Though he’d never asked his parents if they had continued to see her, he had suspected Melissa wouldn’t feel that same sense of belonging after he’d gone. He knew from his father’s comment just now that she had indeed stayed away and that her absence had hurt them all, costing them a relationship they held dear. The severing of ties had been as complete as if he and Melissa had been married and then divorced in an incredibly acrimonious manner that had forced everyone to choose sides.
“Thank you, Harlan,” she said, stepping closer to be enveloped in a fierce hug that included Sharon Lynn. “I’ve missed you, too. And I’m so terribly, terribly sorry about Mary.”
“I know you are. Mary thought a lot of you, girl. She always hoped...” At a warning glance from Cody, he allowed his voice to trail off, the thought left unspoken.
It hardly mattered, though. The damage had already been done. Melissa’s cheeks turned bright pink. Cody could feel the blood climbing up the back of his neck, as well. His father surveyed them both, then gave a brief nod of satisfaction as if he’d learned something he’d hoped for.
“Come on, then,” Harlan said, his voice laced with a telltale trace of huskiness. “Let’s go have some breakfast, before we all turn maudlin and start bawling.”
To Cody’s relief, his father left the subject of the past untouched beyond that single, oblique reference. Either he was far too fascinated by the child he held or he recognized that it was not a conversation to be held in the baby’s presence.
There was no mistaking, though, that more questions lingered in his eyes. Cody guessed they would be as much about the future as the past. He also knew there were no answers his father would like hearing, not yet anyway. Harlan had the same impatience as his sons. He liked things settled to his satisfaction. Between Cody and Melissa nothing was settled at all.
Sharon Lynn patted her grandfather’s face, then glanced to her mother for approval. “Da?” she questioned.
Cody scowled as he realized that he wasn’t unique in his daughter’s view. He caught Melissa’s grin and realized how pitiful it was to be jealous of his own father.
Unaware, as Cody had been, that it was Sharon Lynn’s universal name for any adult male, Harlan beamed at her. “Damn, but you’re a smart one,” he praised. “You and I need to have ourselves a little talk. What other words do you know?”
“Ma and bye-bye,” Melissa offered. “It limits the conversations tremendously.”
Cody noticed that his father didn’t seem to mind. He seemed perfectly content to carry on a one-sided conversation with his granddaughter. It was probably the first time in years someone hadn’t talked back to him.
The distraction also kept Harlan from touching the eggs and bacon he normally couldn’t wait to eat on the weekends. Possibly that was the most telling indication of all of Sharon Lynn’s power over this new male in her life.
“So, Sharon Lynn, have you ever seen a horse?” Harlan inquired.
Cody chuckled as his daughter tilted her head, a quizzical expression on her face as she appeared to give the question serious consideration.
“I’ll take that for a no,” Harlan said. “In that case, I think it’s about time to fix that. Can’t have a rancher’s baby who doesn’t know about horses. Maybe we’ll even go for a little ride.”
Cody glanced at Melissa to check her reaction to the instantaneous bonding between Sharon Lynn and his father. To his astonishment, the color had drained out of her face. Clearly the idea of Sharon Lynn going off with Harlan panicked her in some way. What he couldn’t figure was why.
“Harlan, I really don’t think—” she began.
“Don’t worry about a thing,” Harlan reassured her, cutting off her words. “I had every one of my boys up on horseback when they were no bigger than this. She’ll fit right on the saddle in front of me. She’ll be just fine. I guarantee I won’t let her tumble off.”
Harlan and the baby were out the door before Melissa could offer the firmer protest that was clearly on the tip of her tongue. Cody knew better than to argue with Harlan. He also knew that Sharon Lynn would be perfectly safe with his father. However, he could see that Melissa wouldn’t believe it unless she witnessed their adventure on horseback with her own eyes. He put down his fork.
“Come on,” he said. “You’ll be worrying yourself sick, if you’re not right alongside them.”
“She’s too little to be riding a horse,” Melissa complained, her complexion still pale as she followed him outside. “She’ll be terrified.”
“I doubt that,” Cody said. “You’re projecting your feelings onto her. You never were much for horses. I guess you were more of a city girl than I realized.”
She shot him a wry look. “Hardly that.”
He grinned at her. “I don’t know. About the only time I could get you into the barn was when I wanted to tumble you into the haystack.”
“Cody Adams, that is not true,” she contradicted, patches of bright color flaring in her cheeks. “Besides, that has absolutely nothing to do with Sharon Lynn and this crazy idea Harlan has of getting onto a horse with her.”
“Stop fussing. She’s just the right age to be introduced to riding. Kids her age have no fear. It’s not like Daddy’s going to put her on the horse, hit its rump and send her galloping around the paddock. He’s going to be in the saddle, holding her.”
“I suppose,” Melissa said, but her gaze immediately sought out some sign of Sharon Lynn the minute the barn came into view.
The little cutie was hard to miss. She was squealing with delight from her perch atop the fence around the paddock. Misty, the oldest, smallest and gentlest of their mares, had come to investigate. Sharon Lynn’s eyes were wide with excitement as she patted the white blaze on Misty’s head.
“This is Misty,” Harlan was explaining quietly, his grip firm on the horse’s bridle. “Can you say that? Misty.”
“Mi’ty,” Sharon Lynn dutifully repeated, surprising all of them.
The horse neighed softly at hearing her name.
Cody glanced at Melissa and saw that she’d finally begun to relax. Her gaze was riveted on her daughter, though. He sensed that if Misty so much as shied back a step, Melissa was poised to snatch Sharon Lynn out of harm’s way.
Just when he thought the worst of her reaction was past, she turned and looked up at him, anxiety and dismay clearly written all over her face. “How can your father even think about getting on a horse ever again?” she asked in a low voice, not meant to carry.
As if he’d been struck by a bolt of lightning, Cody finally realized why Melissa had been so upset by Harlan introducing Sharon Lynn to riding. The accident that had cost his mother her life hadn’t even crossed his mind when Harlan had suggested bringing Sharon Lynn out to see the horses. But obviously the way Mary Adams had died had left an indelible image on Melissa’s mind, as it might on anyone who didn’t have the sensitivity of a slug, Cody chided himself. She had been fearful of horses to begin with. His mother’s death could only have exaggerated that fear.
“Damn, no wonder you turned white as a sheet a minute ago when Daddy suggested bringing Sharon Lynn out here,” he apologized. “You were thinking about what happened to Mother, weren’t you?”
“Aren’t you?” she asked, staring at him incredulously.
“No,” he said honestly. “There’s no point in blaming the horse for what happened to Mother. It was an accident and not an uncommon one at that. The horse was spooked by a snake. Even then, the fall might not have killed her. It was the way she landed.”
Melissa shuddered. “Still, how can either one of you not think about it every single time you see a horse?”
“Because Daddy is a rancher, through and through. So am I,” Cody said, trying to explain to Melissa what must seem inexplicable. “There are some things over which a rancher has no control. Rattlers spooking a horse is one of th
em.”
He glanced at his father. “If he blames anyone or anything for what happened to Mother, it’s more than likely himself for suggesting that ride in the first place. He also knows that the only way to conquer the fear after what happened is to get right back on a horse. He’s been out riding over that same stretch of land every single day since she died.”
Melissa clearly wasn’t reassured. “I don’t care about conquering fear. All I see is that your mother’s death should be a damn good reason for him not to bring his granddaughter anywhere near a horse,” she argued. “She’s a baby, Cody.”
Cody was beginning to see there was no reasoning with her on this. It was too soon after his mother’s tragic accident. “If it’s really upsetting you, I’ll talk him out of it,” he offered. “But sooner or later, Sharon Lynn will ride. She can’t have a cowboy for a daddy and not learn.”
Melissa rested her hand on his forearm. The expression on her face pleaded with him.
“Later, please,” she said. “Just the thought of it after what happened to your mom makes me sick.”
Cody could see that she wasn’t exaggerating. Though he didn’t agree with her, he could feel some compassion for the anxiety she was experiencing. He walked over and spoke to his father. Harlan shot a look over his shoulder at Melissa and gave an understanding nod.
“Of course,” he apologized at once. “I didn’t realize it would bother her so.”
“Neither did I,” Cody said. “But she’s practically turning green.”
“You take this little angel on inside, then. I’ll be there in a bit.”
Cody reached for his daughter, who let out a scream the instant she realized she was being taken away from the horse.
“Mi’ty!” she sobbed plaintively. “Mi’ty!”
“You’ll see Misty another time,” Cody promised. “Right now, I’m going to take you inside so you can see all of your new toys that Granddaddy bought you.”
He wasn’t sure if Sharon Lynn totally understood exactly what having Harlan Adams as a benefactor was all about until they reached the room he’d filled with everything from a set of white baby furniture with pink gingham sheets and comforter to every stuffed toy he’d been able to order straight from the biggest department store in Dallas. Even Cody had been bowled over by the assortment he’d assembled practically overnight. Melissa’s mouth was agape as she surveyed the room.
“Did he buy out the store?” Melissa asked.
Before Cody could respond, Sharon Lynn was trying to scramble down, her gaze fixed on the rocking horse.
“Mi’ty, Mi’ty,” she called joyously as she dropped from unsteady legs to her knees to crawl toward it. She pulled herself up beside it and tried to climb on. Cody lifted her up and settled her on the seat, keeping a firm grip on the waistband of her pants as she rocked enthusiastically.
He grinned at Melissa. “Told you she was going to be a natural on horseback.”
“I think this one is a little more her size,” Melissa retorted dryly. “The distance to the ground isn’t quite so far.”
Before he could comment on that, something else caught Sharon Lynn’s eye and she twisted around and tried to clamber down. Cody lifted her off the rocking horse and set her back on her feet.
“How about you walk wherever you want to go this time?” he suggested.
Sharon Lynn clamped her fingers around his, wobbled precariously, then took an unsteady tiptoe step forward. With each step her confidence obviously mounted, though she kept that tight grip on his fingers.
“She’s going to ruin your back,” Melissa observed. “You’re bent practically double.”
Cody didn’t give a hoot. This was the first time he’d witnessed his daughter’s faltering, tentative footsteps. He’d bend over the rest of the afternoon and ache for a week, if she wanted to keep walking. With every minute he spent with her, every experience they shared, the powerful sense of connection he felt with her intensified.
Just then she stumbled and fell. Her eyes promptly filled with tears. Certain that she must have broken something to be sobbing so pathetically, Cody knelt beside her and gently examined ankles, arms, knees and elbows. He even checked for a bump under her hair or on her forehead, though he knew perfectly well she hadn’t hit her head. She’d landed squarely on her well-padded button.
Finally satisfied that she was more scared than hurt, he scooped her up, only to find Melissa grinning at him.
“And you thought I was overreacting. At this rate, you’re going to be a wreck in a month,” she chided, sounding smug. “Either that or you’ll drive the emergency room staff at the hospital completely wild. They’ll flee when they spot you coming.”
He lifted his eyebrows. “Is this another chunk of that learning curve you’re trying to help me skip?” he taunted.
To his amusement, she blushed furiously. “Stop teasing. I only took her in twice,” she admitted defensively.
“Oh? When?”
“The first time I thought she’d swallowed the toy from a box of cereal.”
Cody shuddered. He would have had her in for X-rays himself. “Had she?”
“No, I found it later in the crack between the refrigerator and the sink. I suppose she threw it across the room.”
“And the other time?”
“She fell and bumped her head,” Melissa said, shivering visibly at the recollection. “It terrified me. I’d never seen so much blood in my entire life. I was sure she was going to bleed to death before I got her to the hospital.”
Cody’s heart skidded to a halt. He anxiously studied Sharon Lynn’s face for some sign of such a traumatic injury. He smoothed back her hair to get a better look at her forehead.
“No stitches?” he asked when he could find no evidence of them.
Melissa shrugged. “Not a one,” she confessed. “They put a butterfly bandage on it and sent us home. Apparently head injuries just bleed profusely. There was no permanent damage done.”
Cody met her gaze and caught the faint signs of chagrin and laughter in her eyes. He also thought he detected something else, perhaps a hint of resentment that she’d been left to cope with such things on her own. Guilt sliced through him, even though part of the blame for his absence could be laid squarely at Melissa’s feet.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you,” he said, and meant it. He regretted every lost opportunity to share in the experiences—good or bad—of his daughter’s first year.
The laughter in Melissa’s eyes died at once. That hint of resentment burned brighter. “I handled it,” she said abruptly, and turned away.
He watched as she walked over and knelt down by their daughter, listening intently to Sharon Lynn’s nonsensical jabbering. The hard expression on her face when she’d turned away from him softened perceptibly. A smile tugged at her lips as she cupped her hand possessively behind her daughter’s head, caressing the soft curls. Sharon Lynn looked up at her, an expression of adoration on her face.
In that instant Cody saw what it meant to be a family...and he wasn’t a part of it. Melissa couldn’t have shut him out any more effectively, any more deliberately, if she’d tried.
He stood there, so close and yet very much apart from them. Longing welled up inside him, longing to know all of these little details of Sharon Lynn’s first months that Melissa shared so grudgingly.
There was so much more he yearned for, as well. He yearned to share their closeness, to have Melissa look into his eyes with something more than distrust.
He sighed then, because it all seemed so unlikely, so impossible, thanks to his own foolish decision to accept what he’d seen that fateful night at face value. If only he’d stayed. If only...
Wasted regrets, he chided himself. This was his reality—a child who barely knew him, a woman who wanted no part of him, who was willing to allow him glimpses of his child out of a
sense of obligation, not love.
He thought then of the flicker of passion he’d caught once or twice in Melissa’s sea green eyes, of the heat that had flared when he’d touched her, and wondered whether her disdain ran as deep as she wanted him to believe.
Reality and circumstances could change, he reassured himself. Sometimes for the worse, of course. Harlan knew all about the dramatic, unexpected, tragic turns life could take. He’d lost a son and his beloved wife when he’d least expected it. Those losses had taught a lesson to all of them.
Harlan had also taught his sons that they could control most aspects of their lives if they set their minds to it and fought for what they wanted. In fact, he’d turned out a dynasty of control freaks, it seemed. Luke had built his own ranch from the ground up, rather than take the share in White Pines that Harlan had wanted him to have. Jordan had fought his father bitterly for a career in the oil industry. Cody had battled for a share of White Pines, and now, it seemed, he had an even more difficult war to wage.
Cody’s gaze settled on Melissa and his daughter once again. They were worth fighting for. Harlan had given him years of practice at battling for everything from permission to go to a dance to the right to build his own house on White Pines’ land. Apparently it had all been preparation for a moment like this.
His mouth curved into a slow smile. He’d just have to think of Melissa’s rejection not as a setback but as a challenge. It was an opportunity to utilize all those lessons Harlan had not-so-subtly instilled in them. He would have to seize the initiative and keep Melissa thoroughly off kilter until she finally woke up and realized that this time he wasn’t running.
This time he intended to be the steadying influence in her life and he meant to be there always.
10
The morning had been far too intense, Melissa thought as she finally escaped the house and settled gratefully into a chair on the patio with a tall glass of iced tea. The day had turned unseasonably warm and though she still needed her jacket, it was pleasant to sit outside in the fresh, clean air with the sun on her face while Sharon Lynn napped.
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