Tom shrugged, peeling the label from his bottle of beer. "You can try. Whatever they've got to sort out is gonna take a long time, isn't it?"
Matt went back into the living room and saw Seb and Josh sat together on the sofa. Josh had his head resting on Seb's shoulder, and Seb was running his hand up and down Josh's arm. They both looked up at him when he entered the room, and Matt gave them a slight smile before taking another step in.
Josh stood and walked over to Matt, framing his face with his hands. He dropped his head so their foreheads touched, looking into Matt's eyes.
"I'm sorry, sorrier than you know," he whispered to Matt.
Matt smiled. "Where do we go from here?"
"Give me another chance. I know I don't deserve it, but I'll try to make things right."
"What happened?" Matt asked Josh.
"I got drunk when you left and ended up in hospital with alcohol poisoning. The parents were there when I woke up, telling me that they were going to pack up all my things, and I was moving back in with them. So I discharged myself and went back to the apartment. It made me think about everything in my life and all the shit I was putting myself through. So I went to see Nate, and then I came here."
Gasping, Matt stepped back. "You were in hospital?"
"Yeah, but it made me realise a few things, so it was a good thing. If Liz allows me to see Nate, Seb's gonna come with me, and at some point, I'd like you to come too."
"So, you still want to be with me? Are you sure?"
"If you'll have me? I know I don't deserve you after the way I treated you. I've been a complete bastard towards you, and I'll understand if you don't want me." Josh glanced over his shoulder to look at Seb and Seb nodded. He turned back to Matt. "I love you."
"You better not hurt him, not after everything he's been through," Tom warned Josh as he walked into the room.
Tom walked over and sat next to Seb, reaching over to hold his hand. Seb smiled at him, raising his hand to touch Tom's face, sliding it to the back of Tom's head and bringing Tom forward so he could kiss him.
"So you're waiting for Liz to contact you? What about your parents? Have they been in touch?" Matt asked him.
"They phoned a few times, and they turned up at the apartment, but I wasn't opening the door to those fuckers. I don't want to speak to them. I never want to see those fuckers again."
"You're sure? They are your parents."
"Nah, I'm through with them. Look at what Seb goes through when he visits. I'm not gonna put myself through that. If Seb wants to, then he can, but I'm not going to."
"I think you're right. I've been trying for over three years now, and look where it's gotten me." Seb kissed Tom, and then continued. "They won't accept Tom, and I'm not going to leave him to please them. So, I guess they're going to lose two sons. I would hope this would help them change their minds, but somehow I don't think it will."
"Nah, it won't. All they care about is the church, and if you don't follow what the church says, then that's it. I've lived it for years, and I just don't wanna carry on doing it anymore." Josh sat next to Seb. "I need to finish telling you everything 'cause I don't want to go through this again."
Seb nodded. "Go on then."
"When I went to Uni, I lost it. The freedom to do whatever I wanted. I did drugs, I drank, I fucked whoever I could. But, it wasn't what I wanted to do. I went to Uni so could get away from them and get away from their fuckin' preaching and the fuckin' church and their fuckin' interfering friends. That's why I left Uni in the end and went travelling. I didn't want to have to go back to that house, and I couldn't afford to find my own place. So, I went on cruise ships and saved money, and after about a year, I came back. Everything was fine at first, but then Tom reappeared." Josh shook his head. "If I thought the church was their life before then, I was fuckin' wrong 'cause it's nothing compared to how they are now.
"They hate Tom, and they will do anything to split you guys up. They blame Tom for everything and–"
"Nothing new there then, is there," Tom muttered.
Josh gave Tom a half smile before continuing. "They hate everything to do with gays and the gay lifestyle, as they put it. Fuck, they don't understand that you don't choose to be gay, it's who you are. But with Tom on the scene, they had someone to hate, so I was barely noticed. I had enough money, so I got my own place and moved out, and I don't go around very often."
"I think we should both go around and speak to them, and tell them that we're both involved with men, and that isn't going to change. Tell them that if they want to be a part of our lives, then they have to accept the relationships that we're in, and if they don't, then they can leave us alone."
"Are you fuckin' insane? Tell them that I'm with a man? Put up with the shit that you've put up with the last three years? No fuckin' chance. If they want to know anything about me, they can come to me, and I'll tell them about Matt, and then they can fuck off. I've no interest in putting up with any more of their shit."
"I think we need to do this face-to-face to show them how serious we are."
"Seb, you been doing this since we got involved. Has it changed anything?" Tom asked him.
Seb shrugged. "If I go round there with Josh and they see both of us together, we can tell them at the same time. It might make them realise what they could lose."
"It's not gonna change, is it? They'll just have two sons to pray over," Tom persisted.
"Tom's right," Josh said. "Nothing will change. They only fuckin' thing they care about is the church. They don't give a shit about their sons. You're living in sin and gonna go to the Devil because Tom's a man. Being with a man is an immortal sin that will blacken or damage your soul and all that shit they're preaching about."
"I think you should go," Matt said.
"What?" Josh stared at Matt who shrugged his shoulders.
"At least you'll have done it face-to-face, and Seb will be there with you. If they get too much, you can leave. Me and Tom will be here."
Josh sighed, running a hand through his hair. He stared at the floor for several seconds before leaning back on the sofa and looking at Matt. He nodded, twisting his face up. "When d'ya wanna do it, Seb?"
"As soon as possible, and then it's done, isn't it? Take whatever shit they throw at us today, and then we walk away, and it's done. We can come back here, get something to eat and relax."
"Chinese."
Seb glanced over at Tom frowning. "Chinese?"
"Yep. I think Chinese and a few bottles of beer."
Seb smiled, shaking his head at Tom. "Okay, Chinese it is." Seb stood and looked down at Josh. "Are you ready?"
"No. I'm never ready to see them." Josh sighed again, standing up. He reached a hand down and pulled Matt towards him. "Love you. Be here when I come back?"
"Course I will. No place I'd rather be."
"Go, and give me a call when you're on your way back so I can place the order. You might need to buy some beers on the way home if you want a drink."
Seb snorted. "I think we'll need a few drinks tonight. Right, come on, Josh, let's get this over with and then it's done."
Matt watched as both Seb and Josh left and he turned to look at Tom.
Tom faced him and shrugged. "Want another beer?"
Tom left the room before Matt answered. Matt sat on the sofa leaning on his elbows and rubbed his face. Today hadn't gone the way he'd expected it to. But maybe things were starting to go right, and maybe he'd have a chance at a relationship with Josh.
He turned to the doorway when he heard a noise and saw Luke looking at him. "Safe to come in?"
"Yeah, Josh and Seb have gone to their parents, but I can't see it fixing anything, can you?"
Luke shrugged. "At least they're giving their parents a chance, and if it doesn't work, they know they tried."
They both turned as Tom walked back into the lounge and he handed them both a beer. "Thought I heard your voice, Luke, so I brought one in for you."
"So, what's the p
lan for the rest of the day?"
"Well, once they realise whatever they say isn't gonna make any difference, they'll come back here, order Chinese, and have beer," Tom informed Luke.
"They'll probably need it."
Matt nodded. "Yeah. They will."
Chapter Twenty-Two
Josh stood next to Seb outside their parents' home. He repeatedly clenched and unclenched his fists then would wipe his clammy hands on his jeans. He pinched his lip between his fingers pulling it out as he bounced on his toes. Feeling an elbow in his ribs, Josh glanced over to Seb, seeing him frown at him.
"Stop it. We go in, do what we have to do, and then we leave," Seb said.
They both turned to face the door when they heard it open. Their father, John, paused, staring at both of them. His eyes flickered from Josh to Seb and then back again. He stood up straight and stared down at his sons.
"What do you want, Sebastian? We haven't invited you around. Why have you brought Joshua?" John faced Josh. "Do you know how long we waited at the hospital, Joshua? Do you know how long we searched for you? How embarrassing it was for us to be informed that our son had left, and we didn't know?"
"Can we come in, Dad?" Seb asked.
Josh watched his dad take a step back and walk away from the door. Seb looked at him and shrugged before following. Josh stepped in, closing the door behind him and followed Seb into the living room where his parents sat.
His heart skipped a beat, and he rubbed his chest as his stomach churned. He swallowed repeatedly, closing his eyes, trying to breathe normally. He opened his eyes again when he heard Seb speak.
"Josh has something to say to you, and I've come with him to offer my support."
"Offer your support? Why would Joshua need your support?" Kath, his Mum, asked.
"'Cause I'm in love with a man," Josh blurted out.
There were a few seconds of silence before his dad started shouting. "What? See, Kath. I told you this disease spreads. Look what Sebastian's done to Joshua. He's infected him."
"It's not a disease, Dad. It's not a lifestyle choice either. You fall in love with who you fall in love with. There is no right or wrong in that, it just is," Seb told them quietly.
"You." John stabbed his finger at Seb. "You keep your mouth shut. Can't you see the damage you have caused? It's that Tom, isn't it? If you hadn't met Tom, none of this would've happened. Why couldn't he just be dead and then all our lives could go back to the way they should be? You two should be with women. That's the way God planned it. Being with someone of the same sex is an abomination, and it's against God's law."
"D'ya hear the shit you're preaching? You can't seriously believe that, can you?" Josh asked, shaking his head.
"I've been trying on and off for the last three years to get them to see that it doesn't matter who you love, and look where it's got me."
"I told you to shut it. If you can't keep your mouth shut, then get out of my house and never come back." John turned to Josh. "As for you, I don't want to hear about this man you're with. I'm telling you what you're doing. You're going to end it with him, pack up all your belongings, and move back in here. Then you'll go back to the church, and it will set you on the right path. Catherine is a lovely girl, and she will be perfect for you.
"You can be saved, Joshua. Him--" John swung his arm around towards Seb and pointed at him-- "He can't be saved. We can see that now. He's beyond our help, but you, we can help, you, we can save. End this abomination, and we will save you."
Josh stared at his dad, his mouth falling open, his eyes widening. Josh shook his head. Is this what Seb had been putting up with for the last three years? And he still kept coming back? The guy needed a fucking medal for putting up with this shit. He wasn't going to, and he wasn't going to stand here and have them tell him what he was going to do. He loved Matt.
"Not gonna happen and I'm not leaving my apartment and moving back in here. Can't you see what you're doing? When did the church become more important than us?" Josh shook his head, placing his hands on his hips and stared at the floor. He lifted his head and stared at his parents. "Is the church worth losing your two sons over?"
"They don't care about us. They only care about the church, and their reputation, and how they look to their friends." Seb sighed, rubbing his forehead.
Leaning forward, Kath spoke, "You have that wrong, Sebastian. You're our son, and we love you, but clearly, we've done something wrong in the way we raised you. Maybe we should have included the church more in your life when you were younger, and we wouldn't be here now. Your father's right, Sebastian. You can't be saved. Tom has damaged you, and you can't be rescued." Kath twisted in her seat to face Josh. "But Joshua, we can help you. Your father is right. Don't make the same mistakes Sebastian has. Come back to us and let us heal you."
"If you don't do as your mother is asking, Joshua, we will have nothing more to do with you. We will no longer help you out with money or food when you need it. We will cut you off completely. Is that what you want? Is this man you are involved with worth more than us? Is he worth more than your family?"
Josh took a step back. They knew his weakness. They knew he needed money. He wouldn't be able to live in his apartment without their help. He didn't have a good enough job. He ran his hands through his hair, staring at them. His heart beat rapidly in his chest, and he started to breathe faster. The thought of being cut off and not being able to support himself scared the shit out of him.
"Don't. Don't let them use money against you. If you need help, I'm here," Seb told him, gripping his shoulders.
Josh shook his head and stepped out of the living room. He again glanced at his parents and said, "I'm sorry. You're right. I've made a mistake, just please don't cut me off. I'll do what you want."
"Don't do this, Josh. I'm here if you need help, you know that. We're all here if you need help. Don't let our parents use money to get you to be what they want you to be. You don't need them, not if the condition is that you can't be with the person you love. It doesn't matter what your sexuality is. It doesn't matter who you love. What matters is that you are you."
"No, they're right, Seb. I've made a mistake." Josh spun from the room and quickly walked out of the house, leaving the front door open behind him.
He was halfway down the path when he felt his arm grabbed and he was spun around. He stared at Seb's angry face.
"So you're telling me money is more important than Matt? After everything you've been through, you would go back to them and give up the one person who really loves you. The one person who sees you, no matter how you've treated him. No matter what you've said or done, Matt has always been there for you. Are you willing to give him up to please them?"
Seb took a shaky breath in, closing his eyes. When he opened them, he said, "Don't do this, Josh. Own it. Own who you are. The man who loves Matt. You know his past, and you know what he's had to do to survive. You know what he suffered to protect Luke. You are so much better than this." Seb's gaze flicked between Josh's eyes. "I'm here for you, you know that. We all are. Just let us in. Let me help you."
Josh pointed back to their parents' house. "What about them?"
"What about them?" Seb asked. "I'm sick of trying. I'm the same son I've always been. Nothing has changed, just who I love. If they can't accept that, then fuck them. I'm not going to live half a life just to please them and you shouldn't either. Do you think the way you've treated Matt's been okay? Would you like it?" Josh shook his head. No, he wouldn't want to be treated the way he'd treated Matt. "Yet he came back to you. Take it, take him. I'll stand by you."
Josh bit his lip, closing his eyes and dropping his head down. He felt Seb's hands squeeze his shoulders then pull him close. Seb held Josh tight, and he accepted it, resting his head on Seb's shoulder. He tried to breathe, but his throat burned and his eyes itched. He squeezed them shut. He didn't want to break down on his parents' path. He didn't want them to see how much their words had affected him.
J
osh felt Seb's hand rub his back and he turned his face into Seb's neck.
"Come on, let's go home."
"You'll be there for me, won't you?" Josh whispered, raising his head and looking into Seb's eyes.
Seb nodded and placed his palm on Josh's cheek. "Always."
Josh closed his eyes again and nodded. He felt Seb turn him and he opened his eyes and followed Seb back to the car.
Once he was in the car, he sighed heavily and looked out of the passenger window. He heard Seb start the engine and he put his seatbelt on, leaning his head back on the seat. He closed his eyes as the motions of the car rocked his body and sighed again.
"It will get easier. I can promise you that. I don't go around as often now. I don't see the point. I'm not going to stand there and listen to them insult Tom and my relationship with him. I can understand why you've behaved the way you have. I should have seen more and should have come home more. I never realised it was this bad, and I'm sorry. So fucking sorry for being a shit brother and for not being there when you needed me."
"Yeah, well it goes both ways, doesn't it? Ever since you've started your relationship with Tom, all I've done is come 'round to shout abuse at you. Maybe I was jealous. I don't know." Silence filled the car, and then he said, "I've been exactly like them. I hated myself. I hated myself even more when I first met Matt and realised I liked him. When we started seeing each other, I could excuse it as a phase I was going through. No one needed to know because it wasn't important. But he is important to me." Josh laughed slightly. "Treated him like shit, and yet he's always been there for me. I don't deserve him, and one day he'll wake up and realise that."
"Now, Matt's not that type of person. He and Luke have been through a lot together, and if he wants to be with you, then he will do everything he can to make sure that happens."
Josh didn't respond, thinking over what Seb had just said. He was right. Josh had treated Matt like shit repeatedly, and Matt had always returned to him. He knew how Matt felt about him long before he'd admitted it, and he'd used Matt's emotions against him.
The Bonds Within (Second Chances Book 3) Page 15
