by Beth Wiseman
“Jacob . . .” She paused as a tear rolled down her cheek. “Don’t . . . come back because of me.”
“What are you saying?” His voice cracked. “You don’t want to be with me anymore?”
She swiped at her eyes and took a deep breath. “I don’t know. I don’t understand how you just left me when we were planning to get married. And what if it happens again?”
“It won’t happen again.”
“Jacob, you discarded me, like I meant nothing to you. You were ready to give me up that easily. Marriage takes work and commitment. I—I don’t trust you anymore.”
They were quiet, but Annie thought she heard Jacob crying, which broke her heart. “I’m going to need some time to think about things. But what happens if you come back and get bored again, longing for a life outside of our district?”
“If I have to choose between having you or living here in Houston, I’m going to choose you.”
“But that doesn’t answer my question.”
“I—I don’t know. I’ll make it work.”
“I don’t want you to make it work. I want you to be happy.”
“Then come here. We can try living an Englisch life together. I never thought I’d ask you to do that, but I’m asking you.”
Annie grimaced. “I can’t. Even if I wanted to. My mother is pregnant, and at fifty-two, it’s going to be a hard pregnancy. She said the doctor called it a high-risk pregnancy. I can’t go anywhere right now.”
Jacob was quiet.
“I can’t tell you what to do, but I am telling you not to come home because of me, because now I’m confused.”
“If you need some time to think, I’ll respect that. But please tell me you haven’t given up on us for good.”
Annie put a hand across her stomach. “Jacob, I’m just not sure how I feel.”
Daniel packed everything into his toolbox Saturday morning, glad to have all the repairs on the barn done. He could check that off his list and move on to the broken slats on the back fence. He met Annie in the yard on the way.
“Mamm okay?” He dabbed at sweat on his forehead, glad the temperature was starting to warm up. Annie nodded, but Daniel could tell by the way her eyebrows were furrowed and her lips pressed together that something was on her mind.
“I think Jacob wants us to work things out.”
Daniel still wasn’t sure how he felt about Jacob, but he wanted Annie to be happy, and she needed a father for her child. “That’s gut. That’s what you want, right?”
“Ya, I thought I did. But how will I know that he won’t do this again, get bored or feel smothered and leave again?”
“You can’t be sure. You either choose to trust him or not.” Daniel knew that was easier said than done. He feared it would still be awhile before he trusted another woman enough to open his heart to her. Edna had left a scar that on some days still felt like a raw wound.
“I love Jacob, but I’m not sure that’s enough. What if he always longs for another type of life? He’ll never be completely happy.”
Daniel was glad to hear Annie working through her emotions like an adult. “These are choices only you can make. This is your journey, your path. But neither one of you gets to make choices based on just your own wants and needs anymore. There is a baby on the way.”
“Ya. I know, and I’m going to pray about it.”
Daniel nodded. “That’s just what you should do. Let God show you the way.”
She looked at the ground. “I did a bad thing.”
Daniel stared at her. “What did you do?”
Annie told him the story about Charlotte’s couch, and since he still hadn’t decided how he felt about Charlotte, he couldn’t help but laugh.
“It’s not funny. Now she has a couch with a permanent stain on it to go along with her other problems.”
Daniel watched his sister’s expression take on an air of sympathy. “You’ve decided you like Charlotte now, since you both got dumped?” It was harsh, and Daniel wished he could take it back. He held up a hand when Annie opened her mouth. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. But don’t forget, Charlotte isn’t a truthful person.”
“I know.”
Daniel shook his head, grinning. “But bacon grease? I used to think Jacob was a smart young man, always schooling himself past what was required, but I’m not sure anyone could have talked me into pouring grease on a stain.”
Annie frowned. “Jacob’s not dumb. He’s confused. Everyone gets confused sometimes.”
“You realize that you do that all the time, don’t you?”
“What?”
“You talk badly about him, then you defend him. You go back and forth.” He pointed a finger at her. “But you’d better decide what you are going to do about this baby situation. You are going to have to tell Mamm and Daed. And Jacob.”
“I don’t want him to come back just because I’m with child.”
Daniel motioned for her to walk with him toward the back fence that he planned to repair. “It sounds like he already wants to come back.”
“What do you think I should do? What if I get shunned?”
Daniel thought for a moment. “If you got shunned, it would probably only be until you and Jacob got married and talked to the elders, explaining that you know what you did was wrong.”
“But where would we go? We didn’t think we’d have to find a place to live until we got married. And Jacob gave up his job too.”
“I don’t know, Annie. But these are things Mamm and Daed can help you to figure out. I’m not sure what to tell you.”
They stopped at the fence. Annie pulled her sweater tighter around her. “I’m scared to tell them. I can already see the looks on their faces when I tell them what Jacob and I did. But I didn’t think a girl could get pregnant by”—she looked away, blushing—“by doing it just one time. We agreed to never do it again, until we were married.”
Daniel was glad to hear that part, but he shrugged. “I don’t know. But you need to at least talk to Mamm. Maybe she’ll be more sympathetic since she’s pregnant too.” He grinned. “And then once it’s all out in the open, we need to post a bathroom schedule.”
“Huh?” She shriveled up her face.
“Never mind. Just talk to them.”
Annie was quiet, nervously twisting the string of her prayer covering. She finally unraveled her finger from the string. “Anyway, Daed is inside eating lunch. That’s what I came out here to tell you, that lunch is ready.”
“I’m going to finish the fence, then I’ll be in. Maybe you should take advantage of this time and go talk to them.”
Annie’s feet were rooted to the ground, but she nodded. His sister slowly walked back to the house, leaving Daniel alone with his thoughts, which were all over the place.
He wasn’t normally a mean guy. He recalled how rude he’d been to Charlotte and wondered if he’d treated her unfairly. Maybe he needed to rethink his opinion of Charlotte and not judge her when he might not have all the facts.
Fifteen minutes later, Daniel wondered how it was going inside the house, if Annie had chosen to tell their parents about the baby. He’d finished up and was about to go in when a buggy turned into the driveway. He dropped his hammer when he saw that it was Edna. Alone. It was a long trek to the front yard from where he was, but he recognized Edna’s walk way before her face came into view. She had more of a glide than a walk. Daniel knew she wasn’t here to see him, but it might not be a good time for her to go inside either.
“Wie bischt, Daniel,” Edna said as she closed the distance between them.
Edna didn’t look any older than Annie, even at twenty-four. She was a small woman, but her dimples added to her youthful appearance. He tipped his straw hat at her and fought to calm the butterflies in his stomach, hoping there would come a day when he wouldn’t feel this way around her.
“Can we go somewhere to talk privately?” She looked around. “Maybe in the barn?”
“Okay. Is
everything all right?” Daniel got in step with her as they crossed the yard.
She shook her head. “Nee, not really.”
Daniel closed the barn door behind them. “Are you sick? Is John sick? What’s wrong?”
Edna looked down and bit the edge of her bottom lip. “Marrying John was a mistake.” She walked until she was inches from his face. It was impossible for Daniel not to think about all the kisses they’d shared in this barn, long before she’d married John. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t move. She lifted up on her toes, and Daniel instinctively leaned his lips down to hers. She cupped his cheeks and pulled him closer, kissing him the way a married woman should not kiss another man. He grabbed her shoulders and eased her away.
“What are you doing? You’re married.” He shook his head and kicked at the dirt floor. “I shouldn’t have let that happen.”
Edna touched his cheek. “It’s you I want, Daniel. If I can’t have you full-time, then can’t we at least be together some of the time?”
Daniel clenched his teeth. “Nee, we can’t.” He valued marriage, and no matter how he’d once felt about Edna, or how tempted he might be, he was not going to commit adultery. Daniel had heard gossip awhile back that Charlotte’s brother, Ethan, had been seeing Edna while she was dating John. He hadn’t believed such a rumor. Until now.
She tried to kiss him again, but he grabbed her hands. “You need to go, Edna. Back to your husband.”
“I know you still care about me . . . and want me.”
He’d thought he did, but seeing her like this, seductive and married, made his stomach churn, and his heart hurt for John. “Go home.”
Daniel turned his back to her and left the barn. Maybe now he’d have some luck getting her out of his heart for good.
Eight
Charlotte finished her breakfast Sunday morning, glad it was an “off” weekend for church. She’d attended church most Sundays back home, except for the past couple of weeks that followed her breakup with Ryan. He went to the same church, and she hadn’t been ready to run into him there. She wondered if he was going now. Maybe he was attending the service with Shelley. She forced the thought away, unwilling to shed any more tears about Ryan.
But church at home was forty-five minutes, as opposed to the three-hour worship service in Amish country that was held every other week. She’d thought that she was doing all the right things in God’s eyes, trying to be a better person, going to church, and praying every day. But when things fell apart with Ryan, she’d wondered if God was punishing her. But if Ryan was attending church, he needed to do some serious praying about his role in their demise.
She stifled a yawn as she helped Lena and Hannah clear the breakfast dishes, feeling good about the editing work she’d gotten done the past few days, mostly in the evenings. It was challenging to keep her phone and computer charged, but she had two portable power packs, so that helped. And her Mac Pro—a hand-me-down from Ryan when he’d purchased a new computer—held a charge for five to seven hours. But someone usually went to town for something, and Charlotte and her electronics tagged along. They’d hit a coffee shop or diner somewhere along their route and everyone would find a plug. Her Amish friends tried to be discreet about it, but Charlotte was pretty sure most of them had cell phones. The younger people anyway.
Hannah and her parents went to bed around eight. Charlotte needed to go to bed then, too, so she wasn’t yawning all through breakfast like she had this morning. But it was a hard schedule to adapt to. She wanted to be helpful during the day, but she needed to make some headway with her projects, so she’d been staying up late to work.
She peeked into the living room where Buddy was sleeping on Amos’s lap, which was surprising since Buddy had never liked any man, except for Ryan.
When her phone vibrated on the kitchen counter, she went to answer it, surprised to see Jacob calling from the phone she’d given him.
“I want to come home,” Jacob said when Charlotte answered. “I tried to call mei mamm, but I don’t think she keeps her phone turned on. Is she nearby where I can talk to her?”
Charlotte held the phone to her chest and whispered to Hannah and Lena. “Jacob wants to come home.” She brought the phone to her ear, but Lena was already right beside Charlotte, whispering that she wanted to talk to him. “I think that’s great. Here’s your mom.”
Charlotte handed Lena the phone, then she helped Hannah clean the kitchen while Lena paced on the porch, phone to her ear.
Hannah handed Charlotte a dish to dry. “Praise God that Jacob is coming home. I wonder if he will marry Annie now.”
Charlotte had no idea what was going on in Jacob’s head. “I hope so.”
“I can’t imagine how it would be if Jacob had stayed in the Englisch world, especially if he’d stayed in Texas, so far away. But he’s not baptized yet, so he has that choice.” She rinsed another dish under the faucet and handed it to Charlotte. “But Annie is baptized. She has always been so strong in her faith and sure that she wanted to marry Jacob.”
They both stayed quiet, lost in their own thoughts. Charlotte was wondering if any checks were on the way. She’d received her first piece of forwarded mail the day before, but it was a bill. She was trying to decide what to do first when she got caught up on her bills—buy an inexpensive car or have Ethan’s house wired for electricity—if it hadn’t sold yet.
Lena came back inside, and when Charlotte saw her gleaming, she was hopeful that everything would be all right, at least for Jacob. Hannah hurried to her mother.
“Well, what did he say?” Hannah wiped her hands on her apron.
“He’s been in a hotel, but he’s going to get a train ticket home tomorrow. He’s homesick. He misses Annie.” Lena hugged Hannah and then pressed her palms together. “Charlotte, you were right. Jacob just needed some time to himself to see things clearly.” Lena beamed. “The Lord has answered my prayers.”
“Wonderful news.” Charlotte leaned against the kitchen counter and breathed a sigh of relief.
Lena went into the living room to share the good news with her husband. Amos had said very little to Charlotte, mostly just answering when spoken to. Charlotte needed to know if he was ever going to forgive her. She’d mentioned it to both Lena and Hannah separately, and both women had said Amos forgave her a long time ago. But Charlotte wasn’t convinced.
Lena walked back into the kitchen. “Ach, Charlotte . . . there is one thing—” She tapped a finger to her chin. “Jacob said he needed to talk to you about your couch.”
“What about it?” She brought a hand to her chest. “Did Pam and Phillip not pick it up?”
“Um . . . they did, but I think Jacob might have spilled something on one of the cushions.”
“I’m sure it’s fine.” Charlotte loved that couch. It was her one big splurge two years ago, before she drifted into a world of credit card debt. “I can just flip the cushion.” Or get it cleaned and then see if Pam can sell it for me.
Later that morning, Charlotte took advantage of some downtime and decided to take a walk and think. But it was a short walk as she realized she didn’t want time to think. She seemed to do better when she stayed busy. But she did manage to think about her odd recollection of the woman and child at the convenience store. She’d been thinking about it less and less, and nothing about being in Amish country had triggered any additional memories, so maybe it was just something she’d literally dreamed up. She decided to push the thought from her mind. She had enough to deal with without creating more problems for herself.
She returned in time for lunch, but she opted to step outside to make some calls, reminders to those who owed her money. Her Amish friends wouldn’t approve of her making work calls on a Sunday. She told the others to go ahead and eat without her. After she’d left another message for the client who continued to avoid her, she noticed someone had left her a voice mail. She’d deleted Ryan’s contact information, but she recognized his voice right away. “Aunt Maureen ca
lled. She said she’d tried to reach you without success. She said to tell you that she wishes you well and hopes you’ll find a good counselor there.” There was a long pause. “I’m sorry about the way everything happened, Charlotte.”
She considered hurling the phone out into the yard as Ryan’s voice mail burrowed into her skin like a tick. That’s what he was. He’d sucked the love right out of her, infected her with lies, and let go of her when someone better came along. Maybe he needed to get his own counseling and quit worrying about whether or not Charlotte continued therapy.
Lena opened the door and peeked out. “Are you going to eat?”
Charlotte turned around and shook her head. “No, but I’ll help clean up. I’m still full from breakfast.” It was partially true, although she hadn’t turned down homemade bread—which was served at every meal—since she’d arrived.
“Nee, nee. Hannah and I can clean up. You enjoy this warmer weather.” Lena grinned. “And you can sneak yourself some buttered bread later when you’re hungry.”
“You know I will,” Charlotte said, careful not to let her voice crack.
She’d only been feeling sorry for herself about five minutes when Amos came out of the house, holding his straw hat in his hands. She stood up from the porch step so he could get by her.
Amos put his hat on as he passed her on the steps, but when he hit the grass, he turned around and looked at her. Granted, they’d mostly only seen each other during mealtimes and nightly devotions, so maybe now Amos would tell her he was glad she was here, that he forgave her . . . something.
“It’s a pretty day today,” he said, the hint of a smile on his face.
Charlotte’s lips curved upward as she brought a hand to her forehead to block the sun. “Yes, it is. It’s starting to feel like spring.”
He nodded, gave a quick wave, and said, “Enjoy your day,” then walked out to the fields.
Annie paid the cabdriver, which took the last of her cash, then hurried up the sidewalk to her aunt’s house. She’d left with only her purse and the clothes on her back. But after the way things had gone at home, she didn’t have a choice. She knocked on Aunt Faye’s door, glancing over her shoulder as the taxi disappeared in the darkness. She knocked again and thought about how dumb it was to show up here in the middle of the night. Annie hadn’t seen her great-aunt since she was twelve. Aunt Faye and Uncle James had left the Old Order five years ago and converted to Mennonite. Aunt Faye had chosen to rent out several bedrooms in her home after Uncle James died a couple of years later. At least that’s what Annie had heard from her mother. Harrisburg was almost an hour away by car, but she suspected it hadn’t been the distance that kept them from visiting or attending her uncle’s funeral. Aunt Faye and Uncle James had been shunned. Maybe Aunt Faye would be more understanding about Annie’s situation than her parents.
