by Chloe Maxx
Feeling sick, I peeled myself out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom. I barely made it to the toilet before my stomach revolted. Images of Javier and that girl flashed through my mind. Them in his office, on his car—everywhere. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to scrub them out of my mind. I had been such a stupid fool. An idiot. My stomach lurched again, my body quaking with hurt and regret. Regret that I had ever fallen for him. Once my entire stomach was empty, I cleaned myself the best I could with tears running down my face.
I only had one person I could call, but I knew he would be there for me.
I found my cell phone on the coffee table and right next to it sat my ring. Why would he give me that ring? Why would he tell me he loved me? Why not just sleep with me? I had no idea, but I knew I couldn’t be alone another moment.
I took a deep breath, unlocked the screen, and dialed.
“Hello?” he answered. I began sobbing again, just hearing his sweet voice.
“Lane…I need you. Please.”
Chapter 21
Javier
(Present)
Almost five years later and I could still vividly remember watching Alexandria kiss him. I was in the student union, ordering my lunch, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. His arm was slung around her shoulder as they stood in another line, and he looked down at her with lust in his eyes as she reached up and kissed him. It had only been a peck, but it was enough for me to know she had moved on. I had wanted that, wanted her to be happy, but it still fucking killed me.
Mandy called, telling me I had to get down to the family law firm around nine forty-five, and I knew exactly why. Last week over dinner, she had casually mentioned someone from my past was getting divorced and just happened to be using Raymond and Raymond. She couldn’t legally give me a name, but I knew exactly who the person was.
My Alexandria.
The one person besides my daughter I had truly loved, and the one person I had shattered. I could still remember her face when I told her it was over. Five years later, it still haunted my dreams.
I texted Mandy to let her know I was parking. She texted she’d meet me in the lobby.
“Jav,” she greeted as she stepped out of the elevator. Mandy was my little sister and the one person I’d confided in about my relationship with Alexandria. She worked at the family law firm and had convinced me to divorce Amy four and a half years ago.
“Hey,” I said, giving her a quick hug.
“So, um, want to come up?” Her eyes were wide, trying to convey that my answer needed to be yes.
“She’s up there?”
“Any minute. She’s picking something up for someone else.”
I scrubbed my hand through my hair. It had been four years since I had seen Alexandria in person. For a year and a half, while she finished her college education, I had watched her from afar. Watched her date someone else. The same man I had watched her kiss that day in the union. The same man she eventually married. I won’t lie and say I didn’t stalk her online or on campus, but when she posted her wedding and honeymoon pictures, I was done. After that, I focused on my divorce and moving back to Houston. Of course, I’ve thought about her every damn day, but I tried not to look her up and see how happy she is.
“Okay. Let’s do this.”
She pushed the elevator call button. “You mean, you. I’m not doing anything.”
The doors slid open and we stepped inside the car. “It’s been a long time, okay?” I sighed. “I broke her.”
“I’m sure she hates you, but you need to try.” She shrugged.
“Yeah.” The doors slid open on the twelfth floor and I heaved a deep breath.
We stepped out into the hallway and Mandy kissed my cheek. “I have to get back to work. Good luck.”
“Thanks.” What the fuck am I doing? Alexandria doesn’t want to see me. Why would she? I had stomped all over her, made her feel dirty and used.
My eyes swung to the glass doors of Raymond and Raymond and my heart stopped. Alexandria was sitting in a waiting chair. Her hair was still long and beautiful, her face as stunning as ever, and even though she was sitting and I couldn’t see her well from my location, her body looked as incredible as it had been five years ago.
Holly, the receptionist, came back to her desk. They exchanged a few words, then Holly made a call. I couldn’t miss the way Alexandria’s eyebrows scrunched together and her face morphed into worry…or something closely related.
I took a seat as my heart pounded out of my chest, knowing she’d be walking out into the foyer soon. Holly placed the phone down and they shared a few words. Alexandria turned to leave and I thought I might have a heart attack. She opened the door, and suddenly, we were in the same room. God, what I wouldn’t give to feel her. I almost could. I thought about her taste, smell, and touch so often, it was hardwired into my brain.
Knowing I had to say something or risk losing my chance, I blurted, “Alexandria? Is that you?”
She stood still for a moment before turning to me, her face stony. “Javier,” was her only reply.
“Oh my God,” I said, sounding like a complete asshat. “How are you?”
“I’m great,” she grated out, a fake smile on her face. The elevator arrived and she began to step inside. “I have to go, but it was great seeing you.”
She hated me, couldn’t get away from me fast enough, but I couldn’t let her go. This was my chance and I was taking it. “Wait!” I yelled. Sticking my hand out, I stopped the doors from closing and stepped inside. Her hazel eyes were sparkling with anger and in that moment, I knew I was still one hundred percent in love with her. “I, uh…I haven’t seen you in years.”
She arched an eyebrow. “And?”
I scrubbed my hand over my face. “You look great. Still as beautiful as ever.”
Alexandria tilted her head to the side. “What are you doing?”
She hadn’t lost her attitude over the years. I smiled. “Trying to talk to you.”
“You want to talk to me? What could we possibly have to say to each other?” she said indignantly, a scowl on her face.
“You could tell me how you are. What you’ve been up to. Anything, really.” I was rambling, but fuck, I still wanted her. I wanted to shove her up against the elevator wall and kiss her. Then hike that tight skirt up those legs and fuck her senseless.
She snorted. “You want to know what I’ve been up to? How I’ve been?” She paused. “I’ve been living my life. That’s what I’ve been up to. And it’s been fucking fantastic.”
I nodded. “Have lunch with me.” Spend the rest of your life with me.
Her eyebrows bunched. “Have lunch with you?” she scoffed. The elevator car stopped and the doors opened. “I have to get to work. It was nice seeing you.”
She stepped out of the car and my eyes stayed on her until the doors shut. I stood rooted to the spot as the elevator started making its way down.
Alexandria hadn’t lost her…spunk over the years, that was for sure. She was pissed and probably hated me, but what could I expect after crushing her? And she was going through a divorce. Maybe now hadn’t been the best time to show up in her life, but I sure as hell didn’t want to waste any time like I had in the past.
Lessons of the past, I should teach a course on that. Lesson number one: don’t marry a bitch because you think it’s the right thing to do. Lesson number two: don’t walk away from the woman you love. Hold on tight and never let go.
The elevator stopped on several floors, people shuffling in and stepping off. I finally checked my watch. It was ten-twenty and I didn’t have to teach a class until one. I had time to swing by my sister’s office and talk.
I waited until the car arrived at the ground floor before punching the number for twelve to take me back up to the law firm. Two men and a woman joined me, talking about an important meeting they were on their way to attend, while I replayed my encounter with Alexandria.
I still fucking love her.
&nbs
p; The doors opened on the twelfth floor, and I stepped out, heading toward Mandy’s office. “Hi, Holly,” I greeted the receptionist. “How are you?”
She beamed. “Javier, it’s about time. You need to come by here more often.” She paused and glanced down the hallway toward the offices. “I’m good. Great now that I get to see your pretty face.”
“Does my sister have anyone in her office?”
“Not to my knowledge.”
I grinned. “Well, you would know. I think you know more than anyone around here.” I began walking toward Mandy’s closed door. “You take care.”
“You, too, handsome.”
I laughed and knocked on the door. “Come in.”
Opening the door slightly, I peeked my head inside. Mandy sat at her desk, fingers on her keyboard, black, shiny hair hanging around her face. “You busy?”
She tossed her glasses on the desk. “Nope. Just waiting on your ass to get back down here.”
I opened the door completely and walked inside, promptly shutting it. Then, I sat down and sighed. “She fucking hates me.”
“Of course she does. What the hell did you expect?”
I propped an ankle over my knee. “It’s one thing to know it, it’s another to experience it.” I paused, running a hand through my hair. “Fuck. I don’t know what to do. She’s getting a divorce, she doesn’t need me screwing with her life.”
Mandy smiled sweetly. “Or you could not be a bastard for once and make her life better instead of screwing with it.”
“How? How the fuck can I do that?”
“Be persistent. But not annoying. Remind her of the good times and show her even better ones. But above all else, be her damn friend.”
I still had no clue how to do that when Alexandria didn’t want anything to do with me. It hurt like hell knowing the love of my life hated me, but I had done it to myself. On purpose.
“So, where the fuck do I start?” I questioned. I knew I was beginning to be an ass, but my sister was use to my shit.
“Ask her to have lunch? Dinner? Do you know where she works?”
“You do.”
Mandy rolled her dark brown eyes. “I can’t give you information like that and you know it. You should’ve joined the family business instead of teaching boring math.”
“She works at some energy company. I saw it on the wall of the floor she stopped at.” I sighed. “Ask her to dinner? Even though she ran from me?”
“Don’t be a stalker or anything, just let her know you still care.”
A knock sounded at the door and in stepped our mother. “Javier, what are you doing here? And you didn’t even come by to say hello?”
I stood and hugged my mother. Erica Raymond Rodriguez was the sweetest person you could ever meet, but get her inside a courtroom, and she was lethal. “I was going to stop by before I left. I was just talking to Mandy first.”
“Okay. Remember, I’m taking Caroline to see the Nutcracker on Wednesday night. I’ll just pick her up from school and take her home afterwards.”
“I haven’t forgotten. She’s been talking about it non-stop.”
“Good, good.” My mom sat down in the chair next to the one I had been sitting in. “What are you doing here in the middle of the day? Is something wrong?”
“No,” I replied. “I just had a free morning and came by to see Mandy,” I smiled, “and you, of course.”
“You are just like your father, always sucking up,” my mom said, chuckling.
I stood. “Well, I better be getting to work. Bills won’t pay themselves.” I kissed my mom’s cheek. “It was good seeing both of you.”
And with that, I left.
The entire way out of the building and the entire drive to the university, I couldn’t stop thinking about Alexandria. What should I do? How should I go about it? But most of all, how do I make her not hate me long enough to explain my actions? Make her see that I really did love her?
Because if one thing was true, it was that Alexandria Wilson was the love of my life. I couldn’t, wouldn’t, let her go again.
I’d figure out a way to get her back. I didn’t have any other option.
Chapter 22
I rushed to my desk, my heart pounding as I raced off the elevator.
Holy shit.
Why the hell was life so cruel? Why, in a city the size of Houston, did I have to run into the one man who had crushed every single part of my being? He had used me, played with me, and then smashed me to dust.
My breathing was heavy as I unlocked my cell phone and made a call.
“Hello?”
“Becca, I just saw Javier,” I said into the phone.
She was silent for a moment. “The Javier? Holy shit. What happened?”
“I went downstairs to pick up some paperwork for my boss and he was there. He jumped on the elevator with me and wanted to…I don’t know, make small talk.”
“Huh.”
I sighed. “That’s all you got? I ran into fucking Javier.”
“I know. Shit. Did you tell him off? Slap him? Hit him? Please tell me you did something.”
“No,” I said. “I didn’t really do any of that. He asked me to have lunch with him and I basically snorted at him.”
“You pigged!” She giggled into the phone, referring to our long standing joke.
“Stop it. Yes, I pigged.”
“Is he still hot?”
“Shit yes. He looked tired, but he still…yes, he is still very attractive.” I hated to admit it, but even through my hate for him, he turned me on. I realized the connection I thought we’d shared hadn’t been real, but he still had a power over me physically.
“Did you mention anything about what happened after you broke up?”
I knew exactly what she was referring to. Something I had shoved to the very back of my mind—below every embarrassing thing that had ever happened to me and every nightmare I’d ever had. “No. Why would I? It doesn’t matter and nothing can be changed. Hell, he probably wouldn’t care.”
“Look. I’ve got to get back to work, but we will talk about this tonight when you get home.”
“Okay. Bye. Love you, sis.”
“Love you,” she said, and we disconnected the call.
Blowing out a breath, I tried to push thoughts of Javier to the back of my mind and concentrate on work, but it was hard. He kept wanting to crawl his way back to the front, just like he always had.
Javier had been my focus since the day I walked into his class and nothing had broken that—not his betrayal, not meeting Caleb six months later, not dating Caleb, or even our short engagement and marriage. Absolutely nothing had shoved Javier out of my thoughts.
And that was pathetic.
I knew it was wrong for me to let him own my soul, but I couldn’t seem to control it. That’s why I had deserved Caleb’s affair. And why I couldn’t be mad at him. He deserved happiness and love.
Before I realized it, I had worked through lunch and it was five o’clock. I usually stayed, but it was more out of filling time rather than being needed. Most everything I needed to do after five could be done on my phone or iPad.
After gathering my things, I left and drove to my sister’s cute rental house where I had been staying since separating from Caleb.
“I need details!” Rebecca yelled from the kitchen.
I tossed my keys in the small bowl on the entry table. “Give me a second,” I mumbled, taking my coat off and placing it in the closet.
“Did you know he’s on Facebook?”
“No, I didn’t,” I said, walking into the living room and flopping down on the couch.
She stepped into the room, laptop in hand. “Well, he is. I mean, it’s mainly private, but his profile pictures and his cover picture are visible.”
“That’s great,” I replied, not really caring about his Facebook page. Okay, small lie, but I knew I shouldn’t care.
She sat down next to me. “You should look.”
�
��Why?” I asked, irritated. “Why in the hell would you want me to look at his pictures? This is the guy who cheated on his wife with me, then cheated on me with another student. He’s a fucking bastard.” Tears began welling in my eyes, the irritation mixing with the hurt surfacing.
“I don’t know. I just think…a guy who loves his child that much, maybe he’s not as heartless as you think.”
I stood up. “I know he’s heartless. He admitted it to me. It wasn’t like I just assumed or anything. He told me he cheated on me. I was a game.” I huffed. “I need wine.”
She shrugged. “I think you should see him. Maybe get some closure at the very least. Then maybe you’d be able to move on once and for all.”
I scowled at her then went into the kitchen. I hated to admit it, but maybe she was right. Maybe if I actually sat and had a polite conversation with him, asked the questions I needed to know, I’d be able to move on. I might not ever have a happily ever after with some nice man, but I could still have a great life.
Glass of wine poured, I walked back into the living room and sat down on the couch next to Rebecca. “You really think it might help?”
“I do.” She smirked. “Then you can fuck him and leave.”
I tried to remain straight-faced, but wound up giggling. “He does give good orgasms. I mean, the man was made to fuck.” But then, the bitterness came out, “Fuck and use you, then toss you to the side.”
“Alex…” she trailed off and barking came from the back door.
“I’m fine,” I assured her, but I was lying. Seeing Javier had totally messed with me. And I still had Caleb and the divorce to deal with. “I better get Buster.”
My cute little mutt, Buster, had been my solace. He loved me for me, no matter what. I never had to worry about him leaving me for someone else. I let him inside then took my spot on the couch for the third time, Buster jumping on my lap.
“Let’s talk about something else,” I prompted as my sister stared at her laptop.
