Oh dear. Taking in a breath for patience, she released it with one word: “Wolf.”
Shooting up from his miserable slouch, he almost launched himself out of his chair and grabbed her with both arms. Siobhan was squashed against his chest, barely able to breathe.
“Don’t be mad,” he pleaded against the top of her head. “Here, hit me until you feel better.”
That was such a male thing to suggest. Siobhan felt like either laughing or groaning at the offer. A part of her was tempted to accept the offer, though. “Wolf, ease up. I can’t breathe.”
He did, a bare inch. Deciding she wouldn’t be able to take a proper breath until she talked him down, she went with the semi-rehearsed speech in her head. “First, I’m no longer mad at you.”
Wolf went abruptly still. Hope predominant in his voice, he asked, “You’re not?”
“No. Markl translated for you. I now understand what you were trying to say.”
Letting out a huge breath of relief, he finally let go and stepped back a pace. “I owe him one.”
“Majorly owe him,” she agreed dryly. “Now. As I understand it, it’s not my skills or my ability that you doubt, right?”
Wolf vigorously nodded.
Siobhan had to purse her lips to keep from laughing. So, wiser to just agree with her and not talk, eh? “What upset you was me going off alone with men you don’t know into a very dangerous situation. Was that it?”
Again, that vigorous nod.
“Alright. We’re now on the same page. I take it that you’re now fine with me going because Tran is going with me?”
“You’ll be fine with him nearby.”
Phew. Thankfully this conversation wasn’t as hard as she’d feared it would be. “Delighted to hear it.” Feeling like things were more or less resolved, she felt she could finally ask. “You bounced back faster than usual. Did someone talk to you?”
“Rune.”
Siobhan felt her eyes crossing. The boy who only had a vague idea of what sympathy was had talked Wolf out of one of his moods? “Rune.”
“I was just as surprised.” Wolf shook his head in a rueful way. “Rune has actually made considerable progress, where emotions and people skills are concerned. He’s just been quiet about it.”
“Understatement,” Siobhan choked out. She’d been keeping an eye on the kid ever since he joined the guild and while she’d seen signs of progress, it wasn’t anything close to this level. “What did he say?”
“Quite a few things. The most surprising was, he’s in love with Denney. And is comfortable with it.”
Siobhan’s hand reached out blindly behind her until she found a chair, then she dropped into it. Her legs didn’t feel capable of holding her just then. “In…love with…”
Wolf gave her a look of sympathy. “I was sitting down when he told me. I was glad for that, too. Conli’s grumblings aside, I didn’t think it was anything more than what it looked: Rune had found someone he felt comfortable with and made a firm connection to her.”
Siobhan’s mind had gone numb. Likely because she’d had too many shocks to the system this morning. Still, her mouth kept moving. “Did he say what he planned to do, now that he’s realized?”
“No.” Wolf reclaimed his seat so she wasn’t craning her neck upwards to look at him. After a moment of consideration, he threw out, “He did say that he had figured out what he felt after watching Markl and Sylvie. Seems he’s using them as a role model.”
“Thank all mercy for that.” Markl and Sylvie had one of the healthiest relationships Siobhan had ever seen. If Rune was using them as an example, it put a lot of her fears at ease.
Wolf blinked, as if a thought had just occurred to him. “Should someone tell Conli about this?”
“Someone needs to break it to him gently, otherwise he’ll have heart failure if Rune just springs it on him.”
“Like he did me?”
“Exactly.” Siobhan was torn between celebrating Rune’s growth and finding a hard surface to bang her head against. Instead, she flopped back in her chair, letting her legs and arms sprawl out like a rag doll’s. “Well, the upside to this is we won’t have to worry about Denney’s safety anymore.”
“Truly. I pity the fool that crosses her. Rune doesn’t know how to pull his punches.”
That was only half the problem. When Rune decided that something was precious to him, he protected it with his life. She’d seen what happened when anything threatened the guild as a whole, and Rune’s reaction had been over the top. He’d improved, some, since Hyun Woo had taken him on as a student. But that didn’t mean he was fully in control of his darker instincts yet. “So…Rune hasn’t confessed to her yet?”
“No. I think he told me because he felt like I would understand.”
What? Siobhan canted her head, looking at him sideways. “Why would you understand?”
Wolf didn’t answer. He just looked at her, and the heat in those clear blue eyes made her blood run like quicksilver. She felt unable to move under the weight of his gaze. In that moment, she felt like he was telling her something, but she was too scared to hear him properly. Or maybe it was something else that stopped her from understanding him.
“Siobhan.”
She startled so badly that she nearly fell out of her chair. Beirly’s voice was like a thunderclap in the taut silence. She looked away, uncomfortable, and cleared her throat before she could find her voice enough to answer. “Yes?”
“Our turn. Hyun Woo needs to talk to us and Tran.”
Right. They were still discussing things in the other room. “I’m coming.” Standing on shaky legs, she resolutely didn’t look at Wolf. She wasn’t sure what would happen if she did, all she knew was that she didn’t know how to respond to him right now. “We’ll talk later.”
“Yes,” Wolf promised in a soft voice. “We will.”
It was all easier said than done, of course. It would take them the next week and a half to make the preparations. Since Siobhan was an experienced stone gatherer who more or less had time on her hands, she was drafted as one of the ‘voluntold’ who got to help Grae and Rune build the new pathway. As a consequence, her knees and back ached from being hunched over. But it might have been a blessing in disguise. Gathering stones kept the hands busy, but allowed the mind to roam free.
Siobhan desperately needed some time to think.
That moment with Wolf had been seared into her mind. She couldn’t shake away the image. She wasn’t sure she wanted to, either.
For ten years, ten incredible years, Wolf had made it clear on a daily basis that he loved her. His love was fierce, sometimes overwhelming, and was usually displayed through a variety of broken bones. The one thing that Siobhan had never doubted, since she’d brought him back from Reske, was that he stayed because he loved her and couldn’t imagine not being with her. But until that moment, she’d assumed it was the love of a brother, a friend, and while incredibly deep, it wasn’t anything more than that. That look in his eyes, however, had opened a door in her mind and now she couldn’t see anything else but the possibility that perhaps she’d been wrong to assume she knew how Wolf felt about her.
Now that the option was there in front of her, she didn’t know how to respond to it.
For three days, she gathered stones and stewed, lost in thought. On the fourth day, she went with everyone else in the morning out of sheer habit, sank onto the ground near the sandy beach, and went about gathering without any real focus on her part. She was so lost in thought, in fact, that Grae managed to sit next to her without her noticing. When she turned to stand, she nearly bumped heads with him, and had to jerk back to avoid doing so.
“Grae!”
“I didn’t think you’d noticed me.” Grae sat on his haunches, arms resting casually on his knees, looking quite comfortable and relaxed. “So, Siobhan. What has you so preoccupied that you can’t hear me calling to you?”
Only three people in the guild could be trusted to keep a sec
ret and give good counsel when confided in. Grae was one of the three. Even knowing that, it still required her to summon up a little courage before asking, “Is Wolf in love with me?”
Grae blinked, expression saying he hadn’t expected that question, then he got an odd look on his face. “You mean, you didn’t know until now?”
For some reason, she felt like she had to clarify. “No, I know he loves me, that’s obvious. He loves most of the guild dearly. I mean, in love with me.”
“Yes, Shi, I meant that too,” Grae responded patiently. “He’s been in love with you for at least seven years that I know of. Not that he’s ever come out and said the words, but I think most of the guild has realized it at some point.”
She just sat there with her mouth hanging open like some sort of beached fish.
Grae put a hand under her chin and closed her mouth for her. “Before you gather any flies, close it. Shi, you honestly mean to tell me that before this you didn’t realize? Really? I thought you knew but didn’t return the feeling, so were pretending you didn’t know.”
Siobhan felt like the sea and the sky had changed places, her shock was so intense. In fact, her whole body felt almost numb, yet charged with energy at the same time. “How…could I not have seen…?”
“I couldn’t tell you.” Grae charitably gave her a few minutes to process this before gently asking, “Did he say something to you?”
“No. Well, yes…no, not in words.” She had to restart as her mind couldn’t seem to focus long enough to get a full sentence out. “We were talking, after that fight we had, and I asked him a question, and he gave me this look,” she didn’t know how else to describe it, “and I somehow knew. I’ve never had a man look at me like that before.”
“You probably have,” Grae corrected in amusement, eyes crinkling up at the corners. “Wolf just made sure you didn’t notice and they didn’t try it again.”
Now, why didn’t that surprise her?
“Well, if he didn’t say anything, that means you have time to think about this.”
“I’ve spent three days thinking about this and I’m more confused than ever!” Siobhan wailed.
“Then maybe it’s time to stop thinking.” Grae put a hand on her shoulder and leaned in slightly. “Shi. You think and analyze the cons and pros of every decision before you make it. It’s why you’re such a good guildmaster. We know, when you tell us to do something, that you’ve made the best decision possible because you thought it through from every angle. But love has nothing to do with reason. I think this—” he put a hand over her heart “—already knows the answer. Why don’t you try just listening?”
Sound advice, if she could manage it. Listening to what your own heart said was sometimes the hardest thing to do.
His next piece of advice was more practical. “But do your soul searching after you’ve eaten lunch. You tend to make better decisions on a full stomach.”
A point she could not argue. Sighing, she got to her feet, hauling her bag of stones with her. Sure, she could eat something, and then spend the rest of the day thinking in circles. That sounded like a splendid plan.
It wasn’t a good sign when she was being sarcastic with herself.
ӜӜӜ
There were only two reliable methods to getting the kinks out after a day of stone gathering: either pestering someone into massaging you or taking a hot bath. Since they had plenty of bathing chambers available, Siobhan went for the latter option. She stopped by her room briefly for a clean change of clothes, making a mental note to do laundry, and then went back downstairs and toward the women’s bathing room.
In the process, she ran into Sylvie, also heading that direction. The woman was moving at the same creaking pace as Siobhan, although Siobhan couldn’t understand why, as she hadn’t been with the stone gatherers earlier. “Sylvie?”
Stopping, she craned her head around. “Oh, Siobhan. Back already?”
“The term you’re looking for is ‘fled while I could,’” Siobhan drawled.
Sylvie gave her a tired grin. “Grae’s like that when he’s on a schedule.”
“Don’t I know it.” Catching up to her, she realized that Sylvie sported quite the sunburn across her nose. “Where have you been?”
“With Cha Ji An. She asked for help in setting up trade negotiations, as she doesn’t know anyone. I thought it was a safer option than being volunteered to help Grae with his new path, so I offered to help.” Sylvie made a sour face. “That woman can walk even a Teheranian into the ground, I swear she can.”
“Not the safer option, I take it.”
“My feet haven’t ached this badly in ages. I’m glad I didn’t wear my new boots—I haven’t broke those in properly yet. If I had, I’d probably have blisters on blisters.”
“Are you set to going out again tomo—” she cut herself off as the door to the men’s bathing room opened and Wolf stepped out. Despite the fact they had a good two feet in between them and she wasn’t in any danger of bumping into him, Siobhan instinctively skittered backwards another two feet.
“Siobhan?” Wolf asked in confusion.
Her face was flushing, heart beating a tempo in her ears, and for some reason she found it impossible to look him in the face. Her eyes went everywhere but toward the man.
“Sorry, you startled me. Sylvie, let’s get a bath, I want dinner.”
“Sure?” Sylvie’s tone indicated she felt something was off but couldn’t figure out what.
Back almost to the wall, Siobhan scooted past both of them and ducked into the women’s bathing room like a goose with its tail on fire. Sylvie stepped in behind her, closing the door, and it was only then that Siobhan felt like she could take a proper breath.
With the door shut, and Wolf out of earshot, she realized how she had reacted and her blush turned into a raging inferno. “That…was awkward, wasn’t it?”
“Beyond awkward.” Sylvie stepped around to look at her directly. “What is going on?”
Siobhan threw her clothes down near one of the barrels, upset with herself for acting so stupidly. “I realized that Wolf’s in love with me.”
“You mean you didn’t know before now?!” Sylvie responded incredulously.
“Why does everyone ask me that in that tone of voice?” Siobhan complained. “No, I didn’t know! How are you supposed to know things if the man doesn’t say anything to you!”
“Siobhan, it’s obvious!”
“Now it is, sure.” Outright grumpy at this point, she stripped and dove into the tub, grateful that the water was hot. They must have just filled the tubs recently.
Sylvie followed her example and lathered up a bar of soap before she ventured, “So…what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know,” she wailed.
“I’m sensing frustration, here.”
Grumbling to herself, she went back to getting dirt out of her skin. She had her hair washed and tied into a loose knot on the top of her head, most of the dirt out from underneath her fingernails, and was attacking her feet before the thought popped into her mind. Suddenly, she knew what the root of the problem was. Or at least part of it. The words slipped out of her mouth before she realized it.
“I didn’t think he saw me as a woman.”
“Is that what it was?” Sylvie’s expression was shrewd. “I thought it was because you never once tried to see him as a man.”
Yes, maybe that was part of the problem too. Their initial meeting had set them off on the wrong foot, what with her acting as a rescuer, him as a victim. It had taken years before Wolf found his center again, and by the time he had, their relationship had become firmly lodged as friends. After that, Siobhan had never thought to see him as anything else or even try to.
“The question you need to ask yourself,” Sylvie continued, “is whether or not you can see him as one.”
“Grae said the question I had to ask myself was what my heart wanted from him.”
“That’s another good one,” Sylvi
e agreed. The calm way she said this was irritating, as if she already knew the answer, but was refusing to say it.
“I don’t like it when you know things and won’t tell me.”
“I know.” Sylvie was bad at hiding her smirk. “But you know, don’t you, that it’s fear keeping you from finding the answer on your own. Markl can give you a whole discourse on why he was afraid to approach me, and I bet his reasons are very similar to yours.”
More than she cared to admit.
“I think you also know that the door is open. You can’t shut it and pretend you didn’t see it.”
“I know.” Siobhan drew up a knee so that she could rest her forehead against it. “I know.”
ӜӜӜ
Rune’s back and knees were absolutely killing him. After four straight days of kneeling on the ground, hunched over, that was to be expected. He had to act like he was perfectly fine, though. If he let out how sore and stiff he was, then he couldn’t tease Grae about creaking like an old man.
The sun was setting, the light failing, so everyone else had already stopped for the day and gone back into Converse, no doubt hunting for dinner. But he lingered, looking over the pathway. It was almost complete. Another half-day’s work would see it finished. And when that happened, nothing else needed to be done. They would be ready to go into Goldschmidt.
Rune wasn’t as attached to Goldschmidt as everyone else. He’d only lived there six months, after all. The city had been kind to him, more welcoming than Sateren had ever been, so it had bothered him when it had fallen into enemy hands. But more importantly, it had grieved everyone in the guild. Denney and Siobhan especially had cried many a tear about the loss of it. Those tears bothered him, somehow. It made him restless, and his hands twitched as if looking for someone to punch whenever he thought of those sad expressions. He’d been perfectly willing before to fight to get back into Goldschmidt, just on general principle of it being his new home. But after seeing how devastated his guildmates were, he’d become fiercely determined to win Goldschmidt back for them.
Fallen Ward (Deepwoods Saga Book 3) Page 5
