by Joseph Zuko
“Dude, this killer was after this girl. He like, killed her parents ten years ago and now he was back to finish the job,” Devon gets crazy eyes every time he says the word killer. “You will never guess how he kills people,” he shakes his head at me. This is the part where I get to guess how the killer kills them.
“Was it a gun?” I don’t really try anymore. I never get it right.
“No, dude. He would suffocate them with a plastic bag and then take their skin off with like a nasty old blade. It was so good, dude. I was so scared. It’s a crazy Russian movie I downloaded,” he nods his head at me and I never know what to say.
“Cool. I gotta get to Bill’s office. Talk to you later,” I head down for the stairway.
My thighs kill me as I walk down the steps. I threw a lot of kicks at the last Krav Maga class. On the way down I run into Tracy, our front desk phone operator. She is my age and distractingly pretty.
“Did I show you the photo?” it is going to be about her kids, kind of. I made the mistake of becoming her Facebook friend and every goddamn post is about her kids, kind of. I smile big at her and shake my head.
“Nope. Haven’t seen them,” I prepare myself for her photos. She pulls her phone from her pocket. Her photos are always the same kind of funny thing where her kids are in them, but the photo is her looking super sexy. Why is this sexy lady in this child’s photo? She flashes me her phone.
“Look at this,” she says. Acting very innocent. It is a photo of her right out of the shower with nothing but a towel clinging to her shapely body and an eight-year-old making a funny face in the background.
“Boy, that is a cute kid.”
“Isn’t he? I look horrible. Don’t look at me,” she fishes for a compliment. This has been happening more and more since she left her weirdo husband.
“No, you look...amazing. Better than I do straight out of the shower,” what else can I say? She is the one that called me down to Bill’s office and I bet she planned this whole rendezvous.
“Thank you. You are so sweet,” she brushes my arm with her hand. I pretend like it didn’t happen.
“Okay, Bill needs me,” I turn and head down the stairs.
I knock at Bill’s open door. I know what three jokes are coming. He is going to tease me about Krav Maga. He calls it “Teal Macaw”. It is not a clever joke but he loves it. Then he will say I am wasting my time working out. He never works out and he has had a better life than me. Then he will tease me about my numbers, me versus Sam. Bill sits there at his desk. He is always smiling. He points at a bruise on my wrist.
“Is that from Teal Macaw?” joke number one out of the way.
“Yeah, I caught an elbow to the wrist in class. Hurt like hell.”
“Why do you waste your time with working out? It is hours a week you could be having way more fun. I never workout and I definitely have more fun than you,” joke two right on schedule. I look at Bill’s big belly, but I do not say anything. Bill picks up a print out of the store’s numbers.
“Boy, Sam is killing you again this month. If I could make a clone of that guy I’d get all my bonuses,” joke three, the trifecta. Now we can start our normal conversation.
BOOM! My fillings shake as the ground moves under my feet. I feel intense heat from a massive explosion outside.
Chapter 2
I almost shit my pants. Seconds after the explosion there is a loud crash. I step from Bill’s office doorway and onto the sales floor. I drop my lunch bag. My jaw drops too. All of the windows facing the Jiffy Lube are blown out. Shattered glass covers all of the appliances. The front row of washers has caught fire. An old beat up van has crashed through the wall. Its front end rests on a knocked over stacked laundry set. The van is on fire too. Sam cowers behind the dishwasher display. His customer bleeds out on the floor. She has a large jagged chunk of metal sticking out of her throat. The Jiffy Lube is engulfed in flames. I step farther out onto the floor. My eyes blink quickly trying to process what I see. A helicopter has crash-landed on the Jiffy Lube.
Boom!
Something else inside the Jiffy Lube explodes. I duck behind the dishwasher display next to Sam. He has a slice running jagged down his cheekbones. Blood cascades down onto his dress shirt. Sam pulls off his glasses. The lenses are scratched to hell. If it weren’t for his astigmatism he would be blind right now. Thank God for those nerd glasses. Boom! Another explosion rocks the building.
“What the fuck happened?” Sam grabs at me. He is talking louder than normal. A face full of explosion must have messed with his hearing. I look over the dishwashers. The tail end of the helicopter reads Providence Hospital. That hospital is only a mile away.
“It must have had engine problems. Oh God! All those guys are dead.”
Sam sticks his fingers in his ears. He works to get his hearing back.
“Should I lock the doors?” yells Bill.
“What’s the point? We don’t have a wall right now.” I yell back. Why am I yelling? I am not mad at Bill. My hands shake and my heart beats hard enough that I can feel my pulse on my forehead. Goddamn this is the most exciting thing I have ever seen. I look around the floor and no one else is hurt. Tracy was over at her desk on the other side of the building. She has come around her desk to get a better look at the action. The poor girl has peed her pants. The front of her khakis are soaked. I look away. I don’t want her to know that I saw it. I don’t blame her. I am about to unload in the back of my slacks.
I pull my cell out and dial 911. The phone rings and rings. No answer. I hang up and try again. The Jiffy Lube burns, all that oil, it looks like a photo from the Gulf War. Black smoke fills the sky and lays down a thick fog on the ground around it. Some blood has got onto one of Sam’s new shoes. He quickly rubs the blood off his leather footwear and it gets all over his hand. He shows me the blood on his hand. Like I need to clean it for him. That is when he notices his customer on the ground. The blood on his shoe came from her.
“Linda, are you okay?!” he shakes her body.
“I don’t think she’s okay!” I give up on my phone and put it in my pocket.
“She’s dead,” Sam loses it. “She’s DEAD! Oh, SHIT!” his voice cracks. He looks up at me. I nod.
“Yeah Sam. No one’s answering at 911. Bill, get him up and get him some water.”
Bill snaps to. I get up and run over to the closest fire extinguisher. My nerves are so shot it takes me a full minute to read the instructions. It has only two steps but it is like I have never read English before. The van’s engine runs like the driver has his foot all the way to the floor. Between it and the other fires going on, this place is filling up with smoke quickly. I finally master the art of the extinguisher and sprint to the closest flame. I have always wanted to do this. Shoot an extinguisher on a flame, I mean. It always looked so cool on TV. Behind me Devon has emerged with his own fire retardant device and the two of us go to work.
Even with all of the excitement and tragedy going on I am very aware of how sexually charged this act is. Hear me out. The flame burns so bright, so hot and the only thing that can quench its desire and put the flame to rest is two young men shooting it with white foam. I get it. I am the gross one. If Devon and I were being filmed in slow-mo with eighties butt-rock blasting, you would see what I mean. We finish putting the fires out on the appliances when our extinguishers run out of juice. The van continues to burn in the corner of the store. I look around for the next red can when the sprinklers go off. We are doused with water. These sprinklers are not messing around. In a matter of seconds I am completely soaked. The van’s fire has gone out. That’s good, I guess. Devon and I toss our cans to the ground. Tracy’s accident has been washed away as well. I survey the showroom. The owner is going to be pissed. All of these appliances, TV’s and beds are ruined. I guess that’s what insurance is for.
“This is some crazy shit, Dude.”
“Yes, Devon. This is some crazy shit. Dude,” I wipe the water away from my eyes.
I take a look around outside. All of the students from the school for the gifted are on the sidewalk watching Jiffy Lube burn to the ground. I head over to the front door and pop it open.
“Is everyone okay?!” I yell across the street. One of the female instructors shouts back.
“We’re good! I can’t get 911 on the phone. Sprinklers went off?” she asks with a smirk.
“Yeah, we’re all soaked. I couldn’t reach them either. We have someone that got...hurt here,” I don’t want any of the students to get upset so I lie. “Keep calling them! I’m gonna check on the other neighbors.”
She gives me a thumb up and puts her phone to her ear. On the other side of our building is an adult video store with live shows in the back. Karen and I used to go to strip clubs when we were in our twenties. It was a lot of fun to bring her because women get a lot of attention at those places. Afterwards we would go home and, well…it was always fun. I have always wanted to go into that store but never had a good enough reason. I turn back into my showroom and see a miracle. Linda, Sam’s customer, is back on her feet and walking around.
“Miss? You should lay back...,” my words slow down as Linda turns to face me. Her eyes have filled with blood. So full that they look purple. She stands there looking around and she is not breathing. That’s weird. You wouldn’t think you would notice a little thing like that but seeing a human stand upright staring at you, your brain says, “That crazy bitch ain’t breathing!”
“Linda?” Sam says in shock. His glasses look like fishbowls; they are so full of water. Linda’s head whips around to face him. She sprints right for him! In a flash she has him on the floor. Sam clutches her by the shoulders. Her teeth snap at his face!
“Holy fuck!” I yell it from across the sales floor. Ten years I have been on this floor and it is the first time I have ever cursed out loud.
I run to Sam’s aid. The woman has gone nuts. The hunk of metal in her neck must be incredibly painful to make her act this way. I grab her shoulder.
“Hey lady, knock it off,” she turns her head towards me and the wound in her neck opens up. That chunk of metal goes deep into her. She should not even be moving. What is going on? She snaps her teeth at my hand and I pull it back right before she takes a finger off.
“What’s your problem, lady?!”
“Get her off me!” Sam desperately fights against her. For the last two years I have been trying to get Sam to come to Krav Maga class with me and his answer was always, “I’d never use it.” Well right now he could use it. Linda only weighs one twenty and has a major neck wound. I could get her off me in two seconds. Sam acts like she is a sumo wrestler. I grab Linda and toss her to the ground. Her head smacks against the wet carpet. It doesn’t faze her. She rolls over and grabs for my leg. I step back so she can’t reach me.
“Bill, we gotta get this lady out of here. She’s crazy!” Linda slowly gets up. “Lady, if you don’t stop acting nuts, I’m gonna have to put you on your ass!”
I take a fighting stance out of habit. I did not even think about it. As soon as she moves for me, my hands are up and ready. She leaps, arms out, teeth snapping. So I throw a front kick, hard, right into her chest. Her ribs break on impact. She hits the ground and again she starts to get back to her feet!
My work crew watches me fight this tiny lady and I look like a wimp. Like my kicks are for shit but I know that was a hard one. She should not be able to breathe. That is when I notice it again. She is still not breathing. How can that be? She makes a lot of noise with her mouth but she is not really breathing. I am hyperventilating over here.
“Look!” Bill points across the street at the Jiffy Lube. A dark figure moves among the flames. It steps out of the wreckage. Its skin drips off of its body as it slowly shuffles out of the flames. One of its arms falls to the burning asphalt. It is still on fire. I mean the person’s body is still on fire. It continues to burn as it walks out onto the street.
“WHAT THE FUCK!?!” I am sure we all said it.
My attention is back on Linda. There she is, arms out, eyes purple, teeth bared, making me look like a punk. That is it. No more mister nice sales guy. I throw a kick and make contact with her knee. The joint folds backwards. As she stumbles forward I hit her in the jaw with my elbow, breaking it badly. She falls to her side. This time I got her. TKO in the first round! I look over at everyone in my store. I feel like Rocky and I just laid out Apollo Creed. My coworkers are not even looking at me.
I follow their eyes out to the street. Six more burnt black bodies, are climbing out of the fire. They all look like the Human Torch. The oil at the Jiffy Lube makes their bodies burn bright. Two of them walk over to the school. They look more like demon fire creatures than humans. They look bizarre, because I am used to seeing a human on fire move very quickly. It is normally a stuntman that darts off screen after only a few seconds of being set ablaze. These guys walk with purpose. Not slow. Methodical would be the best way to describe it. Screams come from the gifted. A few of the should-be-corpses walk towards the adult store. The last couple walks right for our open windows.
Out of the corner of my eye I see that Linda is back on her feet. Man, this girl can take a beating. I am in shock. Her jaw is on her face but it hangs at an extreme angle. I look back out the window. More shock. I wish there was another saying for the level above, “What the fuck?!” but my brain is shutting down. Game over! These “people” feel no pain and oxygen is not a priority.
Clearly I never woke up this morning. This is a sick dream my overworked brain has created. I am waiting for my alarm clock to go off. Any minute now I should be waking up. Nope. Linda tries to take another piece off of me. She wobbles towards me. Her broken knee makes it hard for her to stand up straight. Her jaw snaps back into place when she tries to bite.
“Everyone upstairs!”
“Dude!” I look over at Devon as he tosses me a fire extinguisher. I catch it and swing it in one move. I hold it by the hose and nail Linda right in the face. DONG! It sends her backwards over a portable dishwasher. The water stops dumping on us the second she hits the floor. I run my hand through my hair and wipe a gallon of water off my face. None of my coworkers have taken a step. Their eyes stay focused on the two fire monsters that have entered our store. It is a bad time for the sprinklers to stop pouring water.
They walk right for me. Linda has gotten back to her feet again. The fire monsters bodies fall apart the closer they get to me. One of their arms drops off and lands in a basket full of towels we use to show off the capacity of the new washers.
“Upstairs now!” I toss the extinguisher at them and it knocks one of them to the ground. I make for the stairs and push Sam to move. The five of us head for the employee only stairwell. They push open the fire door to the stairs. It is made out of solid steel. I am the last one through the door and I slip the bolt lock into place behind me. The steps are soaking wet and slick as hell. My brain scrambles to figure out what the hell is going on. How is this possible?! Is this happening everywhere?! What about Karen and the kids?!
The top floor of our building is a warehouse. It’s where we keep refrigerators, washers, dryers and beds. I am the last through the door and I point to Devon.
“Help me with this!” I grab a refrigerator box. We tip it over so it falls against the closed door. Backing away from the overturned box, we hear the sounds of fists hitting the steel door on the floor below.
“They’re trying to get in,” I mutter under my breath. I fish my phone from my pocket. I speed dial my wife. When I got this smartphone the sales guy talked me into the eighty-dollar waterproof case. He said most people use their phones when they are taking a dump. Mine never slipped down between my legs and into the water, but right now I am thankful I got the heavy-duty case. I am totally soaked and it still works. She answers in two rings.
“Hello,” she says sweetly. I can tell from her voice she is fine, but I still ask.
“Karen! Are you and the kids okay?!”
“Yeah? What’s up?” she has no idea.
“Turn on the news!” I have a hard time keeping calm.
“What’s happened?” I hear the TV fire up. As she does that, I jog over to one of the windows that gives us access to the roof above the showroom. I crack it open.
“Holy shit! Is this for real? What happened to these people?”
“What does it say?” I climb out the window and head for the edge of the building. Sam and Devon follow after me onto the roof.
“It says...people that were dead are getting up and if they bite you...I don’t know? There is also something about an infection spreading from the hospitals. It must be a prank?” her voice shakes.
“Baby, lock the front and back door. Try and put something heavy in front of them,” I hear our toddler trying to get her attention.
“Baby, be quiet Daddy’s trying to tell me something!” Karen’s voice says it all. She is more than panicked. She has never yelled at the kids like that before. Robin cries in the background.
“Karen? Lock the doors!”
The three of us have made it to the edge of the building and it is chaos down on the streets of Portland. Two of the burnt guys have smashed their way into the school and the others have broken down the doors at the adult store. Both buildings are now on fire. Screams fill the air. An ambulance hauls ass down the street. It swerves all over the road and bounces from one parked car to the next. It hits a curb and then a telephone pole. The sirens keep going as smoke pours out of the engine block. Something is tearing the driver apart!
“Baby, lock down the apartment. Keep the lights off. Don’t let anyone in. Don’t let them know you’re there. Get the kids dressed. Then pack up some food and stay in the bedroom. Get the gun, it’s in the closet. I love you and the girls. I’m coming home soon.”
“We love you! Hurry!”
I don’t want to hang up but I need to save my battery. I turn off my phone and put it back into my slacks. I feel the car keys in my pocket. Thank God. Sometimes I leave them in my desk. My apartment is over ten miles from here, across the river, and in the state of Washington. If this is happening everywhere the roads will be gridlocked. I am going to have to walk home. Walk ten miles and over a river to get to my girls while the world is losing its mind. First things first, I have to figure a way off this roof.
