by Olivia Arran
“This?” I nipped one flat nipple between my teeth, swirling the peak with my tongue.
“You make me—” His hand rested on my head, not pressing, but not pulling away either.
I took this to be a good sign. “Or this?” I moved my attention to his other nipple, kissing my way across the ridge of his pectoral muscles.
“You make me want to lose control,” he gasped the words, his hips flexing forward involuntarily.
“So…lose control, my big-bad-wolf,” I murmured, lost in the taste of him, the smell of him — nutmeg and musk. Yum.
He froze, dropping his hand, his whole body suddenly hard and unyielding.
Startled, I glanced up. He was staring at the wall, a distant expression in his eyes.
“You really don’t want me to lose control,” he said.
“Oh, but I do.”
He grasped my shoulders, creating an inch of space between us. Cold immediately engulfed me, washing away the heat that had been building.
“No. You really don’t. I’m not a nice guy, Lisa,” he stated, his tone hard.
I stared at him, searching for a flicker of feeling, of the guy that had just come undone in my arms. Nothing. I cleared my throat.
“I know you’re not—”
“I’m no good for you. For a fuck maybe—” I flinched at his words, “—but you don’t want just a fuck. Hell, you’re too good for that. And I won’t hurt you.”
Anger sparked inside. I was sick of being told what to do, if I was any good, and what I was good for.
“Who are you to tell me what I want, and how I want it?” I demanded, poking him in the chest.
“I’m your—,” he paused, indecision in his eyes. “I’m nobody,” he finally finished.
“You’re lying,” I spat out. “At least have the decency to admit it. You’re my goddamn mate, my true mate — and you don’t want me.”
A flicker of terror, of shame, were clear in his eyes. Then, he gave me a curt nod.
My chest constricted, the air suddenly thick and heavy. Pain speared my heart, the ice walls that he had melted proving no barrier to the devastating knowledge. I had finally found my true mate, and he was everything I had ever dreamed of — sexy as sin, had a strong heart, made me laugh, drove me to frustration — a mate I could see myself sparring with, and loving, for the rest of my life. Except — he didn’t want me.
“Sean, Luisa—” Luis broke off, looking between us, his eyes widening as he took in the scene. He turned to me, his outline fuzzy through my watery eyes. “He needs to know…about Ian. I have no idea what, or why you were out on your own, or what’s going on here—” he waved his hand vaguely at Sean,”—or why your mate is not looking for—”
“Mate?” Sean growled, his jaw clenched. He turned to me, eyes glowing a liquid gold, his wolf peeking out. “Mate?” he repeated through gritted teeth, his face like thunder.
“It’s not what you think…Luis doesn’t really know—”
“You’re already mated? And we just—we nearly—?” Sean broke off, shock and disgust clear his voice.
“You need to let me explain!” I cried out. But he wasn’t listening, his expression already closed. “Damn it, Luis!” I snapped. “You don’t know either, no one does.”
Sean took a deep breath, his face settling back into the familiar mask of indifference. “Enough,” Sean bit out, not looking at me. “I don’t want to hear your excuses. It’s bad enough that I nearly—” He broke off abruptly, his lips setting in a firm line. “Let’s go — I promised to bring you back, so I will.” Throwing the blanket at me, he gestured toward the door.
He point blank refused to look at me. I had to make him see. If I could just— I took a step forward but he stumbled back, keeping his distance.
Luis strode forward and slipped an arm around me. “Hey, hold on a minute! Maybe she doesn’t want to go back with you.” He turned to me, concern on his face. “I don’t know what’s going on here, but I can feel your pain. You don’t have to go with him, y’know.”
“She has to come back and see Kara. Unless, you need to get back to your mate?” Sean sneered the words while staring pointedly at an empty space, right above my head.
I stared at him, soaking him in. Wow, he was mad. Super-steaming-hates-me-but-wow-he’s-hot, kinda mad. I reached for where the mating bond would be, hoping, wishing…there, connected with my soul…a thin, delicate bond that shuddered and trembled under the weight of Sean’s fury.
Yes! I mentally fist-pumped the air. I was right! He would only be this mad if I meant something to him. And dammit, the bond had started, whether he wanted to acknowledge it or not. The fool was probably so busy being angry that he hadn’t noticed. My heart skipped a beat, as I grabbed a tight hold of a tendril of hope.
“I’m going with him,” I murmured to Luis. “You coming with?”
“Course I am, Luisa, and you’ve got some explaining to do.”
I brushed away his unvoiced question, my gaze fixed on the man who was striding out of the room. My true mate, whether he liked it or not.
“I’ll fill you in later. Oh, and it’s Lisa now. Luisa is dead.”
***
Lisa
I followed Sean back to the Colstone Packhouse, his powerful wolf setting a punishing pace as we raced through the forest. At least Luis kept me company, loping by my side and bumping shoulders with me in silent sympathy. The trees whipped by in a blur, my ragged breath misting the air, and my muscles burning from the workout.
In what seemed like minutes we broke free of the forest, racing through the open meadow that surrounded the large, rambling, ranch-style building. I slowed my pace, doubt setting in. Should I have come here? Was I doing the right thing? He had told me, bluntly, that he didn’t want me. Shit, now he knew about Ian, what did I think I was doing — thinking I could convince him? The man was a stubborn as a mule! I could hit him round the head with the truth, but it didn’t mean he would accept it.
I slowed to a stop, allowing my aching legs to collapse underneath me, signaling Luis to let me be. Sean didn’t even turn around.
Belly down in the sweet scented grass, I let out a loud huff of despair. I hadn’t wanted Ian, not one bit. But, it had been arranged — a way to stop the fighting between our two prides. As the daughter of the Alpha, I had known I had a role to play, a political destiny to fulfill — mom had prepared me for that, ever since I was a young cub. So, when I had been called to the clearing, prepared for my mating night, I had already accepted my fate. From what little I knew, Ian was a good man — handsome and kind — he was going to be a good leader when his father stepped down. My heart might have ached, just a little, for the lost chance of finding my own true mate — the one who would complete my soul. But I had been lectured, time and time again, that the chances were slim, and I had a duty to my pride.
But I hadn’t wanted Ian…not like I wanted Sean. When he was around, every fiber of my being reached out, desperate to touch, to caress…and just talk. Want was too simple a word — I craved Sean, heart, body, and soul.
I should have told him. Shit — I should have told everyone what had happened. But, the shame still burned. I had done my duty and look where that had gotten me. Alone, in hiding, with a false identity.
I shook my head, sick of the pity party I was throwing. Despite what life had thrown at me, I was happy. Being a lone cat suited me. I was able to do what I wanted, act however I wanted. No pride rules to follow. No expectations. Just little old me. And, I liked me — the real me, the one I had discovered over the past year.
I rose to my feet, determined. He didn’t know me. And once he did, then hell, he didn’t stand a chance! He thought he wasn’t a nice guy? Well, I wasn’t all sugar and rainbows, either. My jaguar roared her approval at the sky. She fancied a taste of the no-nonsense-take-control-wolf, too.
I padded toward the house, my tail swishing back and forth in thought. What the hell had happened to him anyway? I knew he wasn’t all
bad. If you ignored the harsh words, his body spoke a different language — one of want and need. Lust and uncertainty. The man was the master of mixed messages.
“Lisa!” my best friend Kara called from the porch, then threw herself down the stairs, long legs pumping and hair flying. Her emerald green eyes glowed with happiness, as she fell to her knees beside me, wrapping her arms around my neck and burying her face in my fur. Her special scent of spice and jasmine engulfed me, wrapping me up in a blanket of warmth and caring.
Home.
“I thought I’d lost you…” she choked out, her words muffled.
Her love washed over me, smoothing over a gap in my heart that I hadn’t known was there. Pawing her knees gently, I tried to hug her back, the purrs rumbling in my chest.
She pulled back, gripping my large head between her two small hands. Peering into my eyes she glared at me. “Don’t you ever make me worry like that again!” she said, her brow furrowed in worried anger. “Shit, Lisa…I’m so sorry — it was all my fault.”
I butted my head against her chest, purring, trying to tell her to shut up — that everything was alright. Then, realizing it was futile, I shoved her toward the house.
Catching on, she jogged with me to the house, her fingers trailing in my fur, a constant contact that I hadn’t known I’d needed. Opening the door, she watched, concern on her face, as I leapt up the stairs three at a time.
I needed to shift, and sweet mother, I needed a shower. And clothes — my coat of armor. So I could face Sean.
CHAPTER SIX
Lisa
Bouncing down the stairs, skin still flushed from the steaming hot shower I had indulged in, I patted my curls into place. Or, at least I tried. As per usual they had a life of their own, spiraling out from my head as though I had stuck my finger in a socket.
I felt like me again. Nails done, aubergine purple — check! Lipgloss on, subdued sparkle — check! Clothes — tight, figure hugging jeans, stomach skimming vest, and kick-ass black boots, complete with obligatory spiked heel — check! Now, if only my hair would behave.
“Looking good, sis!” Luis called from his reclined position on one of the living room couches. He had begged or borrowed some clothes, and was decked out in slouched, faded jeans and a white tee. They looked good on him, highlighting his sun licked skin to perfection. Exactly the reason I had worn a white vest, too.
“We look like twins!” I called back sarcastically, reaching the bottom of the stairs and sauntering toward him.
“Hell, sis, if I let my hair grow and got some breasts, then maybe…” he smirked, running a hand over his tightly clipped curls.
Reaching him, I shoved his feet over and slumped down next to him. Accepting his bare feet back onto my lap, I idly played with the cuff of his jean. “Where is everyone?” I asked, trying to sound uninterested.
“You mean, where is he? Come on! What gives? Last I knew, you were happily mated to Ian, living it up as the soon-to-be Alpha’s mate…what happened?” he probed, his voice gentle.
“It didn’t work out—”
“Matings don’t just not work out—”
“Well, this one didn’t.”
“Come on…talk to me,” he cajoled, teasing one of my curls out, and letting it spring back.
I had to talk to someone, and since he now knew - but, the humiliation still stung, cutting into me. I took a deep breath. “Ian was nice to me, kind — just like I thought he would be. At first, I thought it would be okay. I mean, the passion wasn’t there, but we would talk and he treated me with respect…”
“Go on…”
“But, then I found out that he’d already found his mate, his true mate, and that she lived in the pride.” My voice was empty as I remembered the day I had been introduced to Jasmine, a woman my age. My first thought had been that we could be friends. She had seemed like fun, bubbly and easy going — just like me. Then Ian had told me, trying his best to break it to me gently. We were mated in name only. He would share my bed only to produce an heir. They were together.
“Shit, Lisa…” Luis squeezed my shoulder in sympathy.
“You called me Lisa!” I joked, trying to lighten the mood.
“I’m starting to understand why you did it.”
“Oh, that didn’t bother me — not so much. Because, I didn’t love Ian. Shit, I didn’t even lust after him. I was happy enough, living my own life. I even became friends with her — Jasmine. We’d paint each other’s nails and gossip about men…”
His face was a picture of incredulous disbelief. “So, if you were fine with it — what went wrong?”
“She came to the main house—”
Heavy footsteps interrupted my train of thought, and I glanced at the open archway. His scent hit me first, rolling over me like a thundercloud, the tang of nutmeg and musk.
“Sean…” I whispered, as his large frame appeared at the bottom of the stairs. Dressed in dark distressed jeans and a black tee that clung lovingly to every ripple of muscle, complete with heavy black boots, he looked sinfully good. He tensed as he caught sight of me.
Luis let out a low whistle. “I’m with you there, sis. And, from what you’ve told me so far, you’ve got no reason not to…”
“First, I’ve got to convince him of that,” I muttered under my breath.
“I have every faith in you,” Luis whispered back, before calling in a normal voice, “Hey, Sean. Where’re you off to?”
Sean froze on the bottom step, a tortured expression flashing across his face. Then, wiping it clean and setting an easy going grin in place, he turned, making his way over in large, ground eating strides.
“Hey, man,” he said, avoiding look at me, directing his attention to Luis. “Alpha’s called a meeting to discuss progress, make plans…” he trailed off, looking a bit lost.
“Should we come?” Luis voiced my unspoken thought.
Sean glanced at me briefly, then ripped his eyes away. “Nah, thanks man. I think we’ve got this.” He started to turn away, obviously eager to put distance between us.
Not gonna happen, sweetie.
I cleared my throat, spurred on by Luis digging his foot painfully into my side. “Uh, Sean? I have some information that James might need.”
He didn’t turn around, just barked over his shoulder, “He said he would talk to you later.”
“I think he might need to know this now, before you guys make any plans that might involve the Smithrock Pack.”
He sighed, the sound heavy and frustrated. Then with a wave of his hand, he signaled us to follow. “This better be good,” he muttered under his breath.
Jumping up from the couch, I dragged Luis to standing. “You’re coming with me, for moral support,” I hissed, clutching his arm. Following Sean, I amused myself with checking out the view, his jean-clad ass flexing and firming with every step. Oh yes, I was going to make him see me.
***
Lisa
Pushing open a heavy door, we piled into a large office. I recognized most of the Alpha’s lieutenants lounging around the room, and shoving Luis toward an empty chair, made my way over to Macey who was perched up on the windowsill. Jumping up next to her, I swung my legs back and forth, waiting for James to arrive.
“Gum?” Macey asked, holding out a packet.
Accepting, I popped a piece in my mouth, chewing thoughtfully. How to get him to talk to me? When he wouldn’t even look at me?
“Soooo…what’s going on with you and Sean, then?” Macey whispered so quietly I didn’t think even a shifter would overhear her.
“Is it that obvious?”
“Sure, if you know Sean. I’ve not seen him this riled up in a looong time. What’cha do?”
I shuffled on the hard wood. How much to tell? “He found out some stuff that made him mad…”
“Honey, Sean doesn’t do mad. He does controlled. Which means, what he found out pissed him off…which means you got under his skin…shit! Are you two true mates?” she hissed the
last bit, swinging around to face me, her mouth a perfect oval, very nearly falling out of her seat.
“Shhhhh!” I glanced at Sean. Nope, he was still ignoring me, standing on the other side of the room and chatting to Tarq.
“I knew it! First James, now Sean—”
“He doesn’t want me.” I cut her off. “Doesn’t think he’s good enough for me, or some bullshit. And then, I lied to him. Well, not really lied, more like an omission…”
“Honey, if Sean’s reacting like this, then you got to him, which means he wants you — a lot. Sean doesn’t do emotion, not really. He fakes it, pulls off the easy going charm, but underneath he’s all control. Locked down tight.” She snapped her gum as if underlining her point.
“Why?” I didn’t get it. That wasn’t the Sean I knew.
“I don’t know the full story, I think James is the only one who does, but it has something to do with his wolf — he calls it his beast — and his temper. He thinks he can’t control it—”
She broke off as James walked into the room, Kara at his side. Rounding the desk, he sat down in a battered leather chair, pulling his giggling mate down onto his lap in one smooth movement. Dark and handsome, power surrounded him, but it was happiness that poured off him — that and a contentment that I envied. Stroking Kara’s arm with a large hand, he turned his attention to the group, flicking his eyes around the room until they came to rest on me.
“Lisa, good to have you back,” he said, his voice deep and husky with emotion. Regret filled his dark eyes as he stared at me.
Kara, picking up on her mate’s distress, turned to lay a hand on his broad chest. “You aren’t responsible for everything, my love,” she said in a low voice. “She’s back, and she’s fine?” Her eyes flicked to me, questioning.
“I’m fine. They didn’t get chance to do anything. They wanted to wait for Eric.” I wrinkled my nose in disgust. “Just a bit of threatening, some bad food, poor housekeeping — just like your friendly local motel,” I quipped, grinning, and trying to disperse some of the tension.
