She nodded, finding her voice. It came out low and rattled. “I’m scared, too, Gabe. I don’t know how I’ll react. I just want to love you.” Her voice cracked. “I’ve asked my therapist about this, and she just gives me vague answers. She tells me every rape survivor is different. Some don’t want a man touching them at all.” She moved her hand restlessly across his tense shoulder. “I want your touch, Gabe. I can’t tell you how often I’ve craved your hands loving me. And when you do touch me, I feel whole…I feel hope.” Bay swallowed, her gaze clinging to his.
“What else did she say?” he asked quietly, wanting to always touch Bay and see her eyes turn soft as he stroked her, as he made her skin tighten or flush with pleasure.
Shrugging, Bay sighed and said, “That some survivors can enjoy sex. Others can’t. Or they’re okay with specific kinds of sex, but not all types of sex. That touching the wrong part of their body turns them off or triggers them into a panic. She said it’s so individualized. I have to experiment and find out.”
“Great,” he said, and they shared a wry look. Her leg lay across his, and it felt good. She had long, beautiful legs, and Gabe wanted to explore them slowly and thoroughly. More than anything, he wanted to please Bay, let her know that she was a woman, no matter what had happened to her. He was damned if he was going to let her trauma define him or her.
Wrinkling her nose, Bay said, “Maybe the best way for us is just try, Gabe.” Her brows fell, her voice nervous. “I want to please you. Having sex is part of loving you. And I know you’ve loved me well in the past. We’re good together. I remember now….”
Her voice turned dusky with longing. It riffled over every sensitized nerve in his body. Gabe recognized that dulcet sound, and it fed his heart, his body and inflamed his soul.
“We’ll get that back sooner or later, baby. I promise you. But for right now, I just want to welcome you home, back to me, to what we had before that was so damned sweet and good….”
His roughly spoken words sizzled through her entire body like an awakening song. “We’ll go as far as we can,” she whispered against the hard line of his mouth. “I’m yours, Gabe. I’ve always been yours, and I want to love you so much it hurts….”
Groaning, he moved his hand to the top button of the soft purple velour top she wore. “We’re both hurting,” Gabe agreed, and as he eased the button free, moving his hand gently beneath the soft fabric, slowly exploring her collarbone, he whispered against her mouth, “Over time we will heal one another, baby. Love never gives up, love never surrenders….”
Bay wanted to become completely lost in Gabe’s touch, his kisses, and feel him move her into dizzied heights of euphoria. She was nervous and wanted to please him, but he shushed her, asking her to lay back and let him undress her. She watched his mask dissolve and saw the man beneath, his vulnerability as he eased the velour top open, revealing a silky pink camisole beneath it. His eyes changed and darkened as he drank in her breasts swelling beneath the material, her nipples tight and peaked.
He met her half-closed eyes and whispered unsteadily, “You are so damned beautiful, Bay,” and he feathered light, wispy kisses from one collarbone to the other.
Bay closed her eyes, focused on his moist breath flowing across her upper chest and neck. Her flesh tingled wildly in the wake of his mouth. She moaned as Gabe’s roughened hands slowly outlined the outer contour of her breasts, the coolness of the silk contrasting with the tightening heat radiating from them. An ache began to fill her; her lower body was coming alive even though he hadn’t touched her there at all.
As Gabe brushed her nipples with his thumbs, a moan tremored through her, and she instinctively arched her hips against him. Her breathing was becoming faster, more shallow, as he teased them. Bay wanted to keep her eyes closed, focus on Gabe’s hand, his breath, his mouth. It kept her mind from engaging with the trauma, and she sank farther into a cauldron of heat simmering beneath his hands.
The moment his lips captured the first nipple, Bay cried out, gripping his arms, feeling the scalding shock bolt down to her womb. It felt so good, dissolving her nervousness. His mouth caressed the other peak as his calloused hand slid beneath the material, easing it upward. She longed for his lips upon her nipple once again. Anxious for his heated touch again, Bay breathed raggedly and gave a shuddering sigh of pleasure.
She stared up into Gabe’s stormy green gaze, which made her lower body react powerfully. His mouth curved, and he gently took her lips, as if to tell her how much he loved her. He opened her, moved his tongue slowly inside her mouth, teasing her. Every move was unrushed, nothing hard, sharp or jolting. And as Gabe kissed her, he unbuttoned her jeans. He moved his hand down to the waistband, slipping his fingers beneath the material and sliding his fingers slowly across her abdomen. He found the soft mound of her curls. Her breathing changed drastically as the heat of his palm excited her body, wetness collecting swiftly between her thighs. Moaning, Bay arched up into his hand, wanting more, wanting him.
Gabe felt tension in himself, felt the dogged worry hounding him as he opened her jeans even more. Bay’s face was flushed, breathing shallow, clutching at his arms, her hips insistent against him. Was he being too conservative with her? Too slow? The wrong step in any direction would cause an explosion. Gabe eased the jeans off her hips, down her legs, and he dropped them by the bed. She wore a set of silky boxer shorts and he skimmed his hand from the outside of her thigh, curving it inward. Bay called his name, and it made him grow harder, if that was possible. He was still dressed and wanted to wait before he got naked beside her.
Gabe gently eased her thighs open. She was incredibly slick against his fingers as he moved beneath the silk, testing her, seeing if she would react negatively to him.
As Gabe cupped his hand against her hot, silky core, his arm went beneath her neck, drawing her up into his lap. She drowsily opened her eyes, her brows drawing down, as if not understanding what he was asking of her.
“Trust me, baby,” he rasped, kissing her nose, cheek and finally her mouth. “This time is for you. Take all you want….”
Bay found herself settled between his legs, his back resting against the headboard, and she was held in the crook of Gabe’s arm. She whispered his name, feeling weak with need, the fire licking up through her lower body, her womb spasming as his fingers slowly explored her. Bay closed her eyes, a soft cry erupting from her lips as he drew a slow circle around her wet opening. Breathing faster, she pressed her cheek against his jaw, whimpering, wanting more of him.
Gabe smiled against her parted lips, taking her, inhaling her breath, sharing it. As he moved his fingers inside her, she arched tautly against him, her cry reverberating into his mouth. He breathed her in, feeling her writhe in his arms, her hips grinding against his hand, begging for more. Gabe could feel her building toward orgasm, some part of himself feeling relief. He stroked her, teased her, and her little cries of pleasure fed him confidence.
Loving her fiercely, Gabe eased Bay into the curve of his right arm, capturing the tip of her nipple, suckling her. In seconds, she came loose in his arms, a mass of heat and rippling muscles clenching around his fingers, her hoarse cries of ongoing pleasure the sweetest sounds he’d heard in a damn long time. They’d taken their first step together.
*
“HAPPY THANKSGIVING!” POPPY cried as Gabe and Bay stepped into her warm cabin. Outside, snowflakes were falling thick and fat, covering the area in a blanket of clean white snow. Poppy kissed Bay and then Gabe. They gave her a bottle of champagne and some flowers they’d bought in Dunmore earlier in the day before the blizzard arrived.
“It all smells wonderful, Mama,” Bay whispered, hugging her again. “How big is the goose?”
Poppy smiled and gestured for Gabe to take their coats and hang them on the pegs along the wall. “He’s a twenty pounder this time.”
Eva-Jo was busy at her desk in the corner of the living room. She loved coloring and coloring books. Walking over, Bay hugged h
er younger sister, who looked up and smiled.
“Look, Baylee, look! I drew this and colored it.” She proudly held it up to her. “Do you see what it is?”
Gabe came over and slid his arm around Bay’s shoulders. He saw Bay frown and put her finger to her lips in thought. She looked beautiful, her hair soft and recently washed, her cheeks flushed and blue eyes shining. In the week she’d been home, he’d never been happier. Nor had she.
“Ummm, is it a turtle, Eva-Jo?”
“Noooo, Baylee.” She shook the paper at her. “Don’t you see it?”
Gabe saw nothing but colorful abstract lines on it. What was Bay going to do? It looked like a dreaded Rorschach test to him.
“Well, is it fish, bird or four-legged?” Bay looked over at Gabe. He was smiling, and her heart swooned over his rugged good looks. The past week had been a special kind of hell on them, but they’d gotten through it together. Like he said one night in bed after they’d made love, no land mines so far.
“You don’t know,” Eva-Jo said with a pout.
“You’re right, I don’t,” Bay admitted, kissing her forehead. “But you look beautiful in your new red dress. Mama did a nice job of putting those ribbons on it.” Ever since Halloween, Eva-Jo had fallen madly in love with colorful ribbons of all kinds. Poppy had sewn four half-inch grosgrain ribbons around the waist in red, white, green and yellow, all favorite colors of her sister’s.
Eva-Jo smiled and touched them delicately with her fingers. “Baylee, aren’t I pretty with them?”
Bay leaned over and whispered, “You’re the most beautiful girl here, Eva-Jo.”
Gabe felt his heart open wider, if that was possible. He saw Bay’s giving nature in the tender look she gave her sister. Eva-Jo was twenty-five, tall and had a woman’s body. The red velvet dress Poppy had made for her was tasteful, an empire waistline, the material falling to her ankles. Gabe gave Poppy a lot of credit, having continued to raise her daughter. Because of challenges, Eva-Jo could never live on her own. Looking over at Bay, he saw the same compassion in her expression. That was why she was such a good combat medic. Her touch, her voice, could calm anyone wounded on the battlefield. Hell, she’d tamed him, and he wasn’t exactly a softy, although she claimed he really was. Gabe couldn’t buy that. He was a SEAL, after all.
“Time to eat,” Poppy sang out.
Bay turned and hurried to help her mother with all the food that was to be brought from the kitchen into the dining room. Gabe opened the bottle of champagne. Eva-Jo took her latest artistic drawing and set it next to her plate at the table. Classical music played softly in the background. The fireplace crackled with roaring flames, a black grate around the outside of it. After the early evening dinner of goose, as a family, they would trim the Christmas tree that Gabe had chopped down two days ago with Bay’s direction and help.
*
BAY SAT WITH Eva-Jo at the cleared table later, each of them cutting construction-paper circles, stars and trees. Eva-Jo was excited about putting all kinds of different colors of glitter on them. Gabe helped her mother string the lights on the tree first. The blue spruce was six feet tall and looked stately and beautiful in the corner of the living room. As Eva-Jo completed the glittering of each decoration with gusto, Bay would punch a hole in it and slide a bright, thin red ribbon through it. She’d then tie a knot in it so it could be hung later. Her heart felt close to bursting as she looked around the happy room. Though she missed her pa terribly, Gabe’s presence brought a man back into their family, giving it a special energy that uplifted everyone.
When the tree was fully decorated, Bay stood back and admired it with Gabe, proud of their handiwork. Poppy had poured them a glass of red wine, giving Eva-Jo a glass of apple cider. Gabe caught Bay’s fingers and tugged on them, leading her over to the old leather couch. Poppy flopped down on the chair next to it, giving them a tired but happy smile. She picked up her glass of wine and said, “Cheers.”
Bay smiled softly, lifting her glass. She knew Gabe preferred beer over wine, but he had the good grace to take a glass anyway. He was that kind of man. She slid her hand across his broad shoulders, content to curl her feet beneath her and lean into the shelter of his body. He was solid, strong and warm. And his laughter over a joke Poppy told made her heart swell fiercely with love for him.
*
“THAT WAS SO wonderful tonight.” Bay sighed, snuggling up against Gabe’s naked body. She decided the only way to desensitize herself, to work through her rape, was to not run from it. Thank God she had the memories of their loving one another before it had happened. That was her compass. Gabe’s arm moved around her shoulder and drew her up against the hard length of his body.
“It was good.” For the first time in his life, Gabe felt genuinely wanted within a family. Her family.
“I’m just sorry your mom couldn’t make it down,” Bay said, placing a small kiss on his warm flesh. Inhaling his scent, she felt her entire body respond to him.
“Grace said she’d fly down for Christmas,” Gabe promised, closing his eyes, feeling a contentment he hadn’t felt in a long time. That sense only happened when Bay was at his side. Love was a powerful drug; and she was the only woman he ever wanted to be addicted to for the rest of his life.
Sighing softly, Bay moved her fingertips through his dark chest hair, allowing it to curl around them. “I love you.”
The words touched him as nothing else ever would. Turning on his side, Gabe stared into her half-closed eyes, her lips soft, her expression one of pleasant tiredness. Caressing her cheek, he leaned over and slid his mouth across hers. A soft moan filled her throat, and she moved her hips against his, feeling his erection. Since coming home, he’d not tried to enter her. She knew why. Gabe was afraid of hurting her. Bay felt frustration thrum through her, wanting him. She could feel Gabe place tight control over himself as he caught her hand as she slid it up across his hip to touch him. Breaking the kiss, she whispered, “I’m not afraid, Gabe.”
He brought her hand to his chest, his eyes intense and narrowed. “You’ve never been afraid, baby. But I am.” Gabe placed his hand over hers. “Maybe I need some time to adjust?”
“Love will never hurt me,” Bay said softly, searching his dark eyes. “My mind and heart know the difference, Gabe.” He needed to trust her, perhaps? She said nothing more, respecting his need to move deliberately. After all, he was a sniper, and by personality, he was a man of infinite patience, waiting for however long it took to meet his objective.
His mouth quirked. “Neither of us knows that yet, Bay. We’re not alike in some ways. You jump into the fire, and I sit and look at it and figure out how to jump into it without getting burned.”
Resting her brow against his, Bay said, “I think we’re doing okay?” He’d easily brought her to orgasm with his hands and his mouth. There was such trust between them, a clear path in that minefield he referred to. And she’d been able to satisfy him the same way, but now, she wanted him in her, like it should be. There was a keening ache deep within her that craved being one with Gabe. Bay luxuriated in the memories, all incredibly sweet and hot. Fused with one another, the fierce love lingering between them made her want to re-create that once more. She saw the hesitation and uncertainty in his eyes.
“I talked to my therapist about us the last session,” she murmured.
“Oh?” The word came out flat, his expression suddenly wary.
“I told her, so far, so good.”
He grunted, lying on his back, throwing his arm across his eyes.
Well, she got his body language. Shaking her head, Bay propped herself up on her elbow, running her fingers across his powerful chest. “She asked me where I was sensitive in my body.”
“Hell, I could have told you that. For free…”
Holding back her laughter, Bay absorbed his growl of frustration. When Gabe didn’t like someone, he didn’t bother to withhold his feelings. “Look at me.”
Grudgingly, Gabe pulled his arm awa
y from his eyes and stared up at her. He saw humor and warmth in Bay’s gaze, her mouth sweetly innocent. “What?”
“You’re such a badass, Griffin, when you want to be.”
He snorted. “I’m a SEAL. What did you expect? Mr. Nice?”
The corners of his mouth twitched, laughter softening the hard glint in his eyes. “You’re my badass. You will always be.” Bay gave him a quick, hot kiss. “And you need to not turn off just because I want to tell you something my therapist shared with me.”
His mouth thinned. “Okay, what did she say?”
Feeling his ire, Bay waited him out until he lost the chip on his shoulder. “In the last session she asked me where I didn’t want to be touched.” She motioned to her neck. “I told her here. I can’t even stand anything tight around my neck anymore. Mock turtlenecks are all I can handle in the clothing department.”
Gabe lost his humor. He vividly remembered those deep, purple bruises around Bay’s throat, the damage done to her larynx that had finally healed up. “Where are we going with this, baby?” He really didn’t want to drag up her beating tonight. It made him angry and wanting to kill Khogani all over again for what she’d endured.
“Patience, okay?”
“You pout beautifully, you know that?” Gabe looked at her full lower lip, wanting to kiss her, but he knew she wanted to talk.
“Don’t get off the topic, Griffin.”
“Guilty, but I can’t help it if you’re a red-hot babe and all I think about is hauling you into my arms.”
She laughed softly. “Thank you, but can we revolve back around to our earlier discussion?”
Gabe placed his hand beneath his head, watching the shadows play softly across her face. “What else did she say?” His heart pounded with love for Bay. She was beguiling, teasing and so damned idealistic and honest.
Never Surrender Page 25
