by Cate Cameron
Ashley just stared at him. “What are you talking about?” she demanded. “Why the hell is Josh in Nebraska or wherever? Where’s he going?”
Kevin clearly thought she should have figured this out by now. “He’s going to Hollywood, Ash. Turns out he made a mistake. He met this girl, and then they broke up because they lived too far apart. He thought he could move on and forget about her, but then he figured he was wrong. So—”
“Wait.” Ashley took a few more steps and sank down onto the wide porch steps. “He’s going to L.A.? He’s . . . he’s driving?”
Kevin nodded again, his grin now so wide he was starting to look like a jack-o’-lantern. “He figured that would be easier for Rocky and Sunny. He didn’t think they’d want to fly.”
“Rocky and Sunny,” Ashley said as calmly as she could. “He’s going to L.A., and he’s bringing horses.”
“For the movie,” Kevin said helpfully, lowering himself to the stairs beside her. “I guess some guy had called him and wanted to cast Rocky in the movie. Is that what it’s called for horses? Getting cast? I think that word means something different for horses. But, whatever, Rocky had a job if he wanted it.”
“Josh turned that down,” Ashley said faintly.
“Yeah. And then he changed his mind. He called the guy up and said if they were still interested, Rocky could come, but Josh wanted a job, too. He could help look after the animals, or do carpentry, or whatever. If the guy could find a job for Josh, he could use the horse.” Kevin shrugged. “I guess they really wanted that horse. The director herself called to agree to the deal. She talked to Josh for, like, five minutes. He said she wanted to know whether he was coming down to get back together with you. He figured she wanted to be sure he wouldn’t be a pain in the ass if it didn’t work out. I guess he convinced her. Or maybe she just really wanted that horse.”
Ashley stood up. Josh was on his way to L.A. Lauren had made it happen. No. Josh had made it happen. He’d been the one to make the call, the one who’d decided he’d give up his whole life in order to travel somewhere he hated so he could be with Ashley. Lauren had helped, but Josh had been the one who’d started it all.
“What about the business?” She asked. She looked around her. “The farm? The other horses, and Daisy?”
“It was time for me to get the hell out of my mom’s basement,” Kevin said. “So I’m babysitting the place until he figures out what he’s going to do with it. And Daisy’ll miss him, but she’ll be fine as long as she’s got a home here. The business?” He made an unhappy face. “The business was a mess anyway, really. He finished up the Ryersons’ job and the rest is all just little stuff. He can do some of the client contact over the phone, but mostly they want to see him face-to-face. I can do most of the physical work, but they don’t really trust me the way they trust him. So, yeah, the business is going to hurt. Which is just as well, really, since there’s only me to do all the work, and I’m not much good at hiring or supervising people.”
“Josh is going to L.A.,” Ashley said numbly. “To be with me.” The rest of it was details. The part where Josh was going to be in L.A. was the part that mattered. “Josh is going to L.A., and I’m up here.”
“Maybe you should cut your hair to buy him a watch chain, and he could sell his watch to buy you hair clips,” Kevin said impishly.
“Was that a literary allusion, Kevin? Did you just reference an O. Henry story?”
“We had to read it in school,” Kevin said defensively. “Josh probably did, too. When you see him, you can check if he remembers.”
When she saw Josh. What a sweet, tantalizing thought. “Josh is on his way to L.A., and I’m here. This is not right. I need to . . . Oh, Kevin.” The thought brought her up short. “Can Josh be happy down there? It’s not fair, is it? If one of us has to change our lives, it should be me, not him. I love it here. I could be happy here. But Josh? In the city?”
“Well, if he’s taking the horses he probably won’t be right downtown or anything.” Kevin shrugged. “You need to talk to him about it. In person. And I have no idea where the hell he is, so probably you want to get back down to L.A. and wait for him to show up. Right?”
Ashley stared at him. This wasn’t what she’d prepared herself for. She’d thought she was resigned to giving up on the movie, but now that there was a chance of keeping it, she was stunned by the sense of relief she felt. “I could still do the part,” she said slowly, trying the words out and looking for the trap. “I could have Josh and the part.”
Kevin nodded. He wasn’t laughing at her anymore. “Looks like,” he agreed. “There was no point in both of you being miserable.”
No. No point. So now Ashley could have it all. She frowned at Kevin and a bit of the elation drained out of her. She could have it all. But at what cost to Josh?
* * *
THE next time Josh drove a pair of horses across the country, he wanted to do it without a broken collarbone. Rocky and Sunny were both healthy, calm, generous horses, but that didn’t mean he could expect them to just stand in a trailer for days on end like they were mechanical. So a few times a day he’d found a place to stop and let them walk around for a half hour or so, and each night had been spent at a layover barn where they’d gotten their own little paddock and a chance to stretch their legs some more. He’d done right by the animals.
But he’d pushed himself pretty hard. Long days of driving combined with restless nights, unable to find a sleeping position that didn’t strain his collarbone. And now that he was almost there, pulling up to the farm where he’d been told to meet the film’s head wrangler, he had a new worry. What if this was all a terrible idea? What if Ashley didn’t want him there, or what if she did at the start and then realized that he was just an infatuation, just a guy who really should have stayed a golden memory? Even harder to imagine, what if she did want him there? Could he really commit to this? He was walking away from his family, his friends, his farm, his town, everything he’d known and loved for his whole life. Was he ready to give that up?
He pulled the truck into the parking area and sat there for a while. He thought of Ashley’s slow smile, and the way he felt when he saw her snuggled up in his bed. The way she swam, as if she was a part of the lake, and her excitement at attaching a board to a dock or finding a half-assed waterfall. He thought of watching her drive away and how he’d felt while she was gone, and he knew he never, never wanted to feel that way again.
She’d been right when she’d said he was a coward. Well, she hadn’t said that exactly, but she’d implied it. She’d said he wasn’t fighting for this. For them. But now he was.
He swung down out of the cab and headed toward the barn. He’d get the horses settled, then go get cleaned up at the apartment the wrangler had said was available above the barn. Then he’d worry about Ashley.
He found his way to the door of the barn and took a deep breath. The familiar smell of horses and hay was calming. He was a long way from home, and his life no longer looked like anything he could recognize, but at least some things were still the same.
A teenage girl was sweeping the aisle and looked at him curiously. A brown horse’s head bobbed over the stall door near her and she absentmindedly leaned toward the animal to exchange greetings as they both waited to see what the new arrival was looking for.
“I’m Josh Sullivan,” he said. His whole life, that last name had meant something. Not always something good, but at least it had been something, a connection to a place and a history and a family. Way down in California, it was meaningless. “I brought a couple horses down. I’m supposed to be meeting Don Brady?”
The girl nodded and smiled as if he’d said the magic words. “Don’s in the office,” she said, and gestured to the far end of the barn. “It’s the door on the far side of the tack room.”
Josh headed down, looking around as he went. The barn wasn’t as fancy as the on
es he’d been picturing, the ones with the skylights and whatever, but it was well lit and well ventilated, and everything seemed to be in its place. The horses would be okay here. Safe. He hadn’t just risked his animals in order to chase his own selfish desires. Another worry crossed off his list.
Of course, there was still the big one, but he put that out of his mind and knocked on the wooden door that he hoped was for the office.
The door opened to show a weathered face under a cowboy hat. The man was about Josh’s height but whip-thin; his leathery skin made him look a little intimidating, but then he smiled. “Josh Sullivan?”
“Yeah. You’re Don?”
“I am.” He stuck out his arm and they shook hands. Then Don said, “We’ll see to the horses in just a minute. But first, you need to talk to the boss.”
“The boss? I thought you were the boss.”
“Don’t be fooled, son,” Don said with a smile. Then he stepped aside and Josh looked past him into the room.
She was wearing jeans and a tank top. Her hair was in a ponytail, and if she was wearing makeup he couldn’t see it. She looked . . . she looked just like she had at the lake. Perfect.
Josh just stared, and Ashley laughed, then charged forward. She threw her arms around him in something that was closer to a tackle than a hug, her lips finding his in a kiss that was more celebration than passion. Josh was vaguely aware that Don was easing his way out of the office and shutting the door behind him, but he didn’t pay much attention to that. The only important person in the room, the barn, the whole damn country was standing in front of him, her arms around his neck and her body pressed tight to his.
“It’s okay that I’m here?” he whispered when she’d pulled away far enough for him to find words.
Her face got a bit more serious. “For me? It’s perfect that you’re here. For you? We’re going to need to talk about that.” Then she stretched up and kissed him again, a little slower this time, her tongue tangling with his until she pulled away and said, “But we can have that conversation a little later.”
“After I see to the horses,” he managed to say. It wasn’t what he wanted to do right then, but he had a responsibility to his animals.
“I can help,” she said. “I was so excited when I heard you were bringing my boy down!”
“That’s what you were excited about?” he prompted. “You’re glad I’m here because I brought your horse?”
“Yeah,” she said with an exaggerated eye roll. “What’d you think I was so happy about?” She followed up with a smile and a kiss, then pulled away a little and frowned. “You’re only hugging me with one arm. Are you wearing a sling? Josh, what the hell happened to you?”
“I fell,” he said. And because he was supposed to be fighting, supposed to be brave, he made himself add, “Fell for you, fell off a roof. They both knocked the wind out of me. Both left a mark. But I think the collarbone’s going to heal a hell of a lot faster than the other.”
She frowned. “I’m going to make sure the falling for me doesn’t hurt you. Okay?”
He knew she was going to try, so he smiled at her and didn’t call her a liar. “We should get the horses unloaded,” he said, lacing the fingers of his good hand through hers. “They’ll need some walking. You want to do that with me?”
“I do,” she said, and they left the office together.
Don saw them coming and raised an eyebrow. “Heading out already?” he asked, and for the first time Josh noticed the keen light in the man’s eyes, the way he was watching and thinking.
“Not out,” Josh said carefully. He’d never really had a boss before and he had no idea how he was supposed to treat one; he decided to just do what he thought was right and let Don worry about what he was doing wrong. “I wanted to get the horses unloaded. Walk them a little, if that’s okay? Doesn’t look like you guys have a lot of grass, but there’s that little patch around the side, if we could hand-graze them a little? Let them get used to the place?”
Don nodded slowly and Josh got the feeling he’d passed whatever test the older man had set for him. “Sounds good. Pull the truck into the side yard and unload there.”
Josh did as he was told, Ashley tagging along and joyfully greeting the animals. They all walked over to the little patch of grass and Josh saw the irrigation heads that kept this area green while the rest of the yard looked like a dustbowl. “Not quite like home,” he said apologetically to the horses, but they were too busy sampling the exotic California produce to notice his words.
Ashley did, though. She looked around the farm and Josh followed her gaze. They were on the outskirts of the city, close enough that land was probably still pretty pricey. As far as Josh could see, there was the barn, a few fenced dirt yards, and not much else to the farm. No pasture, no hay fields, certainly no forest to ride in. But at least it wasn’t wall-to-wall people.
“You hate this,” Ashley said. He whirled toward her because she sounded like she was about to cry, but she just smiled sadly at him. “And you hate the city. Rich people, celebrities, everything that isn’t real—you hate all that.”
He shrugged. “Maybe I just need to get used to it.”
She smiled again. “I don’t think so. I think you’ll still hate it.”
No point in denying it. “Yeah. I think I probably still will.” He took a deep breath. He’d come this far; he needed to go all the way. “I’ll hate all this, but it’s okay. Because I love you. That makes up for it.”
And now she actually was crying, which was absolutely not what he’d intended when he pushed it all further. “Maybe not,” he said quickly.
Her watery eyes flashed to his. “Maybe you don’t love me?” she demanded.
“No. Maybe I won’t hate it.” He shrugged. “The loving you thing? That’s . . . It’s for sure. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t.”
“Let’s focus on that part for a little bit,” she said, leaning up to kiss him. “But the rest of it? I’m going to make the rest of it okay, I promise.”
“Kiss me again,” he suggested. “When you’re kissing me, there is no rest of it.”
“Well, that is not a long-term solution,” she scolded, but she kissed him anyway. He wrapped his arms around her, both of them barely holding onto the horses’ lead ropes, and they stood there on their little patch of greenery with their horses munching happily away, and everything else faded away. At least for a while.
Twenty-five
ASHLEY REARRANGED THE flowers on the kitchen table and thought briefly of throwing them in the trash. At the store they’d seemed beautiful, simple and fresh. But she was pretty sure Josh would find them a bit fancy, and that really wasn’t the impression she wanted to make. She wanted him to feel at home. Literally. She had no idea whether the apartment over the barn was livable, but she knew it was over an hour’s drive from the studio, and even farther than that from her place. Once filming started she’d be working long, irregular hours, and everything would be easier if she could come home and see Josh, rather than having to drive out to the barn. She’d make the drive if she had to. If Josh couldn’t be comfortable here, she’d drive. But if he could be comfortable . . .
She grabbed the bouquet out of the vase and whacked it on the side of the table. A couple stems broke, a few petals fell off, but it still looked pretty good. She whacked it again. And then once more. She stuffed it back in the vase just as the buzzer sounded to announce someone at the gate. She checked the camera and saw the familiar face in the familiar pickup truck. It was a bit strange to see Josh in the driveway of her Hollywood home, but it was strange in a good way. Strange the way it might be to find a unicorn roaming in a suburban backyard.
He looked like he was going through his own adjustment process as he parked the truck in front of the house and climbed the wide front steps. “Is it okay there?” he asked, gesturing almost nervously at the truck.
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br /> “If you leave your keys in it, I’ll have the valet pull it around,” she said, then grinned. “I’m joking, Josh. It’s fine there. You drove down from Vermont for me; you can park it in the swimming pool if you want.”
He nodded. “Okay. Yeah. But, you know, I drove down from Vermont for you; if you want me to drive ten feet farther and park the truck somewhere better, it’s not a big deal.”
“I want us to stop talking about the truck,” she said, and when he smiled his agreement, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Welcome to L.A., Josh,” she whispered, and she kissed him. He kissed back, but not with quite the level of enthusiasm she’d been hoping for. That was okay; he was still adjusting. She eased away and wrapped her fingers around his. “I thought we could just order in for dinner, is that okay with you?”
“Yeah. That’s fine.” He followed her inside and she could feel him trying not to stare.
“It’s a Greene and Greene house—they were the architects. But it’s not as heavy as some Craftsman homes are, you know? Less stone, more wood, and all these gorgeous windows.” She led the way into the kitchen and tried to make herself stop talking about architecture. It was strange how that was the main feature of the place she called home. The design, the materials. She still loved the house, but her appreciation felt a bit more distant than it used to, before she got used to the humbler and cozier life in Vermont. But she tried to recapture her enthusiasm. “I really like having breakfast in here, looking out over the city—”
“What happened to your flowers?” Josh asked, staring at the battered bouquet.
“Oh. Those. I dropped them.”
“And then ran them over?”
