by S M Mala
Sasha was shaking.
‘The thing is,’ she eventually replied. ‘I don’t know.’
‘Am I too heavy?’
… she asked, while straddling him at the end of the bed. ‘I’ve put on some weight.’
‘You’re perfect,’ Kit replied, feeling her grind herself on his very rigid dick. ‘Oh god, you really are.’
‘Thanks,’ she smiled down at him, her hair falling forward.
Closing his eyes, he didn’t want to forget the feeling of being with her. He grabbed her hips and started to move faster, pulling her down so he could suffocate on her breast while pulling her nipple with his mouth.
He never wanted the feeling to stop.
The irresistible sensation of love and lust.
Kit realised he’d got it really bad and turned her quickly onto her back, frantically kissing down her body until he placed his lips against the swollen ones between her legs. Going slowly, he covered her nub and licked it, sucking slowly and using his chin to nudge at her hole. Juices were covering his skin as he inhaled the musky smell and realised she was sweeter than he remembered.
Again and again, he pulled at her, yearning for her to climax in his mouth.
She did.
Loudly
And he then turned her over, taking her from behind, thrusting slowly as he felt the weight of one of her breasts in his hand, vibrating to his hip movement.
Knowing they didn’t have long and avoiding looking at his mobile for the time, he chewed on her ear lobe, hearing the appreciative noises and panting.
Then he moved so he could spoon her but making sure he picked up her thigh to get in deeper.
‘That’s good,’ she moaned.
Placing his palm on the front of her pubic bone, he rubbed, knowing she wouldn’t come but he wanted to feel him pushing inside, so spread her lips.
The orgasm was so close but he wanted to hold on.
Hold on for maximum impact.
Then he couldn’t control what was happening and came, mouthing ‘I love you’ into her hair.
Kit didn’t want to tell Sasha.
He was still unsure of a lot of things.
‘I love you Kit, I love you so much,’ he heard her say, breathlessly. ‘I love you with all my heart.’
He felt the same way.
‘Why won’t you tell me where you’re going?’
… he asked as they weaved through the crowds at St Pancras station. ‘I won’t tell anyone.’
‘Secrets are best kept like that, a secret, like I’ve said again and again,’ she replied, holding his hand firmly. ‘And you better get back home.’
Sasha stopped under an escalator and looked up at him.
He loved her so much and her going again was upsetting him.
‘I’ve got to tie up a few loose ends and I do have something important to tell you. You know I want to be with you,’ she said, staring into his eyes. ‘That’s all I really want.’
Taking a moment to look around he realised he had to be honest.
It was the least he could do.
‘Sasha, your life is so different to mine. I’m just an ordinary guy.’
‘You’re not ordinary, you’re unique.’
There was a din from commuters, trying to get home on Friday night in the rush hour.
‘Cameron came to see me,’ he said, watching her flinch.
‘I know, when you were at-.’
‘No, he came to see me very recently.’ Something twisted in his gut when he knew what he had to say, what was holding him back from his declaration of love. ‘He threatened to hurt Grace if I didn’t tell him where you were. I can’t risk my family over this.’
Her face darkened and he could see she was frantically looking around.
‘I’d never want anyone to get hurt and he shouldn’t have done that.’
‘He’s a loose cannon and I don’t know what he’d do if he ever found out I’d seen you since then. I can’t risk my child or the people I love. I especially can’t let Grace down again.’ Taking a deep breath, he said what he didn’t want to say. ‘We can’t see each other again. It’s going to be impossible.’
Immediately tears fell down her cheeks but she wasn’t crying. Sasha just looked pained by what she’d heard and quickly wiped them away.
‘I got involved in this whole thing as I had no choice and there was the threat to Grace,’ he continued, trying not to make eye contact and feeling something stab at his insides. ‘Meeting you has changed my life but this is no way to live, being scared, when I could prevent it all by just not being with you.’
The eyes were dark and wide, staring at him. Suddenly she started to shake and he wanted to hold her in his arms but knew by breaking this news it would only confuse everything.
‘So today was goodbye, was it?’ she quietly asked. ‘You knew that when you walked in?’
‘I didn’t know you’d be in the room.’
They stood there.
Him avoiding looking at her and Sasha trying to make eye contact.
‘I understand,’ she mumbled. ‘You have to protect your own flesh and blood, of course you do. No one should harm your babies and I won’t let it happen. I love you Kit but you’re right, someone might get hurt and I don’t want it to be you or anything you love. That would kill me.’
‘I wish it could be different,’ he said, knowing he might never see her again.
‘Tell me one thing. Do you love me at all? Could you ever love me? That’s all I want to know because I really do love you. Please tell me?’
She sobbed the question out and placed a hand over her mouth.
Kit didn’t know what to do.
He couldn’t fill her with false hope and it would be too cruel.
There was a rush of people coming towards them, the noise getting louder of feet, trains and chatter.
Closing his eyes for a moment, he shook his head from side to side, trying to gather up what to say and heard another sob from Sasha.
‘The thing is,’ he said slowly. ‘I do love-.’
He opened his eyes and she was gone.
‘Sasha?’ he asked, looking around. ‘Sasha!’
A crowd of people had covered the surrounding area and he couldn’t see her.
‘Sasha!’ he shouted, not knowing which way to turn. ‘Sasha!’
He ran towards the ticket office then turned.
She simply disappeared out of his life.
For good.
‘Dad, are you sure you’re okay?’
… asked Grace, sitting in his living room as he hung a new mirror up. ‘Uncle Justin said you’re acting really weird with all this decorating.’
‘I want it to look nice for when you stay,’ he said, smiling at her pretty face. ‘And your mother won’t be able to stop me. I’ve taken some advice and it’s time you hang out with your old dad.’
‘You know what she’s like,’ moaned Grace, sighing loudly. ‘She likes me to be at home with her.’
‘The thing with your mother, she doesn’t like to share,’ he said firmly, turning to look at Grace peering at an electronic device. ‘Are you sure you like reading books from a tablet?’
‘It’s brill!’
‘I didn’t know what to get you for your birthday and Sean said his kids love it.’
‘It’s the best present ever and you’re the best dad.’
The sensation in his heart was strong. He loved the little girl so much. Kit would do anything for her.
He did.
By sacrificing his love for Sasha.
It was horrible, the realisation he’d let her go without even telling her how he felt.
His future looked drab and all he could focus on was Grace.
‘I’d like us to go on holiday together,’ he announced, trying to straighten the mirror. ‘Do you think your mum will let us? Actually, she’ll have no choice.’
‘She told Uncle Peter she needs a break,’ sighed his daughter. ‘I expect we’re all goi
ng on holiday to Marbella again.’ Grace let out a disgruntled sigh. ‘I’d like to go to Italy.’
Again, he thought about Sasha and what she said about going to the same place.
‘I’ll ask your mum in a few days.’ He walked up to Grace and sat down. ‘I’ve been thinking.’
‘Oh no, you shouldn’t do that. Uncle Justin and Sean says it gives you a headache,’ she cheekily smiled.
‘Do you remember when I was ill, all those years ago?’
Her face stiffened, as did the smile. Quickly she nodded in response.
‘You’re not ill again, are you?’ she whispered. ‘I can look after you.’
‘No Gracie, I’m not ill,’ he smiled, putting an arm around her shoulders and sniffing her strawberry scented hair. ‘But I’ll never let you down like that again. It must have been awful and I know you think about it from time to time. I’ll try to keep healthy and well for you. You’re my child and I love you.’
Her eyes filled with little tears and she placed her head against his chest.
‘I love you dad.’
‘I love you so much.’
As he closed his eyes and thought about the other woman he loved then let go.
That’s when he realised his heart had broken in the process.
And it hurt.
‘Why do you keep bumping into me?’
… growled Stuart at Vanessa while they were all stood at the bar in the dance studio, warming up. ‘It’s not as if the class is full, is it?’
‘I like you and you will succumb to my charms,’ she said slyly. ‘Come on, you know you want to.’
‘Leave him alone, will you?’ Glenda said, trying to concentrate. ‘You’re like an old sow on heat.’
‘Enough of the sow!’ snapped back Vanessa. ‘Older women have experience.’
‘As well as rheumatism,’ mumbled Stuart.
‘Not in my hips,’ she suggestively replied.
The man shuddered.
Kit watched them, not interested in taking part.
It had been three weeks since he saw her last.
This time it was taking its toll.
‘Why are you so miserable, Stuart? You know Vanessa likes you. Why don’t you just go out with her?’ asked Bernadette, doing her shuffles before they all turned around and concentrated on the other leg. ‘Kit? What do you think?’
‘What? I mean, pardon?’ he replied, making sure they were following his lead.
‘Have you got a girlfriend yet?’ asked Bernadette. ‘I know there was the woman you liked who went away. Did you ever see her again?’
‘That was ages ago,’ he shrugged, feeling his face go red. ‘Now I’m single.’
‘No-one in the pipeline?’
‘Nah,’ he said, shrugging his shoulders and caught Glenda scowling at him then noticed Estella looking sympathetically over.
‘Why not?’ piped up Vanessa, purposely moving closer to Stuart. ‘We’ve known you for months and you never say what you get up to at the weekend, who you’re seeing.’
‘There was someone and it didn’t work out, like Kit said,’ Estella sighed, pushing the older woman in the back. ‘Leave him alone. Just because you’re on heat doesn’t mean we all are.’
‘You’ve dried up,’ mumbled Vanessa, who received another blow from Estella. ‘What is it with you people? You only live once and you have to grab life with both hands.’
‘And you’d grab poor Stuart!’ laughed out Alexandra who then sighed. ‘I’ve grabbed it and I like it.’
‘Are we talking about the fact you’re now a lesbian?’ laughed Vanessa. ‘You’ve not said much about your cross dressing boyfriend or is it a girlfriend, have you? Does he work?’
‘He’s into security,’ the actress sniffed. ‘And he likes to dress as a woman, makes him feel good about himself.’
‘Sounds pretty odd to me,’ mumbled Stuart, catching Kit’s eye. ‘Don’t you think?’
‘It’s up to him what he chooses to do,’ sighed Kit.
‘Where’s your mum?’ asked Alexandra, scowling at everyone as she stared into the studio mirror. ‘Is she alright?’
‘Haven’t you heard?’ said Glenda, now completely stopping. ‘She said she’s meeting someone about publishing her writing.’
Kit immediately stopped, trying not to look shocked.
‘Have you read it?’ laughed out Bernadette. ‘Your mother’s a saucy so and so.’
Taking a deep breath, he changed the music on the player.
‘It’s about forbidden love,’ continued Glenda. ‘Terribly romantic and very sexy. She let me read a few chapters. I’m telling you ladies and gents, it’s an eye opener.’
Shaking his head from side to side, he turned his back to them.
‘Come away from the bar and stand in position. We’re going to practice this again,’ he said, glancing at the spring sunshine streaming in through the windows and the blue sky.
‘I think you’re in need of a woman,’ said Vanessa loudly. ‘I could fix you up with one.’
‘No thanks,’ he solemnly replied. ‘I’m fine on my own.’
‘And that’s how you want to spend the rest of your life?’
‘I have no choice.’
‘That’s not true.’
‘Will you just leave him alone?’ snapped Estella, standing further back in the right hand corner. ‘Can’t you see he doesn’t want to talk?’
‘What about the woman who left you? Have you tried to get hold of her?’ asked Bernadette, placing herself directly in front of him.
He turned and faced the mirror, knowing he couldn’t hide his look of despair.
‘Oh, I think that says it all,’ mumbled Alexandra. ‘You know Kit, why don’t you come out with Captain and me? I’ve met Ryan and his fiancée.’
‘His fiancé?’
‘Oh, yes, he got engaged to this beautiful woman he’d been in love with for years. They had a few problems but sorted it out. He says it was down to a mutual friend of yours who made him see that you have one chance so you have to take it.’ She shook her messy hair and smiled brightly at him. ‘Whoever she was changed his life, he says.’
Sasha was the person.
Kit didn’t want to look upset about not knowing about Ryan’s happy news but why should he?
They’d tried to make contact in the past few weeks but he didn’t return their calls, more worried that Cameron would trace the other two.
They seemed better at keeping a low profile than him.
‘So this Captain Gillian,’ asked Glenda, smoothing her top down. ‘Is it love with you and him or her?’
‘I accept him for who he is and I think that’s important. Love never runs smoothly and it’s the challenges that make you stronger. Just because he’s not what people think is normal, doesn’t mean he’s not worth loving.’ She let out a hefty sigh. ‘And he loves me for me, I know that. I’m going to meet his sons soon. They don’t judge him. They accept him for who he is, like I do.’
‘I think that shows a strength in you,’ Kit eventually mumbled. ‘Not all of us are made the same way.’
Today he felt the pain more succinctly and didn’t want to let it show.
‘Did you love this woman? If you did then she wouldn’t have let you go,’ Vanessa said quietly. ‘Unless she didn’t know it.’
‘I-.’
They heard shouting from the downstairs and all of them stood rooted to the spot.
‘You can’t just barge in!’ Justin shouted as heavy thudding footsteps came running up the stairs.
Kit rushed forward to see what was going on but before he could get to the corridor, the door was flung open.
‘Where the fuck is she?’ Cameron barked directly at Kit. ‘I know you’ve seen her.’
‘Can you please leave the premises before I call the police?’ asked Justin, his voice angry and frustrated.
Kit knew the signs from Cameron’s appearance.
He obviously had a hard night from partying and was hig
h on the remnants of cocaine. A lot of it from the dilation of his pupils and scary expression.
Then the man double blinked and turned to face the three older women in the class, who seemed disgusted at the sight of him.
‘Oh my god!’ he said, slapping his hand to his forehead. ‘This is why she came to the classes! What the fuck have you been up to?’
‘Please, can I remind you it’s not polite to swear in front of ladies,’ Stuart said, going red and stepping in front of the women.
Cameron started to laugh, shaking his head, his face pouring with sweat.
‘I knew you’d be up to something! I knew it!’ he said, pointing an accusing finger but Kit couldn’t figure out which one it was at. ‘Turning her against me. Filling her head with all sorts of nonsense when you know you’re in the wrong!’
Estella, Glenda nor Vanessa seemed perturbed by him and glared at Cameron.
‘You won’t hear the last of this, do you hear me!’ he screamed before turning to look at Kit. ‘And you! You better be worried!’
‘Empty threats Cameron,’ Glenda said quietly. ‘But that’s you all over, isn’t it?’
He flashed the three of them a dirty look before barging past and slamming his shoulder against Justin, who now looked furious.
The women walked forward then Estella turned to the other two, saying,
‘Let me talk to him. He’ll see reason.’
‘What’s going on?’ asked Justin, looking at the ladies then at Kit. ‘I take it this has got something to do with Sasha?’
‘I apologise for Cameron’s behaviour. As you can see he has a problem and I’ll sort it out. Don’t worry, he won’t dare come back here again, I can assure you,’ Estella said, picking up her bag and jacket before hurriedly leaving the class.
‘What was that about?’ asked Bernadette, looking at all of them. ‘He’s wired.’
‘I’m going to see what’s happening,’ Kit said, more intrigued than worried, looking at Glenda and Vanessa who just seemed angry. ‘Do you want to shed some light on this?’
‘Go and see what he has to say for himself,’ mumbled Glenda, grabbing her sister’s arm and squeezing it tightly. ‘But be careful.’
