by Ruby Laska
It hadn’t been difficult. The boy had picked up each object on Andy’s crowded desk. “This one? And this?” he’d asked as Andy rattled off explanations, barely aware of his own voice. The boy was smart. Really smart, it was obvious.
Andy had taken him through the cafeteria for a snack. There were cookies and brownies in a glass case, too high for Paul to see. He’d held up his arms with a questioning look, and Andy understood he wanted to be picked up so he could look into the case.
Andy hesitated—but just for a second.
With the boy in his arms, Andy felt a sudden warmth seize him, and he realized he was grinning like a fool. Paul was heavier than he’d expected, and his heart under the T shirt beat so fast. Paul wrapped his arms firmly around Andy’s neck, then pointed to a chocolate chip cookie nearly as big as the plate on which it sat.
“That one,” he’d said. “But don’t worry, I’ll share with you.”
While they sat at a small table and shared their snack, several of Andy’s colleagues waved and called greetings, and it seemed to Andy that Paul sat a little straighter, smiled even wider.
As if he was proud. Proud to be with Andy.
Claudia laid the garment bag carefully on top of the suitcases in the trunk of the rental car.
“You got Mooey?” Paul piped up from the porch, where he was watching her as he drained his chocolate milk.
“I got Mooey,” Claudia sighed. The worn stuffed plush cow went everywhere with Paul, and she’d made sure it was tucked among the clothes in Paul’s small carry-on bag.
“‘Kay,” Paul said, slurping noisily at the last of the milk.
Claudia envied him, to be so easily comforted. If only a stuffed toy could ease the pain in her own heart, calm her own fears about the future.
But she also knew that Mooey wouldn’t be comfort enough forever. There would be questions for which there were no answers, needs that she’d never be able to fill alone. As the anxiety rose inside her again, she steadied herself against the car, pressed her fist against her temple and took a deep breath.
One step at a time. Finish packing, drive to the airport, get on the plane. A quick cab ride and they would be home.
Home. And yet even the thought of her apartment, with all its comforts, all its simple treasures, seemed like a cold and lonely prospect right now.
Because Andy wouldn’t be there.
“Mom?”
“Sugar, I’ve got to finish up here.”
“But Grandpa said we weren’t getting on the plane until dinner time.”
“Yes, sweetie, that’s true.” For once she regretted her father’s honesty. “But there’s so much to do. We have to put everything into the car—”
“But you already did that.”
“And drive all the way through the mountains, and take the car back to the people who we borrowed it from, and check in at the ticket counter...”
“But it’s only just now breakfast time!” He lifted his wrist and carefully examined the Mickey Mouse plastic watch. “The little hand’s on the nine, and the big hand—what’s this number, Mama?”
Claudia sighed, then reluctantly joined her son on the small stone porch in front of Bea’s house. “Eleven, sweetie.”
“The big hand’s on the ‘leven. So it’s not even very close to lunch time yet,” he added stubbornly.
“Mmm hmm,” she said. Unfortunately, he was right. It was ridiculous to be leaving so early. The drive wasn’t nearly long enough to warrant a morning departure.
But if she stayed here any longer she was going to scream. She’d been up at sunrise, scrubbing Bea’s place spotless. A dozen times she’d passed by the phone, hesitated, moved on.
She should call Andy and tell him she was leaving. A braver woman would. But somehow she couldn’t find the courage. Let Bea tell him, or her father. What did it matter now? She could call him in a few days, when she was back in her routine, when she was feeling stronger. She’d discuss his child support payments in a cool, professional voice. She’d thank him for everything he’d done for Bea. She’d be sincere, but just a little distant...
“You’re making a mistake,” her father had admonished her when he stopped by on his way to he hospital an hour earlier, bringing donuts for Paul.
“Maybe,” she’d allowed, “but it’s my mistake to make, Dad.”
Jack Canfield knew better than to push it. He’d left after extracting a promise that she’d call to let him know they arrived home safely.
Now there was nothing left to do. “Okay, squirt,” she said, folding down the top of Paul’s sippy cup and tucking it into her bag. “Up and at ‘em.”
Suddenly Paul jumped up and peered down the road, shielding his eyes against the brilliant morning sun. Claudia’s heart sank as she recognized Paul’s car pulling behind her own.
“It’s him! It’s Dr. Andy!” Andy shouted as he leapt off the stone porch and tore down the steps.
“Hey, slugger,” Andy called, laughing, as Paul’s small body collided with his. Claudia fought a lump in her throat as Andy bent down and with unmistakable tenderness allowed Paul to loop his arms around his neck for a voracious hug and sloppy kiss.
Get away from him, she wanted to shout. Unless you can love him, unless you can love me, please, just leave us alone.
Instead, Andy set the boy gently on his feet, and then approached her slowly with Paul’s hand in his, a tentative smile on his face.
And she melted. God forgive her, she was helpless when Andy smiled. It happened so rarely, lighting his features, brightening his eyes with something like hope, like faith, taking away the cynicism and intensity that always seemed to hold him in their grasp. Even as she fought to look away, to turn and go back inside the house, she felt a yearning so strong, so familiar, that it felt as though everything else stopped and all there was in the world was the two of them, Andy coming up the old gravel path to be with her.
Andy saw Claudia step back, a look of uncertainty flashing across her face. And suddenly realized how crazy this was. The giddy force of his late-night, whiskey-spurred decision had carried him through the hours until dawn, when he’d managed a few hours of dreamless sleep. When he awoke he felt better, stronger, than he had any right to feel. The giddiness had been replaced by a clarity and determination that brought him here as though he were pulled by a powerful magnet.
But then he reached the worn steps, and suddenly it all fell away.
He wasn’t strong. He wasn’t even sure what he was doing here. It was alcohol that had given him the courage for this foolish errand, but now Claudia was looking at him with something that looked a lot like disbelief, wishing that he’d just dissolve into thin air.
He faltered, searched wildly for some excuse he could mumble before getting the hell out of her way. And then Paul gripped his hand a little tighter.
And he remembered exactly why he was here.
He released the boy’s hand after a firm squeeze, and stepped up, until he was close to her, so close he caught a faint trace of her perfume on the breeze. So close he could see the dark smudges beneath her beautiful eyes, smudges he realized with a pang that he had caused.
“Claudia,” he said gently, “You’ve given me a gift that no man could ever deserve, much less a man as...flawed as me. You’ve given me...” Andy hesitated as Paul clambered to his side, looping his arms around his legs in an awkward hug. He saw Claudia’s hand fly to her mouth, pain in her eyes.
“Don’t—”
“I would never hurt him,” he said, his hands instinctively going to Paul’s shoulders, drawing him close for a split second before something caught the boy’s attention across the yard and he bolted off.
“You already have,” she said, her voice barely more than a whisper. But by then Paul was out of earshot, watching a pair of rabbits at the edge of Bea’s front yard.
“I have.” Andy nodded his assent. “But I want to make amends. I want—”
“Don’t,” Claudia said again, more forc
efully this time. “We talked about this already. You want to send checks. Fine. Send them.”
“No. I want to be a father. A real father.”
As he said the words, he finally understood how deeply he meant them. He would be the father to Paul that his own father had been for him. Everything he did from now on would be more meaningful, because it would be dedicated to this boy he’d come to love in so short a time.
“But—” Claudia fought the urge to run after Paul, pull him back and hold him against her. “We live in New Jersey, Andy. How can you be anything at all to him, from so far away?”
Andy held her gaze without blinking. “I want you to move here.”
“Move—”
“With me. I want you to move into my house. Both of you.”
So stunned was she at his statement that Claudia didn’t notice the color that tinged Andy’s face, the hands that fought to resist reaching for her.
“Claudia, I want you to be my wife,” he finally added.
For a long moment Claudia froze, not even breathing, as his words echoed in her head.
“You want...”
“—to marry you, Claudia. If you’ll have me.”
“But—”
“I love you. I love you like I did that first time I saw you, only more. I loved you like crazy then, but I never could figure out a way to tell you. There never seemed to be words for it. Just—my heart never stopped pounding when you were around, and all I ever wanted to do was hold you and touch you. You don’t know how close I came to throwing everything away just to be with you then.”
He reached for her hands, held them tentatively in his, searched her eyes. Claudia vaguely realized her mouth was open, and closed it. He loved her.
He loved her.
“But you never wanted a family. You never wanted to settle down.” She swallowed hard, the protests her final defense against him, reached for in desperation as she felt herself about to be carried off by a wave a thousand times more powerful.
“I didn’t know what it was to have a family,” Andy corrected. “I had no idea I wanted one because I never imagined that it could be...could be...” His voice trailed off as he gestured helplessly at Paul, across the yard trying to sneak up on the two rabbits, who bounded away as he approached.
“And now...you do? You want a family? You want us?”
“If—if you want.” Andy’s color deepened and Claudia slowly realized that under the downcast lashes stirred a deep uncertainty.
He didn’t know if she loved him.
How could he not? “I’ve never stopped wanting you,” she admitted, hoarse-voiced, slipping her fingers between his. Twined together, their hands conveyed a simple intimacy deeper than any they’d shared in their long history of loving. “When I left it was because I was afraid...that wanting you so much would...” She swallowed, cleared her throat. She had felt as though it would kill her, to want him so badly and not be loved in return.
“Don’t be afraid.” His voice was clear now, his eyes delving deeply into hers. “I’m sure of this. I’ll be there for Paul. You have my word.”
“How,” Claudia bit her lip, hard, struggling to absorb everything. “How will I ever explain this to him?”
The slow smile appeared at the corners of Andy’s mouth again, as he pulled her to him, nestling her into the warmth of his arms and gently pushing aside a stray tendril from her face.
“I think the first order of business might be for me to ask permission to marry his mother.”
EPILOG
“Be still,” Claudia said, laughing despite the pins clenched between her teeth, as she smoothed the sapphire satin bodice into place.
“I hate to sit still,” Bea said, tapping her fingers impatiently on the armrest of her wheelchair.
“Look, do you want to impress the suave and handsome Archie Goldstein, or not?”
“Shame on you,” Bea said playfully. “Arch is just a friend, as I keep telling you.”
“Oh, really. That’s why you two are out nearly every evening? Honestly, between Archie and all your activities, you’re impossible to reach these days.”
“That’s why they invented voice mail, my dear. But listen, while you’re at it with those pins, can you do something about this neckline? It just seems kind of...frumpy. I wonder if a little snip or two might enhance my décolleté?”
“Bea!” Claudia gasped in mock horror. “You’ll be positively indecent. Remember, you’re wearing this to my wedding!”
“All the better. I’ve been working quite hard in my exercise class to do justice to this gown, so you can bet I’m planning to show off the goods.”
“‘Show off the goods?’ Where on earth did you pick up a phrase like that?”
Bea didn’t even bother to blush. “Cindy, our exercise instructor. You’d love her.”
“I’m sure I would.” Claudia stepped back and admired her handiwork. In the morning sunlight in the living room of Bea’s new apartment, her grandmother looked positively radiant. The fitted bodice would be joined by a sweep of sapphire lace skirt, specially contoured for a seated woman. While she was proud of all the designs she’d created since starting Special Clothes For Special People, this dress would be her piece de resistance.
“Perfect,” she murmured. “Speaking of your class, how is the exercise wear working for you?”
“Oh, all the gals love it,” Bea said with a wave of her hand. “You sure have an ingenious way with Velcro. Now hand me my blouse so you can go sew the skirt on this lovely little frock. Where is my darling great-grandson?”
“They’ll be here any minute now,” Claudia said, packing away her pins and scissors, and folding the satin in tissue to carry back to her studio. “Andy promised Paul an early-morning hike.”
Bea chuckled. “Before you know it that boy will be scaling sheer rock face like a little monkey.”
“It’s the mountain blood that runs in his veins,” Claudia said softly. “His father’s legacy.”
“Indeed.” Bea touched her wrist lightly. “You did the right thing by moving here, Claudia.”
“I know.”
A sharp rap on the door was followed by a blur of motion as Paul burst into the room.
“Mama! Gramma Bea! I picked these for you!” Paul carried an enormous bouquet of sunny yellow chrysanthemums, tied with a length of gingham ribbon.
“Try again, Tiger,” Andy chided, bending to kiss both women—lingering a little when his lips met Claudia’s.
“Uh, sorry Dad. These are just store flowers,” he added a little regretfully, placing the bouquet carefully in Bea’s lap. “Dad says we can’t pick the ones that grow wild ‘cause they’re for everyone to look at. And if everyone picked ‘em there wouldn’t be any left.”
“Your father is a very wise man,” Bea said, reaching to touch Paul’s cheek.
“Yeah. He’s smart. He knows about all kinds of different things. He made you feel all better, right?”
“Fit as a fiddle,” Bea agreed, zooming her chair in a tight circle. Paul squealed with laughter and clambered up onto her lap and they spun again.
As the two frolicked, Claudia and Andy stepped back out of the yellow pool of light to watch.
“He thinks you can do anything,” Claudia said softly, twining her fingers through Andy’s.
“I’m sure I’ll disappoint him one day,” Andy said. “When he figures out I don’t really have super-hero powers.”
“Really?” Claudia arched her brow slyly. “You sure had me fooled. Remember last night...?”
Andy reddened slightly. “Let’s change the subject,” he said, “or we’ll never make it down to the famous Fruitvale Senior Community chili cook-off.”
As the sun crested the mountains out the window, four hearts beat a little faster in the bright apartment. Four lives had changed, their journey bringing them here, in the shadow of the mountains whose song would lull them to sleep for many nights to come.
###
About R
uby Laska
Ruby Laska grew up in the heart of rural Arkansas, the youngest of four sisters who shared a passion for state fairs, Vince Gill, and the local library. Now she lives and works in the not-so-small town of Little Rock, where she and her husband share their home with three rescue greyhounds. When not writing, Ruby loves to bake in her restored 1952 Chambers oven, and won a blue ribbon for her lavender shortbread last year at the Pulaski county fair.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
About Ruby Laska
