by Marie Sexton
Kasey stared down at the table, his pleasure at being out with Tony suddenly waning, despair brewing in the recesses of his mind. He’d listened to Brandon’s list of guys with fetishes, and he’d been troubled by it, yet unable to put his finger on the cause of his unease. But Tony’s words hit him hard. This was what he feared, that he was just another box for Brandon to tick off his list. Another footnote in Brandon’s collection of unusual lovers. Maybe all of Brandon’s sweet words were nothing but pleasing lies.
“You okay, kid?” Tony asked. “You need another beer?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I should go—”
“Come on. One more. I’m buying.”
In the end, Kasey only drank half of the second beer, but Tony didn’t notice. He was a talker and a storyteller, and although he was sometimes a bit crude for Kasey’s tastes, Kasey found himself laughing more than he had in ages. He almost forgot about Brandon completely.
Driving home in the Cougar brought it all back, though. The familiarity of the front seat caused a pleasing warmth to settle in Kasey’s groin. Brandon would be home in less than twenty-four hours. He’d want his car back, and Kasey knew the man would use that opportunity to try to seduce him.
Kasey wanted to be seduced. That was the thing. Brandon had promised him sex, and Kasey intended to take him up on that promise. The question was, what would happen after?
“Who cares?” Kasey asked himself out loud.
You do, some voice in his head told him. You care.
Maybe, he acknowledged. But why? It wasn’t as if he’d expected to be picking out china anytime soon. After all, they barely knew each other.
Bandit greeted him with extra enthusiasm when he arrived home, whimpering pitifully and standing on his back legs to greet Kasey.
“I’m sorry, boy,” Kasey said, stroking behind the dog’s ears. “Was I gone forever? Did you think I was never coming home?”
Bandit lapped his tongue wildly toward Kasey’s face, as if to say, That’s exactly what I thought, boss!
The blinking light on his answering machine caught his attention. Probably Richie again, but for once, the thought didn’t fill him with dread. Maybe it was the beer Tony had bought him and the laughter they’d shared. Maybe it was the knowledge Brandon would be home tomorrow. Or maybe it was simply that there seemed to be less room in his heart for the past.
He took a deep breath and pushed the Play button.
“Kasey,” Richie said. “It’s me again. Look, I get that you don’t want to talk to me. I know we all let you down when Mom died. Dad was just so angry, and the rest of us were young and hurt and stupid, and I guess we didn’t have time to notice what you were going through. But I can’t change it now, you know? There’s no going back.” He fell silent for a moment. Static crackled on the line. Kasey heard sounds in the background—children laughing and playing. Sounds he’d never heard in his own home. “I’ve wanted to talk to you, but I realize now you’ll never give me a chance to say this in person, so here goes. Here’s what I’ve been wanting to say to you for two years.”
Richie stopped and took a deep breath. “I remember Mom telling me, just a couple of years before she died, that she was completely alone. I didn’t get it at the time because she had all of us. But looking back, I see how she was isolated. She only had you, and you were just a kid. We’d abandoned her, and it’s like that feeling of being alone has haunted us all ever since. Dad died alone and so did Rod. And Roger’s on his way too.
“I have my family, thank God, but I worry about you.” He stopped again, and Kasey wondered if it was to swallow a lump in his throat, because Kasey had one too. “I just want you to know you don’t have to be alone, Kasey. Because I know Mom wouldn’t have wanted that for you. She wouldn’t want you to be lonely. That’s all.” He stopped again, and then he sighed heavily. “I guess that’s it, kid. I just want you to know you can call me if you want to. I’d like to hear from you.”
The line went dead, and Kasey stood staring at the silent machine.
She wouldn’t want you to be lonely.
And until very recently, Kasey had been lonely. So many nights and weekends, he’d sat in his trailer, not even daring to wish he had somebody to talk to other than Bandit. That was why he couldn’t get Brandon out of his head. It wasn’t that Kasey was in love with the man. It was simply that Brandon seemed like a potential end to his loneliness. He liked the idea of having somebody to hang out with after work or spend time with on the weekends. He wasn’t about to turn down sex, regardless of Brandon’s long-term agenda, but he hoped it would turn out to be more than a one-time thing.
FRIDAY MORNING arrived with a slow, cold drizzle of rain. Brandon had said he’d be home Friday afternoon, although he hadn’t said exactly when his flight landed. Kasey spent the day being alternately nervous and excited, glancing out the window every few minutes, wondering if he’d see his Civic pull into the lot. But each time, he saw nothing more than the ever-widening puddles.
“You’d have that car done by now if you’d quit daydreaming and pay attention,” Tony scolded good-naturedly.
Kasey smiled, ducking his head back into the engine compartment of the vintage VW Bug he was working on. “I know.”
Tony laughed. “Loverboy gets home tonight?” He boxed Kasey playfully on the arm. “I guess you’ll be all smiles tomorrow, won’t you?”
Kasey’s stomach did a somersault. “I hope so.”
But closing time came and went with no sign of Brandon. The rain was still falling, although not hard. The Cougar’s wipers dashed the water from the glass in a hypnotically rhythmic pattern. Even the mysterious eroticism of the car couldn’t distract Kasey from his nervous musing as he drove home. He knew Brandon’s name, but not his phone number or where he lived. It struck Kasey as ridiculous that he was so impatient to see a man he knew so little about.
He got a surprise as he turned into the parking space in front of his trailer. His Civic was already there, and Brandon sat on the doorstep, heedless of the rain. Bandit sat on the step below him, his head in Brandon’s lap.
The last thing he’d expected was for Brandon to come here, to his single-wide in a less-than-pristine mobile home park. He cleared his throat nervously, jangling his keys in his hand as he mounted the first step.
“You shouldn’t leave your door unlocked,” Brandon said, by way of greeting.
“You went inside?” Kasey asked, more alarmed than ever.
“No. But your dog was barking up a storm with me waiting out here, so I tried the knob. Guess I’m lucky he’s not much of an attack dog.”
“Guess so.” Kasey looked down at his feet. “How’d you find me?”
“Why? Were you hiding?”
“No, I just….”
Brandon stood, dislodging Bandit’s head from his lap. He took one step down toward Kasey, leaving them within inches of each other, although Brandon was still one step up, and Kasey had to crane his neck upward to meet his eyes. Cold raindrops landed on his cheeks. Brandon’s hair was soaked. “How long have you been waiting?”
Brandon shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe fifteen minutes? I thought about going to the garage, but there was a chance I’d miss you there. Seemed simpler to come here.”
“How’d you know where I live?”
Brandon gestured toward Kasey’s car. “It was on the proof of insurance in the glove compartment.”
“Oh.” Kasey felt stupid for not having thought of that.
Brandon smiled, wiping water from his eyes. “Are you going to invite me in, or shall I jump you here in the rain?”
Heat spread up the back of Kasey’s neck, rising to his cheeks. A pleasant glow bloomed in his chest. A smile broke unbidden across his face. “Inside would probably be better.”
“My thoughts exactly.”
Still, Kasey was self-conscious as he led Brandon inside. He glanced around, trying to see it through Brandon’s eyes. It was clean—Kasey wasn’t a slob—but the couch was wo
rn and saggy, and his TV was ancient. The walls were covered with movie posters. His kitchen table had only one clear spot on it. The rest was littered with mail and books and car magazines.
“I like it,” Brandon said, looking around. “It suits you.”
Kasey stared at the floor, pulling awkwardly at the side seam of his jeans. His first thought was, Dumpy and cheap? “Suits me how?”
“It’s unassuming. What you see is what you get. Comfortable, without being pretentious.”
He sounded earnest too, which made Kasey feel a bit better. He watched Brandon take off his coat and drape it over a kitchen chair. He wore jeans and a T-shirt, but he still managed to look clean and tailored, despite his wet hair.
“I was embarrassed for you to see it.”
“You have nothing to be embarrassed about.”
Kasey nodded, unsure what to say. Outside, the rain was still falling, pattering merrily against his roof. Water ran from his wet hair down the back of his neck, causing him to shiver. He still had his work jacket on. Brandon seemed to fill the room, bright and warm and alluring, and Kasey had no idea how they were supposed to proceed from here.
“How was your trip?” he asked.
Brandon smiled at him, a flirty, sexy smile that made Kasey’s heart miss a beat.
“Lonely.” He took a step toward Kasey and then another, as if stalking him. “I thought about you every night. I would’ve called, but I’m an idiot and I forgot to get your number.” The room was small, and he backed Kasey up against the kitchen counter. “I tried looking you up, but—”
“I’m unlisted.”
“Uh-huh.” Brandon nodded, reaching up to brush his fingers down Kasey’s wet cheek. “I really wish I’d left you my iPad again. Tell me you thought about me too.”
Kasey’s heart pounded and his head spun with a mixture of nerves and eagerness. “I did.”
“Did you enjoy the car?”
He blushed again. “I did.”
Brandon made a low noise, almost a growl, and pushed closer to Kasey, pinning him, kissing him with a sudden ferocity that made Kasey’s knees weak. He pushed Kasey’s jacket off his shoulders and let it fall to the floor as he kissed his neck. “I couldn’t wait to see you. All I could think about doing after landing was finding you. And touching you. And making love to you.” He tipped Kasey’s head back to meet his gaze. “Tell me I can spend the night. Tell me I can finally take you to bed.”
The thought of it made Kasey flush. It raised pleasant goose bumps along his spine and sparked an erotic warmth in his groin. “Of course.”
“Good.” Brandon kissed him again and began unbuttoning his dirty work shirt.
“Wait,” Kasey said, pushing him gently away. “Let me shower first. I’ve been at the garage all day. I’m filthy—”
“I kind of like the idea of getting dirty.”
Kasey had only a moment to be surprised, and then Brandon was on him again, kissing him and caressing him, undressing him as he pulled him down the hall, toward the bed. They tripped over Bandit, laughing breathlessly, and after that, Kasey didn’t protest again. Brandon was gentle, but insistent. Tender, but driven. Brandon’s skin felt fevered after the chill of the rain. It was heaven to shed their clothing finally and be flesh to flesh. Brandon laid him down on the bed, kissing him over and over, often stopping to look into his eyes, to whisper in his ear that he was gorgeous and sexy and absolutely perfect. Kasey might have said the same thing about Brandon. His pale skin was soft and warm, his hair still damp, his mouth sweet, and Kasey was swept away by it all. He waited impatiently while Brandon put on a condom, then Kasey lifted his knees and spread his legs to let him in.
Brandon went slowly, kissing Kasey as he pushed gently past his rim. “There are so many things I want to do to you,” he whispered as he began to move, rocking against Kasey, moving gently inside him. “But this first. This is all I’ve dreamed of for days.”
And whether it was true or not, Kasey didn’t care. He chose to believe him, for that moment at least.
He hadn’t been with anyone this way in more than a year, and that time had been a mistake. His partner had been drunk and impatient, and Kasey’d bit his lip through a coupling more painful than pleasing. This was different in a thousand different ways. The friction inside him was exquisite. He arched his back and relaxed into Brandon’s gentle thrusts. He dug his fingers into Brandon’s soft flesh, gasped through Brandon’s kisses, felt his lover’s gaze on him as he whimpered and writhed.
Whether this ever happened again or not, it wasn’t a mistake. Kasey wanted this. He needed it. Brandon ravished him, and as he did, he told Kasey that he was beautiful, that he was everything he’d dreamed, and Kasey closed his eyes and lost himself in the feeling of being loved. This night, at least, he was normal. Better than normal. He was special. He was cherished. And if it never happened again, at least it was happening now. At least he’d have this one taste of being somebody’s dream.
He reached for Brandon then, finally kissing him back. If this was his one chance, he wouldn’t just lie back and receive, as pleasurable as it was. He embraced his sexual desire. He pulled his knees higher, rocking back to let Brandon in deeper. He reveled at the tenderness and unbridled lust in his lover’s eyes. He urged Brandon to speed up as their passion mounted, their flesh slapping together as they drove relentlessly toward their release. And when it came, it was sudden and strong, leaving them both breathless and trembling and weak, shaking in the warmth of each other’s embrace.
“Kasey.” Brandon’s breath was warm on his ear. “I knew you’d be worth the wait.”
Eventually, they caught their breath and disengaged their tangled limbs. There was no awkwardness. No discomfort. Nothing but the leftover sated warmth of their lovemaking.
He showered while Brandon ran out to get dinner, then they sat in front of Kasey’s monstrous, non-HD TV and ate take-out Chinese out of the containers. Bandit napped at their feet. When they were done eating, Brandon flipped through the channels and finally settled on an eighties action movie. It was high on round-kicks and short on plot, and although Kasey tried to keep his eyes on the screen, he couldn’t stop sneaking glances at Brandon, wondering at the man’s intentions.
“You’re awfully far away,” Brandon said eventually, snapping him out of his reverie. “And I don’t mean being as far away from me as you can get while still being on the same couch. I mean, it’s like… like you’re lost inside your head.”
Kasey hadn’t moved closer to Brandon because he hadn’t wanted to seem needy. Now he worried he’d committed some kind of dating faux pas.
Then again, did this count as dating?
He took a deep breath and said, “I guess I’d like to know what you want to happen next.” His words came out in a rush, punctuated by the pounding of his heart.
“Next?” Brandon smiled, cocking his head in puzzlement. He leaned toward Kasey, moving toward him like a predator homing in on his prey. “I admit I’m torn. Half of me says not to rush things. To leave some things for another day. But—” He kissed Kasey. “—part of me wants to strip you bare and go crazy. Fuck you and suck you and spend all night getting you off until you can’t even think.”
“Oh.” Brandon had clearly missed the point of his question, but his words sent Kasey’s mind spinning into the haze of arousal, and he was soon lost again in the pleasure of Brandon’s touch and the taste of his kiss. Later, as he lay there on the couch with his cock in Brandon’s mouth and his fingers tangled in Brandon’s golden hair, he vowed again to stop asking questions he didn’t need answers to and to simply take this gift as it came.
His vow didn’t last, though. Not long after he’d climaxed for the second time that night, Brandon stood up and started getting dressed. Kasey stayed on the couch, mostly naked, suddenly feeling exposed and silly.
“Are you leaving?”
“I’m sorry. I know it’s kind of rude. But I’ve been wearing these clothes for too many hours, and I h
ave a cat to feed.” He pulled his shirt on and reached for his jacket. “You work tomorrow, right?”
Kasey nodded. “I get off at six.”
“Good.” Brandon shrugged into his jacket, then leaned over Kasey. He stopped short of kissing him. “Come to my place afterward?”
And Kasey gave the only answer he could. “Yes.”
THAT NIGHT, Kasey lay alone in his bed and contemplated the silence. He wished Brandon hadn’t left. Even more than that, he feared the man’s sudden departure was a portent of things to come. And what if that were the case? Sure, Brandon had scribbled directions to his place onto a scrap of paper before he’d left, and he’d kissed Kasey sweetly and told him he couldn’t wait to see him again. But what if that was it? What if, after tomorrow night, he never heard from the man again?
He’d be sad, he knew that much, because it would mean going back to his old life. It would mean a return to the days when it was just him and Bandit, when no sweet, gorgeous lawyers brought him cars to work on, simply because he found them arousing.
He’d be alone.
Or would he?
For so many years, he’d blamed his loneliness on other people. He’d blamed his father for making him feel like a failure and his brothers for shutting him out. He’d blamed his mother for dying, and Tony for offering something that seemed like a lie. But now Kasey realized he had other options. After all, he’d finally taken a step with Tony, and it hadn’t been a disaster like he’d always assumed. He thought the man might honestly be his friend. There were plenty of other mechanics at work too. A whole garage full of potential allies. Kasey had always avoided them, but that was his own doing, not theirs. There was no reason to assume he couldn’t take a step in their direction. The thought terrified him, but not as much as it had in the past.
And then there was Richie, the only one of his brothers who’d spoken to him at their father’s funeral. He’d sat next to Kasey and made small talk, even while Kasey’s mind had rebelled against the false familiarity. When Rod died, Kasey hadn’t even bothered going to the funeral, although Richie had left him a dozen messages, begging him to come.
