by Scott Tracey
Figure out something else, I sent back, then tossed my phone onto the bed where it vanished into the messy pile of blankets. But the idea of trying to do anything at all was almost paralyzing. The moment I started, Lucien would know everything I was up to. He’d know exactly where to strike to cut me off at the knees. He’d see through any feint, any attempt at subterfuge.
If I kept stressing about everything, and didn’t actually do something, I was going to go insane. What I needed was a change of perspective. A reminder of just what kind of monster I was up against.
The hospital was almost my second home by this point. If I wasn’t a patient myself, I was visiting one. I’d never liked hospitals—it was more than just an ordinary thing, though, like hating the way all hospitals used the same neutral color scheme. Or the way all hospitals seemed to smell identical—like disinfectant, tension, and emptiness.
Mostly, it was because hospitals were chock-full of emotions. All of those feelings, memories, and especially all that pain would build up over the years. Seeing the hospital without my sunglasses on was always a thousand times worse than whatever had landed me into the hospital in the first place.
Riley’s room was almost unrecognizable when I walked in. She was up on one of the top floors, in a private room where she could be monitored better. Her mother couldn’t afford it, but Jason could. There was even a guard at the door, just in case anyone got too interested in her. He’d already had it all taken care of before I’d even thought to ask. Even then, he tried to play dumb when I brought it up later to thank him. For whatever reason, Jason didn’t want any of the credit for making sure Riley was taken care of.
The room normally had an exceptional view of the city through the forest. But ever since her second night, when Riley had had some sort of epic freak-out, the drapes stayed drawn. Every wall socket had at least one night light—most had two, and the overhead lights in the room were never shut off. Even while she slept. Her bed was covered in quilts that smelled faintly of smoke and sadness, worn along the edges and colors a pale imitation of what they’d once been. Fitting for the girl who was a faded impression of who she’d once been.
There were pictures taped to the far wall, a collection of them artfully displayed to highlight all the people that Riley had known on a daily basis. I didn’t have any proof, but I had a feeling that was Jade’s contribution. She and Riley didn’t get along, at least that was how it looked on the surface, but I never got the impression that Jade actually hated her. Riley might have seriously disliked her, but Jade was more resigned on the matter. Like there was nothing she could do about the problem, and no easy way to fix it.
There were even copies of the school newspaper were spread out along the bedside table in case Riley ever woke up and wanted to do some light reading. But Riley wouldn’t, because her mind had been shattered. By me. Now she was somewhere between schizophrenic and a vegetable, speaking in riddles that sounded like nonsense.
My vision wavered as I crossed the room’s threshold, and the bottom dropped out of my stomach. Suddenly I felt every last one of those miles I’d run, and my legs were like soup. I fumbled towards the wall, holding myself upright through sheer force of will.
What better place to fall apart than the middle of the hospital? But I didn’t want to through another round of “let’s try and diagnose Braden’s freaky problems.” Nothing certain ever came of them. Medicine couldn’t help me control the witch eyes, and it almost certainly wasn’t going to solve whatever was wrong with me now.
“I know you’re there,” I said, once I realized just how quiet the room was. Too quiet.
Matthias rose from his seat in the corner, where he’d been hidden by one of the big gift baskets that kept accumulating. Likely by someone who thought Jason would be stopping in to check on her personally.
“Hush now, indoor voices,” Matthias murmured, giving me a smile. “We wouldn’t want the little miss to wake early from her slumber, would we?”
I forced myself to stand up straight, ignoring the shiver in my limbs. I’d already showed him enough weakness lately. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m not the one with interesting agendas. And seeing as how some small part of that life you’ve got draped around your shoulders belongs to me, I don’t think I care to answer. You came to see the girl. Why? What do you think you can do for her?”
“You can’t be here,” I insisted. “Don’t come here again. Riley’s suffered enough.” I would have to involve Jason, tell him that the demons were starting to circle. That would only make him more interested in Riley, but better him than a closet full of monsters.
“Hasn’t she just,” Matthias said with a small chuckle. “But I’m afraid I can’t abide by your wishes. After all, someone needs to be looking out for the girl’s best interests. Ask yourself if you can protect her?” He waited a moment during which I was uncomfortably silent. “I thought not.”
My eyes moved, involuntary. Since coming into the room, I’d tried not to look. Tried not to see.
Riley lay in her bed, feet and legs pulled up tight against her body. She wasn’t rocking today, so that was an improvement. Wasn’t spitting out a stream of crazy conscious thoughts that resembled word salad. Wasn’t screaming, or clawing, or scaring the living crap out of hardened women who thought they’d seen everything.
I hadn’t been here for it, but I heard one of the nurses had never come back to work after dealing with Riley. Riley had grabbed her by the wrist, and started reciting dates. Times, months, years. They didn’t mean anything to the other nurse on duty, but they meant something to the one Riley had grabbed. She’d bolted out of the room shortly after the dates switched from past to future, to things that hadn’t happened yet. Tragedies and triumphs that no one had any right to know yet. Least of all a broken girl tucked away in a town full of darkness.
Riley was another casualty of going up against Lucien. He tried using her as his final sacrifice, wanting to kill her to hurt me. I’d killed him once before, only to find out that a creature like Lucien can’t just be killed. But I had broken him, cracked the foundation of whatever existence he currently had. The sacrifices were all part of a restoration ritual, but I’d interfered and kept him from taking Riley. Back when I had power. Back when that power had been just as deadly as Lucien.
“Oh good, you’re feeling sorry for yourself,” Matthias grimaced, turning away like the look on my face was somehow offensive. “I thought that would have passed by now.”
“It’s been three days,” I snapped.
“Worlds and empires have fallen in less.”
“Easy to say when you’ve still got your creepy demon powers,” I muttered.
“Forgotten hells, aren’t you bored with being the victim by now? Do something new!” Matthias asked, an unusual sharpness cutting at his words. “Be the villain. Be interesting. You can’t say Belle Dam hasn’t earned it.”
“I don’t know how I feel about taking a civics lesson from a demon,” I said stiffly.
“Someone needs to remind you of your place. Have you forgotten our friend in the lighthouse?”
“And look where that got me! What do you think I’m going to do, Matthias? Sarcasm Lucien to death? He’s right. I’m nothing now.”
“You’re everything you were a week ago,” Matthias said. “Maybe more.”
“You’re insane.”
“You’ve been manipulated since the moment Lucien set his good eye on you,” Matthias replied, his eyes narrow. “There hasn’t been a single decision that you’ve made that someone else hasn’t prompted you into. You don’t act. You react. Try pulling your own strings for once. Better yet, pull someone else’s.”
“With what?” I tore off the sunglasses that were just for show. Stared at him with eyes that had once held a curse, but were now a flat, unnatural green.
Matthias took in a slow breath, clearly taking his time and drawing this all out. “In all of this, you never thought to ask the most important of
questions. It never occurred to you to wonder.”
I hugged myself, staring down at the floor. “Wonder what?”
“You’ve pitted yourself against a creature of the primordial. They called him the Fateblinder once. Did you know that?” Matthias sighed. “Nearly a demon’s lifetime ago. Regardless, you dance where he tells you because he holds the cards. If there is a string to pull, his fingers will tangle on it at the worst possible moment. So tell me how your friend the Rider doesn’t know who’s hiding in the lighthouse?”
Jade and I had talked about leaving, and suddenly Catherine knew. Even when Lucien was hunting for his sacrifices, using Matthias to find them, he’d sent me out looking in all the wrong places. Lucien always knew. “She exists in another world,” I said, because that was the answer, wasn’t it? Grace wasn’t under his purview?
“Follow it down to the rabbit’s warren. Think. Maybe the lighthouse is shielded from him, but how does he not know about what she did to you? Even if she is hidden, wouldn’t he know you were stolen from this world, even for a few moments? How was it that your fate was hidden from him so neatly? Without even a wrinkle in the fabric of life.”
I didn’t want to play games. Didn’t want to wonder. “Tell me.”
He frowned. I wasn’t playing the game, and he loved games. “She hides herself. I suppose it’s a simple enough talent, once you have a little demon succor in your veins.”
That was how Grace had stayed under the radar all these years. Lucien hadn’t seen any of it, hadn’t found out the reason behind my sudden power outage. The gaping hole in my metaphoric chest that had plagued me ever since. And then there was Riley. Attacking him the way I had, accidentally using Riley’s mind as a battleground. Afterward he’d screamed at me. Demanding “What did you do?” like the truth was too alien to comprehend.
“She hides herself,” I repeated in a whisper.
“And that made all the difference,” Matthias murmured with a satisfied smile.
“And you? You know how to hide yourself from him, too, don’t you?”
Matthias laughed. “Who do you think showed the lovely Widow how to disappear in the first place?”
I looked over at Riley. She was awake and watching me. Our eyes met. “There’s a Bishop in Black’s house,” she confided, as though it was a secret only the two of us were privy to. “He’s so tiny now, and likes his tea too sweet.”
“So I am, little seer,” Matthias chuckled, sounding unusually fond. “And so I do.”
It was exactly what I’d been looking for. If Grace could hide herself, it was only so that she could maneuver around Lucien like an equal. So that when she came at him, he wouldn’t hold the advantage. If I could convince her to teach me to do the same, I could …
No. I had to shut that down now. Not until I had time to think it through. But it was the seed from which my plan would form. If I choose to stay, I thought with increased guilt as I looked to Riley. If I could get my power back, I was sure I could find a way to fix her.
“He’ll come for her soon,” Matthias added, stepping away from me. “He knows she didn’t die, and he’ll wonder at the dynamic you conjured together.”
I looked to Riley, who seemed to be listening even if her eyes were caught by the fraying at the edge of her blankets. “What is she? Is she dangerous? Can I save her?”
I don’t know why I went to a demon looking for hope.
“Why would you ever want to do that? Maybe she’s the ignition you needed all along. The city could use a villain like you.”
“I’m not a villain,” I snapped. “I won’t be.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “You weren’t a weapon once, either. Times are changing. The girl’s been reshaped by two repelling powers. There’s a bit of you in there. And a bit of him.” Matthias smiled again. “Which do you think is more dangerous?”
“White is winning and there’s no king to castle,” Riley told me solemnly.
“If I chose to do something,” I said carefully, trying to keep my words vague. A conversation with Jade had been all it had taken to alert Lucien that something was up. “Could you do what she does?”
Matthias pretended to consider what I was asking, though the smile started forming before I’d even finished my question. “You want me to tie a string to you?” He was pleased. “You know I can yank on it whenever I want. Dangerous thing, for a puppet to go finding new masters.”
“I’m asking for … ” I fumbled for a second before my own smile started to form. “Attorney/client privilege.”
“I’m sorry, I think you dialed the wrong number,” Matthias replied. “You don’t want the sexy black man in a three thousand dollar suit,” he said, picking at a bit of lint on his shoulder, “you want the mewling, petulant shell of a thing wearing eyeballs in between its green scales.”
I didn’t let the dismissal faze me. Demons struck bargains with humans; it was their nature. There were contracts involved. Just because Lucien was more up front about it didn’t mean he was the only one. “You can negotiate a contract the same as him.”
“Can is not will,” he pointed out. “Tell me what you’re thinking, and I’ll consider it. Sheltering you will not bode well for me if our mutual friend decides to grind you up and feed you to my hellhounds.”
“I tell you anything, and it sets something in motion,” I said. “This is all hypothetical. Give me an hour, free from Lucien’s spy games.”
“So you are up to something.” His demon eyes gleamed. “Tell me more.”
I shook my head, holding out my hand. “Shake on it. One hour.” There were too many variables. Take the wrong action and Lucien might see the ripples and trace them back. But this was just a handshake, not a partnership.
“One hour,” he agreed. Matthias’s hand was on mine even before I could see it. Dark eyes flashed a cornflower blue as he peered inside of me, seeing all the secrets in my life, old and new. Lucien could read the paths that the future might take, but Matthias could see into the dark parts of man. The kind of secrets that a man might only share with the closest of confidants. The kind of secrets that might spell revolution.
Just as quickly as he’d snatched my hand out of the air, he flung it away. The demon-blue faded from his irises and he stumbled away from me. “You’re on your own. I won’t help you.” His bravado was shattered; he looked terrified.
“What’s wrong? What did you see?”
Matthias didn’t respond, but Riley did. “He sees the endgame. He fears deep down into the marrow.”
“You’re damn right I’m afraid,” Matthias snapped. “You never said that that was a possibility.”
“He needs to suffer,” Riley’s voice became a horrible snarl. “He needs to be broken for what he’s done.”
“Someone needs to tell me what’s going on,” I interjected. “Riley?”
She glared at me, and it was like seeing something else in control of Riley’s body. The slant of her demon blue eyes, the tightness in her arms and legs. Her expression. This wasn’t Riley. This was something else entirely. It was like there was an alien behind her eyes now.
“Is this what you’ve been waiting for?” Matthias asked, half in shock.
The thing that wore my friend’s face revealed nothing. “Knights fall, and the end of all things. There is only victory in the breaking. He will become what he was, and what he will be, and then the world will tremble.”
I looked to Matthias for translation, but he was looking down at the floor, a puppy who’d been scolded. Where is this coming from? Was this part of Riley there, waiting underneath the surface? Is this what she’s been waiting for?
“I don’t understand.” I admitted. “What’s happening? What’s wrong with her?”
“She’s … something complicated,” Matthias said, sullen. “Partly who she was, partly who you will be, and partly what he is. And apparently, she’s been keeping secrets.”
She turned her glare on me. It was enough to make me forget that she was in a
hospital gown or that we were even in a hospital. All it took was one look, and I squirmed and dropped my own head. My nerves screamed at me to hide, to wait out her displeasure. “You will take your place as what you were and will ever be, violet-eyed prince. Break the board and lay them all to waste.”
Violet-eyed. In the vision that Grace had forced into my mind, my eyes hadn’t been the ever-changing kaleidoscope I’d grown up with, or even Grace’s sun-flare red. They’d been violet and inhuman, burning with maddened fire.
“No,” I whispered, shaking my head violently. “I won’t become that. I refuse.”
She climbed up onto her knees, never looking away from me. It was creepy, the way her head always stayed at the same angle, despite the contortions of her body. It was like her head was the one static point on the entire bed, held in place by some sort of invisible ties. “You will. Or you will fail. Run while you can, broken-eyed boy, or you will become what you fear most.”
When he spoke again, Matthias’s voice was low and tired. “If you want any hope of stopping a monster like Lucien, you must become a monster yourself.”
eleven
My shirt was soaked with sweat by the time I made it down to the lobby after stumbling out of Riley’s room. The nervous energy that had only started to build up a little was a raging inferno by the time I got to the parking lot. I was going to rip free of my skin and leave it behind, I was sure of it.
It never even occurred to me to arrange a ride back home to the house. My feet started down the gravel path at the side of the parking lot, and before I knew it I was running like my life depended on it. The faster I ran, the faster my heart pumped in my chest, the more the racing fear was drowned out by everything else. Maybe it was just the endorphins that kept me sane, but running managed to put some distance between me and Riley’s prophecy.
All the real players in Belle Dam were terrified of what I could become. Lucien had tried to kill Trey specifically to keep the vision of me from becoming a reality. Grace had stripped me of my powers because of it. And Matthias had refused to help because of what he’d seen.
