by Marie Sexton
“I’m sorry, Kasey. I didn’t mean for us to end up discussing anything so depressing.”
“It doesn’t matter.” But the words sounded weak, even to him. He looked down at his watch, more to hide his embarrassment than because he was worried about the time, but he was shocked to see it was nearly eleven. “How’d it get so late?”
Brandon laughed. “I’m not sure, to be honest.”
“I really should get going.”
“How about if you come over, instead?”
Kasey stopped short. Nothing could have surprised him more than that. “N-no,” he stammered. “I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“My dog….” It was such a lame excuse he didn’t even bother finishing the sentence.
“You could bring him with you.”
“No. I don’t think so.”
“Why not?” Brandon asked again.
Kasey couldn’t give him the real answer: because he’d never know what to say or what to do. Because he’d make a fool of himself. Because he was afraid that afterward, Brandon would never bring in his perfect cars or leave him iPads or watch him jerk off again. He was afraid that after spending time with him in person, Brandon would feel the same way about him that his father had. And then Kasey’d be back to his normal life, being a loner and nobody. “I just can’t.”
“Yes, you said that. But you still haven’t told me why.”
“Because, I can’t… I’m not good at… at….” He made a broad gesture, trying to summarize in a single hand motion the entire possibility of a relationship with Brandon. “At this.”
“At what? Jacking off in cars? Making me insanely hot for you? At talking to me for hours afterward? It seems like you’re an expert.”
Kasey laughed nervously. The man had a point. He’d shown more of himself to Brandon tonight than he’d done with anybody in years. And not just physically exposing his body, but talking about his past, even though he’d barely met the man. “This,” he said at last, pointing to the iPad. “It helps. It’s easier than in person.”
Brandon tilted his head. “I see. So, you’re saying you want to only see me on a four-inch screen?”
Kasey laughed. “Well… that’s not exactly what I meant.”
“Good. Because while this has been fun, I think we could do better, don’t you? And it’s much easier for me to see your gorgeous eyes in person.”
Kasey had no idea what to say to that. “Oh.”
Brandon’s smile grew bigger, and he leaned closer to the camera as if to give emphasis to his words. “And for the record, I fully intend to fuck you in one of my cars someday very soon. To do that, you’ll have to let me be in the same room with you.”
Kasey had to look away. He hoped his blush wasn’t easy to see on Brandon’s screen. I intend to fuck you in one of my cars. Kasey wanted that. He really did. The thought of what it would take to accomplish such a simple thing terrified him, but when he met Brandon’s gaze, he found his fear waning.
“Okay,” he said, his voice shaking.
“Okay, what? You’ll come over tonight? Or okay, you agree to let me fuck you eventually?”
Kasey laughed nervously. “The latter.”
Brandon’s smile grew wider. “Perfect. In that case, I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night, Kasey.”
The screen went black, and Kasey sat there, pondering those words. Tomorrow. Yes, he’d have to see Brandon tomorrow when he came by to pick up the car. He’d have to meet him, face-to-face, after everything he’d told him tonight. And after what he’d done, getting off in front of him, showing the depths of his perversity. It still baffled him. He’d always thought his erotic affinity for cars made him a freak, and yet Brandon liked it. But Brandon was so normal. Nobody would ever look at the man in his perfectly creased suit and think he was strange.
Kasey couldn’t make the pieces fit. In the end, he gave it up as a mystery and went home.
He took extra care getting ready for work the next day. Sure, he’d end up dirty and covered with grease like he always did, but Brandon would be by to pick up the GTO first thing. Kasey put on the nicest of his work shirts and took extra time shaving and combing his hair. Bandit watched him, and Kasey could have sworn he saw laughter in his eyes.
“Don’t look at me like that. Just because I’m combing my hair doesn’t mean I’m anxious to see him.”
Bandit wasn’t convinced. Neither was Kasey. His stomach fluttered with nervous anticipation as he drove to work. He scolded himself for being such a fool, but it didn’t change the fact he was both scared and excited about seeing Brandon.
“You clean up nice,” Brandon said when he saw him. “Not that I ever doubted it.”
Kasey blushed, flattered, but also embarrassed for being so obvious. He stood staring at his work boots. He’d waited all morning for this moment, and now he couldn’t wait for it to end. He felt foolish, not so much for the dirty FaceTime session as for how much he’d prattled on afterward.
“Kasey?”
“Yeah.”
“Look at me.”
It took some effort, but he forced himself to do it. Brandon leaned against the fender of the GTO, dressed today in jeans and a golf shirt with a light jacket over it. The sun shone off his golden hair. He was smiling, as usual, his expression gentle.
“You have no idea how much I’d love to kiss you right now. Will you let me?”
Kasey was sure his heart stopped beating for a moment before it slammed into overdrive. He licked his lips, anticipating how it would feel and the way Brandon would taste. But voices behind him drew his attention. It was the Wrench Wars crew, testing their equipment and getting ready for the day.
“Damn,” Brandon swore. “Thwarted again.”
This time, Kasey’s disappointment was barely tempered with relief. He wanted that kiss, but not in front of a television crew that could broadcast it nationwide. It wasn’t even so much that he wanted to stay in the closet as that he wanted the first time Brandon kissed him to be private.
Special.
Normal.
He turned back to Brandon, smiling a bit despite himself. “Another time?” It was all he could do to push the question past his throat, and it came out quiet, but he was rewarded with one of Brandon’s biggest smiles.
“Absolutely.”
Kasey felt as if his insides were expanding. Glowing. Warm and fuzzy. Yes, he’d heard that phrase before, but he was pretty sure this was the first time he’d experienced it.
“Let me take you out tonight.”
Once again, it took only a few words for his warm fuzzies to turn into near terror. “Out?”
“Yes, out. On a date. We could have dinner. Maybe go to a movie if you like.”
“I can’t.”
Brandon sighed in aggravation. He pushed away from the fender, bringing him marginally closer to Kasey. “You keep saying that, but I have no idea what it means. You can do anything you want. For some reason, you’re choosing to say no.”
“I’m sorry. It’s just….” Kasey stammered for an explanation. “I’m not good at this.”
“At what, Kasey? At having dinner with me?”
A light breeze blew Brandon’s hair across his forehead. Cars sped past them on the other side of the sidewalk. Here, in the wide-open space of the parking lot, Kasey felt cornered. His frustration at his inadequacy was almost enough to raise a lump in his throat. It made him angry—at himself, at his father and his brothers, at the whole world—but it also made him bolder than usual. “I’m not good with people, all right? Talking and socializing. That kind of thing. I always make a fool of myself.”
Brandon cocked his head sideways. “Says who?”
“My dad.”
Brandon nodded, not in agreement, but in understanding. “I see. Well, given what you told me about him, I don’t think I trust his judgment. I’d like to see for myself. And I refuse to accept ‘I can’t’ as an excuse.”
Kasey hung his head but didn�
�t answer.
“Kasey.” Brandon reached out, as if to take his hand, but stopped short. He put his hand on Kasey’s shoulder instead, letting his fingers brush the nape of Kasey’s neck. “Be honest with me, okay? Do you want me to leave you alone? Because if you’re not interested—if you truly have no desire to see me again—I’ll lay off. But if it’s a matter of getting over your shyness, I intend to stick it out.”
The last thing in the world he wanted was for Brandon to go away. But nobody had ever pursued him so aggressively before. He had no idea how to deal with it, and it was hard to explain his hesitancy. “I don’t want you to leave me alone. But I can’t figure out why, of all the guys in the world, you seem to have chosen me.”
“Because you’re cute, and sexy, and sweet. Because I find your shyness endearing. Because you’re employed. Because we’re passionate about the same things. Because your ego isn’t bigger than a house, and after dating around for a while, I know that’s not an easy thing to find. Because you like dogs. Because I find you intriguing. Do I need to go on?”
Kasey ducked his head, smiling despite himself. Nobody had ever said so many nice things about him. Not since his mom had died, at any rate. “Uh… no. That’s enough.”
“Good.”
Kasey made himself look up and face this man who seemed so intent on seducing him. It was surreal. Brandon’s hand was still high on his shoulder, his warm fingers almost caressing Kasey’s neck, and Kasey longed to lean into that touch. He wanted more of it.
“Now,” Brandon said gently, “what time do you get off work?”
Kasey’s smile grew. “Six.”
“I can pick you up here at six fifteen.”
“No.” He noted Brandon’s mounting frustration and hastened to add, “I’m not saying no to the date, but picking me up here isn’t good. I’ll be covered in grease and transmission fluid. Let me go home and shower first.”
Brandon relaxed again, seeing the battle was finally won. He let Kasey go and leaned back against the fender of the GTO. “Can I pick you up at your house?”
Kasey thought about his trailer. He hated to admit it, but he was ashamed of it. He didn’t want Brandon to see how he lived. “How about if I meet you?”
“Do you promise you’ll come? That you won’t stand me up?”
In truth, the thought hadn’t even crossed Kasey’s mind. That in and of itself was significant. “I promise.”
And so at seven o’clock, freshly showered and wearing his nicest clothes—not counting the suit he’d bought for his father’s funeral two years earlier—he drove downtown to meet Brandon.
Brandon had chosen the restaurant. It was a place Kasey had never been to, but Brandon had promised it would be quiet. Now that he was fully committed to the date, Kasey was excited. The warm fuzzies from earlier in the morning mixed with the wild butterflies in his stomach, leaving him anxious and borderline nauseated. He wondered if he’d even be able to eat.
The wind had kicked up and turned cold. Kasey pulled his jacket tighter around him when he left the warmth of his car. The air was bitter against his face. Brandon waited for him outside, on the covered front porch of the restaurant. Kasey could tell by his relieved smile that he’d still halfway expected Kasey to stand him up.
“I’m glad you came.”
Kasey couldn’t seem to stop smiling. He worried his cheeks might burst from the force of it. He probably looked ridiculous, but he didn’t care. “Me too.”
Brandon took his hand and drew him close, causing Kasey’s heart to speed into overdrive. He cupped his other hand behind Kasey’s neck. “I’m not waiting another minute for that kiss.”
Kasey couldn’t remember the last time he’d been kissed. Even then, it hadn’t felt like this. After the chill of the wind, Brandon’s lips were unbelievably warm. He was gentle yet insistent. Kasey sighed and opened himself up to it, parting his lips, letting Brandon in, allowing the man to pull him tight against his body. He tasted so sweet and so pure, and it was all Kasey could do to keep his legs under him.
It was over all too soon, and Kasey stood in the circle of Brandon’s arms, panting lightly, wanting more than anything for that kiss to go on forever.
“We should go inside,” Brandon said, glancing pointedly over Kasey’s shoulder. “The locals are getting restless.”
The locals? Kasey had completely forgotten where they were, standing outside of a nice restaurant. An older couple scowled at them as they walked past.
Kasey didn’t care one bit. They could give him as many dirty looks as they wanted to, as long as Brandon kissed him again before the night was through.
The restaurant surprised Kasey. Unlike so many modern establishments, this one was well lit and made up of several small rooms huddled around the foyer, as if the building had been a house in its former life, although Kasey knew that wasn’t the case. The host seated them in a room that held four other tables, all occupied by couples. Kasey glanced around, wondering if anybody would make note of two men dining together, but nobody did. They were all engrossed in their own conversations.
The menu was also a surprise. It mostly consisted of pizzas, albeit pizzas with the strangest combination of ingredients Kasey had ever seen. And the most expensive.
“My favorite is the one with bleu cheese, bacon, and spinach,” Brandon said. “But I’m open to anything.”
“That’s fine with me.”
Despite already knowing what they were going to order, Brandon continued browsing the menu, which gave Kasey a chance to study him. He wore a button-down shirt, undone at the collar, and dark slacks. For some reason, Kasey expected him to order wine, but when the waiter stopped to take their drink order, Brandon asked what beer they had on tap. He picked a pint of a local microbrew. Kasey had never been much of a drinker. His social skills were weak to begin with, and although some people seemed to think alcohol helped, Kasey hadn’t found that to be the case. Besides, he’d seen all too often the effect beer had on his father. He ordered a Coke instead. The waiter took their food order too, since they were ready, and then Kasey was left with Brandon, feeling incredibly awkward. Last night, he’d done some of the most intimate things imaginable, in full view of this man, and yet he didn’t know the first thing about him. They’d talked for a long time, but somehow it seemed Kasey had done most of the talking.
“What do you do?” he asked.
“I’m a lawyer.”
A lawyer. Could there be anything more intimidating? Maybe if he’d been a neurologist, or an honest-to-God rocket scientist. But still, a law degree was enough to make Kasey slump in his seat. “Oh,” he answered weakly.
“What’s wrong?”
Kasey sighed and opted for the truth. “I don’t understand what you’re doing here with me, that’s all.”
Brandon groaned. “Do we have to go over that again?”
“But you’re a lawyer. I’m a mechanic. You’re smart. I’m not—”
“I refuse to believe you’re not smart simply because you’re not a lawyer. And even if you were a lawyer, I wouldn’t take that as proof of your intelligence. I’ve met too many idiot lawyers for that.”
“Still—”
“Kasey, listen. We’re not as different as you think. Yes, I’m a lawyer now, but it’s not like I was born wearing a white collar. My family was a lot like yours.”
Kasey couldn’t hide his surprise. “That’s hard to believe.”
“But it’s true. I grew up in a family of roughnecks. My dad worked his whole life in the oil business, much of it as a derrick hand. My older brother’s a driller. My younger brother’s a motorman. My middle brother’s a worm and probably always will be because he’s a consummate screwup. And everybody assumed I’d be a roughneck as well. Except I was never like them. They’re good ole boys, proud of their guns and their muscles and how many chicks they can bang. And me? I was always the weak link, hiding in the corner with my book.”
The waiter arrived with their drinks, and Kasey
stared at the red-and-white-checkered tablecloth, pondering that. Brandon was right. Their upbringings were similar. Although Kasey didn’t know what a derrick hand or a worm or a motorman did, he understood they worked in the oil fields. Kasey’s dad had been in road construction rather than oil, and his brothers were roofers and framers, but like Brandon, Kasey had always been the odd man out. In his case, it was mostly because of his size. He wasn’t as big as his brothers or their dad. But that wasn’t the only difference. They were loud, outgoing people. They loved to make noise. To go to bars and shoot pool and drink until they had to stagger home. They liked to argue and even started the occasional fistfight just to prove they could. Kasey had always preferred staying home with his mother, until she was gone. After that, he stayed home alone.
“When I was in high school,” Brandon went on, once the waiter had left, “my dad caught me with another boy. He said he should’ve known I’d turn out to be a faggot and I’d never survive in the oil business. Said those roughnecks would eat me alive. I decided to prove him wrong. But I didn’t want to work in the field. I thought, the one thing my dad respects more than roughnecks is money. So I put myself through school and became a mud lawyer. You know what that is?”
“No.”
“I work in the oil and gas sector, dealing with mergers and acquisitions. People used to look down on it, but it’s a booming field. I’m a junior partner already at my firm, which is pretty good, considering I’m only thirty-two. And I make damn good money. But you know what?”
“What?”
“None of it ever meant a thing to my dad. As far as he’s concerned, I’m still a failure. But”—he looked pointedly at Kasey, as if to underline his point—“just because my dad believes it doesn’t make it true.”
“I guess we’re not as different as I thought.”
Brandon smiled triumphantly and took a long drink of his beer.
Kasey traced a square on the vinyl tablecloth with his fingertip, choosing to concentrate on that rather than meeting Brandon’s eyes. “What about your mom?”
“They divorced when I was in high school. And she accepts me. It’s like my brothers and I have some kind of unofficial arrangement: I get her, and they get my dad.”
