by S. J. West
“Ok, be good,” Jess says to Aiden with her eyebrows raised as she emphasizes her last word.
Aiden nods that he understands.
We walk out the back of the house to the beach.
“You have a house close by?” I ask.
Aiden stops walking and lets go of my hand to stand right behind me. He lowers his head to my level over my right shoulder and stretches his arm out to point to a small island in the distance.
“I built a house over there on that island,” he tells me, his breath tickling the side of my cheek he’s so close.
“So that’s where we’re racing to?” I ask, just to clarify.
“Yes,” Aiden says, taking a step back from me.
I turn to face him and quickly take my t-shirt off in one swift motion, tossing it to the white sand at our feet. I look at Aiden and see him studying me thoughtfully. He seems to be trying his best to keep his eyes on my face, but I see his gaze dip lower taking in my barely there bikini top with its two small triangles strategically placed and only held up by spaghetti straps.
I watch for any change in his expression as I slowly unbutton the top of my jean shorts and let down the zipper. His eyes follow my movements, and I see his Adam’s apple bob up and down like he just swallowed hard. I let the shorts fall to the ground and step out of them.
Aiden’s eyes travel the length of my body, not attempting to act the gentleman anymore and keep his eyes on my face. I don’t have to be a mind reader to know he finds me attractive. And, for some reason, I don’t feel almost naked in front of him. I want him to see me. I want him to want me. I want him to kiss me.
“Three,” I say, taking small steps backward towards the water, “two…you really should get undressed before I reach one,” I tell him.
Only this warning seems to break the trance Aiden’s under as he realizes I’m counting down to the start of our race. He quickly strips off his shirt and throws it on top of my clothes.
I find I can’t actually say the number one because I’ve lost the ability to speak with a half-naked Aiden standing in front of me. He pulls the string holding his pants around his waist and shimmies out of them quickly, tossing them where his shirt is.
Aiden looks back at me, now only clothed in a pair of square cut white swim briefs. A sexy, playful smile spreads his lips and his eyes look like they’re on fire.
“One,” he says, making a mad dash for the water and diving in.
I curse under my breath for letting myself get distracted and quickly follow him into the sea.
The island isn’t too far away maybe a couple of miles. I’m faintly aware of Aiden being close beside me as we swim towards it. An image flashes through my mind of us kissing in the Yale courtyard. It urges me to swim faster and harder, straining every muscle in my body to make it to shore before Aiden does. I pull ahead and keep the lead for a while, but Aiden seems to find extra energy from somewhere and is almost half a body length ahead of me as we approach the shoreline.
I call on every ounce of energy I have left to inch forward, but Aiden seems bound and determined to win this race
I lose some of my steam as this fact hits home.
He has to know what I planned to ask for as my prize, yet, he’s doing everything in his power to make sure I don’t win. My heart begins to ache inside my chest with this realization, and I feel not only the salt water from the sea but my own tears sting my eyes. I slow my pace to an easy swim. I’m not in any hurry to reach the shoreline now because my heart feels completely crushed by Aiden’s determination to ensure my loss.
By the time I reach water shallow enough to stand in, I know Aiden has been on shore for a little while now.
“Why did you give up?” He calls out to me.
I keep my eyes on the water I’m walking through because I know if I look at him he’ll see the tears in my eyes. Instead of making a verbal reply I simply shake my head and slow my walk to shore even more, hoping by the time I reach it I’ll have my emotions under control. But, Aiden doesn’t give me that time. He phases into the water right in front of me.
“Caylin, look at me,” he begs.
I stop walking and continue to look down at the water. All I can do is shake my head no again.
“Please, Caylin.”
I take in a deep breath and ask the same question I asked the night before.
“Why?”
I hear Aiden sigh heavily, like my simple question will be a hard one to answer. He knows what I’m really asking, but will he tell me the truth this time?
“I need to tell you more about myself first and maybe then you can understand why I haven’t kissed you yet. But please, don’t stand there and think it’s because I don’t want to. I just need you to know everything about my past first.”
I look up at Aiden then as I wipe the tears away from my eyes and sniff.
His face looks drawn, like each of my tears are tearing out pieces of his heart.
“Then tell me,” I say, “because I can’t go on like this, Aiden.”
He nods slowly, letting me know he understands. He holds out one of his hands to me and I take it. Together we walk onto shore. Instead of walking over the sand, Aiden phases us to a wooden walkway, which starts at the line of trees leading into the interior of the island.
“My house is just up here,” he tells me.
“If you have a house here, why do you spend so much time at Jess and Mason’s?”
“This place doesn’t feel like a home yet and theirs does. I like the feeling of family their house has.”
“How many homes do you have?” I ask, knowing most Watchers have a few scattered around the world.
“I have three.”
“I remember you saying you have a place in Denver. Where is the other one?”
“Near Memphis. I bought it when Mason put me in charge of the headquarters there.”
Aiden’s beach home reminds me a lot of my Uncle Malcolm’s. It’s modern and made mostly of smooth cement, glass and steel.
“Why does it look so much like Uncle Malcolm’s house in Hawaii?” I ask.
“Probably because he helped me design and build it.”
“I didn’t realize he liked you that much.”
Aiden snickers. “He didn’t at first, but I think I’ve grown on him. You know he offered to kill me for your parents the first night we saw each other, right?”
I stop walking which makes Aiden stop walking and turn to face me.
“No,” I said. “Was he serious?”
“Not completely sure,” Aiden says with a small smile. “But your mom told him he couldn’t kill me because it would ruin your life.”
“Thank God for mom.”
Aiden tugs on my hand.
“Let’s go inside. We can talk there.”
We walk up the steps to the front door. Aiden doesn’t open it just phases us to the interior.
“Wait here,” he tells me and phases somewhere.
He’s back in less than a minute dressed in a black t-shirt and shorts. He hands me a plain white t-shirt.
“I don’t think any of my pants will fit you,” he says.
“The shirt will probably look like a dress on me anyway,” I tell him, slipping it over my head. The shirt falls to mid-thigh. “See?”
“Looks better on you than me though,” he says, taking one of my hands again and leading me through the house.
We walk up a steel staircase to the second floor. Every wall on this floor is made of glass and I see a large bedroom on the west end of the house. There is a waterfall in the backyard that empties into a lazy river, which runs back through the lush jungle.
Aiden walks me over to a pair of glass doors that lead out to a cement terrace. He lets go of my hand to open them so we can hear the sound of the fall and wildlife outside. I thought he would retake my hand but he doesn’t. Instead, he leans a shoulder up against the glass wall on the right side of the opening, folding his arms in front of him and taking in a deep b
reath.
“Last time I told you about what I did after the curse,” he says. “Now I need to tell you what happened after the Tear was opened, and I decided I’d had enough of my life and was ready to earn my forgiveness.”
Aiden pauses and I don’t say anything. I just look at him, waiting for him to continue.
“I was finding it hard to stop drinking blood cold turkey,” he says. “So, I found a way to fill the void temporarily.” Aiden looks at me, and I can tell he doesn’t want to say what he does next. “I used sex as a way to keep myself relaxed, to take the edge off of my blood lust.”
“I never thought you were a monk, Aiden,” I tell him. “Leah told me you had been with a lot of women in your time.”
“A lot doesn’t even begin to describe it, Caylin. I simply exchanged one addiction for another.”
“Why are you telling me this?” I ask, not really wanting to know how many women Aiden has been with before me.
“Because,” he begins but seems to be having a hard time continuing. He falls silent and has to look away from me before he can continue. “Because even after I saw you that Valentine’s Day at Chandler’s concert, I didn’t stop. I couldn’t.”
I stand there stunned, and it takes me a while before I can ask, “You’ve been with other women since that night?”
Aiden forces himself to look back at me. “Yes.”
I don’t say anything for a long time but finally I manage a small, “I see.”
“I’m sorry,” he says in a low voice. “I wanted to stop. I really did, but it took me a while before I could.”
“So when did you?” I ask tersely, knowing I have no right to sound angry but I am.
“After our first phone call,” he tells me. “When you called me and I heard your voice for the first time, it made me realize how stupid I was being to jeopardize everything I could have with you for a few pleasurable moments with those other women. I told you then that I had some things to work out. That I needed time too.”
He was right. He did warn me back then. But, it doesn’t help wipe away the sting of betrayal I feel.
“I couldn’t even look at another guy after that night,” I tell him, hoping he understands how what he did has hurt me. “I’ve spent the last three years completely faithful to you because I knew there would never be anyone else for me but you. And now you’re telling me that you bedded… how many? Hundreds of women since that night?”
Aiden stands away from the wall he’s leaning against and takes a step towards me.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “If I could go back in time and change that part of my life, I would. I would do it in a heartbeat because the last thing I want to do is hurt you.”
“I’ve never even kissed a boy, Aiden. I couldn’t even think about doing it because it would have felt like I was being unfaithful to you.”
“Can you forgive me?”
I stare at him, unable to answer immediately. I can see the worry on his face. He’s not completely sure I’ll be able to get over what he’s said to me. And the logical part of me knows that even after that first night, neither of us were officially committed to one another. But for me, that night changed my life completely. If I hadn’t seen Aiden, I would probably be going out with Hunter right now. But after seeing Aiden, there was no way a normal teenage life was in the cards for me. He became the only man for me. The only one I would ever love. And he still was.
“Yes,” I tell him. “I can forgive you. But I need you to answer a question.”
“You can ask me anything,” Aiden says, taking another step towards me.
“Why haven’t you kissed me?”
“It’s not because I don’t want to,” he says. “I’m just not sure I’m ready for it yet.”
“Why?”
“Because if I kiss you, if we start being physical with each other, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to just stop at a kiss. I’m scared I would try to push you for more and that’s not something I ever want to do. You’re the only pure thing that I’ve ever had in my life, Caylin. I don’t want to spoil what’s developing between us. I don’t want to take the gift God’s given me lightly.”
“Is what you’re telling me the truth or are you just using it as an excuse?” I ask.
“Of course it’s true,” Aiden says. “Why would I need an excuse?”
“Maybe there’s a part of you that just doesn’t find me attractive,” I say letting my vulnerable, insecure side show. “Maybe there’s a part of you that just can’t bring yourself to kiss me.”
Aiden looks at me in confusion. “Don’t ever think that,” he tells me. “You’re beautiful, smart, fun to be with, what more could I want?”
“I don’t know,” I say, crying. “But I don’t think it’s me.”
I turn around and start to make my way towards the stairs, not really being able to think clearly but knowing I want out of the house.
Aiden phases in front of me, making me stop short.
“Caylin, please, don’t leave like this.”
“I need to go,” I say, my voice cracking as I let my tears flow freely.
“Please stay.”
“I need to go!”
“No,” Aiden says fiercely. “Not until you know exactly how I feel about you.”
“And how am I supposed to figure that out? I can’t exactly read your mind.”
Aiden steps up to me and wraps his fingers around my right wrist. The wrist where Jess’ bracelet is.
“You can read my emotions. Use the bracelet,” Aiden begs. “Ask it to tell you how I feel about you, Caylin. Please.”
I shake my head. “What if…what if…”
I can’t even finish the question aloud through my tears. But, what if I learn Aiden doesn’t love me as much as I love him? What would I do then?
“Caylin,” Aiden says in complete desperation, “ask it to tell you how I feel.”
I look into his eyes and see his sadness, a sadness that breaks my heart.
Finally, I nod letting him know I’ll do what he asks.
I don’t do it right away. I try to brace myself for what I might learn. I’m not completely sure how I’ll know what Aiden is feeling. Jess didn’t really explain that part to me. But, I need to know for myself what Aiden’s true feelings for me are.
I ask the bracelet what the man standing before me truly feels for me.
A mixture of emotions bombard me all at once, but the one which stands out above the rest is the all-consuming, heart wrenching love Aiden feels for me. Every part of him, mind, body, and soul, loves me and only me. The love is laced with a fear that I will reject him because of what he just told me. He’s scared he’s lost me forever because he was weak in the beginning. And I feel the strength he’s discovered within himself to fight against his nature. His strength stems from his love for me. If I leave him, he’s not sure what will happen to him. He feels sure life won’t be worth living anymore.
I take in a deep, sharp breath as I feel the passion he has for me. The restraint he’s been using to not kiss me is just as strong as his love for me. Even now, he wants to kiss me so badly it’s almost like a physical pain inside him. But he’s afraid of what a simple kiss will lead to. He’s not sure he’s strong enough to be satisfied with just that. There’s a part of him that wants to wait a long time before we ever take that step towards being physical with one another. His desire to become my best friend, someone I can confide in seems paramount in his mind. He wants to get to know me as a person first because he’s scared if we kiss, having sex is all he’ll be able to think about afterward.
“Aiden,” I say in awe of his emotions for me, crying again but for a completely different reason this time.
Aiden brings me into his arms, giving me comfort and time to come to terms with what I’ve just learned.
“Now you know,” Aiden says, kissing the top of my head and letting his lips linger there.
I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head against this chest.
“It was the best way for you to understand how much I love you,” Aiden says. “And everything else I feel for you. Use the bracelet if you ever have a doubt about my feelings. I have nothing to hide. Nothing at all, Caylin. I want to be an open book to you. I want you to know every part of me because all that I am, all that I ever will be is yours.”
I remain silent because I simply can’t stop crying. Feeling the depth of Aiden’s feelings for me has overloaded my system. I stand there in the safety of his arms doing my best to cope with what I just learned.
After I finally bring my emotions under control, I lift my head and look up into his eyes.
“I love you too,” I say, realizing it’s the first time I’ve said the words aloud to him, and I feel like it’s important for him to hear them. He needs to understand what he told me will never change those feelings. “But you need to know something.”
“What?”
“I need you to kiss me, and I need you to get over your fear of it soon. I’ll wait for as long as I can, but I won’t wait forever.”
A slow smile spreads Aiden’s lips.
He nods. “I understand.”
“Good.”
We look into each other’s eyes for a while longer, each searching for understanding from the other and finding it.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
“What do you want to do now?” Aiden asks me gently, like he’s scared I might say I want to leave.
“I’m kind of tired,” I admit.
After the long swim and emotional rollercoaster ride I just took, my body feels like it needs time to relax and recharge.
“Would you like to watch a movie?” Aiden asks.
“That sounds perfect. What movies do you have?”
Aiden takes my hand and walks me back downstairs to the living room. It’s decorated in white and black cloth covered furniture and glass and chrome tables. Aiden leads me to an oversized chaise lounge sofa with flared, rolled arms and a t-style curve on the back cushions.
He reaches for a remote on the glass coffee table and hands it to me.
“Go ahead and search through the movie list,” he tells me. “I’ll be right back.”
