by LP Lovell
I was thinking about going to Theo’s tonight. I feel out on a limb. I feel like for once, I need to be strong for Harry, but I just don’t have it in me right now. I need Theo to prop me up, because that’s what he does. I just want him to hold me, because being in his arms makes me feel like the world can’t touch me.
I can’t just bail though. I won’t just run to my safe place. Harry is going to stay here for a couple of days, and then he’s heading back to Bournemouth. I have to go back to work tomorrow, before I lose my job. I’m going to stay at the flat so that I can spend as much time as possible with Harry. I text Theo, explaining that. He texts me back: ‘Take all the time you need. I love you sugar. Xx’.
Harry sleeps on the sofa. I offered my bed but he absolutely refused. Honestly, our sofa is really comfy anyway. I can attest to this, having spent many hung over days on it, sometimes for twenty four hours straight. I curl up in bed on my side, and miss the heat of Theo’s body wrapped around mine as I drift into a restless sleep.
“Shh, Princess, you look ugly when you cry.” He holds his hand over my mouth. I can barely breathe, as the panic constricts my chest. My head starts to swim, and black spots cloud my vision. Yes, pass out, please pass out, I think to myself.
He removes his hand, and I drag a lung full of air in. “Now, you are going to be a good girl. You’re going to shut up and be nice to my friend Dave here.” I glance behind him to see a suit. He has red hair, and pale blue eyes that cut through me. He doesn’t look like a nice man, but then Shaun’s friends never are. Shaun turns and leaves the room. I immediately pull back and curl myself into the corner.
“That’s right, you run.” He groans in a low voice.
“Please don’t hurt me.” I cry.
“It only makes it better when you beg.” He smiles wide and the fear intensifies, clawing at my neck until I can’t move. He grabs my arm roughly and pulls me from my corner. He unbuckles his belt and lowers his fly as I fight to get away from him.
He grabs me by the back of the neck and turns me around, forcing me face down onto the bed. He rips my shorts roughly down my legs and I scream as adrenalin floods my system. My heart hammers in my chest. I gasp for breath, but he pushes my face into the duvet harder, until I can’t breathe. I feel the familiar burning pain of him ramming himself into my body. I scream, and scream.
“Lilly!” I wake up screaming and crying. I shoot bolt upright, ready to fight the unseen demons that haunt me. My whole body is shaking as my pulse thunders in my ears. My skin is slick with sweat, and the sheets are drenched.
A pair of strong arms wrap around me in the darkness. “Theo?” I whisper.
A hand strokes my hair. “Afraid not beautiful, it’s just me.” George says quietly in my ear. He’s holding me tight. I wrap my arms around his broad chest and cling to him. I take deep breathes in and out. No-one can hurt me here.
He keeps stroking my hair until my breathing slows. “Thanks.” I whisper to him.
He pulls back and kisses my forehead. “Anytime.”
I slip out of his grasp and go about my usual post nightmare routine. I strip off and turn my shower to scalding hot. I scrub my skin until it hurts, until I feel like I have scoured the memories from my body, but of course they are always there, just waiting for me to drop my defences. Some things never fade, and no matter how hard you try to move on in life, they are a fundamental part of you.
I step out of the shower and dry myself. I leave the bathroom and go to my chest of drawers. There is a pile of bedding next to my laundry basket. I glance at the bed. There are clean sheets on the bed, and George is under the duvet, one arm thrown across his eyes. I smile. I’m so lucky to have him. His room is next to mine. Whenever he hears me scream, he comes running, and he always stays with me after a nightmare, because he knows I can’t sleep.
I change into my sleep shorts and a tank, and slip beneath the duvet. He wordlessly moves his arm to make space for me against his side. I put my head on his shoulder and he wraps his arm around me, tucking me to his side.
He reaches over and turns off the bedside lamp. I feel safe with him here, protected. I snuggle into him and eventually fall back to sleep.
I wake up in the morning when my alarm starts bleeping at me. I feel like I’m on fire. I open my eyes and move away from George’s sweltering body. Jesus, what is it with men? Do they all just run super hot? Maybe it’s just really ripped men. Who knows? I reach over and turn the alarm off. Sweet silence.
George stirs in his sleep and rolls over. “What time is it?” He mumbles.
“Seven thirty.”
“Ugh, you normal people with your normal jobs.” He grumbles.
“Have you got anything on today?” I ask.
“Just a rehearsal for a music video. Doesn’t start until twelve.” I love that this is the norm for him, roll out of bed and start work at lunchtime, bust some moves, get paid and repeat.
“Okay. Thanks for coming in last night.” I kiss his cheek. He doesn’t even open his eyes.
“Seriously girl, I wouldn’t just leave you.” He huffs.
“I know.” I ruffle his shaggy blonde hair. “You need a haircut George.”
“I’m working the homeless person look. I hear it’s all the rage this season.” He mutters.
“Uh- huh.” I smile and climb out of bed. I scoop my hair up into a bun and jump in the shower again. I feel all sticky, apparently being pressed up against hot men does that to a girl.
I decide to wear my favourite navy dress. It’s a bit cleavagy, but fuck it. It’s comfy, and I can totally get away with wearing my knee high brown boots with it. I pull my hair loose and run my fingers through it. It falls around my shoulders in its natural barrel curls.
Molly is already at the breakfast bar when I enter the kitchen. She pushes a cup of coffee toward me. Harry is nowhere to be seen. “Hey babe. Where’s Harry?” I ask.
“Went for a run.” She says absentmindedly as she studies her magazine. Molly used to read papers, now she reads fashion magazines, even though she hates them. She’s always looking for something that she can bring to the magazine, ever the career woman.
“Okay, well can you tell him I said bye. I need to go in early.”
“Sure.” She waves me off. I take two big gulps of coffee and burn my tongue. I’ll take it, for the sake of my morning caffeine fix.
Work is surprisingly busy, considering it’s eight o’ clock in the morning. Everyone must have a pile of work, just like me. Solicitors are not like normal people. If there is work to be done, then you simply stay longer or come in earlier to get it done. In a firm such as this one, they expect blood. God knows how I haven’t been sacked yet. Luckily I’m actually very good at my job. I just happen to have an awful lot of family drama. Either way, I’m walking a very fine line, and I need to bust my arse to make up for my time away.
I start in on the contracts that I was working on yesterday. I meant to get them wrapped up last night, but I just didn’t have the heart to leave Harry and go do work. I needed to spend time with him, to try and rid myself of some of this guilt that keeps eating away at me.
These contracts are lengthy and in depth. By the time I’m done it’s gone ten o’clock. Shit, where did that time go? I’m just thinking about going to get a coffee when my intercom buzzes.
“Miss Parker.” Amy’s voice comes over the speaker.
“Yes Amy.” I reply politely. Amy is an assistant, but she works for four solicitors here at the firm. We’re the solicitors that haven’t proven ourselves enough for our own assistant yet.
“Mr. Hardy is here to see you. He’s waiting in the board room.” Hardy? I’m not due to see him until Monday.
“Um, thank you. I’ll be there shortly.” Fuck. I’m totally unprepared. I planned to spend this afternoon organising a proposal for a new company. I’m going to have to wing it majorly.
I push open the doors to the board room. Hardy is seated in one of the chairs. He’s perfectly groomed, h
is salt and pepper hair combed back, his face clean shaven. His suit is perfect, his tie in place. He and Theo are polar opposites. Theo rocks up with his shirt unbuttoned, his hair a mess, and half the time hung over, and yet, he holds an aura of power that doesn’t require power dressing, it just is. Hardy is merely trying to replicate this. I could tell by the way he looked at Theo during the summer gala; he wanted what he had, but what man wouldn’t? Men want to be him, and women want to be under him. I don’t blame Hardy for looking at him like that.
“Mr. Hardy. How are you?” I smile wide as I take a seat opposite him.
“Lilly.” He mimic’s my smile. “You are looking as lovely as ever.” Hardy seems to dance the line of professional and over friendly, but not enough that you could ever accuse him of anything untoward.
“Thank you. I wasn’t expecting to see you today.” I prompt him. I don’t have time for chit chat, and I’m totally unprepared for this meeting.
His lips twitch in an amused smirk. “I have some urgent business that I need you to look over. I tried to speak with you earlier in the week, but you were away.” I don’t know why, but I get the distinct impression he’s digging.
I smile politely. “I apologise. My colleague Mr. Walker was able to help you though was he not?”
“Of course. I just prefer to deal with you.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “With all due respect Mr. Hardy, I really thought you would rather deal with somebody else after our last conversation.”
“James, please.” He tilts his head slightly, his dark eyes regarding me carefully. “And as for that, you were just doing your job. I understand that your hands are tied in such a situation. That doesn’t mean that we can’t work together.”
Men like Hardy, don’t like being denied in any way. Maybe he’s just here to prove a point. Maybe he’s just determined to work with me, to feel as though Theo didn’t get one up on him. I nod. “Okay. What is it that you have for me?” I say reluctantly. If I can keep both Theo and James Hardy as a client, Simmons may just double my salary. Well, not literally, but it would make him very bloody happy. I do owe the old guy.
“There is a company that I want. It is being made available for public auction on Monday. Everyone who is anyone will want shares in it. There are parts of it that when stripped off, could be very profitable. However, with the right push, it could also be expanded into a billion pound business.”
“Okay, so you want me to draft a proposal.”
He nods. “Yes, but more than that, I need you to try and find a partner for me.”
I frown. “Partner?”
He flashes me a crooked smile and runs a hand through his dark hair. “In order to buy these shares, it will require a large financial input, more than I can justify to my board.”
I tap my index finger against my bottom lip. “How much are we talking?”
He shrugs one shoulder. “Roughly forty million.”
I blanch, waiting for him to laugh. He doesn’t. “You’re serious.” I stutter.
“Remember, with an investment of roughly eighty million, this could be a billion pound business.”
I blow out a breath, shaking my head. “Surely you’d be better at finding someone yourself? I don’t have contacts with that kind of money.”
He cocks his head, a small smile kicking up the corners of his lips. “Don’t you?”
There’s only one person with that kind of money that I know. One person that he knows I know. One person that I am sure as shit not about to ask for forty million from, and certainly not for Hardy. I got the distinct impression Hardy doesn’t like Theo, so why would he want to be in business with him? I narrow my eyes at him. “No.”
He leans his elbows on the massive table, pressing his palms together in front of him. “Think on it Lilly, and please bare in mind, that I will of course broker you a fee for finding such an investor.” Basically, he wants to pay me to get Theo on board. I start to speak but he cuts me off, obviously reading the scowl on my face. “We have a meeting scheduled on Monday. Think on it. Perhaps make some calls. I’ve already emailed you the company’s portfolio.” With that he stands up, smoothing his perfect suit.
I grit my teeth, resenting the fact that he is trying to use my private life to get what he wants. He pauses just before he reaches the door. “Think of it like this Lilly, if you can pull this off, it will exponentially boost your career, I will make sure of it.” And then he’s gone. Fuck him and his manipulative fucking business deals.
It’s almost five o’ clock when I get a text from Theo: ‘Hey, sugar. You about this evening? Xx.’
I smile and send him a quick text back: ‘I’m at the office. I can’t see me leaving for at least another couple of hours. Sorry. Xx.’
He doesn’t text back, and I assume he’s just busy with something. He’s probably at the office as well. Truth be told, I really have no idea what he does half the time. I mean, he runs businesses. I know his main business is advertising, but I really don’t know what that actually entails. As far as I can tell, he really just oversees stuff, whilst other people run the companies.
I’m just wrapping up a business proposal for a client when there’s a knock on my office door. “Come in.” I say without looking up from the document on my computer screen.
“You look busy.” That deep voice trickles over my senses, making my skin prickle. A smile unconsciously creeps onto my face. I glance up to find him standing in front of my desk, cocky smirk in place. He’s wearing jeans and a v neck jumper, which is seriously hugging him in all the right places. His dark hair is in its usual messy disarray, making me want to run my fingers through it.
“What are you doing here?” I ask breathily.
His smirk turns into a full blown grin. He holds up the bag in his hand. “I brought you food.”
He is so cute. I don’t know how I managed to bag a man who looks like that, and is sweet enough to bring me food when I’m working late. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I needed an excuse to see you. I’m having withdrawals.” His eyes flick down to my cleavage. The deep blue of his irises smoulders under the dimmed office lights. His perusal sends my pulse skittering like a flock of birds.
I bite my bottom lip hard in an effort to concentrate. “Stop.” I point at him. “I have got to get this work finished, and all this…” I wave my hand in the direction of his body. “…is not helping.”
He throws his head back and laughs easily. “All this…” He leans over the desk until his lips are grazing mine. “…really wants all this…” His finger trails down my neck and into my cleavage. “…right now.”
I release a shuddering breath. He’s touching me, and I can’t think. I close the small gap between us and kiss him. I run my fingers into his hair, and feel the soft strands glide over my fingertips. His tongue tangles with mine as he pulls me close. His hand wraps around the back of my neck, pinning me in place.
“I missed these lips last night.” He murmurs against my lips, his warm breath touching my tongue.
“I missed you.” I whisper.
He pulls back slightly, and touches my cheek gently. A small frown etches between his eyes. “You look tired, sugar.”
“Thanks. Aren’t you supposed to just tell me I look good regardless?” I smile.
He cocks an eyebrow. “You always look good. You just look tired good. You need to eat.”
“I’m fine.” Between working, him and eating, I know where my priorities lay. I stand up and move around the desk. “I’m not hungry for food.” I meet his eyes, putting my point across loud and clear.
It takes him approximately three seconds to have me on my back on the desk, and another three seconds to have the skirt of my dress up around my waist. He stands over me, watching me carefully as his hands trace the inside of my thighs. I’m practically whimpering on the desk, desperate for his touch. His fingers brush against the lace of my underwear and I have to bite back a moan. Fuck.
“Hmm, yo
u really did miss me.” He says with that sexier than sin smile on his perfect lips.
“Yes.” I manage to gasp. I can’t form coherent thought as his fingers gently tease their way underneath my underwear.
He leans forward, pressing his body against mine. He drops a soft kiss on my neck. “Do you want me?” He teases. His tongue traces a line up my neck, until he reaches my ear. I don’t respond. I can’t. His fingers stop moving and I almost scream out in frustration. I don’t know how he does this to me. He can reduce me to a hot mess with one look, one touch, one smile. He lowers his lips to my ear. “I said, do you want me?” His voice is a low rumble of authority, like thunder on the horizon.
“Yes.” I manage to say.
“Good.” His teeth graze my earlobe as his fingers resume their previous journey. His other hand grips my hip, he exerts a little pressure, pinning me to the desk. With no warning he presses two fingers inside me. I moan, and my hips buck to no avail. My fingers claw frantically at his hair. I need more. I need him.
“You are wild today.” He purrs against my lips. His warm breath caresses my face, and my already foggy mind drops even further into a lust filled haze.
I grip the back of his neck, pulling his lips to mine. I force my tongue into his mouth, and I nip at his lip. I’m out of control, mad with need, and I’m damn well taking him with me. I know how to make him snap. He moans against my lips as I demand everything from him.
I reach down and yank his belt open, popping the button free in seconds. I slip my hand into his boxers and wrap my hand around his hard cock. He rips his lips from mine and throws his head back as his breath hisses through his teeth.
“Fuck.” He growls. I watch his expression change from seductive lover to pure animal.
He grabs my knickers on either side and tears the lace material from my body. I quickly unfasten the catch that holds the two sides of my dress together, before he decides to hulk me out of that too. He wraps his hand around the back of my neck and pulls me upright. My dress falls open like a robe, he doesn’t even bother to remove it.
