“What’s that?” Kevin asked, raising his voice over the brain-scrambling noise.
TJ made a sour face and then pointed at the screen. The monitor went black and a robotic voice came on. “Preparing for self-destruct. Count down set for one minute.”
“What does that mean?” Tara asked TJ. “And why is it speaking English?”
“I reset the language before when I was trying to crack the fail-safe,” he replied. “Nuzz must have created a self-destruct protocol in case anybody tries to jam the signal, including him.”
“You’re telling me this ship’s going to blow up?” Tara said.
“If I know one thing about someone like Nuzz, it’s that he’s going to take us down with him. He doesn’t take kindly to people messing up his plans.”
“Warner, get up!” Kevin crouched down by his buddy’s side and shook him a little more. “Come on, man. Get up!”
Slowly, Warner opened his eyes. He stretched his arms and yawned as if he had just woken up from a nap.
“We have to get out of here, man,” Kevin told him. “This place is going to blow up!”
“What’s going on?” Warner said groggily. “Where am I?”
“We’re on Zouric and Nuzz’s ship and it’s about to blow!” Tara shouted.
Warner’s eyes went wide with fear and he shot up from his seat. “What are we waiting for?”
The five of them exited the control room in a hurry and sprinted through the spaceship. But they didn’t get far before they were stopped by a mass of reptilians clogging up the corridor.
The reptilians wandered around the spaceship in a daze, disoriented from the effects of the brainwashing nanoserum.
Klyk called for their attention and hurriedly explained the situation in their native alien tongue. “Narf trumple fraw. Kip dur otch ver warf!”
As soon as the information registered, they took off running in a giant lizard stampede, pushing Klyk and the kids out of the way.
A robotic voice sounded over the speaker system throughout the ship. “Thirty seconds until self-destruct!”
They sprinted behind the horde of frantic Kamilions. But there were way too many of them trying to pile through the hallways of the spaceship.
“You guys!” Tara shouted. “We’re never going to make it out of here in time! We need another way out!”
TJ looked at the blueprint of the mother ship. “There is no other way out!”
“Then we’re just going to have to make one ourselves,” Kevin said.
He led them to the outermost wall of the alien mother ship and took the freeze ray, the de-atomizer ray, and the force field gloves. He turned them up full blast and laid them on the floor of the corridor by the wall.
“These things have a ton of compressed energy,” Kevin said as the robotic voice overhead counted down past fifteen. “Klyk, let me borrow your ray gun.”
Klyk handed his alien firearm to Kevin, who pointed it at the arrangement of alien technology on the floor. “Everyone stand back,” Kevin instructed his friends. He pulled the trigger and the ray gun flashed.
KABOOM!
They raced over to the smoking hole in the wall of the mother ship and looked down. The roof of one of the cabins about ten feet below made for an easy jump.
“Ten . . . nine . . . eight . . .” The self-destruct voice continued the countdown.
Klyk jumped out first and landed on the rooftop. He waited for the rest of them to jump down one by one.
“Seven . . . six . . . five . . . four . . .”
Kevin and his friends sprinted across the roof of the cabin away from the mother ship. They hung off the gutter and dropped down to the freeze-rayed grass.
“Three . . . two . . . one . . .”
Kevin plugged his ears and squinched his eyes shut tight.
Zero.
The alien mother ship exploded in the night air and crashed to the ground in the center of camp. Bright orange and blue flames spat out from the wreckage and flared out, touching the nearby evergreens. But the freeze-rayed foliage didn’t burn. The mother ship slowly incinerated into a huge mass of bent and twisted alien metal.
Kevin sat there with his back to the cabin and watched the plume of jet-black smoke rise up into the starry sky. Kevin couldn’t believe they had made it out. He looked over at Warner, who was lying not too far away. “Yo, man,” he said. “You all good?”
“I think so,” he said. “You?”
“Pretty sure . . .”
As the boys dusted themselves off and stood up out of the rubble, Tara and TJ ran over and gave them each a big hug. “We made it!” Tara shouted.
“Way to go, Kev,” TJ said. “Wasn’t sure we were going to get out of that one.”
“What about the rest of the Kamilions?” Kevin asked.
“I think they all made it out, too!” Tara told him.
“And the soccer camp girls are all safe?” Warner asked.
“Yeah—look!” TJ pointed to Marcy, who was walking over to them.
“Hey, guys!” Marcy said.
“Marcy!” Kevin said, standing to greet her.
“I don’t know what you guys did, but the last thing I remember was running with you guys into the woods and then all of a sudden I was on that spaceship. So awesome.”
Kevin chuckled. “Are the rest of your friends okay?”
“Yeah, they’re good,” Marcy told them. “Most of ’em took off running. Totally freaked out, you know?”
Just then, Klyk walked over with one of the Kamilions. “Everyone, I’d like to introduce you to Commander Gup. I told him what happened here today and he has something to say to you.”
The reptilian commander looked at the kids and spoke a few sentences in his alien language.
“He said he’s never known such bravery and courage to come out of someone so young and small. And he wants you to know that he and his species will be forever indebted to you for what you did here today.”
The Kamilion commander said a few more words.
“He would also like to offer you new freeze rays and help you restore the rest of your camp.”
“Thank you, sir,” Kevin said. “That would be amazing.”
They all watched as the commander ordered his reptilian troops to begin unfreezing their fellow campers. They unfroze Poobah first and shrunk the giant arachnopod back down to size. One of the Kamilions standing by the unconscious alien creature shouted over to Klyk and the kids.
“What’d he say?” Kevin asked.
“They want to know if they can keep Poobah as their pet,” Klyk said.
“Please,” TJ said. “That thing’s going to haunt my dreams.”
“What about Burbles?” asked Tara. “There’s no way we’re taking care of that thing.”
“Yeah,” Kevin said. “Tell them to take him too. I mean, if he’s still alive.”
“He’s still alive all right. That blob can withstand temperatures hotter than the sun!” Klyk said, then yelled back to the two Kamilions, who nodded at them before loading the arachnopod onto their spacecraft.
As the Kamilions retrieved Nuzz’s pet slime monster from the wreckage of the gigantic spaceship, Kevin’s backpack started to light up like the Fourth of July.
“Whoa, dude,” Warner said to Kevin. “Check it out!”
“The transmitter.” Kevin reached into his backpack and pulled out the alien device they had picked up at Max Greyson’s house.
The transmitter flashed and then suddenly zapped. They all watched as pages appeared on the frozen turf at their feet.
“It’s a comic book!” Warner said, picking it up.
The issue was similar to the proofs they had seen with Bjorn, but with a new addition—their tale of defeating Zouric and Nuzz. Kevin’s eyes widened as he looked at the comic book and saw illustrated versions of him and his friends on every page. Kevin with his bright orange hair, running away from the freeze-ray bomb. Warner flying Klyk’s spaceship through the Rocky Mountains. Tara making
super-strong electromagnets out of Bjorn’s microwaves. And TJ shrinking the reptilians down to size from the air vent aboard the mother ship.
“This is, like, my number one wish coming true right now!” Warner said, flipping through the draft. “My own comic book! Starring me!”
“Starring us,” Tara said, clearing her throat. “Thank you very much.”
“But how did he know already?” said TJ. “This just happened.”
“Kind of spooky if you ask me,” Tara said.
“Max must be keeping an eye on us from wherever he is,” Kevin said. “Maybe he’s got a time machine.”
“That would be sweet,” said Warner, completely awestruck. “One thing’s for sure—he’s definitely using Brainstorm to send a message.” They continued to read the comic.
They all stopped on the last page, which read:
This edition will probably be the last Brainstorm comic I ever write. As you already know by now, I have been taken hostage by aliens. What you may not know is that they are evil aliens out to destroy the universe. My abductors have recently found out that I’ve been sending secret messages to Earth detailing exploits of the most wanted criminals. This did not please them one bit. They would have killed me if they didn’t need me alive. But I don’t have long. Please help me. The universe is in grave danger.
“There’s no way we’re going to let those aliens win,” Warner said.
“Not if we have anything to say about it,” Kevin said.
“And we totally do,” Tara said.
“We do?” TJ asked meekly. “I mean, yeah we do! Nobody messes with the Extraordinary Terrestrials!”
Klyk smiled for the first time since the kids had met him. “Looks like you’re coming to outer space.”
Kevin looked up at the sky twinkling with millions of stars, thousands of planets, hundreds of alien civilizations. He was completely exhausted, but he couldn’t help feeling excited at the adventure ahead. We are really going to outer space, he thought. His mind fluttered with the possibilities.
Before long, the Kamilions had finished unfreezing the entire camp.
The leaves blew with the breeze and the animals scampered through the forest once again. More important, all the campers and counselors were back to their usual selves, including one in particular.
Alexander marched over to Kevin and jabbed his finger right in his chest. “You!”
“What about me?” Kevin asked.
“You’re responsible for all this!” Alexander said. “You should be arrested!”
“And you should be quiet,” Kevin said. “All you did was rat us out to the aliens who were trying to destroy the world.”
“The aliens you brought here!” Alexander whined.
“By accident,” Kevin said.
“Speaking of accidents,” Warner said. “Take a look at your pants.”
Alexander looked down at the pee stain on his leg and frowned.
The whole camp erupted with laughter.
“Three cheers for the Extraordinary Terrestrials!” Little Bobby Little stood in front of the pack and shouted. “Hip hip, hooray!”
“Hip hip, hooray!” everyone but Alexander shouted three times.
Kevin looked around to say good-bye to the Kamilions, but they were nowhere to be seen. “Where’d they go?” Kevin asked. He and Warner, Tara, and TJ looked around. Overhead, the night sky blinked with their cruisers and starships as the Kamilion force soared up out of Earth’s atmosphere.
Head Counselor Dimpus walked over to the four of them and craned his neck up to watch the fleeing aliens. “You kids have some serious explaining to do. . . .”
“Mr. Dimpus, I would love to tell you,” Kevin said. “And we totally will, but we kind of sort of have to go save the universe right now.”
“But we’ll be back as soon as we’re done, okay?” said Tara.
“Unless we decide to stay in space and live on an alien planet,” Warner said.
“Do we need a permission slip for that?” TJ asked.
Their head counselor seemed a little off-kilter. “Okay, but I’m going to have to notify your parents. . . .”
“Don’t worry,” Klyk said, walking up behind Dimpus and tapping him on the shoulder. “I’ll make sure they get back in one piece.”
Dimpus turned around and saw the giant alien cyborg standing before him. The befuddled camp director instantly swooned and fainted to the ground with a thump.
“Is he all right?” Tara asked Klyk.
“Happens sometimes after getting freeze-rayed for too long,” Klyk said. “Let him sleep it off.”
“You guys think we should call our parents before we go?” TJ said.
“We should probably let them know if we’re going all the way to outer space,” said Tara.
All things considered, Kevin was pretty sure his parents would let him go save the universe from annihilation if they gave him a chance to explain.
But something told him they weren’t going to have time for all that.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I would like to thank Emilia Rhodes for telling me what’s what throughout these alien-infested cosmos; to Alice Jerman for not letting the aliens take over my brain; to Sara Shandler and Josh Bank for being kind enough to lend me their telepathy helmets; and to Ryan Harbage for working out the intergalactic peace treaty.
EXCERPT FROM THE ZOMBIE CHASERS
CRAVING ADVENTURE?
Read on for a sneak peek at John Kloepfer’s slimiest series yet.
Dusk settled over the neighborhood. The humid air was thick as pulp.
Zack Clarke turned onto Locust Lane after a slow walk home, expecting the usual Friday night action on his block: the Zimmer twins grinding out tricks on their skateboards across the parkway; Mrs. Mansfield coming home from the video store with bags of fast food and DVDs for her lazy children; or Old Man Stratton prowling the sidewalks, a disintegrating paperback clutched in his veiny hand. But on this muggy Arizona evening, there wasn’t a soul to be seen.
Hunched down under the weight of his backpack, Zack quickened his pace, eager to get home. Earlier in the day, a food fight had landed him in after-school work detention, polishing his middle school’s linoleum floors. Now all Zack wanted was the one leftover slice of chocolate birthday cake waiting in the refrigerator, wrapped in plastic and tagged with a Post-it: ZACK’S B-DAY CAKE, DO NOT TOUCH!
Zack could see his house now, his mom’s Volvo station wagon sitting in the driveway. Every light in the house was off—all except the one in his sister’s bedroom above the garage. He watched from the sidewalk as Zoe’s room went dark, leaving the house looking empty and deserted.
But Zack knew that his older sister, Zoe, and her evil trio of eighth-grade she-devils—Madison Miller, Ryan York, and Samantha Donovan—were having one of their notorious sleepovers at his house. So until Mom and Dad returned from parent-teacher night at his school, it would just be him. And them.
As he reached the stoop, a street lamp flickered and went dead, casting the entire lawn in shadow. He pushed the front door open slowly. “Hello!” he called out into the darkness. “Zoe?”
Suddenly, the door slammed shut, and he felt a paper bag crinkle down over his head. A voice shouted, “Gotcha!”
In an instant, four pairs of hands grabbed Zack by his elbows and ankles, hoisted him off the ground, and began to carry him through the foyer. Caught in their monster-tight grip, Zack squirmed uselessly, unable to twist free.
His captors plopped him down hard on an old wooden desk chair, the bag still over his head. Someone was holding his wrists behind the chair, bending his arms back as if he were a handcuffed prisoner. He writhed and kicked, trying to buck loose. Frustrated and exhausted, Zack went limp, playing possum for a second, before thrashing wildly in one final burst of energy.
That’s when he heard a digital beep, and someone lifted the bag off his head. His sister, Zoe, stood before him. Directly behind her, their father’s laptop sat open on the coffee ta
ble, and Zack could see himself on the computer screen.
“Zoe, what are you doing? You know Dad doesn’t let us play with the webcam.”
“I’m not playing, little brother,” she said, flipping her dark hair back and cocking her head all too glamorously, like America’s Next Top Psycho preparing for her closeup. “I’m producing a new reality show for VH1. It’s called Hostage Makeover. You want to be in it?” A sinister grin stretched across her face.
“I’d rather die in my own vomit,” Zack answered.
“Tough luck, kiddo,” Zoe snickered. “Look alive, girls!”
Samantha and Ryan entered the living room and shimmied behind Zack. Ryan held a giant roll of duct tape in one hand, and when Zack turned around, she tucked it behind her back. “No peeking, young Zachariah!” she chided, patting him on the head.
“Okay, Zacky, you hold still!” Zoe gestured to her two minions. A second later, Ryan and Samantha were circling Zack, taping his upper arms and shoulders firmly to the back of the chair, quickly moving on to his legs until they were sure he couldn’t escape. The mysterious pair of hands behind him finally unclasped his wrists. Zack felt the blood rush, throbbing in his fingertips.
Again, he tried to wriggle free, but the tape was too strong.
Zoe adjusted the webcam to capture her brother’s struggle. Then she crouched down in front of the computer and spoke: “Welcome to the premiere of Hostage Makeover. I am your host, Zoe Clarke. You’ve already met our captive, my unfortunate-looking younger brother, Zachary Arbutus Clarke.” She stepped away from the laptop. “Tell us how you’re feeling, Hostage Boy.”
“Zoe, seriously, lay off.” Zack said.
“Zoe, seriously, lay off,” a voice mimicked him.
Madison Miller emerged from behind the chair, holding a polka-dotted makeup case. Madison was the prettiest girl in school, with long, almost blond, light brown hair, and just a few faint freckles dotting her button nose. She was also one of the tallest girls in the eighth grade, and she towered over Zack, gazing down at him with her big blue eyes.
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