by Carol Oates
If I chose one way, I could keep John and be his friend, but he would suffer for it every day for the rest of his life, knowing things he wasn’t ready to know. The second way was to do nothing, walk away, and hope that one day he would accept everything he’d witnessed, everything he knew, hope that sometime in the distant future we could be friends. The last route was the one I didn’t want to take: I could do for John what Caleb couldn’t do for me. John could have a chance at a good life; he would have a chance to be happy. He could fall in love, marry, have children, and grow old without ever having to think about me, my family, and others of our kind in more than passing, if at all. He would be free. But it meant losing him forever. I could never hold him like this ever again.
I closed my eyes, feeling his lips kiss my forehead, urging me to continue, and listened to his voice.
Go on, what is it?
I let out a heavy, jagged breath in an attempt to compose myself and prepare myself for what I was about to do. My voice was low and trembling.
I want you to know the day we met it was Caleb I was running after. John pushed me away from him, looking shocked. His hands held my upper arms firmly. The glove that he had taken off was lying on the bench beside me, so I took it up and stuffed it in my pocket before removing the other one and doing the same.
Oh, I didn’t know it was him. I actually thought I was running after a stranger that looked like him. I was convinced that grief had finally made me lose my mind.
His grip loosened a little. I lifted one hand and laid my palm on his cheek; it felt warm against my cold hand, adrenalin still flushing his skin.
You — I took a breath. You gave me hope. I didn’t even know it at the time, but when I thought I just couldn’t go on, you smiled at me and made a silly joke. You made me remember, even if it was out of reach, that I wanted to love.
His eyes narrowed slowly, watching me closely, trying to understand.
Then he gave me a sad, resigned grin. I understand what you’re trying to say. It was your destiny to love Caleb and all that, but — what about me? I don’t understand a destiny that would bring us together if we weren’t ever meant to be. I can’t understand the cruelty of it.
To save Amanda, I answered without hesitation.
What?
I’ve been thinking about that too, and it was you that saved Amanda. I was just the catalyst. If you weren’t there, I wouldn’t have had the strength to try again. We never would have moved to the Stone where Ben and I needed to be. I smiled at him. You saved her, not me. That was your destiny. I pursed my lips for a moment to control the emotions simmering under my casual exterior. I will always be grateful to you. John brushed my cheek with the back of his fingers. The butterflies were gaining momentum in my stomach; the fear that what I was about to attempt wouldn’t work was building, and the foreboding of how it would feel for me if it did was growing exponentially.
I will always remember you. You will always have a place in my heart, I promised him truthfully. I stared at John for a long time until, finally feeling ready, I moved closer to him, tentatively inching my face nearer. He said nothing, but his disbelieving expression spoke volumes; he couldn’t take in what I was doing. Ignoring his reaction, I moved closer still, bringing my other hand up so it also rested on his jaw. His warm breath blew into my face, and I could hear his heart speeding up. My own was racing so fast it felt as if my chest could barely contain it. I touched my lips to his very lightly and then pulled back an inch or two to gauge his reaction. His eyes betrayed his confusion and, even more so, his overwhelming desire. His body stiffened. We came together, our lips gently moving over each other’s at first. Then as John’s body relaxed and twisted on the bench so our bodies were molding, his lips became more urgent, a lot more intense.
One hand moved behind my back, pulling me closer; the other knotted in the hair at the nape of my neck, holding me there to his passionate mouth, exploring mine and tasting me. His breathing was becoming more labored; he was committing everything about me to his memory, not that it would do him much good. I found myself doing the same, memorizing even the tiniest detail of the pressure of his lips, his smell, how the stubble on his face felt rough against my sensitive skin. I was getting lost in the emotions flowing through the movements of his body. My stomach lurched, and my body trembled; it wasn’t like the last time we kissed at all. I wanted to feel him. I wanted him closer. I wasn’t just testing myself to see if I could feel for him. I was feeling it. I moaned against his lips, making his kisses even more vigorous. His hands slid to my waist.
Behind my closed eyes, I was watching his memories, seeing what he saw that day in Tara, what he knew about Guardians, feeling his emotions pass through his body to me. I could feel John’s love for me. It was so pure it was breathtaking. I tasted the salt from the tears that overflowed my eyes and ran over my cheeks to our lips. I allowed other memories to flow between us.
This time I thought of a fleeting infatuation, the pleasant remembrance of a crush that ran its natural course and faded. Memories of a short overseas trip, sightseeing, and meeting up with friends. A friendship coming to a close without regret. These memories I planted in John’s consciousness. All the time moving my lips with his enthusiastically, savoring our last embrace and feeling relief that I could do this for him.
After today, I would never see John again. The memories I weaved for him were too delicate, too fragile, and his real memories would be too easily triggered by my presence. I wouldn’t risk him ever being around us again.
He, like most humans, wasn’t ready for the future the prophecy foretold yet.
Maybe in his lifetime they never would be. But I had time to wait.
John’s lips eased, his arms slackened from around my body, and our kiss became tender, softening until I eventually pushed him away. He looked dazed and disoriented and slumped back onto the bench like he had been spinning and couldn’t find his balance. Almost looking through me, he blinked several times. I waited, sitting back slightly away from him, and gradually his eyes became focused again, but his expression was easier. His eyes showed none of the anxiety they had been filled with moments ago.
My face still tingled where his stubble had grazed my skin, and I could still feel his passion, but now it was only coming from my memories. That memory for John was now hidden so deeply within him that with nothing to stimulate it; it would never surface again. Only I could bring it and the others back.
So, I guess this is goodbye. His voice was even and casual.
Yeah, I suppose it is. My voice broke, and I tried in vain to cover it. I really have to go now. I have lots to do. It was harder to leave than I ever considered it could possibly be.
Oh, right, he said brightly, standing up with me. I hope everything works out for you. If you’re ever around here again, get in touch.
I will, I lied. My voice sounded strange, like it was someone else talking, someone I didn’t know. My heart pumped hard and painfully. I stuffed my hands into my pockets and smiled halfheartedly. Bye, then, I muttered.
Bye, he answered without even a shadow of regret in his expression.
I turned and walked toward the gate, looking back over my shoulder to see John headed in the opposite direction, a relaxed smile on his lips. He waved once, and I shot my attention back to the street again, fresh tears overflowing my eyes as I walked away from him.
Hi, Caleb greeted me. I thought I’d find you here. Though he had interrupted my thoughts, he didn’t surprise me; I’d felt him there before he said a word. I kept my eyes closed and wiped a tear away from my cheek with my fist, hoping he’d think it was the breeze making my eyes water. If he noticed, he didn’t say.
Just a few more minutes, please, I begged.
Okay, Caleb conceded. But we’ll miss our flight.
I opened my eyes to see him standing before me in all his golden glory, wearing a gray, casual jacket over a black, roll-neck sweater and faded jeans.
As always I caught my b
reath. I still couldn’t get used to seeing him every day and knowing he was mine forever. I was just taking one last look around, I sighed, scanning the view in all directions.
Caleb’s eyebrows rose, then he grinned and put his arm around my shoulder.
We’re only going to Camden for a few weeks. I don’t think it’s going to change much while we’re away, Caleb teased.
When Ben and Amanda returned to Camden, they immediately started to spread the story of Caleb’s death being faked and that he had been in witness protection. The town was awash with rumors from a mundane corporate embezzlement trial to the fantastic alien autopsy that someone said he was involved with. But not one was anywhere near the truth.
I can’t believe you’re making me do this, I grumbled indignantly as I pulled my coat tighter around my body and crossed my arms over my chest.
Caleb laughed, his sapphire eyes creasing up. He laughed a lot lately.
So many burdens and so much guilt had been lifted from his shoulders.
I’m not making you do anything, he corrected me, chuckling. It’s Amanda doing all the making. I’m just facilitating your return. I rolled my eyes. As if it mattered who was making me do it. I hate all this attention, I groaned, thinking of all the fingers that would be pointing in our direction.
I think it will be Amanda getting attention this time, so you should be fine. He kissed the top of my head. The shivers ran all the way down to the base of my spine. You need to see your family too, Caleb added.
That much was true. I hadn’t seen Lewis or Carmel since I’d left Camden, and they were definitely looking forward to us visiting. The other side of my family, Caleb’s side, would be there for the celebrations too, as well as Jonathan and Jen. I sighed, giving in. Two weeks. I could do two weeks, and then I could come back to Ireland, back home.
Okay, I muttered.
Caleb kissed my head again, and putting both his arms around me, breathed into my ear. We have a long lifetime together here or wherever you want to be. I promise.
I pulled back to look at him. The color in his eyes burned like blue flames. Caleb having been there with me when the Stone roared meant in
Guardian tradition that if I was queen, he was my king. Another thing I still struggled to get my head round. Queen! Still, he was my own perfect fairytale come true.
The fact that the Stone’s magic worked for Ben meant he also carried the royal bloodline and he and Amanda were also married that day. But Amanda still wanted the human ceremony too. One day the bloodline of our family would continue from my side with a Guardian and from Ben’s with a human.
I love you, Caleb said as he placed his hand on my stomach, sensing my thoughts. I placed mine on top of his, both of us longing for the same future and for the first time it seemed within our reach. The child we would have someday would be the first of a new kind of extended human and Guardian family. Not an end to either, just a new beginning for both.
Caleb beamed a smile and every other thought I had in my head melted away. His joy was infectious, and I couldn’t help but smile too as we both looked ahead with real hope.
Table of Contents
Preface
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 11
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Epilogue
