Dawn of Love_A contemporary reverse harem romance

by Bea Paige

  “What is it, Max?” I say eventually.

  “There’s something you should know. I couldn’t sleep last night worrying about how I was going to tell you.”

  “Tell me what, Max?”

  “Hudson is different…”

  “I know that. He’s lost his memories,” I say, not wanting to hear what the difference is, knowing I am going to hate finding out what it is.

  “It’s not just that. Somehow, the bang to his head has built up those walls around his heart again. I can’t explain it. He’s still the same man, but he’s just less… open. Less warm, I suppose. You brought out the best in him and, somehow, that softer side, it’s gone. The hard edges are back and they fucking hurt when they cut.”

  Max looks at me helplessly. He’s worried for me, for Hudson, for what we have together. I can see it written all over his face. I feel that worry too.

  “Yesterday, a nurse came in to administer some painkillers. She was… attractive,” Max stalls. I know what’s coming and it makes me feel sick, but I don’t ask Max to stop. Instead, I wait for him to finish.

  “He was full on flirting with her. He was behaving how he used to before you came along. It made me fucking mad. I’ve never wanted to hit Hud, but yesterday I was pretty close to doing it. Which is ridiculous, given what’s happened to him. He was such an arsehole, Louisa. It’s like he’s been reset to the person who was intent on hurting himself and others, only ten times worse now. I’ve always loved him, Louisa, but I never realised how much I hated that side of him until I saw it in action again yesterday. I just…” Max looks at me, at the hurt he sees, and pulls me into his arms. “I just don’t want him to hurt you. I don’t want him to push you away. I don’t want to lose you, lose what we have.”

  For a moment I can’t respond. I need a second to gather my thoughts. Even though I feel sick inside at the thought of Hudson behaving that way, I know I won’t let it break me, break us. Leaning into Max, I let him hold me as the sea water laps at our feet.

  “Say something, Louisa.”

  Leaning back, I take Max’s face in my hands and press a kiss against his lips.

  “Max, I am going to fight for us, for our family. No matter what it takes, I will get Hudson to remember. I will not run.”

  Max kisses me hard, and we stand wrapped in each other’s arms until the sound of someone clearing their throat behind us has us pulling apart.

  “I’d like to have a word with my brother, please.”

  Max steps back, releasing me from his arms, though he continues to hold my hand.

  “Hudson, you’re back,” I say, stepping towards him, forgetting myself for a moment.

  He frowns at me. “Bryce is inside with Calum and a woman called Nisha. She says she’s your friend.”

  “Yes, she is. She is also Calum’s girlfriend. They’re having a baby together,” I say, knowing it will shock him.

  “What the fuck?” Hudson says. “Are you joking?” He is shocked, and this time he doesn’t appear to be very happy about the news. Those must be the hard edges Max was referring to.

  “No, I wouldn’t joke about something like that. They’re going to have a baby. Three nights ago, you were over the moon for them.”

  Hudson shakes his head in disbelief. I’m not sure what he’s finding hard to grasp the most, the fact that Calum is going to be a father or the fact he had been so happy about it.

  “Well, good luck to them, because they’re going to fucking need it.”

  I flinch, his remark cutting me deep. Max tenses beside me. I feel his anger coiling, and if I can I’m pretty damn certain Hudson can too.

  “They won’t need any luck. Those two adore each other. That baby will be loved… by all of us.”

  “They want to talk to you,” Hudson says coolly, avoiding my retort. He crosses his arms against his chest. I can practically see the walls being built as we speak. Hudson isn’t going to make this easy for me, for any of us. Even Max is horrified by Hudson’s cold reaction.

  “I don’t mean to be rude,” he begins, becoming a little impatient.

  “Funny, that’s exactly how you’re coming across,” Max says. “Just because you’ve had a knock to the head, it doesn’t mean you have free rein to be an arsehole.”

  “Max, it’s fine. I want to speak with Nisha anyway. I’ll leave you to it.” I look at Max and he pulls an apologetic face. “See you in a bit?”

  “Of course, Icy.”

  “Icy?” I hear Hudson mutter underneath his breath. He gives me a strange look.

  “Something to say?” I ask.

  I let go of Max’s hand and walk towards Hudson, stopping in front of him. He gives me an appraising look. Though his eyes are alight with interest, intrigue perhaps, Max was right, there’s no warmth there. Despite my better judgement, I open my mouth, the words coming out before I have the chance to stop them. “Icy is Max’s nickname for me. I call him Jester, I have for some time now,” I explain.

  “Is that so?” he says, raising an eyebrow.

  “Yes, it is. There’s a reason for the nicknames. One day I hope you’ll remember why.”

  “Do you have a nickname for Bryce?”

  “Not one I’ve ever shared with him, or anyone else for that matter.”

  “Humour me,” he says. I see the challenge in his eyes. I know he has a smart remark just waiting to be released. If he thinks I don’t know that, he’s sorely mistaken. I’ve got a few things I’d like to say myself.

  “Man-mountain.”

  “Man-mountain? You’ve got to be kidding me, right?” he mocks.

  “No, I’m not. He’s well-stacked and I quite enjoy climbing him,” I say with a straight face. “At least there’s no danger I’ll knock myself out and lose my memories with him, though on most occasions I do end up seeing stars.”

  Max snorts, covering his amusement with a cough.

  “Is that so?” Hudson says, narrowing his eyes at me.

  I laugh internally. Hudson may not know me, but I know him very well. In Alpe D’Huez I had started off as a challenge for him. He has pride, and the need to be wanted is still there. It may be an unfair fight, but I’m willing to use all the tools in my arsenal to get him to remember, to get him back.

  “What does Bryce call you?” he asks after a moment. Not so interested in getting rid of me now, it would seem.

  “Sweetheart, mainly.”

  Hudson looks over my shoulder at Max incredulously, then returns his gaze to me. “That doesn’t sound like Bryce. He doesn’t call anyone sweetheart. Although, perhaps that’s an endearment he saves for when he’s fucking.”

  “Hudson,” Max warns. “Don’t be a prick.”

  Hudson ignores Max and in turn I ignore Hudson’s shitty remark. Talk about personality lobotomy.

  He narrows his eyes at me. “Do you have one for me?”

  “Actually, I don’t. At least, not yet anyway. I’ve only ever called you Hudson. Perhaps that needs to change? I must admit arsehole is beginning to suit you,” I say, swiping a strand of hair away from my face. His eyes narrow, but he doesn’t bite.

  “I’ve been called a lot worse,” he says.

  “Don’t you want to know what your nickname is for me?” I ask him.

  “I don’t do nicknames or terms of endearment.”

  “You sure about that?” I say, looking at him boldly. He’s not getting out of this unscathed. Tonight, I start as I mean to go on. He waits. “Butterfly…” I say, watching for any kind of reaction that might indicate recognition of some kind.

  “Butterfly?” He frowns. Max has gone very quiet. Even the sea seems to have stilled. We wait, but nothing. So, I go in for the kill. He will remember, damn it.

  “Yes, because of the way I make you feel in here…” I say quietly, pressing my palm against his chest. He stiffens under my touch, but I don’t remove my hand or look away. He studies me, a whole host of emotions passing over his face. None of them are the ones I want to see.

  �
�You may have lost your memories, Hudson, you may have forgotten me, but know this, I am still in here,” I say, pressing my hand more firmly against him. “And I’m not about to give up on us. I am still your butterfly and I’m staying right in there, whether you like it or not.”

  He looks at me in shock as I remove my hand and walk across the sand back to the bungalow.

  “What the…” Hudson starts.

  I hear Max chuckle behind me. “You’ve bitten off more than you can chew with Louisa. She’s quite the woman.”

  I smile inwardly. Round one to me.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The next morning, I stand by the hotel’s main entrance with Nisha and Calum. Although last night Nisha had insisted on returning with us, I’d managed to persuade her to stay. What’s the point of her coming home with me? It isn’t as if she’d be able to get Hudson to remember any better than I could. She’s a stranger to him as much as me, though he appears to have accepted her far quicker. Perhaps it’s the news of the baby, perhaps it’s the way Calum is with her. Either way, he is able to hold a conversation with Nisha, which is a darn sight better than what I am able to get him to do. There’s been no acceptance of me at all. Not even as Max and Bryce’s girlfriend. It made sleeping arrangements awkward last night. In the end, we all slept alone. It was awful.

  “Are you certain you don’t want me to come back with you?” Nisha asks.

  “Yes, I’m positive, Nisha. Stay here with Calum. Spend time together. Your holiday needn’t be cut short. Please, it would only make me feel worse if you returned home too.”

  “Okay, but you keep me informed. Call me anytime, day or night.” Nisha pulls me in for a quick hug, squeezing me tightly.

  “How is he this morning?” Nisha asks, nodding her head towards Hudson, who is watching us both whilst pretending to listen to what Calum is saying.

  “He’s quiet. Withdrawn. He’s barely said two words to me and he keeps giving me strange looks that I can’t interpret. Whatever he’s thinking, he’s keeping it to himself.”

  “What about Bryce and Max?”

  I sigh. “Last night we all slept in different rooms. I don’t think either of them wanted to upset Hudson by spending the night with me. This morning was better, at least they were both affectionate towards me, but when Hudson came into the room they held back. It bothered me a lot, if I’m honest.”

  “Louisa, you need to get some shit straight with them. I get this must be hard, Hudson not knowing you or what you’ve shared, but Max and Bryce shouldn’t treat you differently. That isn’t going to help anyone.”

  “I know. I’m going to speak with them as soon as we’re back home. Thanks, Nish.”

  “Looks like it’s time for you to go,” she says, nodding towards Calum, who’s approaching us both.

  “The car’s ready to take you to the airport. You need to get going if you’re going to catch your flight,” Calum says, wrapping his arm around Nisha’s shoulder.

  I give him a quick peck on the cheek. “Thanks for everything, Calum. Look after her, okay.”

  He wraps his arm around Nisha’s shoulder. “Of course I will.”

  “See you both in a couple of weeks,” I say, heading over to my men. Hudson’s already in the car when I approach them.

  “Ready?” Bryce asks.

  “As I’ll ever be.”

  “It’s going to be another long journey,” Max says, and I know that he doesn’t just mean getting back to London.

  Almost twenty hours later we arrive back home. The journey had been uncomfortable to say the least and I am mentally and physically exhausted. But I am not ready to sleep just yet. There is a conversation that needs to happen before this night is through. Drawing a deep breath, I follow Bryce, Max and Hudson into the house.

  “Anyone want a tea or a coffee? I’ll put the kettle on,” I say as we all step onto the first floor.

  “I’m going to be bed,” Hudson responds sharply. He glances at me briefly as though expecting me to challenge him. He’s right.

  “Not yet. I need to speak with you. All of you, actually,” I say, stepping in front of him.

  “What’s there to talk about?” he asks, folding his arms across his chest. Defensive, again.

  “Plenty,” I say. “I know I’m a stranger to you, Hudson, but you owe it to your brothers to hear me out. Please…” I add as an afterthought.

  Bryce moves to stand next to me. Sliding an arm around my waist, he squeezes me against his side. “Hudson, Max and I would appreciate it if you give Louisa five minutes of your time.” When I look up Bryce, he looks drawn, tired. There is tension around his mouth. I wish I could smooth it away.

  Hudson shakes his head, about to refuse.

  “Enough of this shit, Hudson. We’re not asking you. Sit down and listen to what Louisa has to say,” Max says, as he dumps his holdall on the floor. All of us look at him in surprise. Max isn’t usually the one to call Hudson out on any bullshit, that’s usually Bryce’s job.

  “Ignoring Louisa on the plane was pretty fucking childish. Now you’re going to act like an adult and listen to her.” Max glances at me, his lips pressed in a hard line. He is looking out for me, being protective. It’s both endearing and worrying. The last thing I want is to place a wedge between them.

  “Fine. I’ll give you five minutes, after that I’m going to bed. I’ve got a fucking headache,” Hudson concedes, striding over to the sofa and sitting down with an impatient sigh. I swallow my growing anxiety and unease, and head to the kitchen.

  “Good, I’ll make that tea then,” I say in a voice that sounds lighter than I feel.

  “Let me give you a hand,” Max offers. He’s jittery and clearly in need of occupying his hands and mind a little.

  “Sure.”

  I boil the kettle and Max grabs the mugs, milk and sugar whilst Hudson and Bryce sit on the sofa, talking in hushed tones. I can tell by the set of Bryce’s jaw that he is angry. Whatever Hudson is saying, it’s winding Bryce up. Perhaps this isn’t the best idea after all. My attention is drawn back to Max, who is making an awful lot of noise banging the mugs down on the counter. It’s a wonder none of them break.

  “You okay?” I say quietly.

  Max catches my eye and winces. “Hud’s beginning to piss me off. The whole flight home he said less than two words to you. I know this isn’t his fault, but I hate this bullshit. I don’t get why he needs to be so fucking rude. Either that bang to the head has given him a personality transplant, or I never noticed how much of an arsehole he was before we met you.”

  I place my hand over his. “Deep down you know he isn’t an arsehole. This whole thing has thrown all of us. It must be hard for him. He’s doing what he does best and protecting himself,” I say, trying to soothe the crack that is beginning to form before it turns into a sodding chasm.

  “I don’t like how he’s acting towards you, Icy. Lost memories or not, his attitude needs to change, otherwise…”

  “Otherwise what? No, Max, this is not how it’s going to be. We will get through this without infighting between you. That won’t help, got it?”

  Max clenches his jaw. “Got it,” he says, though I am not convinced he will heed my warning.

  I grip hold of Max’s arm. “You don’t need to worry about me. I can deal with this.” Leaning over I give him a kiss, trying to soothe the anger I see bubbling, then grab two of the mugs and head over to Bryce and Hudson.

  “Here we go. Just how you like it,” I say, placing their tea on the table.

  “Thanks, sweetheart,” Bryce says.

  Hudson raises his eyebrows. It’s the first time Bryce has referred to me as his sweetheart in front of Hudson since the accident. I almost want to say, ‘See, I told you so’, but I refrain.

  “I believe you have something you wish to say?” Hudson says, taking a sip of his tea. He views me from above the rim of his mug. There’s that spark of interest again. Good, that’s something, and a vast improvement from indifference.
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br />   Max settles beside me and rests his hand on my thigh. Hudson pretends not to notice.

  “Yes, there’s a lot I want to say. Will you hear me out?”

  “I don’t seem to have much choice.”

  “For fuck’s sake, Hudson,” Bryce says.

  “Fine, I’m all ears,” he responds. Those green eyes I love to lose myself in penetrate me with a hard stare. In business deals I imagine he presents himself as a hard arse, just like this. He gets what he wants. Well, this time he isn’t leaving the room until he’s heard what I want to say. I can be a hard arse too. I didn’t survive my mother by being weak.

  “I know how strange this must be for you, Hudson. To see us so obviously in love and to not feel a part of it. I figure that cuts deep, doesn’t it?” He flinches. Bingo. So that’s where the attitude is coming from. If he is jealous, afraid perhaps, of how Max and Bryce are with me, then that’s something to build on. Better that than being uninterested, it shows that somewhere deep inside he has feelings for me, even if his conscious mind doesn’t recognise them just yet.

  “You look at me and have no idea who I am. You don’t remember anything about our time in Alpe D’Huez. You don’t remember anything about Petite Cabane.” I hold his stare when I mention the place that is their sanctuary, that before me they’d never shared with anyone else. The surprise on his face is unmistakable.

  “Yes, you invited me to stay there over Christmas. Selfishly, I want you to remember our time together for me, but more so for you, for Bryce and Max. These past few months have been the happiest of my life and I’ll be damned if I let them go without a fight.”

  He seems surprised at my honesty, my courage to speak the truth. He may have reverted to the person who locks himself inside a glass prison of his own making, but I am not that person anymore. The brothers have broken through the ice walls encasing my heart, and I am free now to do and say what I damn well please, especially when it comes to confronting the ones I love.

  “Before I met you all, I came from a place where happiness was a rarity, where I didn’t feel I deserved it. Before you I had no idea what love was or what it meant to be adored. It was a fucking shit life, with a mother who cared more about her next drink than she did about her own daughter.”