“What about Beth?” Molly asked. “She loves Xavier and she’s one of you.”
“Bethany is an exception,” Gabriel conceded. “A rare exception.”
“Why can’t you be an exception too?” Molly insisted.
“Because I am not like Bethany,” Gabriel said in a matter-of-fact voice. “I am not young and inexperienced. There is something in Bethany’s makeup, a flaw or a strength, that allows her to feel what humans feel. I do not have that in my programming.” I was too caught up in the mounting tension to wonder whether or not I ought to be offended.
“But I’m in love with you,” Molly whimpered.
“If you think you love me, then you don’t know what love is,” Gabriel said. “Love has to be reciprocated for it to be real.”
“I don’t understand,” Molly said. “Am I not hot enough for you or something?”
“Now you’re just proving my point,” Gabriel sighed. “A body is merely a vehicle. The deepest emotions are experienced through the soul.”
“So it’s my soul that isn’t up to your standards then?”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“What’s wrong with you?” Molly exploded. “Why don’t you want me?”
“Please try to accept what I’m saying.”
“Are you saying no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, you’ll never feel that way about me?”
“I’m saying you’re behaving like a child because that is what you are.”
“So it’s because you think I’m too young,” Molly said desperately. “I can wait. I can wait until you feel ready. I’ll do whatever you need.”
“Stop,” Gabriel said. “This discussion is over. I cannot give you the answer you want to hear.”
“Tell me why.” Molly’s hysteria was rising. “Tell me what’s wrong with me that you won’t even consider me!”
“You should leave now,” Gabriel’s voice had gone flat. He was no longer trying to console her.
“No!” Molly shouted. “Tell me what I did!”
“It’s not what you did.” Gabriel’s tone became harsher. “It’s what you are.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Molly choked out.
“You are human.” My brother’s eyes flashed. “It’s in your nature to be lustful, greedy, envious, deceitful, and proud. All your life you will fight against those instincts. My Father gave you free will, He chose you to rule His earth and look what you have done with it. This world is in ruins and I am here only to restore His glory — I have no other purpose and no other interest. Do you think I am so weak as to be seduced by a doe-eyed human who is barely more than a child? I am different from you in every possible way. I can only try to understand your ways and never, not in a thousand years, will you come close to understanding mine. So that is why, Molly, your efforts here are useless.”
Gabriel watched impassively as tears began to flow, mingling with Molly’s mascara and smudging her cheeks. She wiped them away furiously with the backs of her hands.
“I …” Her hiccups caused her to stutter. “I hate you.”
She looked so vulnerable then I wished I could have done something to show her she wasn’t alone. If I’d been there, I would have also liked to kick my brother in the shins for his lack of sensitivity.
“For your sake,” Gabriel said distantly, “perhaps hate is better than love.”
“It doesn’t matter to you, either way,” Molly sobbed. “I don’t matter.”
“That is not true,” Gabriel said. “If your life is being threatened, that is my concern. If you are in danger, if anyone is ever harming you, you may depend on me to protect you. But in matters of the heart, I cannot help you.”
“You could at least try. You could challenge your so-called programming the way Beth did and see what happens! How can you know what you might feel?”
She was so passionate in her conviction that I almost hoped Gabriel’s heart would melt. But he only lowered his eyes as if he had committed a grievous sin.
“For your information God wants people to be happy,” Molly went on defiantly. I had the sense that she was trying to build a case like she’d seen in school debates. “Go forth and multiply, right? I remember that much from Sunday School.”
“Those directions were given to man,” Gabriel said very quietly.
“So you don’t get to be happy? You can’t want a life?”
“It’s not question of wanting. It’s more a question of design,” Gabriel said, and Molly looked defeated. “You need someone to love you the way you deserve. I promise to watch over you every day of your life.” His voice was tender. “I’ll make sure you’re always safe.”
“No!” Molly was yelling like a spoiled child now. “That’s not what I want.” She shook her head vehemently, causing some of her copper curls to come loose and fall across her pale face. Molly was too caught up in her whirlwind of emotions to notice, but Gabriel’s expression seemed to shift as he watched her. On his face, I read a compulsive desire to reach out to her — this strange, tumultuous creature that he did not understand. His hand twitched and he slowly lifted it, like he might be about to brush away her tears.
Then Ivy stepped into the room wearing a bathrobe. She looked surprised by the commotion and Gabriel quickly dropped his hand, his face returning to its usual impassive mask. A moment later Molly bolted from the room, silent tears still streaming down her face.
Ivy shot him a sympathetic look. “I wondered how long it’d be before that conversation happened.”
“You knew? Why didn’t you say something? It might have helped me handle it better.”
“I doubt that,” said Ivy with quiet insight. If there was anyone who could hope to understand Gabriel it was her. While he remained complex and unreadable to people and angels alike, Ivy had always had the uncanny ability to read his thoughts.
“What should I do now?” It was rare for Gabriel to seek counsel on any matter, but the nature of teenage love was a complete mystery to him.
“Nothing,” Ivy replied. “These things happen. She’ll get over it.”
“I hope so,” my brother replied in a voice that made me wonder if it was only Molly he was thinking about.
Ivy lay down and turned out the light. Gabriel sat on the edge of his bed, chin cupped in his hand, staring into the darkness. He sat there, unmoving, long after Ivy had fallen asleep.
28
Misery Loves Company
RETURNING to the constraints of my physical body came as a rude shock to me. Being with my family and feeling like part of their lives again had made me forget my current predicament. Now I was back in my cramped cell in the reeking chambers of Hades, where the space was so tight I couldn’t stand up. As if to add to my woes, the air around me was filled with the acrid stench of sulfur and continuous lamentations for help. I had no idea how long I’d been projecting, but I knew it must have been a while because all my joints were stiff and my muscles ached when I moved.
Someone had thrust some dry crusts and a tin cup of water into my cell. I sat in my nightgown, so besmirched by muck that its original color was almost undetectable. I tried to slow my breathing to fend off the escalating panic in my chest. I huddled in the corner with my head tucked up against my shoulder. Several times a shadowy warden walked past to further torment the captive souls. He was identifiable only by the fiery embers of his eyes and the metal prongs he rattled along the bars. For some reason he didn’t stop at my cell. Once I was sure he’d gone I pushed myself over to the tin cup and took a long gulp of water. It had an unpleasant metallic taste. My whole body was sore, but the sharpest pain was coming from behind my shoulder blades. Now that I couldn’t even stretch anymore, my wings ached worse than ever. I thought if I didn’t release them soon I would go insane.
To distract myself I thought about Molly and Gabriel. My heart went out to them both. Whatever strange connection existed between them had no hope of developing. Molly didn’t fully grasp the concept of divine love.
This was love in its purest form, unaltered by human interpretation and encompassing all living creatures. It was a celebration of creation. Although he might be confused by the intensity of Molly’s emotions, I knew Gabriel would be fine. He would not deviate from his purpose. He wouldn’t even need to think about it. Molly on the other hand would suffer badly from the perceived rejection. I hoped Xavier would help her through it. He’d grown up in a household full of sisters — he’d know what to say.
I knew Jake would show up eventually and sure enough, his silhouette appeared a moment later, hovering in the darkness. His face emerged from behind the bars lit by the long torch he carried. I could smell his spicy cologne and I noticed that his presence no longer had the usual alarming effect on me. In fact, it was the first time I was actually relieved to see him.
I inched forward, scraping my skin on the concrete floor of the tiny enclosure. I would have liked to send him away, but I couldn’t. I would have liked to express my anger, but I wasn’t strong enough. We both knew I needed his help if I didn’t want to perish in this hole in the wall, buried alive until my body wasted away and my spirit was crushed.
“This is an outrage,” he hissed under his breath when the torchlight revealed my condition. “I’ll not forgive him for this.”
“Can you get me out of here?” I asked, hating myself for my lack of stoicism. But seeing as I’d survived a burning at the stake, maybe I wasn’t meant to be a martyr.
“Why do you think I came?” he said, looking pleased with himself. He touched the lock on the cell and it turned to ash and crumbled to the ground.
“Won’t Big Daddy find out about this?” I asked, surprised to hear myself casually using his nickname.
“Only a matter of time.” Jake sounded unconcerned. “There are more spies down here than there are souls.”
“And then what?” I needed to know what the future held. Was Jake only offering a temporary reprieve? He seemed to read my thoughts.
“We’ll worry about that later.”
He tugged at the cell door and it shifted a little, enough for me to squeeze through.
“Hurry,” Jake urged, but I didn’t move. Moving in any direction was difficult.
“How long have I been here?”
“Two days, but I hear you slept through most of it. Here, give me your hand. I’m sorry things turned out like this.”
His apology caught me off guard. Jake was not in the habit of accepting responsibility for the damage he’d caused. He looked at me intently and I could see he had something on his mind. His brow was creased and a look of preoccupation had replaced his usual expression of scornful detachment. His hawk-like gaze didn’t leave my face.
“You’re not well,” he observed at last. I wondered what made him think I’d be well given the circumstances. Jake was like a chameleon; he could change his manner to suit his own agenda. Right now his solicitous behavior was unsettling me and I couldn’t resist a sarcastic reply.
“Being kept in a cage doesn’t do much for the complexion,” I muttered.
“I’m trying to help you here — you could at least show some appreciation.”
“Haven’t you helped me enough?” I said, but when he offered me his hand again I took it.
Slowly and by using his arm to support my weight I managed to wriggle out of the compartment. I found that although I could stand I couldn’t take more than a step or two without my legs giving way. Jake took one look at me before handing me the torch and lifting me into his arms. He strode out of the chambers with a regal confidence and although I was sure I saw eyes like burning coals watching us through the gloom, no one made any attempt to stop us.
Outside the chambers Jake’s motorbike was waiting. He deposited me carefully on the back before mounting and switching on the ignition. Seconds later I was pressed against him as the suffocating chambers of Hades disappeared behind me.
“Where are we going?” I whispered, seeing unfamiliar surroundings.
“I have an idea I think might make you feel better.”
Jake drove without stopping until we reached the entrance to a deep gorge with steep cliff walls and black running water that seemed to flow into a channel underground. Jake dismounted lightly, watching me with growing agitation.
“Are you in pain?”
I nodded mutely. There was little point withholding information from him now. There was nothing he could do with it that could possibly worsen my situation. Jake seemed to have anticipated what was happening to me and seemed more informed than I was.
“Tell me,” he continued. “How do your wings feel?”
The directness of the question caught me off guard and I felt myself blush suddenly. There was something about it I found objectionable. My wings were one thing that defined my very existence. I had worked hard to keep them from prying human eyes. They were an intensely personal part of me and I wasn’t sure I wanted to discuss their condition with Jake Thorn, Prince of Hades.
“I haven’t given them much thought,” I said evasively.
“Well, think about them now.”
Once Jake had drawn my attention to them I became aware of how they were throbbing beneath my shoulder blades, burning to be released. Every so often they sent shooting pains down my back. I felt irritated with him for drawing my attention to the problem. I had deliberately chosen to ignore the issue of my wings. What was the point of doing otherwise in Hades?
“We need to do something about them,” Jake said decisively. “If you want to keep them that is.”
I didn’t like his use of the plural we rather than you. It made me feel as if we were working as a team, as if we had shared problems we could tackle together. I gave him a blank stare.
“Perhaps what I’m trying to say might be better demonstrated.” Before I knew it Jake was peeling off his black leather jacket and flinging it to the ground. He turned his back to me and pulled his shirt up over his head. Then he stood with his back straight and his head slightly bowed, a humbling pose that looked distinctly out of place on him.
“What do you see?” he asked in a muted voice. I scanned the contours of his back. Jake’s shoulders were slender but well formed and not unathletic. He didn’t have bulging muscles, but every tendon was taut and lean and rippled when he moved. He looked fast on his feet and dangerous.
“I don’t see anything,” I replied, averting my eyes.
“Look closely,” Jake urged, taking a step backward so he was even closer, his back bent in front of me in a white arc. Something caught my eye then and I looked with open curiosity. The skin on his back was smooth and unblemished except for two rows of tiny pea-size nodules that ran like an extra set of vertebrae under each shoulder blade. The row of little beads under his skin, only a centimeter or two apart, looked like scarring from wounds that hadn’t properly healed. I didn’t need to ask what they were the remnants of.
“What happened to them?” I asked in a hoarse whisper, the true meaning of what he was showing me suddenly jelling in my mind.
“They wasted away over time and eventually fell off,” he said bluntly.
“From lack of use?” I asked in disbelief.
“Yes, but more as a result of retribution,” he said. “The point is that I had them too once and, believe me, they were spectacular.”
Had I caught a note of regret in his voice?
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I want to avoid the same thing happening to you.”
“But how can I stop it?” I asked my eyes filling with tears. “I’m always locked up. Unless … are you saying you’re going to let me fly?”
“Not exactly,” Jake said, before I could start to imagine what seemed like an incomprehensible thought. “It would be more like supervised activity.”
“What does that mean?”
“I am going to let you fly but on two conditions. I have to make sure you’re safe … and that you’re not seen.” Suddenly I knew why we were there. The gorge was co
ncealed yet perfectly designed for flight.
“You don’t trust me?” I asked.
“It isn’t a question of trust. You couldn’t go far even if you did try to escape. It’s more a matter of what you might run into out there on your own.”
“So how are you going to ensure my safety?” I asked. “It’s not like you can fly with me.”
“That’s where my idea comes in,” Jake said. “It might seem odd to you at first but try to be open-minded. It really is the only way for you to survive as an angel.”
“What’s your idea?” I asked curiously. My wings seemed to know we were talking about them and strained to burst open. It took all of my self-control to restrain them. I didn’t know if I could do it for much longer.
“It’s no big deal,” said Jake lightly. “It simply involves you wearing a restraint.”
“You want to put me on a leash!” I was outraged now that his meaning had become clear.
“For your own safety,” he qualified.
“You’ve got to be kidding me! I’m not going to let you fly me like some kind of weird pet! That’s just sick. Thanks but no thanks.”
I sounded so resolute in knocking back his offer, but at the same time, I was all too aware of my wings, which were itching for freedom and pushing up against my back. The dull ache behind my shoulder blades was beginning to intensify.
“So you’d rather let them wither? You know you don’t have much time before they start to crumble and fall away like old plaster. Are you sure that’s what you want?” Jake asked.
“Why are you so keen to help me?”
“Let’s just say I’m protecting my investment. Think about it, Beth. You don’t have to decide now although we are in an ideal position.”
“If I agree I don’t want an audience,” I said suddenly selfconscious.
“There’s only the two of us here. That’s not an audience. I don’t want to see you lose your wings and you don’t want to lose them. It’s a win-win situation, don’t you think?”
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