by S Cinders
I grabbed Frankie by the collar. He couldn’t see me through the blindfold and he was shaking like a leaf.
“You need to find a new line of work,” I twisted his collar just enough to be painful and then motioned to Marco that our time there was finished.
Without a second glance, the two of us walked out of the warehouse. Maybe I was getting too jaded for this because I didn't care that the man was still screaming or that Frankie was crying. They were stupid fuckers who got involved with the wrong man. Renaldo was not only a mercenary, but he ran a profitable money laundering gig and was involved in several shady gambling rings.
I blew out a breath and Marco looked at me in question.
I raised a brow, "We need to talk about some things."
His expression didn't change as I knew it wouldn't. Marco was not only my employee, he was my trusted friend.
"What are you going to do about Gina?" I asked bluntly.
He seemed to take my question as a blow.
"It's not my fucking kid," he said angrily.
I laughed, and it seemed to piss him off. Marco clenched his hands and I couldn't resist taunting him a little.
"You going to hit me?"
He shook his head, "No."
"Why don't you think it's your kid?"
He ground his teeth together, "She said it wasn't, and the dates don't match up."
I smiled at him. Poor stupid Marco, he couldn't see that Gina was so fucking in love with him.
"And you believed her?"
CHAPTER 13 – Shay
“Who is Emma?”
Will stood before me with a clenched jaw and fire in his eyes. He hadn’t seemed this upset since Jamie had struck me.
“Emma?” I repeated dumbly. “I used to have a roommate named Emma Graves, but I haven’t seen her in over a year. Somehow when we were all hauled in on the drug charges she was absolved of everything and walked free. Where on earth did you hear her name?”
I had been sitting at the table playing cards with Gina, but she hightailed it out of there the moment that Will came in looking like the Terminator.
I motioned for him to sit down in the chair that Gina had just vacated, “What’s going on, Will?”
He sank down and ran a hand through his silky black curls, “Your roommate is trying to kill you.”
I blinked, “Former roommate, and why would Emma do that? I was the one who served time, she didn’t. I haven’t even contacted her since I got out.”
Will glare was insistent, but I had a feeling his anger wasn’t directed towards me.
“Tell me in detail what happened the night you were picked up.”
I winced involuntarily, “There are a lot of things I have blocked out about that time. I was high more than not, Will.”
“Just tell me what you remember,” he reached out and took my hand. “Every little detail that you can recall, we need to know why the fuck this girl wants you dead.”
SIXTEEN MONTHS EARLIER...
“Emma, that was a really bitchy thing to do,” I couldn’t believe that she had actually shown up to Mandy’s television interview pretending to be her best friend.
Unease churned in my gut as I eyed Emma realizing that she was a whole lot more dangerous than I thought she was. It had been fun at first. Emma knew a lot of powerful men and always had us invited to the best parties.
Good parties meant free drugs, and because of that, I had turned my head away when Emma had done some shitty things. But attacking my best friend, that was going too far.
Emma’s eyes glittered dangerously, “Be careful who you call a bitch, Shay.”
I scoffed, “Are you threatening me now? Shit, Emma, what did Mandy ever do to you?”
Emma took a challenging step forward, “Are you going to sit there and pretend that you are innocent in all of this? I know you fucked that douchebag brother in law of hers. Maybe she would be interested in learning about what her precious best friend has been up to? Does she know about the drugs, Shay? Does she know you are nothing better than a worthless prostitute?”
I shoved past her and ran out of the apartment. It was hours later that Andrew picked me up on his bike and like the total slut that I was, I proceeded to get high and pass out in his apartment.
Things were tense between Emma and me for the next little bit. I was more than upset with how she had treated Mandy, but I didn’t feel like standing up to her again. There was always something a little off with Emma, slightly unhinged.
When she came home several days later and announced that we needed to get dressed up. I flat out told her no. Her boy-toy Redmont was scary and I didn’t like the guys that hung around him. Emma picked up the phone and threatened to call Mandy right then and there.
She was going to tell her about Andrew and me and I couldn’t stand the thought of it. I was weak and once again bent to her rules.
We were leaving the theatre when I heard Mandy’s voice and I called out her name, “Mandy, don’t ignore me! Please, I didn’t know that Emma was going to do that. We are best friends! Don’t throw that all away.”
Her fiance, Brand looked like he wanted to rip my head off. I took an involuntary step back, but I couldn’t turn away.
Mandy’s face was full of fury and disdain, “Shay, this isn’t about Emma. I already knew that she was a bitch, I told you that time and again. What I didn’t realize was that you were just like her.”
I felt like she had punched me in the gut. What did she know? How could I spin this to save what little threads of our friendship were remaining?
“You don’t mean that,” I spoke the words, but in truth, I was pleading with her to not give up on me.
And then the final nails in the coffin, “I don’t?” Mandy’s laugh held to trace of humor, “You slept with my brother in law multiple times Shay? How fucking stupid do you think I am? Is that supposed to be okay? You knew that Kim wanted to have a baby and you were sleeping with her husband. You knew that Emma was bad news, but you insisted on hanging out with her. Shit, I don’t know who you are, but one thing is for certain, you aren’t my best friend. Friends don’t do that.”
Tears flooded my eyes and I could see Emma smirking, clearly delighted in the scene before her. I straightened my back. I wouldn’t let Emma or Mandy see how much this hurt me.
The vile words came hurtling out of my mouth before I could stop them, “Fuck you, Mandy! You think that he is going to want to stay with a white trash loser like yourself? Just remember, you burned this bridge, not me. So, when he dumps you on your poor ass, and he damn well will. Don’t come running to me, we are through.”
I didn’t mean it, couldn’t mean it. I was angry and wanted to hurt her and yes, I was high.
Elliot took a menacing step toward me, “If you ever speak to my fiancé like that again, woman or not there will be consequences.”
It was all dissolving right before my eyes. I laughed bitterly, “You’re going to marry her? How stupid are you?”
Mandy grabbed Elliot’s arm and tried to walk away. It was just like her to try and turn the other cheek. Mandy wasn’t a fighter, she was good and kind—nothing like me.
I lashed out a final time, “She’s just a pregnant whore!”
I heard Mandy sharply inhaled breath.
Elliot stopped in his tracks.
“I’m sorry,” anguish coated the barely heard words, but it was too late. Elliot pulled out his phone and dialed a number.
“Agent Collins? Yeah, Elliot Brand, that suspect we were speaking of earlier? We just ran into her at Right way Cinema on fourth. I have a home address as well. Get a warrant, I think the place is hot.”
Panic raced through my body and I scrambled back to Emma, “The police, they are heading to your apartment, they have a warrant.”
Her boyfriend grabbed my arm so tightly that I knew there would be bruises.
“What have you done you stupid fucking bitch? You will pay for this, mark my words.”
Then he thre
w me down on the street.
Emma didn’t look sorry or even concerned that her boyfriend was manhandling me.
“Just leave the bitch,” Emma’s voice was devoid of emotion.
I don’t know how I made it to Andrew’s apartment, but when I got there he was freaking out. His clothes and hands were covered in blood and he said he couldn’t remember what happened. I helped him clean himself up and then we got high again.
The next thing I knew the swat team was breaking down the door to Andrew’s apartment. We were hauled into jail and given rookie lawyers that were still wet behind the ears. I saw Emma once while I was in lockup. It was out of the corner of my eye and she didn’t say anything.
When I was pled guilty and told them everything I knew the police informed me about Mandy’s parents. It didn’t take a genius to put two and two together. Andrew was convicted of first-degree manslaughter and I was given a year for cooperating with the police. My testimony helped to convict Andrew.
I COULDN’T SEE WILL anymore through the tears, “I’m just so fucking sorry.”
And when he wrapped me in his arms, I melted into him and sobbed. Not only for the horrible things that I had done but because of the people that I had hurt. And now Will knows just how awful I really am.
CHAPTER 14 – Shay
Step 10: Continuing to take personal inventory and admitting when one was wrong.
There was two slip ups when I was on the inside. Drugs are rampant in the system. And it isn’t hard to get between the dirty guards and high rollers that walk around the place as if they own it instead of are being confined to it.
To combat what government officials knows it’s going on, or perhaps because of some well-intentioned do-gooder on the outside, the government does offer an addiction recovery program for convicts.
Honestly, I started going to the meetings to get out of free time in the yard. As strange as it sounds, I didn’t think I deserved to go outside even in lockup. I wasn’t through with punishing myself, although I didn’t realize it at the time.
I wasn’t eating well, and certainly wasn’t taking care of myself. I had resigned myself to die because that is what I deserved—or so I thought. I remember walking into that first meeting and hearing some of the other inmates crying. It was strange to me, these emotions that they were feeling so deeply.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt anything that deeply.
But then I remembered what I had done to Mandy. Sure, I felt bad about it. But there was still a layer of indifference that I just couldn’t shake. I didn’t see why these women were so tied up getting clean. Surely we weren’t addicts—or at least I wasn’t.
I was a fun girl who got mixed up with the wrong group. I liked to party with the best of them, but I wasn’t a fucking addict.
Addicts overdose with needles in their arms and choke to death on their own vomit because they are too strung out to know any better.
That wasn’t me, it couldn’t be me.
Week after week I went back to those meetings. And it was there that a miracle happened. That layer of indifference began to melt away. Feelings so raw and hurtful threatened to overpower me. I didn’t want to go back anymore. It hurt too much. I needed to use, fuck, I had to get my hands on something.
It wasn’t like I hadn’t fallen before. Just one taste, one snort, one hit, and then I would never do it again.
Part of the program is taking personal inventory—taking responsibility for your actions, accepting who you are and identify the changes you want to make.
I had to take a hard look at who Shay Montgomery was. What were my strengths—my hopes, beliefs, dreams, personal strengths, self-awareness, self-acceptance, acts of love? Would I ever learn how to be the kind and generous person that I once was?
When you take a good look at yourself and have a hard time coming up with even on positive attribute it’s more than eye-opening. It can be completely devastating. But for me, this was when I truly realized I had hit rock bottom. I could stay there and most likely throw my life away or I could try and climb my way out.
They teach you to pick one thing to focus on, for me it was self-awareness. Being aware of how my choices affected not only me but others—shit, it was enlightening. Shockingly enough, I made friends while I was in jail. There were other women like me that had fucked up their lives but wanted better.
I learned how to get outside of myself. There was one girl, in particular, that was in for stabbing her husband to death. He had been verbally abusive but never laid a hand on her. The court system had failed her in the respect that she had poor advice and state representation.
Every night she would cry her eyes out because her two babies were growing up not only without her. But they were growing up knowing that their mother was a murderer. You can argue justification all you want, but she knew that there was a stigma there that would never go away.
Another woman was involved in an embezzlement case. Millions of dollars went into an offshore account and then the man who happened to be her partner skipped town and tipped off the police. Everything she had thought they had been working for was a lie. He was never caught and she openly admits that she was 100% wrong, about everything.
The more I got to know these other people the more I started to see that we all fuck up. Some of us do a fantastic job of trying to ruin our lives, but I wasn’t the only one. The spiral of self-pity and doubt had to end, and there wasn’t anyone that could do it for me.
I WOKE WITH A START and tried to stretch but there was an arm around me holding me tightly against a warm body.
Will.
We had talked late into the night about Mandy, my accident, the drug addiction, and even my time on the inside. It had been cathartic to get all of it out, but in the wee hours of the morning, I felt embarrassed about everything I had shared.
The arm tightened and I felt a rush of warm air near my ear, “What’s going on in the beautiful head of yours, Shay?”
My voice was scratchy and laced with sleep, “I was dreaming about friends of mine that are still in jail.”
He leaned forward and kissed my neck. I tensed because this was more affectionate than he usually was. Granted in the dark with our bodies soft from sleep, everything seemed more intimate. But I hadn’t had a sexual relationship with anyone since Andrew. And despite my exhaustion, I felt my body tightening in awareness and if I am honest—trepidation.
He let out a soft sigh, “Is it because of our talk last night?”
I nodded and felt his whiskered jaw against the top of my head, “I ‘m just so confused. I want to move forward with my life. But it seems like roadblocks are constantly being thrown in my path.”
Will was quiet for a moment, “You said that you have been clean since that second slip up in jail?”
“Yes,” I whispered, “It’s been a little more than a year.”
“Can you not see how far you have come?” he admonished gently.
I laughed but the sound was humorless, “In hiding from a hitman?”
Will turned me so that I was facing him. I could hardly make out his face in the shadows, the sun hadn’t yet begun to climb into the sky. But I could see those intense eyes, both calming and arousing at the same time.
“You have been clean for a year, that is an incredible feat. Shay, you are constantly thinking about me, Gina and Marco. From what you told me last night, you are completely different from your days as an addict.”
I flinched at the word but didn’t deny it. I was an addict, a recovering one.
Will continued, “But you still don’t see yourself clearly. You are strong and beautiful, Shay not only on the outside, which—fuck yeah, you are gorgeous. But on the inside as well. You know the mistakes you have made and you are trying to fix them. Your heart is so big that sometimes I feel my own start to kick up a little, and I would have sworn on a stack of bibles that my heart was dead a long time ago.”
I cupped his cheek, “Will, that’s n
ot true.”
He scowled, “We aren’t talking about me. Shay, I just want you to know that no matter what has happened in the past. I still care about you. I want you to walk away from all of this with your head held high. Whatever hopes and dreams that you have for the future I want you to pursue them. I have every confidence in you, Shay.”
“What about you?” I whispered bravely, “What happens to you when this is all over?”
For the first time, he looked away from my face. His jaw tightened and my hand slipped away from his cheek.
Will pulled me closer against his chest so that my face was buried in his massive pecks and I couldn’t see his expression anymore.
“I will disappear,” his tone was gruff, “And you will get your happily ever after just like you deserve.”
Emotion balled in the pit of my stomach, “I won’t ever see you again?”
I was afraid that he wasn’t going to answer me. Moments stretched in seconds and then a minute or two slipped by. I was resigned to the fact that he just wasn’t going to answer or perhaps he had fallen asleep.
But then I heard him, “It’s better this way, Shay. I’m no good for you—for anyone.”
His tone was hard and had a finality to it that I hadn’t heard before. I had a small glimpse of who Will really was when he was out on a job. I shivered, it wasn’t intentional, but he felt it all the same.
His lips came down and kissed the top of my head, “Get some rest, Sunshine, morning will be here soon enough.”
Will thought I had fallen asleep because a half hour later he carefully extracted himself from my arms and slipped from the bed. But not before placing another soft kiss on my temple.
It made me want to cry. Will was still protecting me, but this time it was from himself.
CHAPTER 15 – Shay
I was shaken awake by a firm hand, “Shh, Shay, there is someone in the house. We need to leave immediately.”
