His laugh is so deep it shakes me to my core. He pulls his bottom lip into his mouth and takes my hands in his. He turns my palms face up and strokes my wrists with his thumbs.
“Glad to hear it, but let me tell you something Rayne, I am not finished with you yet.
Today? Earlier? That was a prelude to something, bigger, better and far more fulfilling”
“Who’s having the sardines”
There’s a waitress at our table, with two dishes in hand. I don’t think she’s noticed me as she is drooling over Connor. I want to click my fingers so she notices me, but I know it would be pointless. He is mesmerising, I give her that.
Connor reluctantly let’s go of my hands and motions that’s his dish.
As much as my stomach is thrilled at the food, my heart wants to sucker punch the waitress, not only is she desperately trying to get my dates attention but her timing is shit!
Connor
Rayne looks amazing tonight, I didn’t know where to take her this evening, when I suggested dinner I hadn’t thought about it, but as I broke her apart and she shattered in my arms this morning, there was no way I was about to go to bed without a taste of her. I would have taken her to Nando’s if I had to, but I needed to see her. At least once more.
Coming to Bea’s seemed perfect, when I thought about it. I was planning on coming here tonight anyway, Bea’s is like my own dining room.
I love it here. I love Bea.
I often wonder what would have happened if her husband hadn’t died. Would I have stayed with them? I wanted to so badly but Guilherme’s death shattered her, she could barely care for herself much less a 6-year-old boy. They were the first family to foster me long term. I was 3 when I went to them, I don’t remember it as I was too young, but I remember the day she told me I was going to another family who said they wanted to adopt me. She was sitting on her bed, putting my socks on for me. I was dressed in my Sunday best (I still have a picture of that day) Bea always tried so hard to tame my hair, she refused to take me to get it cut and did it herself. Mothers should never do that.
She started to sing to me, tucking my feet into my hard-shiny shoes. Her tears silently falling. She cried a lot at that time and I didn’t think anything of it. Its only when the social worker came with another lady that I got worried. Bea was talking about me like I wasn’t there. She wasn’t playing with me in our corner, the other lady was.
She didn’t play with me the way Bea did.
She got the pieces all mixed up.
The blocks in the wrong place, the cars going the wrong way down the road map.
When Bea handed over a big bag to the social worker she came and played with me for a minute. She turned all the cars around the right way.
I remember feeling relieved that Bea was playing with me; Only she started to pack up the cars and the blocks. She put them in the bag we used when we were going on a trip, when we used to go to see her sister.
Yes!! we’re going on a trip I thought.
Then she handed the bag to the social worker. Maybe the social worker was coming too.
Bea put my coat on and eagerly I zipped it up waiting for her to get hers on. But she didn’t. Instead, she knelt next to me, the tears were back, faster and louder than ever. Everyone that fell from her eyes, sounded like a pneumatic drill, the sound reverberating around my head, like a warning siren it drowned out my other senses. I didn’t understand what she was saying. I was going with these ladies. Why?
I was going to a lovely new family with children my own age. NO! Bea, I want you Bea. I remember reaching for her, stretching my little arms trying to touch her, wanting comfort, but my arms were not long enough to get to her, she was out of my reach. I screamed for her, screamed for her to pick me up, hold me and keep me safe. I begged, she needed to hear me I wanted to say You’re the only mum I have ever known, but I was suffocating on the reality of my sorrow. My tears grew faster and louder. She finally put her arms around me and hoisted me to her chest. I held onto her, she couldn’t let me go. Not like the others.
Bea was different Bea wanted me, I know she did. She put me down in the car, I scrambled for her, gripping her hands as she buckled me in. NO! not again, please Bea. Please. The social worker told me to calm down, that it would be ok. She peeled my hand from Bea. I tried to get her again but the door closed. SLAM. I held onto the window, my wet palms sliding as the social worker helped Bea back to the house. My heart broke there and then. The car journey was the worst. I cried and cried until I was sick and then fell asleep. My new house was my new house for only a few weeks, my new family never were a family.
The woman, I later found out, couldn’t handle the stares in the street and people’s comments about me. The shock when they saw her husband was white. She gave me back like an unwanted Christmas present, the cheap imitation toy, the one left on the shelf on Christmas Eve, maybe taken home in the new year when its half price, likelihood though, knowing my luck, I’d get stored away until the following year.
I missed Bea very day. She called a few times to check on. I begged see in every phone call, and every time, she promised she’s see me soon.
By the time I was 10, I had lost count of my new families. I would hear people saying that I wouldn’t ever get adopted as I was too old now. People didn’t want problem kids. They wanted babies. Except nobody even wanted me as baby. Not even my own mum.
Bea was the only constant in my life, she used to call and visit.
Write to me and buy me a present every birthday and Christmas. As I got older, I got more distracted by the wrong things and the wrong crowd.
Bea tried to warn me against the road I headed down at 14, but I thought I was hard by then. I thought I knew best. My new friends were my new family, only they stuck around. We did everything for each other. I didn’t care that I was smoking and drinking, I had been kicked out of school because of my attitude. Even the education system didn’t want me.
“Oh My GOD this is amazing”
I am pulled out of thoughts by Rayne, she’s got her eyes closed as she chews on her starter. Her face looks the same as it did this morning, it’s the same face she had when she threw her head back and arch into me. The same face when I slipped my digits into her soft wet centre. She was perfectly in tune with me earlier as I strummed at her, drawing out her orgasm. I loved the feel of her squeezing around my fingers.
My dick is current jealous at the thought. He’s banging on the fly of my trousers demanding a view.
He’s like scrappy do, ready to pounce the minute I let him go. I think about her squeezing around my now very hard cock, feeling her close around me as I drill myself deeper into her. Fuck I need her.
“This is amazing. I think I am in heaven.” I begin to start my own food, watching her devour hers. She’s so delicate in appearance, but a fiend when it comes to her food. She’s inhaling it, and I love it. I love that she doesn’t give a shit. No “only a salad for me” bullshit.
The dress she’s wearing is sinful. It crosses over or dips not sure right in the middle of her boobs. They look incredible, playing peek a boo, sometimes when she leans a little to the left her right one pops out a little more like a bronzed globe I want to palm and squeeze and suck. Christ, she’s perfect.
“Glad you approve, Bea is the best! I have always loved her cooking. She’d make me her special Moqueca, give me that and a loaf of bread and I am yours”
I shoot her a wink, as much as I want to charm her tonight, I am still a cocky little shit.
“Good to know!” she chimes back at me.
“How is it all? I hope you approve Rayne”
Bea has come back to clear our plates. I take her hand to stop her,
“Is Leo in the kitchen?”
Leo, is Bea’s nephew, he came to London about 7 years ago to help her set up the restaurant, I like to check in on him when I am here, make sure Bea’s doing ok and not just putting on a front for me.
“yes, he’s prepping some for
tomorrow, go back and see him”
I take the plates and move to let Bea sit for a moment.
“Make sure she doesn’t run off Bea”
Rayne laughs, her eyes smiling “If you think I am leaving before I finish eating you are crazy! If that” she says pointing at her clear plate in my had “was anything to go by, you’ll have to evict me from here, Bea it was delicious, I should bring Ma here. She’d love it”
“Thank you, Rayne, I just cook with love, makes everything taste a little better”
I drop a quick kiss in Bea’s head and go to find Leo. Bea’s getting older and I want to make sure there’s nothing she needs and isn’t telling me. She thinks that she can do it all on her own, I vowed the day she told me that she had applied to adopt me but due to her previous health issues they declined, that I would take care of her.
I’d never tell her this but when I started running on the streets I did it to make money for her. I wanted to pay her back for sticking with me. I nearly let her down.
Thank god for Trent, if it wasn’t for him and Bea, I have no idea where I would be now. Probably dead.
I sneak into the kitchen where Leo gives me a one-handed man pat. “Gringo!”
“Yeah, yeah have at it dickhead”
Leo laughs and hugs me again “How’s it going brother, you here for take away?”
“No, I am eating in today…” Leo raises his eyebrows, I know he’s going to start fishing
“No, I am not alone, yes, it is a woman, and yes, it is a date”
“where is she, this woman? She must two heads or maybe no head if she’s dating you”
I nudge him gently but with enough force to shift his balance slightly
“ouch touched a little nerve, have I? Where is she sitting? I want to see her”
Leo heads towards the door where he can see the restaurant, I stand next to him ready to point her out and I know he has already seen her, Bea’s still sitting with her and she’s holding her hand across the table.
“Uma mulher sensual, that is one sexy woman”
“tell me about it” I watch them talking and my heart speeds up. I can see her smiling at Bea, a little of her bright white teeth showing, her eyes are shining and she looks like an angel. It doesn’t help that her hair, hanging in loose curls just below her shoulders looks golden against the soft light. I am in too deep already.
“you are brave leaving her with Bea, she’ll either have your wedding arranged in the next 10 minutes or your date will be hightailing it out of her. You had better hope she hasn’t got that picture of you with the bad haircut and shit shoes in her apron, if she gets that out its all over buddy”
I smack him on the arm, harder than I intended but not as hard as I could.
“What was that for?”
“For checking her out”
“you like this one eh?”
“Its early days” I shrug. I don’t know myself what’s happening but I like it.
“well if she is going to hang around, I should go and introduce myself, make sure she passes my test”
I lurch towards him, trying to hold him back but he’s out the door and heading to our table.
Oh boy.
“Leo! I take it you have come to be nosey? Rayne, this is my nephew Leo, Leo this is Rayne”
I watch Leo take her in and I want to knock him the fuck out.
I go back to remembering them wrapped around my waist, that’s where they belong.
With that thought in my head I lean past Leo and put my arm around Rayne, for a millisecond she freezes at my touch but then she’s warm and soft. Perfectly folded into my side, yes, it’s a pissing contest but I don’t care. Jealousy has never been around me, never reared its ugly head, today is the first time we’ve ever met and I hate the bastard so its best she stays locked to my side until I get over it. Simple.
Leo looks at me and laughs, full on head back laugh. He wags his finger at me
“You are so fucked brother”
Bea stands and slaps him upside the head. “back to the kitchen with you, we need to get back to it, but I will have your meals out in a minute”
Bea pushes Leo back to the office via the kitchen. Rayne peels herself from my side and is back in her chair, taking a huge gulp of wine.
“was it that bad you need to drink to recover”
Shaking her head, she sighs “far from it, Beatriz is a wonderful woman, with a huge heart. She loves you very much you know”
I run my hand over my face hold onto the back of my neck, I get embarrassed when it comes to emotions, have not ever been shown very many so its tough you know?
“I know she does, not half as much as I love her, I owe her everything.”
Rayne reaches over and holds my hand, giving me the warmest smile “She told me a little, I could see how upset she was telling me about the day she had to let you go, it must have been so hard for her. Losing her husband and then you”
Tears threaten to break out of their ducts, I run my tongue over my teeth, trying to get some moisture as my mouth is suddenly dry as the desert and I am struggling. I shake my head, trying to erase the memories that are flooding to the front of my brain again, I am worried that I will sob if I open my mouth.
She strokes my hand, giving me comfort without saying a word.
I take a deep breath “She never lost me, wherever I went it was always her that I saw each night. I’d count down days until my birthday and Christmas just to see her, it was never for very long but it was long enough”
Rayne squeezes my hand
“There is so much more to you that I ever imagined. You’re this huge, gorgeous man, who looks so hard, like you could run through brick walls, although you also feel like a damn brick wall, but inside there’s this beautiful soft centre. I feel like I have just touched the surface, you fascinate and excite me, I want to get right inside you”
I burst out laughing “not half as much as I want to get right inside you beautiful” I can’t help it, she left herself wide open for that one
She drops my hand crosses her arms, as she leans over the table it makes her chest bounce a little, pushing her boobs higher, a little more and she might just give me a peep show. How badly do I want to eek that dress back a little and see her in her full glory?
“you’re something else Connor, you know that”
I lean in and get as close to her as I can “you know as much as I do that you want me deep inside you, the way you squirm a little in your seat, I bet your so wet right now. Your nipples are your worst tell. They’re getting so hard right now they’re almost pushing through your dress”
She licks her bottom lip and I take it as a sign
I lift my hand off the table just a fraction and raise my pointer finger, the heat draws her a little closer to me, I stretch ever so slightly and rub my finger over the tip of her swollen pebble, using my thumbs as well I give it the slightest pinch, my knees are touching hers under the table and I nudge her legs open. I’m not about to go any further, we’re in public. But she needs to know my intentions. Her mouth is inches from mine, her eyes heavy and glazed, oh she would so let me take her right now. Quick as a flash I give her fleeting kiss and sit back just in time for Bea to bring us our food.
Rayne takes another gulp of her wine. Her face tells me everything I need to know.
This is over, its no contest. I’ve got her, and I will have her, tonight.
Rayne
After speaking to Beatriz, I think I am fallen for Connor a little more. She didn’t mean to say so much, I guess I have one of those faces. She started by saying how important he is to her and that he had a rough start in life. She tells me about losing her husband and having to give Connor up. Beatriz is a cancer survivor. She was left infertile by the treatment, it wasn’t until they were in their 40’s that they tried fostering. Connor was the first child they had long term and it was perfect, until Guilherme died suddenly on the underground. He had a stroke they think, it took 7 minu
tes to get help to him, she told me that the paramedics said people thought he was drunk and a few people had stepped over him. I could see the pain in her eyes as she told me, it was 23 years ago but the anger has never left her. She strikes me as a woman who loves and lives fiercely. The passion in her heart is evident when she speaks, it flows into the food that she cooks and reflects in her face when she smiles.
I am already planning a dinner her with Ma and Trent. In the back of my mind I wonder if Connor will join us, its been just over 24 hours since he came into my life and in that short time, I have crossed more bridges into his life than anyone I ever have before. He electrifies me with his looks, his word and his touch. Its like I cannot get enough of him. Even with Beatriz talking to me I longed for his presence. When he walked over with Leo and held onto me, it was the most natural thing to lean into him, to be as close to him as possible. The fear that I would turn and try to climb him like a tree was always there. The restraint I needed to keep myself from throwing my legs around him and dry humping him is insane. Like Jodeci said, he’s got me Feenin’ I never really understood that phrase, how could you want someone so bad that they consume you completely? It would never happen to me? Yeah right. Me right now. FEENIN’
Beatriz gentle warned me that Connor doesn’t get into relationships and has trust issues, she didn’t say it in so many words but enough to make me understand where she was going. I think that’s how we got talking about his past. She wanted to let me know. Connor doesn’t strike me as the type to have a heart to heart, he may never had told me, not the way she did. The tears in her eyes broke my heart. I wanted to go back in time and protect them both.
She said she was happy that he had brought me there. I think he wanted her approval, which has got to be a good thing really?! When we were leaving, we hugged each other so tightly. A silent conversation, she was saying take care of my boy, and I, in turn was promising to do just that.
Walking back to the car, Connor held onto my hand, I think it was because I was a little unsteady on my feet – a bottle of wine to myself and these god forsaken shoes not the best combo. I liked holding his hand, I felt protected. Being that much taller than me and about twice my width we must have looked mismatched but it felt anything but.
Turning Point Page 6
