by Kent, Rina
The pre-cum coats my tongue, salty and tantalising. I fasten my pace and only stop when he nibbles on my clit.
A full-body shiver takes over me as the orgasm sweeps through me from the inside out.
I open my mouth, letting Aiden thrust his hips a few more times. He comes so deep in my throat, I hardly taste anything. There’s only an aftertaste when he pulls out of my mouth.
I’m so boneless, I can barely move or think. My lids flutter with the intensity of the orgasm he wrenched out of me.
“Come here, sweetheart.”
I crawl and land in Aiden’s embrace. Our clothes are all over the place, both of us half-naked and dishevelled, but it feels right.
It feels so right.
He pulls my skirt down and tucks himself in ever so effortlessly. His strong arms surround me and I know I’m going to be all right.
Just like back then.
A flashlight explodes in my head like fireworks.
Just like back then.
The memories flood my brain so fast, so hard I don’t know how to stop them even if I could.
Just like back then...
30
Elsa
Past
I stand hidden in the balcony, not making a sound.
Daddy is talking to Uncle Agnus about work and stuff. When he’s done, I’m going to tell him about Grey Eyes.
After Daddy helps him, I’ll visit his home and we’ll become best friends.
Uncle Agnus stands beside Daddy, who’s sitting on the sofa. That uncle doesn’t like sitting around much. He doesn’t like to talk much either.
Daddy’s jacket and tie are thrown on the table; his face appears tired.
Everyone has been saying Uncle Reg is no more. I asked Uncle Agnus what ‘no more’ means since he’s Uncle Reg’s brother, and he said it means he went to Eli.
I hope he’ll take care of him in that place called heaven.
Uncle Agnus squeezes Dad’s shoulder. “It’ll all work out, Ethan.”
“It will, Agnus.” Dad staggers to his feet. “It will.”
Uncle Agnus lets him go. “Where are you going?”
“To Elsa.” He smiles. “I haven’t spent time with my princess in a long time.”
“Before that, there’s something I need to tell you.”
Dad stops, but doesn’t turn around. “About?”
“Abigail. It appears she has been hiding Jonathan’s son.”
“What?” Dad whirls around so fast, I flinch.
Uncle Agnus remains unaffected, his expression as serene as always. It’s like he’s a rock, a solid rock Daddy can lean on. “Reginald kept him under her order.”
Dad’s jaw works. “Why am I only finding out about it now?”
“Because I just found out myself. One of the staff heard sounds near the basement area.”
“Sounds,” Daddy repeats slowly. “What type of sounds?”
“Whimpers. Cries.”
“Fuck.” Dad kicks the table. “Fucking fuck!”
“She’s hurting children again, Ethan. You need to do something about it this time.” He pauses. “If you don’t, Elsa will be next.”
“Don’t you think I fucking know that?” Daddy’s shoulders rise and drop with harsh breaths. “I’ll send her back to the psych ward.”
“And this time, don’t get her out for Christ’s sake.”
“You want me to tell you were right all along, Agnus? Is that it?”
“I’m always right, Ethan. You wouldn’t be in this predicament if you listened to me and didn’t marry her.”
“If I didn’t marry her, I wouldn’t have Elsa. I would repeat it all over again if I was given the choice. Only this time, I would lock her in for her and everyone else’s sake.”
Uncle Agnus’ expression doesn’t change. “I’ll be downstairs if you need anything.”
“Go home. Check on Knox and Teal and get some rest.” Dad sighs, running a hand over his face. “Reginald was a backstabbing traitor, but he was your brother.”
“I have no brother who betrays you. I’ll check on the staff and security before I go.” Uncle Agnus nods and heads outside.
Daddy is leaving, too.
Shoot. He can’t go and not find me in bed.
Besides, he has to help Grey Eyes. I promised him. He must be waiting for me.
“D—”
The word dies in my throat when Mum barges inside.
She’s wearing her beautiful red dress with ribbons that flutter over her waist. Her cherry perfume smells good even all the way here. Tears stream down her cheeks, but she doesn’t appear sad. She appears… lost.
My fingers dig into the curtains as I hide behind the patio door.
“Abby.” Dad steps back in the room letting her in.
“Ethan… I-I think I hurt Eli.”
“You hurt Eli, how?” he asks slowly.
“He… he wouldn’t stop bleeding.” She shows him her hands soaked in red. “He wouldn’t stop bleeding, Ethan. He wouldn’t talk to me anymore… I only wanted him to be strong. Is it wrong to want my children strong? That’s why I take Elsa to swim in the lake, you know.”
“You take Elsa to swim in the lake?” Dad grinds his teeth.
Oh, no. He’ll be angry and them monsters will come out.
Ma’s eyes become clear, almost haunting as she saunters to Daddy’s desk and sits behind it. Placing one foot over the other, she speaks in a determined tone, “Of course, I do. She doesn’t know how to swim. I have to teach her so she doesn’t drown like Eli. She can’t be a Steel if she’s weak.”
“Abby…” Dad grits out, but he turns away from her to take a deep breath. “We’ll go somewhere tomorrow, okay? Now, I’ll go check on the boy. Jonathan would go berserk if something happens to him.”
Yes! I knew Daddy would help him.
He takes two steps in the direction of the door.
“Stop…” Mum calls in a trembling voice. “S-stop it, Ethan. I-I won’t forgive you if you take Eli away from me.”
“He’s not Eli, Abby. He’s Jonathan’s only fucking son.” He marches to the door. “I’ll come back once —”
A loud bang echoes through the air.
Dad staggers backwards and falls against a chair. A large spot of red explodes on the back and the front of his white shirt.
D-Daddy?
His face morphs into utter confusion as he looks behind him.
Ma stands there, holding Daddy’s gun while crying. She’s crying so hard, her body shakes and the weapon nearly drops from her hand.
“W-why… Abby?” Dad croaks. “Why?”
“You c-can’t take Eli from me. Not even you, Ethan. Not even you…” She strides out of the room, the gun in her hands.
“D-Daddy?”
I run inside. My little feet skid to a halt.
Blood.
A pool of blood and Daddy lies in it.
My ears ring as I approach him. “D-Daddy! You p-promised you won’t leave me like Eli.”
“E-Elsa…” He breathes harshly, flopping down against the floor. “I... need you to do something for me, princess.”
“Anything, Daddy.”
“Run to your uncle Agnus the fastest you can.”
“No,” I sob. “I won’t leave you.”
“R-Run!”
“Daddy!”
“RUN!”
Suddenly, harsh hands pull me by the hair and the strands rip at the roots.
Ma’s manic blue eyes bore into mine. “Elsa! What did you give Eli? What did I tell you about not going to the basement?”
“M-Ma… Daddy is hurt.” I cry. “He’s hurt.”
“You’ll end up like him if you don’t do as I say.” She drags me behind her.
“Daddy! Daddy!” I screech and wail in her hold.
“A-Abby…” he breathes, his face pale and lifeless — like Eli’s. “Leave her alone. She didn’t do anything.”
“She gave Eli chocolate when it’s bad for his health!
That’s why he wouldn’t wake up,” she snarls. “Don’t worry, Ethan, I’ll make her a good girl.”
“Abby…” Dad holds out his hand in my direction. It’s all red. So, so red.
I reach out my hand to him as well, struggling against Ma. “Daddy!”
“L-Leave her… Abby…”
She smiles even though her face is full of tears. “We’ll be right back, honey. Love you.”
Ma drags me behind her. I struggle against her hold, fighting and crying. Them monsters in Ma’s eyes are laughing at me. They’re going to take Daddy just like they took Eli.
Then, they’re going to come back for me.
“Now, Elsa.” Ma’s grip tightens around my hair. “We’re going to fix Eli, okay?”
“Daddy!” I cry, my voice is so thick, it’s hoarse.
If I lose Daddy like I lost Eli, I won’t be able to stay here anymore. I can’t stay with Ma and them monsters in her eyes.
She hauls me down the stairs towards the basement. My feet shake the longer we walk down.
The door swings against the wall as she kicks it open. My feet turn into stones.
Grey Eyes.
There’s a large patch of red on the back of his shirt. He faces the wall and he’s not moving.
Why isn’t he moving?
“Wake up!” I shriek. “You have to escape them monsters in Ma’s eyes.”
He doesn’t even stir.
“Eli, your sister is here.” Ma coos in a soft voice, reaching into her dress’s pocket and retrieving a set of keys. “Come on, baby, let’s go outside. You love it outside.”
I stare at the keys in Ma’s hands and then back to Grey Eyes.
“Eli, if you don’t wake up, Ma is going to be mad, okay?” Her voice hardens, eyes darting back and forth.
“I’ll wake him up.” I wipe my cheeks with the back of my hands. “Give me the keys and I’ll wake him.”
“Very well, darling.” She places the keys in my hands. “You’re such a good girl. Daddy’s girl. I was Daddy’s girl, too.”
I don’t listen to her. As soon as I have the keys, I jog to the boy who added colours to my days and free the cuff at his ankle. His skin is covered in red like his back.
“Grey Eyes.” Big fat tears fall on his pale face as I clutch his cheeks. “Grey Eyes, please… You… You promised...”
Why does everyone keep breaking their promises? First Eli, then Dad, and now him.
His skin is on fire. Sweat beads down his forehead and brows.
“Are you done yet?” Ma asks from the entrance, her voice growing impatient. It’s bad if Ma loses her patience. She’ll let them monsters do as they like.
“Please… Please…” I stroke his black hair back. It’s sweaty and damp.
He stirs, his eyes slowly fluttering open. Blinking twice, he mutters, “Elsa?”
“Yes, it’s me!” I grab him by the arm. “Come on, we have to go.”
He staggers to his feet, slightly leaning on me.
We slowly reach my ma. She watches us with a serene look on her face. “My babies.”
Aiden glares up at her even though he only reaches her waist.
“Go first, Eli.” I smile at him. “Ma and I will follow. Right, Ma?”
She nods slowly.
He stares at me and hisses, “What are you doing? We have to leave the red woman. She has a gun.”
“Go, Eli!” I push him towards the entrance.
“No.” He digs his fingers into my arm. “We’ll go together.”
“I’ll meet you outside,” I murmur. “Once you get help, I’ll find you.”
“Elsa…” His expression is pained, and the plea in his voice almost makes me cry.
I don’t.
I have to be strong.
“Remember.” I grin. “You promised you’ll marry me.”
When he doesn’t move, I push him out and slam the door shut behind him.
My chest heaves, rising and falling so fast as I lean against the door. A bang comes from the other side, then another and another.
He’s trying to come back inside, but I won’t let him. I won’t let them monsters take him away.
I’ll protect him.
Ma frowns, fingering her gun. “What are you doing? Let’s follow your brother.”
“He’s not my brother, Ma. Eli went to heaven.”
Her face contorts, nostrils flaring. “I told you not to say his name.”
“Eli! Eli! Eli!” I scream. “His name is Eli, Ma! And I want to say his name. I want to talk about him. I want to —”
I hear the bang before I can feel it.
The pain goes through my body all of a sudden like fireworks. It’s burning me on the inside.
“M-Ma…”
She’s pointing the gun at me, her face filled with tears. They fall down her beautiful dress as I drop to the floor.
My bones feel like they’re crushing beneath me.
“Elsa… B-baby… I’m so sorry, Ma is s-so sorry. Oh, God! Oh, God! What have I done?” She crouches beside me. The gun hits the floor as she presses her hands over my chest.
Blood flows from between my lips and I taste metal as she becomes a blur.
The pain takes me over and seeps under my skin. It hurts, but maybe it’s fine now. Because them monsters are gone from Ma’s eyes. They disappeared, giving me back my ma.
She’s crying loudly as she fumbles over me, pressing her hands and tearing her dress to cover my chest.
“DAAA!” She screams, her voice hysterical. “It’s all because of you, Da. You made me like this. You killed me.”
“M-Ma…”
“Hush little baby, don’t you cry. Everything is going to be all right…” Still pressing a hand over my wound, she retrieves the gun and puts it under her chin. “Ma is coming, baby. Ma will make it all right, Eli.”
And then she pulls the trigger.
31
Aiden
Present
I wrap my arms around Elsa as she cries softly into my chest.
She’s been crying for such a long time. When I think no more tears will come, out a new wave hits her and she succumbs to it all over again.
I knew there would be repercussions when she remembers her past.
That day was the darkest day of her life. She lost both her parents and a large chunk of herself.
Back then, I thought she was gone, too.
I thought it was all over.
The memory of that time when I no longer heard her voice has been a constant part of my nightmares.
It’s even worse than the red woman and her torture.
When you have a light in the middle of the darkness and that light dims to nothing, it fucks you up.
That’s why my world became black after that.
I stroke her shoulder as she weeps quietly. My hand glides over the curve of her throat and stop at her pulse. Her beating, throbbing pulse. It’s a constant reminder that she’s alive, not dead.
Her scar is proof she doesn’t have that gush in her chest. Her bright blond hair isn’t soaked in red like when she lay there lifeless.
That’s why I’m obsessed with those three parts of her.
I gather her close to me and her body trembles.
I’m ready to do anything to stop her from crying and hanging on to pieces from the past. However, having her hold on to me as if I’m her lifeline stirs the beast inside me.
For the rest of our lives, I want to be the only one who witnesses her breaking and support her through the storm. I want to be the one who soothes her ache when she needs soothing. The one who wipes her tears when they need wiping. The one who lifts her up when she needs lifting.
I want to be there for her, full stop.
She’s mine. Fucking mine.
It’s not only her body or her heart that I’m interested in, I want her entire soul so she’ll never be able to leave me.
Some would argue this isn’t the right thing, but fuck the right thing.
&nbs
p; Elsa and I didn’t meet under the right circumstances. We just met, and then we re-met, and then we became inseparable.
Maybe there’ll come a day where I don’t need her as much as I need air. There will come a day when I wake up in the morning and the first thought won’t be about her.
Though, I doubt it. That day will only come with death.
I run the pad of my thumb under her swollen eyes, wiping the moisture away. Elsa leans into my touch, slowly closing her eyes.
Fuck me.
Her small methods of showing affection get me every fucking time. I like it when she stops fighting our connection and snuggles into me like I’m her world.
Like she also can’t live without me.
One day, she’ll be more open about her feelings and how much she wants me. One day, she’ll wake up beside me and see me, not our past.
It’ll take effort and a lot of persuasion, because Elsa’s brain is wired differently from mine. While I don’t give a fuck about what happened and only see our future together, Elsa is plagued by the past and won’t be whole unless she makes peace with it.
She has been chained to invisible trauma and demons for ten years. Knowing her, she must feel guilty about erasing her memories.
It’ll take her some time to come to terms with what happened, pick up the pieces and move on.
I’ll be with her every step of the way.
“Do you…” She hiccoughs over her words, drawing unsteady breaths. “Do you think it would’ve been different if Dad put her in the psych ward?”
“We can never know. The decision wasn’t ours to make.”
For some reason, this makes it worse, not better. Truth is, if Elsa and I were in Jonathan and Ethan’s shoes, we could’ve probably made the same wrong decision.
The human mind doesn’t work based on theories or what-ifs. It’s heavily chained to circumstances. We were children back then. We knew nothing.
Jonathan and Ethan’s mistakes are their own. Elsa and I will make sure to never make the same ones.
Resting her head on my bicep, she stares up at me with teary, blue eyes. “What happened to you after that?”
“I heard the gunshots.”
