“Hey,” she called out softly, distracting herself from the confusing emotions.
Sterling didn’t even flinch but continued to flip through the channels. “I was wondering how long you’d just stand there and stare.” He gave her a quick grin and turned back to the TV.
Kessed avoided the implication. “Can’t sleep?”
“Nope. I’m all jacked up from the jetlag, meds, and everything else. Besides, what in the hell have I done to make myself tired? I’ve literally sat or laid down all day.” He sighed heavily.
“You’re healing. It takes energy,” Kessed replied, crossing over to him and taking a seat on the arm of the couch.
“Thanks, Dr. Phil. Anything else?” Sterling asked then turned back to the TV.
“Nope. But if you’re not really invested in channel surfing as a sport, I can always put on a movie,” Kessed offered.
“Make yourself useful then.” Sterling handed her the remote.
“I feel all sorts of special,” she commented, waving it in the air. “I hold the controls.”
“Don’t let it go to your head.” Sterling chuckled, his full lips widening to a grin that accentuated his lone dimple.
Kessed walked to the screen and pulled out a drawer with older movies. “I’ll try. So, what will it be? The Notebook? A Walk to Remember? Oh! Moulin Rouge!”
“I hate you.”
Kessed laughed quietly and pulled out Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. “How about this one?” She held up the case.
“It’ll do,” Sterling commented.
Kessed quickly started the movie and took a seat on the couch beside Sterling’s wheelchair.
A few minutes into the film, Sterling shifted, and Kessed glanced to him, watching as he frowned.
“What’s up?” she asked.
“So… you and Jasper?” Sterling questioned.
Kessed swallowed. How do I answer? I mean, it isn’t as if they had made anything official, but it felt official….
“If you have to pause when answering, then I’m thinking it’s a no.” Sterling grinned widely.
“It’s not a no. It’s a—”
“Kess, if it’s not a quick yes, then it’s a maybe, at most. And a maybe sure as hell isn’t anything deep,” Sterling added, glancing to the movie and chuckling at something on the screen.
Kessed sighed. “It’s complicated.”
“No, it shouldn’t be.” Sterling turned back to her. “Either way, I’m glad. It kinda freaked me out to see you with him. I thought there was a lot more going on.” He shrugged.
Kessed opened her mouth, but Sterling interrupted.
“I’m not saying that there’s nothing going on between you two, I’m just saying that nothing’s set in stone, and”—he leaned forward and speared her with his gray gaze as the music from the movie played softly in the background—“I’ve pushed you away a long time, Kessed. And I think it’s about time I pulled you closer.” He shook his head and frowned slightly, taking a deep breath as his gaze lowered to his leg. A frown pinched his brow. “Shit like this”—he pointed to his leg—“makes you reevaluate life, and as much as I’ve loved being a marine, I don’t have a lasting legacy aside from leaving half my calf muscle somewhere in the dirt back there.” He sighed. “I want more than that, and… I want to explore what it would look like if you were part of it.” He took a deep breath, watching her intently.
Kessed blinked, pulling together her jumbled thoughts and the millions of directions they pulled her heart.
“Don’t say anything now. It’s late, it’s been a long day, and a longer week… at least for me. Just… think about it.” Sterling reached out, trailed a warm finger down her cheek and then placed his hands back on the wheels. “I’m heading back to bed. See you in the morning.” He whipped around and started rolling back toward his room. “Unless you want to join me?” he teased over his shoulder.
Kessed shook her head, the fog of confusion lifting as she arched a brow. “Yeah, no.”
“My door’s always open.” He disappeared through his room’s door.
Kessed turned back to the movie.
What. In. The. Hell?
Her heart kept flipping through the pages of her life, going between the pictures of Jasper and the pictures of Sterling, confusing her further. She pinched her nose and took a deep breath through her mouth. Rationally, she considered her situation. Who is to say that Sterling would even remember the conversation in the morning? Or that he wasn’t on some killer pain meds clouding his mind? Why should she take his words at full weight and run? There was no reason! Maybe all this… whatever it was… wasn’t what it seemed.
Sterling was in a vulnerable place; she needed to remember that.
And Jasper… she grinned just thinking his name. How could she even think about walking away from whatever it was that they had? Just thinking about it made her heart ache. But if that were the case, why hadn’t she corrected Sterling?
So many questions.
Not enough answers.
And damn it all, the day had only begun.
Kessed groaned softly, leaning her head back on the couch. Not enough coffee in the world to deal with this.
Especially at 2:00.
Rather, 2:15.
With a deep sigh, she stood. After grabbing the remote, she turned off the TV and walked back to her bedroom. Her sheets were still slightly warm as she snuggled into the bed, but her body was anything but relaxed, and her mind was spinning.
What if Sterling had been thinking clearly? What if he’d actually meant what he’d just said? Would she be willing to end everything with Jasper on that risk? No. Of course not.
It wouldn’t be wise. It wouldn’t be fair.
But that didn’t stop it from being tempting.
It was like looking at the two parts of her life and trying to figure out which was more important. Her past, and everything that it represented for her future? Or her present and the new hope it had given for what lay ahead? It was impossible to compare the two; they were both important.
Her mind continued to spin till beeping awoke her from the small amount of restless sleep she’d been able to snag. Groaning, she fumbled with her phone till she silenced the alarm and leaned back into her pillow, closing her eyes.
After a few moments of self-talk, trying to motivate herself to get up, she swung her legs over the bed and sighed. Soon she was dressed in her jean shorts and T-shirt, sporting her usual messy bun. The scent of coffee wafted through the hall as she headed to the bathroom and then beckoned her to the kitchen once she brushed her teeth.
The pot was half full and still steaming when she grabbed a mug. As she scanned the countertop, she found a note.
Good morning beautiful.
I love you, and I’ll miss you every moment of today.
Cyler.
Kessed grinned wildly for her friend and the love she’d clearly found with her new husband.
She filled her mug with coffee and moved to the back door. Her red boots were on the mat where she last left them, and the sight of them brought a grin to her lips.
Jasper.
She slipped them on, once again appreciating the way they hugged her feet, and walked out into the morning air. The sunlight was streaming over the canyon, and the lawn was wet with the fresh dew, making the green sparkle. She took a long drink of her coffee and strode to the barn as the sound of the cattle lowing in the distance enveloped her. She slid the wood door open and called out to Margaret.
“Morning!” As she approached the mare’s stall, she noticed that the horse had already been fed, probably by Cyler. “I guess you don’t need me anymore.” Kessed patted her neck.
Margaret huffed.
“But I’m sure you’d still appreciate your treat.” Kessed walked to the tack room and took out a sugar cube, which Mar
garet happily accepted. “There. Now your day is all set.”
The greedy horse sniffed her hand to check for more.
“Nope, eat your vegetables.” Kessed nodded to the pile of hay, and Margaret sighed heavily but lowered her head.
“Good girl.” Kessed gave a short laugh and walked back out into the yard, keeping the barn door open to let in some light and fresh air.
As she glanced to the house, she hesitated to head back to the kitchen. The events from the night before still hung heavily with her, and she wasn’t sure if she was ready to face it all yet. She turned her attention to Rattlesnake Hills, the large expanse of Elk Heights Ridge, and the slopes below. It was beautiful country and she’d miss seeing the view each morning.
Who knew I am a country girl at heart?
“Hey.” Laken’s voice startled her, and Kessed jumped slightly before giving her friend a chagrined smile.
“Hey.”
“Jumpy this morning.” Laken closed the distance and took a sip of her own coffee.
“Just enjoying all this beauty.” Kessed dodged the question.
“It’s pretty amazing, huh? I fell in love with this place almost as fast as I fell in love with Cyler.” She spoke softly.
“Did you see your note?” Kessed asked, arching a brow.
“Yup. I already miss him. Stupid working and having to make money,” she grumbled good-naturedly.
“Yeah, life’s hard,” Kessed replied with heavy sarcasm.
“He’ll be home by noon. He’s just there for the morning.”
“Nice,” Kessed answered, turning her attention back to the view. “How are you holding up with the whole Sterling thing?”
Laken paused. “Better, now that I can actually be with him. I was going a little—a lot—crazy. I’m glad you’re here though. Moral support and all.”
Kessed gave a little fist-pump. “Moral support is my jam.”
“And here I thought it was sarcasm?” Laken teased. “I’m going to start breakfast. I’m sure Sterling will be up soon. You hungry?”
“You cooking?” Kessed eyed her friend cautiously.
“Hey, Cyler has taught me a few things.” Laken placed her hands on her hips.
“Did you learn them? There’s a distinction between being taught and actually mastering the skill—”
“Are you hungry or not?” Laken asked, arching a brow as she tilted her head.
“Kinda,” Kessed answered non-committedly as she followed her friend into the house.
“You can go and get something at McDonald’s if I screw it up, okay? You’re not going to starve.”
“There’s always a chance.”
Laken blew out an exasperated breath. “Some things never change.”
“Why improve on perfection?” Kessed questioned as they walked into the kitchen.
“Look who decided to show up?” Sterling asked from the table, his large hands wrapped around a coffee mug with the Seattle Space Needle pictured.
“We’ve been up for a long time. We just wanted to give you time to sleep,” Laken spoke over her shoulder as she walked to the stove.
“She’s cooking?” Sterling stage-whispered to Kessed.
Kessed nodded.
“You know, I’m not really—”
Laken pointed at him with a spatula. “Do not finish that sentence.”
He closed his lips and shared a glance with Kessed.
“Look who’s learned to listen? I’m so proud of you,” Kessed teased, her nerves tight as she waited to see if Sterling remembered the early-morning conversation.
“I listen well. Sometimes so well that I actually hear those wheels turning. It’s an effort, isn’t it?” Sterling replied to Kessed’s barb.
“Guys, knock it off.” Laken glared as she cracked eggs into a bowl.
Sterling waved Kessed closer.
As she bent over, the scent of his soap mixed with shaving cream called to her. “You, me, McDonald’s… thirty minutes.”
Kessed swallowed hard. “We’re in this together,” she answered lightly, though her heart felt anything but.
“What are you two conspiring?” Laken asked without turning around as she placed the eggs in the skillet.
“Nothing,” Sterling answered but winked at Kessed.
“Liar.”
“Still not telling,” Sterling replied.
“I’m not going to burn the eggs,” Laken almost whined.
“We’ll see. I need proof,” Kessed teased her friend, relaxing slightly. She took a seat across from Sterling and avoided eye contact. Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and she slipped it out.
Jasper.
Morning.
Kessed lips pulled into a smile. Leave it to him to let a simple word mean so much. He could have said it many other ways.
I’m thinking of you.
You’re on my mind.
I just wanted you to know.
Yet he’d put it into one word. So like him.
Kessed replied.
Morning to you too.
She set her phone on the table, watching as the little bubble popped up.
Full day today, but can I see you tomorrow?
Kessed replied.
If you’re lucky.
She could almost hear his laugh.
I was born lucky.
She sent off a quick text.
Then I guess I see you tomorrow. Go save some animal lives today.
Jasper’s reply was quick.
I need a theme song. You should work on that. See you soon, but not soon enough.
Kessed smiled wide.
Look at you, being all sappy. I’m not complaining. And we’ll see about the theme song… I gotta go. Laken’s cooking, and that translates as a fire hazard.
Jasper replied with a fire emoji.
Pain in the ass.
“Now, if you’re done grinning like an idiot, I have some pretty amazing eggs for you.” Laken set the skillet down on the table on top of a hot pad.
“I’m impressed, but reserving judgment until I taste them,” Kessed replied then glanced to Sterling, grinning, but her smile faded as she watched his expression.
A mix of calculation and curiosity filtered through his gray eyes. “Tell Jasper hi for me.” He spoke with an almost challenging tone.
Kessed nodded once. “You bet.”
Did he watch me as I texted back and forth with Jasper? Apparently, and why was he still watching her with that same strange intensity? Well, that certainly implied that he was fully aware of the conversation last night.
Well, life hadn’t gotten any less complicated; that was for sure.
Kessed needed something to do, so she rose from the table, walked to the cabinet, and pulled down several plates. Next, she grabbed out a few forks from the drawer and set them all on the table.
“Salt?” Sterling asked, a wary grin on his face, and Kessed was relieved that the previous expression was no longer there.
“Sure thing.”
“I already salted them.” Laken spoke up, and Kessed paused, her eyes widening as she glanced to Sterling.
“Okay.”
Laken served the eggs onto three plates and handed each over.
Sterling lifted his fork with a bite of scrambled eggs and watched as Kessed did the same, both waiting for the other one to take the first taste.
Laken sighed heavily and took a big bite. “It’s fine.” She spoke around the mouthful.
Kessed followed suit and was surprised when the eggs tasted like… eggs. “Cyler is magic. Seriously, he taught you how to cook. The impossible has been accomplished.” Kessed took another bite, watching as Sterling finally took one as well.
“Look who decided to strap on a pair and be brave?” Kessed harassed.
/>
“I’ve lived with her cooking longer than you. There’s a deep fear,” Sterling replied after he swallowed. “But, Laken, these are actually really good. Nice work.”
“Seriously, it’s eggs. They are hard to mess up.”
“Yet you consistently have done that,” Sterling retorted.
“Fine. But I didn’t, so… there.” Laken took another bite and winced. She lifted a hand and spit out a piece of shell then aimed a glare at her friend and brother. “It still counts. Shell or no shell.”
“Still a solid win, sis.” Sterling nodded, but Kessed noted that he chewed a little slower, as if testing the bite before swallowing.
She did the same.
“So, what’s on the agenda today?” Kessed asked, pushing her plate away and picking up her coffee cup.
“I’ve got a full day.” Sterling stretched his back and then leaned forward, spearing her with his gaze.
Kessed’s brows pinched.
“Yup. You’ve got your antibiotics, and I’m helping you do your exercises for rehab, not to mention today we’re going to get you up to walk a little bit.” Laken punctuated her words with her fork.
“I’m moral support.” Kessed lifted her hand, grinning.
“That’s not exactly what I meant, but nice to know you’re taking over my life, sis.” Sterling groaned.
“Happy to.” Laken winked.
“Actually, I was talking about my personal schedule.” He arched a brow to Kessed. “How long are you staying here?”
Kessed shared a glance with Laken, her tension growing. “A few days….”
“Enough for a solid start. Good.”
“Start for…” Laken asked, her gaze darting between her friend and brother.
“Enough to start what I should have done years ago….” He crossed his built arms as he’d proverbially thrown the gauntlet on the breakfast table.
Well, at least it answered one question.
He’d known what he was saying last night.
He meant it.
And now Laken was a witness.
“Sterling, I… I’m not sure that’s a great idea,” Kessed started, but he raised his hand.
“Kessed, I’m not blind. I’m not the only one playing for keeps… but you should be fully aware that I’m laying my cards on the table, and if this Jasper guy wants to play, he’s going to have to break out the big guns—because I’m all in.”
The Courage of a Cowboy Page 18
