by S. J. West
I nod. “Ok, Jess.”
I look up at Aiden and see that his face is drawn, like he’s worried about something now. I instantly realize that his invitation outside isn’t just a ploy to get me alone. I have a feeling he’s finally ready to tell me more about himself and his past.
I just hope I’m ready to hear it.
CHAPTER TEN
Aiden and I walk hand in hand to the back of the house. When we reach the door leading to the back garden, he grabs Jess’ purple hooded, fur lined coat off the coat rack and holds it open for me to slip my arms into. Normally, I’m pretty stubborn about doing things for myself, but when I’m around Aiden, I get the feeling it’s important to him to do little things like this for me. And, I honestly don’t mind it. I find it charming in an old-fashioned sort of way because he does them so naturally, and it doesn’t feel like a show he’s putting on just to impress me. It’s simply who he is around those he cares about. I suddenly realize he's a lot like my dad and Uncle Malcolm in that regard.
Aiden opens the door for me and grabs a jacket off the rack for himself. I recognize it as the same black leather jacket he wore when he pulled Baal off me. After we both walk out onto the back porch, Aiden closes the door behind us and casually takes my hand again like it's the most natural thing in the world to do.
Jess and Mason’s Denver home is built in a lush green valley. The surrounding snow peaked mountain range stands like a majestic guardian protecting those within its hold. The backyard looks almost exactly like the one at Jess’ father’s house, the one she grew up in. I remember being at her father's house one day and Jess telling me how she and her mother used to work in the garden together when she was a child. I’m not sure how Jess’ mother died. Jess never seemed to want to talk about it. But, considering how this garden is almost an exact replica of her mother's garden with its rose bushes and white gazebo in the center of it all, Jess must have loved her mother a great deal to keep a small part of her alive like this.
“Would you mind if we sat in the gazebo?” Aiden asks.
I shake my head. “No, I don’t mind.”
Why would I mind? He could have asked me to travel to the seventh realm of Hell, and I would have followed him there joyfully.
We walk down the short, red brick path that leads to the gazebo. There are benches built into the walls of the structure, and Aiden walks us directly to the bench straight out from the entrance. He sits down and gently pulls on my hand so I sit right next to him. Our thighs touch briefly and Aiden moves an inch away to break their contact.
Why did he just do that?
He keeps a hold of my hand, but why did he move so quickly away from me with just a bare brushing of the thighs. I hear him take in a deep breath. The look on his face is troubled, and I know for a fact that he brought me out here for more than just my company.
“I wanted to talk to you about something before I lose my nerve to do it,” he begins. “I feel like you should know a little bit more about my past before Gabe shows us your future tonight.”
"Our future," I correct because in my mind our futures were linked from the moment we saw each other at Chandler's concert.
Aiden tries to smile, but I feel him squeeze my hand gently and then let it go. The gesture feels significant, like he doesn't want to make me feel obligated to keep touching him. I quietly take in a deep breath of my own, bracing myself for what he's about to say.
Aiden spreads his legs slightly and rest his elbows on his thighs as he leans forward, lacing his fingers together with a worried frown creasing his brow.
"There are a lot of things I want to tell you about myself," he begins slowly. "Things that I think you deserve to know."
I remain silent because I can almost physically feel Aiden's need to bare his soul to me. I think he's needed this moment for a long time but never had the right person to listen. I like knowing he feels comfortable enough to tell me his deepest, darkest secrets. And I hope I'm ready to hear them. I have no way of knowing what he'll say. The only thing I know for certain is that I love him and nothing he can possibly tell me about his past will change that.
"When I first learned the extent of our curse from our father, I promise you I tried my best to stay away from humans. I didn't want to give into the monster the curse created inside me because I knew if I did I would lose myself. But, my hunger for blood eventually reached a breaking point. I began to feel like I was dying from the inside out yet never able to find the relief death would bring. The Watchers like your father and Mason had to seclude themselves for a very long time before they were able to live among humans again. There was a part of me that wanted to do that too, but there was also a part of me that was mad at our father for cursing us in the first place. Eventually, I let my anger towards Him rule my actions. That's when I killed my first human and completely lost who I was for a very long time."
Aiden looks over at me to see my reaction to his words.
I'm not sure how I'm supposed to react. You can't exactly smile about something like that. And I don't what to frown because that might temper what he says to me next.
"Go on, Aiden," I urge, trying to give him the support he needs to continue.
He looks back down at his hands still clasped in front of him and begins to rub his palms together nervously.
"I can still remember that first drink of blood," he tells me. "It was like I could finally breathe again. The blood tasted sweeter than any wine because it made me feel alive. Every swallow seemed to fill the empty space inside my heart where God used to be. That was the moment I decided I didn't need Him anymore. I could survive without Him. Who needed a father who turned his back on you?" Aiden shakes his head. "I was arrogant thinking I could live without Him in my life. And stubborn because I thought I knew what I needed better than He did. It took me a long time to realize that He wasn't really mad at us for taking human wives. He was disappointed in us for disobeying a simple rule He set down before us to guide our integration into the human world. Now that He allows marriages between Watchers and humans, I think maybe that was his plan all along, but we screwed it up because we let our needs overshadow His. Our mission here was to teach humans various things, but I believe He also wanted to teach us something too."
"Teach you what?" I ask.
"Teach some of us how to love instead of hate," Aiden says, glancing in my direction. "Your father was right the other night. In Heaven, I was filled with so much anger and hostility that I let it blind me in some ways. I was born to be a fighter, and I never bothered to take the time to appreciate the beauty surrounding me. I was a hot head and never listened to anyone but myself. I think God chose some of us to come to Earth so we could learn how to care about others more than we cared about ourselves. And to force us to stop and look around at the beautiful things He created. But we never should have disobeyed Him. I think that disobedience proved to Him it just wasn't time for the next evolution of our two races. We were the first wave of angels to live among humans, and we failed His test miserably. Maybe one day He'll try again with a different set of angels who can carry out His plan and not fail Him like we did."
Aiden grows quiet again, and he still looks troubled, like there is more of his story to tell.
"I've murdered people, Caylin," he finally confesses, the pain of his actions drenching every word. "I've killed so many in my time. I know some Watchers used to justify their kills by saying the human deserved it, but no one deserves to die like that. It's not the way you see it in movies where the vampire hypnotizes their victim, and they don't feel anything. Every one of my victims fought back, but they simply weren't any match for me. That became a thrill too, knowing they were helpless to stop me. And at some point I turned it into a game. I began to target women because I knew I could seduce them into my bed and drain them of blood after I had my way with them."
Aiden looks at me then and doesn't try to avert his eyes. I think he needs to know what I think about what he just told me. I don't have
time to come up with a pithy come back. All I can do is be honest.
"What you did was terrible," I tell him. "There's no way I can sit here and tell you it wasn't. But you're different now, Aiden. You're not that hot headed, bloodthirsty angel anymore. You're remorseful for what you did. You took God's offer of earning forgiveness after the Tear was formed and succeeded where a lot of Watchers failed or simply didn't even try. You need to stop letting your guilt eat you up inside. The past is just that, the past, and it's been forgiven. What you do here in the present and in the future is all that matters now."
"But," Aiden sits up, "how can someone like you want to be with someone like me?"
"What do you mean by someone like me?" I ask, completely confused.
"Caylin," Aiden says as if I should already know the answer to my own question, "you have one of the purest souls ever created. It was so pure it forced Lucifer out of your mother when God placed it inside her womb and into your body. I just don't understand how someone like you can be meant for me. I don't deserve you. You deserve someone so much better."
I feel my blood literally begin to boil beneath my skin.
"We both deserve someone who loves us, Aiden. And, from the moment I saw you, I knew you were the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Don't ever tell me that I deserve someone better than you because there is no one else for me. There never will be."
Aiden seems to study every inch of my face as if he's trying to find some reason to doubt what I've just said. He seems to almost allow himself to believe my words, but his brow creases again in worry.
"There's more I need to tell you about me," he says and I hear the dread in his voice.
"Caylin!"
I turn my head to see Joshua walk out the back door with my doll in his hands.
I look back at Aiden.
"I guess it'll have to wait until another day," he says, averting his gaze from me.
I grab one of his hands and hold it tightly, forcing him to look back at me.
"Whatever it is," I tell him, "you need to understand it won't matter to me. Am I making myself crystal clear?"
A half smile forms on Aiden's lips. "Yes, ma'am."
I sort of smile back. "Good."
"Ok," Joshua says as he walks into the gazebo, "you can literally throw this baby off the Brooklyn Bridge and its memory core will still say you were an attentive, doting mother."
I stand and Aiden stands with me.
"Thanks, Joshua," I say, taking the doll with my free hand because I feel like Aiden still needs the reassurance of my touch.
"Just don't tell your uncle I helped you," Joshua tells me in a whisper, like Uncle Malcolm might be lurking close by.
"I won't," I whisper back.
"Ok, well, good luck tonight," Joshua tells me, "I heard the vessels are going to show you your future. I think your uncle and Mason are planning to go in there with you, Jess and your mom."
I suddenly become nervous. What if intimate parts of my future with Aiden are revealed and my mom and uncle are there to witness them? I begin to run through hundreds of reasons why they shouldn't go in with me, but realize they're only doing it to help me. In the end, it doesn't matter what they see. Everyone knows Aiden and I are meant to be together. It was predestined by God and given His blessing. No matter what might be shown, everyone present loves me and only wants the best for me.
"Why isn't my dad coming too?" I ask Joshua since he seems to have the inside track on things. It seems odd that Uncle Malcolm would be coming and not my dad.
"Yeah, won't work with him. If you're not a vessel, you have to have angelic DNA to go into their inner realm thingy. Don't know why exactly. They tried to take me in there once but it didn't work. The DNA explanation was what Angela and her dad came up with to explain it," Joshua says with a shrug. "Listen, I didn't mean to interrupt you guys, but shouldn't you be getting back to school? I think Leah's swim practice is about to end."
"Yes, I need to go back," I say, not really wanting to leave when Aiden was just starting to open up to me, but I can’t leave my best friend high and dry.
I turn to Aiden. "Maybe we can continue this talk tomorrow? I don't think we'll have time tonight."
Aiden nods his agreement. "Yes, we'll finish it tomorrow."
I look back at Joshua because I really need him to leave for a minute so I can ask Aiden something.
"I'll see you later, Joshua," I say, hoping my friend gets my subtle hint to skedaddle.
Joshua looks between Aiden and me and seems to understand I need him to leave.
"Uh, yeah, sure thing. See ya, KK."
Joshua walks back to the house, and I tighten my hold on Aiden's hand on reflex.
Asking a guy out isn't something I've ever done and now that I'm faced with doing it, I feel nervous. I try to reason with myself that it's Aiden. The odds of him turning me down are pretty much zero, but I still feel nervous butterflies crashing into the wall of my stomach as I turn to him and look into his questioning blue-green eyes.
"Valentine's Day is coming up," I manage to get out before having to clear my throat so I can get the rest of my words out, "and my school is having a dance that night."
A slow smile spreads Aiden's lips because he would have to be an idiot not to know where I'm going with this.
"Would you like to go to the dance with me?"
Aiden doesn't say anything for a full five seconds. How do I know it was five seconds? Because I was counting as I held my breath. Finally, he answers.
"You know I thought I would be the one who did the asking for our first official date." Aiden's brow furrows and I begin to wonder if he's actually going to turn me down. "Can I give you my answer later?"
"Oh," I say, feeling my cheeks heat up out of embarrassment, "if you don't want to go..."
Aiden tightens his hold on my hand.
"There's nothing more that I want," he tells me earnestly, causing my heart to tighten inside my chest because I can tell he truly means it. "But I need to do something first."
"What?" I ask.
"I had planned to ask your father permission to ask you out before I actually did it. If I had known you were going to do it first, I would have gone to him before now. I would feel better if I had his blessing. Can you understand that?"
I nod. "Yes, I can understand that. It might make things easier in the long run."
"Exactly," Aiden says, apparently glad to see I understand his reasoning.
"Ok, so, Valentine's Day is the day after tomorrow..." I hint.
Aiden smiles. "I'll go to him after you leave here. He's teaching at Southeastern right?"
"Yeah, he should be alone in his office this time of afternoon waiting on my mom to get through with her last lecture of the day. Well, unless he has one of his angst ridden art students with him bending his ear about their tortured soul or how no one understands their art."
Aiden chuckles. The sound of which makes me smile.
"Ok, I know where his office is. I've been there once with Malcolm. Why do he and your mom teach at that college anyway? It's not like they need the money."
"They only teach one semester a year there. But, to answer your question, they told me that it's important to share your knowledge with others. I guess you should know that better than most people since that's what the Watchers were sent here to do in the first place."
"True. I guess it makes sense."
"My dad's a great art teacher. All of his students love him, especially the girls."
"And your mom's always been interested in science?"
"Molecular biology to be specific. I think after learning about her genetic background it helped her focus on which area of biology she wanted to specialize in. Of course, she got her PHD by the time she was twenty, which was completely unheard of at Southeastern until she did it. I guess that's why the Dean treats her like a rock star. She could probably get away with murder there if she wanted to. My dad was going to follow her degree program but my mo
m talked him out of it. She knew his heart was in the arts and told him life was too short not to do what he loved to do."
"Do you want to do what your dad does? Teach art one day?" Aiden asks.
"I'm not really sure yet," I admit. "But, I think I might like to have my own art studio to show my work and maybe help some struggling artists get noticed. And maybe teach some private classes on the side."
"Sounds like fun," Aiden says, and I know he's not just saying it to be polite. He actually does think my plan might be fun.
"Ok, well, I need to get back before Leah starts wondering where I am."
"I'll see you tonight then," Aiden says as he lifts my hand to his lips and kisses it.
The first contact of Aiden's lips against my skin makes my whole body feel like it's just been set on fire. I simply don't breathe. I can't think straight enough to breathe.
His lips linger slightly longer than just some brushing of the lips. Even when the kiss ends, I can still feel where his lips were pressed against my skin from the slight wetness there now. I don't want to go but know I have to.
"I'll see you tonight," I say.
Aiden looks into my eyes, and I can see my own want for me to stay mirrored there.
"I'll be counting the minutes," he tells me.
I smile at the reminder and phase back to the hill near my school before I talk myself into staying.
I grab my book bag and make my way down to the parking lot. Leah is just walking up to my car, and I sigh in relief that I didn't make her wait.
"Have you been a devoted mother to that spawn of Satan or something? It's not crying." Leah says, looking at the doll in my hand suspiciously.
"Yeah," I said, opening the driver side door and stuffing the doll into the cubbyhole behind my seat.
Leah looks at me like I've completely lost my mind.
"You're boyfriend fixed it for me," I tell her.
Leah giggles. "Isn't that cheating?"
"Uncle Malcolm started it. He had Joshua program it to give me hell for 24 hours. I just used his own tactic against him."
