“Of course I give a damn! But I’m honoring the parameters you set out. I’m following your guidelines.”
“So you’d actually like me to come back in two weeks?”
She blew out a breath. “Do you want to come back in two weeks? Is that what this is all about?”
“Truthfully, it might be better if I didn’t, but—”
“Damon, do you even know what you want?”
He gazed at her. She was so pretty right now. She’d managed to dry her hair in the short time they’d had, but it wasn’t styled as carefully as usual. She looked mussed and frustrated and adorable. He wanted her, but that was only a partial answer to her question. He didn’t have a complete answer.
“You really don’t know what you want, do you?”
He sighed. “I guess not.”
She was quiet for a moment, and when she spoke, her soft voice held a note of resignation. “Okay, here’s the deal, cowboy. I can handle knowing you want to leave. I can handle knowing you want to stay. I can’t handle not knowing if you want to leave or stay.”
He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Fair enough.”
“This will be a little awkward for both of us, but I’m going to drive you to my house so you can get your stuff. Then I’m taking you back to the ranch.”
He couldn’t very well argue with her about that. She’d respected his boundaries and now he needed to respect hers. “Okay.”
The trip back to her house was blessedly short. Once there, he focused on locating all his stuff to avoid thinking about the incredible joy he’d found with her and that it was now over. She was right about him, so damned right. He was confused and didn’t know what he wanted—at least not now, when she was so close and tempting.
He’d be fine once he got to California, though. She was probably right about that, too. She knew him better than he knew himself, so she was cutting the ties and urging him back into his comfort zone.
The ride back to the ranch was longer and excruciatingly silent. He questioned everything a thousand times during that endless trip. But now that he’d revealed his uncertainty there was no going back. She was smart to keep her distance, because in another two days he’d be gone. And he’d rediscover that his familiar routine was what he needed even more than he needed her.
But as she pulled up near the cabin, he remembered that they weren’t finished with the job. So he had to ask. “Will you be here tomorrow?”
“Of course.”
“You’ll be able to work with me?”
She stared straight ahead. “Yes.”
That’s when he realized how strong she was. He’d suspected it all along, but here was tangible evidence. “Then I’ll see you in the morning.”
She glanced at him. “Will you be able to work with me?”
He met her gaze. “Yes. It will be my pleasure.”
Her breath hitched. “See you tomorrow.”
“Right.” He grabbed his duffel and opened the passenger door. “Thanks for the ride.”
“Sure thing.”
He climbed down and shut the door. Then he watched her drive away. Thanks for the ride. It had been quite a ride, at that. Despite the way it was ending, he couldn’t regret a single moment of it. Philomena Turner was not for him, but he’d never forget her.
16
DESPITE REPLACING THE wet comforter with a blanket and taking a dry pillow out of the closet, Phil slept like crap. Her throat hurt from the effort not to cry. She refused to give in to angry tears. Although she was furious, both with Damon and with herself, crying wouldn’t accomplish anything except to give her puffy eyes in the morning. She wasn’t about to show up at the job site like that.
But as she tossed and turned throughout the night, the image of that moment in the restaurant parking lot stayed with her. When she’d pounded the final nail in the coffin his face had lost all color. He’d said fair enough, but the bleakness in his gray eyes would haunt her forever.
Angry as she was, she still hated knowing that she’d hurt him. But there was no easy way to do this. A softer approach would have had them back in each other’s arms pretending they could make it work for another couple of days.
Maybe he could have, but she was so done. This wasn’t how she’d scripted the ending in her head. She’d imagined them parting with bittersweet smiles and some vague plans about handling his return in the spring. Instead they’d get through today and then never cross paths again.
She would scour the state for someone to take her place when he came back to build the rec hall. Between her connections and her dad’s, she’d find someone competent. Maybe that person would have a teenager who’d like a tuition-free session at the academy. Somehow she’d make it happen.
When she drove down to the cabin at dawn the next morning, Damon was already attaching the green metal roof panels. From the look of things, he’d been at it for a while, which indicated he was as eager to get this job done as she was. She would almost believe he’d hooked up floodlights in order to work in the dark.
Damn, he looked good up there operating power tools. His biceps strained the sleeves of his T-shirt, and she was reminded of how easily he’d carried her to bed after they’d climbed out of the shower. Such a beautiful, confused man.
He paused and looked down at her, his smile tense. “Hey.”
“Hey.” She held his gaze for a moment and then looked away. Staring into those gray eyes was not good for her. “I’ll be right up.”
“Great.” He went back to work.
They’d never required much communication in order to get the job done, so their lack of conversation throughout the morning wasn’t any different from previous days. But the mood had totally changed. Twice they disagreed about how something should be done, and that hadn’t ever happened before. He conceded to her both times.
They worked at a breakneck pace and had the roof on by midmorning. That left the ceiling insulation and the paneling that would cover it. Clouds moved in for the first time since the rain that had fallen the night before he’d arrived. The overcast sky seemed appropriate.
Rosie arrived right on schedule and seemed relieved to find them both inside the cabin putting up insulation. “Break time!” she called out in a cheery voice.
Phil had been dreading lunch, although she was hungry. Rosie liked to stay and chat while they ate, sitting on the benches Damon had brought over from the fire pit. Until now, the routine had been pleasant. Today it would be torture.
Predictably, Rosie exclaimed over what they’d accomplished since yesterday as she unpacked cold fried chicken and coleslaw with lemonade to drink and chocolate chip cookies for dessert. “Good thing the roof’s on. We might get some rain today.” She handed a plate of food along with a fork and napkin to Phil, who thanked her before glancing up at the sky.
“We might, at that.”
“I’ll bet you’ll be finished by this afternoon, considering how close you are.”
“We should be.” Damon accepted his plate and thanked her.
“In that case, we need a celebration.”
Phil almost choked on her food. She’d planned on leaving the minute they were done. She hadn’t factored in a celebration to commemorate finishing the cabin, but she should have. That was typical of how the Padgetts operated.
“We’ll bring one of the long folding tables down here with some chairs and set them up in the cabin, so we can eat, drink and admire at the same time. How’s that?” Rosie looked expectantly at Damon and Phil.
“Sounds wonderful, Mom.” Damon smiled at her. “Great idea.”
“Yep.” Phil nodded enthusiastically. “Terrific.” She thought about Damon’s plan to drag a mattress in there. Instead they’d have a family picnic that would require her to hang around when she longed to escape.
“I suppose you two will want to go back to Phil’s house and clean up first, so just let me know when you’re finished so I can organize the particulars.”
Phil glanced at D
amon, unsure of how to respond.
His gaze locked with hers for one intense moment as if signaling that she shouldn’t say anything. Then he turned back to Rosie. “We’ll let you know.”
“This’ll be fun.” If Rosie noticed anything unusual in the way Phil and Damon were acting, she didn’t let on. “I have some champagne tucked away for just this kind of occasion. I’ll make sure Lexi and Cade can be there, and we’ll all drink a toast to the fine job you two have done.”
Damon’s eyes flashed with humor. “Are you going to smash a bottle against the cabin?”
“Should I? I never thought of that!”
He chuckled. “I was kidding.”
That soft chuckle tore at Phil’s heart. His laughter was one of the most precious things about him. She would really miss it.
Rosie rolled her eyes. “I should have guessed you were pulling my leg. Who needs broken glass all over the place?”
“That reminds me,” Damon said. “Does Dad still have that old shop vac? We’ll want to clean up the area when we’re finished.”
“I think so. I’ll ask him. If we do, it’s in the tack room where it got used most. I can’t think of that shop vac without remembering how you three boys used to pretend it was an alien life-form. As I recall, you even invented a language for it.”
“You mean this?” Damon cupped his hands over his mouth and produced some garbled speech that sounded like a weird combination of Donald Duck and a power screwdriver.
Rosie and Phil started laughing. Phil didn’t want to be charmed or entertained, but God, he was adorable. For a moment the tension was gone, but once Rosie left, it was back with a vengeance.
Damon’s expression shut down. “She doesn’t have to know yet,” he said. “In fact, nobody really has to know anything, at least not tonight when Rosie’s so set on celebrating.”
“Don’t you think they’ll figure it out, especially if they notice that you don’t leave with me?”
“If they do, they do, but I’d appreciate if you wouldn’t say anything specific about our situation.”
“I won’t. I’ll leave it all up to you.”
“Thanks. Now we’d better get moving.”
“Right.”
Once again, they worked side by side without saying much of anything. They both knew what to do and so they did it with speed and efficiency. And then, far sooner than she would have expected, it was over.
Herb had brought them the famous shop vac, but if Phil had expected a demonstration of its alien personality, she didn’t get it. While she put away their tools, Damon vacuumed up the construction dust. At last there was nothing more to be done.
They stood together outside the cabin, gazing at it during what should have been a triumphant moment. She had nothing to say, but she couldn’t make herself just turn and leave, either.
“You’re one hell of a builder,” Damon said at last.
“You, too.”
“The best I’ve ever worked with.”
Her throat grew tight. “Same here.”
“I guess that’s it, then.” He glanced over at her.
She met his gaze. “Guess so.” Then she turned and walked back to her truck because if she stayed there a second longer, she was liable to do something she’d regret. She wasn’t clear whether she’d tell him off or kiss him senseless. Maybe both. But neither was a good idea.
Without looking back, she knew he watched her go. She was pretty shaky as she started the truck and pulled away. Then, glancing in her rearview mirror, she saw Cade approaching Damon. So much for keeping the lid on things.
But when she returned after showering and putting on clean clothes, everyone was gathered around the cabin, and she’d never seen a jollier group. If they were concerned about the rift between her and Damon, they weren’t showing it.
As she climbed from the truck, Cade called out to her. “Get a move on, Phil! You’re part of the ribbon-cutting ceremony, and it’s fixing to rain on us!”
Sure enough a yellow ribbon stretched across the doorway of the cabin, and she felt random raindrops on her skin. She’d bet Rosie had dreamed up the ribbon idea after the discussion about smashing a champagne bottle against an outside wall. Lexi snapped pictures of the cabin and the group gathered there.
Damon, dressed in a clean white Western shirt and his black dress jeans, held a large pair of shears in one hand. His shirt had a few little damp spots where rain had fallen on his shoulders. “We’re supposed to do this together.”
“Okay.” She stepped close enough to get a grip on the scissors, too. It was the first time she’d touched him since he’d held her hand at the restaurant, and the feeling was so electric she was surprised sparks didn’t fly.
This near to him, she caught the scent of his aftershave and noticed the change in his breathing as they stood there together. But despite her slight trembling and his unsteady breaths, they managed to make the ribbon-cutting look like a smooth joint venture, and the other four people cheered. Lexi recorded it all to put on the Kickstarter website.
“Everybody inside!” Herb made shooing motions as the rain pelted down faster.
Phil rushed in with everyone else, but once inside, she paused in astonishment. A white linen cloth had transformed the battered folding table into an elegant piece of dining furniture. A silver candelabra and white tapers would have provided atmosphere enough, but someone had put two low flower vases on either side of it. More vases sat on each of the four windowsills, and the chairs were decorated with big white bows.
The utensils gleamed, and the dishes were obviously Rosie’s good china. Each plate was graced with an artfully folded cloth napkin. Two ice buckets holding uncorked champagne bottles sat on the table, and flutes were beside every place. A second linen-draped table off to the side had been reserved for the platters of food.
“Wow.” Phil glanced at Rosie. “This is spectacularly beautiful.”
“It wasn’t just me,” Rosie said. “Everybody helped.”
That would have included Damon, so obviously they all knew she’d left without him this afternoon. Maybe he’d made up a reason and maybe not. It didn’t matter. Soon they’d all realize the brief affair was over.
But that wasn’t going to spoil this festive evening. She hadn’t looked forward to spending more time with Damon, but seeing this effort made her determined to keep a positive frame of mind.
The champagne helped. Seeing Rosie and Herb looking hopeful about the future helped. Even Cade and Damon joking around with each other helped. In spite of a persistent ache near her heart, she had a darned good time.
The rain coming down outside made the cabin all the cozier, but by the time Phil had decided to drive home, it had stopped. “I should probably take advantage of the break in the weather to head out,” she said, “but I don’t want to leave you with all this to carry back up to the house. Can I take a few things before I go?”
“Nope.” Herb stood. “We’ll do it. You go ahead. Lexi and Cade might want to do the same. Damon, Rosie and I can bus the tables.”
So there it was. Everyone knew about the change in circumstances and had decided to avoid any mention of it. She glanced over at Damon, who was also standing. “Then I’ll see you all later.”
His expression had become impassive again. “See you later, Phil.”
And that would be their brief and inelegant goodbye. She looked into his eyes one last time. Awareness flickered there. For a moment she thought he might say something else.
“Come on, Phil,” Lexi said. “We’ll walk you out.”
Chest tight and throat hurting, she left with Lexi and Cade.
As they approached her truck, avoiding the muddy spots along the way, Lexi spoke. “I have to drive Cade to the ranch tomorrow, but I don’t have much going on after that, so let’s do that first riding lesson.”
“Thank you, but I don’t think so.”
“I do. I find it hard to believe you’re booked since you just finished that cabin in
record time.”
“No, but I—”
“You should do it,” Cade said. “Horses are the greatest therapists in the world.”
“Look, guys, I appreciate the thought, but I’m not in the mood.”
“You’ll change your mind when you get out there.” Lexi put an arm around her waist. “I’ll pick you up at ten on my way back. We’ll head over to the stables. I’ll call them first to make sure they have Trigger available.”
“Trigger?” Arguing with her seemed pointless, so maybe she’d just call her in the morning and cancel.
“Yeah, he’s almost old enough to be the real Trigger! Just kidding. He’s twenty-two and so gentle. You’ll love him. See you then.” Lexi gave her a quick hug. “Need us to follow you home?”
“No! I’m fine, really!”
“Okay. Tomorrow at ten.” She and Cade headed over to her truck.
The storm held off until she made it home, and then it let loose again. She’d expected to spend another restless night, but the rain on her metal roof was one of her favorite sounds, and she slept well, so well that she decided to take that riding lesson after all.
She was ready at ten when Lexi pulled up. Grabbing her purse and Western hat, she walked out the door and locked it behind her.
“That’s a hell of a driveway you have there,” Lexi said as Phil got into the truck. “I didn’t dare let up on the gas or I would have slid right back down.”
“Deters burglars.” Phil smiled at her. “Getting the U-Haul up here to empty the house is too much of a hassle.”
“Good thinking.” Lexi reached over and squeezed her arm. “How’re you doing?”
“Not so bad.” Especially if she didn’t think about Damon.
“Soon you’ll be even better.” Lexi started the truck. “At least you have a circular drive so I don’t have to back down at a forty-five-degree angle. I’ll bet I can get up enough speed on this here exit ramp that I can coast all the way to the stables, no problemo.”
Phil laughed. Maybe Lexi knew what she was doing, suggesting this horseback riding lesson. Phil was feeling better already.
Thunderstruck Page 16
