission to ruin my life this year.
“Can we talk?” he said.
“Sure. Talk.”
He cast a meaningful glance toward the kitchen where my parents were hovering near the doorway, whispering amongst themselves. I bit back an exasperated sigh as my mom flashed us a guilty smile. “Oh, hi there, Caleb. We didn’t see you there.”
I rolled my eyes as I reached for a windbreaker on the coat rack by the door. “Come on,” I muttered, leading the way out front to the driveway.
The driveway, where I’d had my first kiss with River.
Oh man. Get a grip.
Caleb’s presence kept me from spiraling further into the weirdly emo mood I’d been in ever since the game. “What do you want?”
His head jerked back a bit.
Okay, so I wasn’t exactly chipper. Did he honestly expect me to greet him with open arms? I tightened my folded arms and let out a weary exhale. “Well? What do you need?”
“Nothing, I—” He sighed. “I just wanted to say I was sorry.”
I arched a brow. “For getting River in trouble with the league?”
He looked offended. “What? No. That jerk deserves whatever he gets.”
Wrong answer. He seemed to read my thoughts as I clenched my jaw and fixed him with a glare. Holding his hands up in defense, he added, “I came to say I’m sorry for causing a scene like that.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, because that’s my biggest concern in life. Whether or not I’m dramatic.” I leveled him with a glare. “That was always your weird hang-up, not mine. You’re the one who’s all averse to melodrama and big emotions—”
“Yeah, well,” he interrupted. “That was before I met Val.”
I blinked. I waited for the hurt to kick in, but it never did. In fact, other than having my pride wounded and my feelings hurt by being booted from my team, I’d had very little heartache over the loss of Caleb as a boyfriend. As a friend, yes. That was hard.
But as a boyfriend?
I inhaled deeply as I studied his face, which was so very familiar. Up until this week I didn’t realize how bizarre my lack of hurt had been. I’d had nothing to compare it to. I’d figured that wounded pride and bruised ego were how one typically felt after a breakup.
But now?
Now I knew what it felt like to be crushed, and it had nothing to do with Caleb.
Caleb was talking—I heard the rationalizations, the justifications, I was even dimly aware of him telling me that he and his new girlfriend were in a fight because of the way he’d overreacted. Apparently, she was jealous because she’d thought he was jealous.
But I could barely pay attention to his words; I was too busy trying to sort through the insanity that was my heart right now. How could I be more upset about losing River—a guy who’d never even really been mine? A guy who’d only been in my life for a matter of weeks?
It didn’t make sense.
“See, the thing is…it just doesn’t make sense.”
My head shot up and I stared at Caleb. For a second, I really thought he was reading my mind or something.
He shook his head and ran a hand through his short-cropped hair. “I always thought overly emotional people were just looking for attention, you know? But now…”
“Now?” I prompted.
He met my gaze evenly. “I know it doesn’t make any sense, but when I’m with Val, nothing makes sense.” His eyes were filled with panic. At any other time, I might have laughed. “I mean, I shouldn’t have fallen so hard for a girl I just met, but…” He threw his hands out to the side in a helpless gesture. “I couldn’t help it. She drives me crazy, but I just…I need to be with her.”
I widened my eyes in alarm at the urgency in his tone. He sounded crazed and frazzled and…in love.
“I know you can’t possibly understand, but what I have with her is just so different—”
“I get it. I do.” I spoke without thinking, but I did understand. Or at least, I could relate. The amount of time I’d spent thinking about River these past two days, it was insane. The way his kiss had affected me, the way I couldn’t stop thinking about it, about him, about us.
The way I couldn’t stop wanting to be near him.
I felt insane. I barely recognized myself, and I knew my family and friends were worried. What could I tell them? They’d be more likely to believe this change in me had been brought on by a radioactive spider bite than by a breakup from a fake relationship with some guy from my soccer team who I barely knew.
“You get it,” Caleb said. His look said he didn’t believe me…probably because he didn’t understand himself.
Although, what this had to do with the fight the other day, I had no idea.
Perhaps I should have been paying more attention to what he’d been talking about.
“You understand?” he asked again. Then he muttered under his breath. “Maybe you can explain it to me then.”
“I didn’t say I understand it, but I get what it’s like to be confused. To want to be with someone even though you don’t know them very well. Even though they aren’t who you thought you wanted.”
“River,” Caleb said.
I didn’t answer. Saying it aloud meant admitting it to myself.
I liked River.
I really liked him, not just friend-liked him. I had feelings for him, and he… He didn’t want to be with me.
Not that I could blame him. I was his rival’s ex and a teammate…for a little while there. I was off-limits, and for good reason.
And yet, knowing that did nothing to make me feel better.
Caleb took a step closer, his body tensing. “Hannah, what are you doing with that guy?”
My mouth opened to tell him it was none of his business. Instead I stumbled over the words. “It’s-I-I don’t know.”
His eyes moved over my face, studying me. “He’s going to hurt you.”
Too late.
But no, that wasn’t fair. It wasn’t his fault I was hurting. This had all been my stupid idea. I’d sought him out, and I’d been the one to kiss him in the driveway in a stupid attempt at revenge.
Stupid, Hannah. So, so stupid.
Caleb was still watching me, and he started to reach for me before shoving his hands in his pockets. “Has he done something? Did he—”
“What? No.” I shook my head at the anger in his eyes. “What is it with you two? Weren’t you guys friends once?”
Caleb’s nostrils flared in annoyance. “Yeah, back before he started wanting everything that was mine.”
I rolled my eyes; I couldn’t help it. “Oh, please. So he wants to be the best on the field, too. That’s called being rivals, not enemies.”
“It wasn’t just that he wanted my spot on the team,” Caleb said, anger flashing in his eyes. “He wanted you.”
I blinked. “What?”
He shifted, his gaze darting around the driveway in a rare show of discomfort. “Look, it was a long time ago, okay?”
“Explain.”
His gaze shot to mine at my firm tone, and he sighed. “Back when we were kids, River had a…” He threw his hands out like he didn’t know the word. “I don’t know, a crush on you.”
I blinked again as I tried to make sense of that. “River liked me?”
Caleb’s shrug was dismissive. “I guess. I mean, we were just kids. It didn’t mean anything.”
“Uh huh.” Something dangerously close to hope had me shifting from one foot to the other. “How did you know he had a crush on me?”
Caleb looked away. “He told me.”
“He told you? When?”
“I don’t know, Hannah, it was a long time ago.”
“When did he tell you this? What did he say?”
The urgency in my tone got Caleb’s attention, and he licked his lips as he met my glare. “That last summer we played for the youth league.”
I pressed my lips together and drew in a deep breath as I thought back to that summer which felt like a lifetime ago. “You mean, the summer you asked me to be your girlfriend?”
Caleb flinched ever so slightly at the reminder of our former relationship. Still a touchy subject, apparently. A new thought occurred to me, a suspicion that left me feeling winded. “Is that why you asked me out? Because River was going to?”
He didn’t answer right away, and I felt like the driveway shifted beneath my feet.
“I would have asked you out anyways,” Caleb said eventually, his tone defensive. “It wasn’t like that was the only reason.”
I stared at him in shock. “But it was part of the reason.”
He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “He only wanted to ask you out because he knew you were mine,” he said.
Playing the Enemy: The Trouble With Tomboys #1 Page 12
