by Annie Murray
If she wanted to see any more of herself she had to lean right against the wall and try to look down. That wasn’t much good. But in shop windows she could see her long, thin legs. She was growing, becoming a bit gangly. She was thin and had barely begun to develop, but she could feel her body changing. Cissy was quite big at the front now. She had whispered to Melly importantly all about her Monthly. This was something Melly was still waiting to happen. She wished she was curvy and rounded like Cissy.
Trying to keep warm she shifted from one foot to the other. She kept thinking about going in by the fire, instead of standing around in this bone-aching cold. But she couldn’t tear herself away. Five more minutes, she kept telling herself.
The bike roared suddenly into life. The little lads leapt back, yelling, and everyone cheered.
‘Come on, Wal!’ Reggie said. ‘Quick, while she’s in the mood – let’s take her out.’
Wally was walking the Norton across the yard. The miracle happened then: a moment she would never forget. Reggie, beside him, caught sight of her standing there all alone.
‘Hey, Melly – fancy a ride?’
For a second she couldn’t believe he’d actually said it. Was he joking?
‘What – me?’
All the boys swarmed round. ‘I’ll go – I wanna ride!’
‘Yeah, you!’
‘Reg,’ Wally protested. ‘There’s not room . . .’
‘Ah, come on – she’s only a tiddler. We can fit her in. Come on, Melly – come and try her out.’
‘I want to go!’ Kevin squeaked, furious at this betrayal, at them asking a girl out for a ride.
‘Nah – you’re too small,’ Reggie said. ‘Yer mom’d kill me.’ To Melly he added, ‘Come on then, if you’re coming.’
She didn’t give it a thought that Mom was about to call them all in for tea or about telling anyone where she was going or that it was freezing cold.
‘All right,’ she said.
‘Come on.’ Reggie beckoned her down the entry.
In the road, Wally got on at the front, settling himself with a bounce on the seat.
‘Shift up a bit, Wal,’ Reggie said. ‘Right – you get behind him.’
Melly tried to do as she was bidden but it was hard trying to climb on, yanking her skirt up.
‘Here.’ Reggie’s arms were round her waist, lifting her, and she found herself straddling the hard saddle and Reggie trying to climb on behind her. She had never felt more important in her life.
But there was scarcely room for two, let alone three.
‘Look, it ain’t meant for this,’ Wally said, irritated, climbing off again. ‘You take her for a quick spin and come back for me. But don’t be long.’
‘Shift back,’ Reggie said. The next thing Melly knew, Reggie was leaping on to the bike in front of her.
‘Right,’ he said. ‘Hold on to me.’
Hold on to me! She was shy of touching him but as soon as he pressed the bike into movement, she clasped her arms round him for dear life, her face sideways against the cloth of his jacket. The ice-cold air bit into her legs as the bike tore off along the road. They were going terrifyingly fast. She couldn’t see anything behind Reggie and in any case she was so frightened of the force of the ride that she screwed her eyes shut.
The main thing in her mind, in the rush of it, the cold, alarming, gathering speed, was, I’ve got my arms round Reggie . . . Her hands were pressed against his ribcage, her face against his long, lean back as they turned one corner, then another. Opening her eyes a crack she saw the houses, adverts, lights rush giddyingly past. The engine was so loud that Reggie would not hear if she shouted anything. It was utterly terrifying and absolute heaven all at once.
It was over in five minutes but it felt to her as if she had been on the Norton for ages. She got off, her legs shaking and every part of her tingling with cold.
‘Oops,’ Reggie teased as she stood, unsteadily. He grinned at her. ‘All right? Did you like that?’
She beamed at him. Did she like it? It had felt as if she was flying, even if she couldn’t feel her feet and her hands were blocks of ice! Reggie had taken her for a ride!
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Ta, Reggie.’
‘Come on!’ Wally was impatient to be off.
Melly watched, still trembling, as Wally got on at the front, him steering this time and Reggie riding pillion. Her face was still smiling of its own accord. She felt part of things, as if she had been invited to join a special club. Someone had taken notice of her and wanted her. And it was Reggie. Lovely, lovely Reggie.
‘Have a nice ride!’ she waved.
They didn’t wave back but her smile was undimmed.
Wally set the bike away with a great roar of sound and she watched the two of them disappear round the corner.
When she walked in, everyone was sitting round the table, including Cissy who tried to look completely uninterested in her arrival, even though she was obviously dying to know all about it.
‘Where’ve you been?’ Danny asked, as she tried to suppress the grin that would not stop spreading itself all over her face.
‘I told you, she went on Wally’s motorbike,’ Kev said, frowning furiously. ‘He dain’t let me go.’ Even though Kev was only six, he had already decided that an experience like that would be wasted on a mere girl.
Danny looked at Melly with apparent surprise. ‘Did yer – really? You wanna be careful. Dangerous, them bikes.’ He seemed to see her with new eyes suddenly. ‘You’re not knocking about with them lads? They’re too old for yer.’
‘No,’ Melly said huffily. She turned away. ‘They just gave me a ride, that’s all.’
All through the meal she could sense that Cissy was bursting to ask her about it but instead she acted as if she didn’t care. Cissy burbled about Fred and about working in Woollie’s.
Melly couldn’t get away from Cissy because they had to share a bed. The boys all shared the biggest bed. Dad would help Tommy up the stairs, and Ricky was tucked at the bottom by Tommy’s and Kev’s feet. And tonight Melly would have Cissy’s fulsome, creamy body tucked in with her. At least they kept each other warm.
Melly got in, turned on her side to face the wall and pretended to fall asleep straight away, despite Kev and Ricky talking and giggling. But Cissy was not having that.
‘Come on!’ Her fingers poked at Melly’s ribs, making her squirm. ‘You gotta tell me about it. Which one d’you fancy most, Reggie or Wal? Did either of them kiss you?’
‘No.’ Melly turned towards her and spoke in a cross whisper. ‘Don’t be stupid. They’re years older than me. And I don’t fancy either of them.’
‘Come off it,’ Cissy said. ‘That Reggie looks right handsome now he’s been in the army. You must fancy him a bit. He’s more like Freddie now – only not as good looking as that, nothing like. Freddie’s dreamy, isn’t he?’
‘He’s all right,’ Melly said, biting back a retort that of course Reggie was better looking than Freddie. Freddie was a mere child in comparison. None of them were as nice as Reggie even if everyone did say Wally was like a film star.
After a pause, Cissy persisted, ‘So nothing happened?’
‘No. We just went for a ride, that’s all. Now shurrup and let me go to sleep.’ She lifted her head and addressed her brothers. ‘And you lot can shut it an’ all.’
She was still awake even after the restless noises had stopped in the boys’ bed and Cissy was breathing quietly beside her. She lay hugging herself, thinking back on all the memories she had of Reggie, which at the time she had not taken much notice of. Little freckle-faced Reggie when he got his first bike, handed down from Wally, and fell off it in the yard. Going with Reggie to feed the hens which Mo, for a very short time, kept in the brew house, and tittering over them together. His face when they lost the rabbit . . . Reggie and the others giving Tommy rides round the yard in his chair and Tommy squealing with laughter. That morning when he’d come to Tommy’s rescue . . . And toni
ght – ‘Fancy a ride?’ Reggie . . . Reggie . . .
She drifted into sleep with a big smile on her face.
Fourteen
Standing in the crush of passengers on the navy-and-cream bus, Melly could just about see out between Kev, Dad and a burly man. It didn’t feel very nice standing pressed close up to strangers who stank of stale fags and sweat and oily chip pans. She shifted closer to her father.
Fog veiled the drab streets. Through the murk she caught sight of a few bare-legged kids running about on the open spaces of bomb pecks before another bus got in the way. It still felt peculiar not seeing trams, even though the last one had been taken off the roads over a year ago.
Kev was on to Dad about football as usual. Mom, looking smart in her black coat, had a seat, in front of them next to Auntie Gladys, who was holding a bundle on her knee. It was strange seeing Mom and Dad out and about together. She saw that they were younger than a lot of people on the bus and both good looking. It made her feel happy.
It was a rare treat, going to town, not just to work on the market. Any time Mom and Dad thought about an outing – to town, to the seaside (where they’d still never been) or to the September Onion Fair up the road, on the Serpentine ground – it never usually happened because they couldn’t take Tommy. Recently Dad had been talking about buying a car, but as yet there was no sign of it.
‘You go,’ Tommy would say, his little face earnest, trying to make things better.
Melly always said she wouldn’t go if he wasn’t going and so they’d all end up not going anywhere. Occasionally, Dad would take Kev and Ricky to the fair and they’d come back with some chipped plaster-of-Paris ornament they’d won or a coconut. Dad said it was only right as he couldn’t take Kev to the football at the Villa, with him being always on the market on a Saturday. Until now, Melly hadn’t been able to bear to go out and see Tommy trying to look brave if they all left without him.
Now though, since Tommy obviously didn’t need her any more, she’d decided she’d damn well do what she liked. Why should she stay in with him when he wouldn’t miss her anyway? So Tommy and Ricky were going to stay with Dolly and little Donna while the rest of them went to see the Christmas lights and look round the shops before Dad and Gladys had to start work on the Rag Market.
She felt in the pocket of her navy wool coat for her secret, precious savings. There were halfpennies, farthings and the odd penny. She felt they must glow in there so bright that surely everyone could see them.
Ever since Reggie came home she had been saving, doing some extra jobs for a halfpenny or a farthing from Mom and Dad and not spending her coppers on sweets, despite the gorgeous array of chocolate, sherbet and gobstoppers you could buy now and eat as much as you wanted! To a child who had only known rationing, it seemed like a miracle. But she had resisted – though it was so hard! After all this scrimping she had one and eightpence and with that she was going to buy a Christmas present for Reggie. The very thought made her heart thump with nervous excitement. If he saw that she had saved all her money for him, surely then he’d know how much she felt for him? She kept imagining finding something nice, wrapping it up . . . She lay in bed at night, dreaming of Reggie’s look of pleasure, of what he might say.
‘Oh, Melly – that’s just what I’ve always wanted. Oh, and I’ve bought you something too . . .’
Well, maybe not that last bit. That was pushing it too far. But perhaps it would dawn on him how nice she was.
She couldn’t help herself these days. Where Reggie was, she wanted to be. When the lads were out tinkering with the bike, which seemed to need as much attention as a sick relative, she would be out there too, hoping they would offer her another ride. So far they hadn’t. She asked questions sometimes – What’s that? What does that bit do? – trying to care about the answer.
Wal and Jonny had started to tease Reggie. ‘I see yer girlfriend’s here again, Reg!’
The first time Jonny came out with that, Reggie was bent over the back tyre of the Norton. He gave a grunt in reply while her cheeks burned so much she had to go inside, agonized with embarrassment.
But he hadn’t denied it, she told herself. Hadn’t told Jonny to shut up. One day, oh, one day maybe it would be true! They might be engaged, the way Wally was now – to a girl called Susan who he had met at GEC.
As they drove into the centre of Birmingham she caught a glimpse of bright-coloured lights strung across the streets. It was so colourful and exciting! Surely, somewhere, she could find something really nice for Reggie?
They climbed down from the bus in Colmore Row, among all the Christmas bustle. Rachel felt a swell of excitement in the midst of her weariness. For a moment she had a pang of guilt that they had left Tommy behind. But he was doing well now at the school and she was there with him for a day, most weeks. She owed it to her other kids to do something for them.
‘I’ll go off,’ Gladys said, handing Danny the bundle to carry. ‘I’ll get on quicker on my own. Ta-ra-a-bit – see yer later.’ Her strong, matronly figure disappeared into the crowd, limping on her bunions.
‘Keep together, all of you!’ Rachel said. For a moment she went to reach for Melly’s hand, before realizing that at thirteen she was too old for all that. And she was turning into a mardy little bit these days. She’d always been a good kid, there was no doubt, but these days she seemed lost in a dream world most of the time. Instead of being helpful she would shrug and look fed up if asked to do something. It got on Rachel’s nerves when she had so much to do. Melly was a girl – she ought to help in the house.
Although Kev was only six he was a proper little lad, on his dignity and very much his father’s son. He reminded her a lot of Danny at the same age with his bright energy. He wouldn’t be holding her hand either, she thought, with a pang of loss.
They set off along the road in the press of shoppers.
‘’Ere – look.’ Danny elbowed her. They were standing beside one of the furriers’ shops in the city. ‘That’s the stuff you want to be selling. People’ll pay the earth for one of them coats. D’you know, them rich people, they keep ’em in cold storage all the summer!’
‘Do they?’ Rachel smiled faintly. She wanted to think about Christmas, not about trading. Danny was doing well on the market but he was always restless, looking round for the next thing. He’d brought up this ridiculous idea of going to Australia again. Why on earth would they want to go right to the other side of the world, away from everyone they knew? And how the hell did he think they’d manage with Tommy? What a flaming ridiculous idea – it made her so cross. Still, she told herself, it was just Danny having one of his daydreams.
‘What if we had a shop?’ he said, half to himself.
‘All that rent though, Danny,’ she said. ‘Come on –’ She pressed his arm, felt it strong and thin inside his sleeve. ‘Give it a rest – let’s treat the kids.’
Danny turned to them, pretend serious. ‘You two don’t want to see Santa then, do yer?’
‘Yes!’ Kev yelled, so loudly that his face went red.
‘Hey, shut it,’ Rachel laughed. ‘What about you, Melly? You’re too old for all that, aren’t you?’
Melly nodded. She would quite like to have gone to the Christmas grotto in Lewis’s department store, but she knew she was too old really and, besides, she had much more important shopping to do.
‘You take him, Danny, will you?’ Rachel said. ‘There’s bound to be a hell of a queue.’
‘All right then,’ Danny said, reaching down for Kev’s hand. ‘C’mon, son.’
‘I’m not holding hands,’ Kev said, his arched brows pulling into a frown. ‘I’m not a babby.’
‘Meet you in the Bull Ring,’ Rachel called after them. ‘Eleven o’clock – outside Woollie’s.’ She looked down at Melly. ‘We can pop in and see Ciss, when we get over there. Oooh – hark at that. The Sally Army!’
For the next hour, they wandered amid the chattering crowds, smelling the whiffs of cigarette smoke,
of orange peel, of cooking meat, making their mouths water. From amid the vendors shouting to advertise their holly and mistletoe and Christmas wreaths and the flower lady and her daughter selling bouquets, floated the mellow sound of carols from the Salvation Army brass band.
Rachel bought a sprig of mistletoe from a man with one arm missing, the empty sleeve of his coat hanging limp. ‘God bless yer, lady,’ he said. She tucked the mistletoe carefully into her bag. They moved through the market, down into New Street, and she bought a pair of stockings for Gladys and some drawing paper for Danny. They stopped, by the Big Top site at the end of High Street, where New Street began. The buildings that once stood on that corner were lost in the bombing. The space had been cleared and there were rows of cars parked on it.
‘What d’you want to do then?’ Rachel said.
Melly shrugged. Rachel started to feel annoyed. Her grown-up little daughter was a mystery to her sometimes. Ever since she had had Tommy, when Melly was two, nearly all of her energy had gone on him. She wanted to give her daughter time now, but Melly, instead of blossoming under the attention, seemed preoccupied and distant. This was their chance of an outing and she might as well not be there!
‘Look, what’s up with you?’ Rachel started to lose her temper. ‘This was s’posed to be a nice morning out. What’s the long face about? If you wanted to go to Lewis’s with yer dad you should have opened your mouth and said so when you had the chance.’
Melly’s eyes filled with tears. ‘No – I dain’t want to go . . .’
Rachel led her closer to the railings edging the site. A light drizzle was beginning to fall. She wanted them to have a nice morning but found her voice turning harsh. ‘Come on, out with it – what’s up with you?’
